Sugarkane Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 I've been in NC the whole time. My ex dumped me completely out of the blue and refused to even talk to me, let alone have the decency to meet me. I didn't even get a conversation. He blamed everything on me and was extremely rude. I was severely depressed after the breakup and my ex never even bothered to see if I was ok. He still hasn't even contacted me once. Its hard to understand how someone can share their bed with you and then up and leave out of the blue, never hear from them ever again. Its been so long and still nothing but radio silence. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 Its sometimes hard not to call my ex and tell him what a complete Ahole he truelly is. I've heard of other people's stories and the dumper who was as callous as my ex, actually woke up and realised what they lost. Yet I got cruelly dumped and I still never heard once from my ex. I don't think he'll ever realise what he lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 I feel like the time I spent in taht relatiosnhip was a complete waste of time and money. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 I feel like the time I spent in taht relatiosnhip was a complete waste of time and money. It probably was. So do your best to stop wasting MORE time dwelling on it. My 8yr relationship/marriage was a complete waste of time, emotion and tens of thousands of dollars. Be glad you weren't married and don't have any kids cause this is going to cost me plenty of pain and misery for the next 14yrs. Accept your ex was a POS and move on. It could be way worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 I never got anything resembling an apology that I wanted. How cold can people get? I can't undertsand how people can just up and leave and tell you to get f*****. Link to post Share on other sites
Badenov Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 People tell themselves whatever they want to alleviate the guilt. Chances are he just wanted out (finances? freedom? another woman? who knows) & thought he could lay the blame on you & feel justified. He's treating you like crap to make himself feel better about what he's done. Don't fall for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 I just wanted the chance to tell him what an arrogant jerk he really is. I never felt so much rage against someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 He dumps me by text and tells me to get F*****, yet somehow he told me that I'm the crazy one. What an absolute hypocrite! I hope someone screws this guy over for good, it would make me very happy. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 yea, he sucks.. we get it. cut your losses and find someone who really cares about you and make yourself better. all you can do at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
jonny78 Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Sugarkane thank-you for all your advice. I know we shared similar heartbreak. All I can say to you is that you don't know what your ex is feeling... Neither do I. I know I had the pleasure of hearing some word that you have not, but in all honesty - how do I know that the words were real? It could easily have been an act, afterall she is still with the person she left me for! You will never know how your ex truly feels, and neither will I know how my ex truly feels. Even if you were to hear any words like I did... It doesn't change a thing! Doesn't make what happened any easier or change the past or future. Your life is in your hands I am so sorry your going through this, but no contact is truly the way to heal, take it from me. Link to post Share on other sites
NicoleM Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Sugarkane I understand and you probably even read some of my posts;) I know it's hard I really,really do. I went through it myself and trust me I keep going over and over thinking what did I do wrong?? Was I too clingy ( maybe for awhile but I backed off) Should of slept with them? ( no if he really cared about me he would of respected my wishes) Remember it is their loss ok?? You can beat yourself over and over again wishing they would come back or keep wishing you could of done something to make things better but you know what you can't because it's over they have clearly moved on. Harsh reality I know but it is the truth and truth hurts. It will take some time to get over them ( I still think about him) but eventually you have to move on and not think about them. Just remember there are Plenty of Fish in the sea and there will be someone who will treat you like the person you should be treated like and your ex will be a distant memory. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 28, 2011 Author Share Posted May 28, 2011 Thanks everyone. The fact that I'm still posting implies how much this affected me. I honestly hope more than anything that one day someone screws over my ex big time. I'd have absolutely zero empathy for him. Then hopefully I'll be the one telling him to get F*****, like he did to me when he dumped me by text. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 28, 2011 Author Share Posted May 28, 2011 I really think my ex must be a sociopath, to be that completely heartless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 28, 2011 Author Share Posted May 28, 2011 I'm tempted to send my ex a letter/email, as I never got to say anything. I don't care if I never get a reply, its highly unlikely as dumpers rarely do. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 let it go.... Link to post Share on other sites
NicoleM Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 It's funny Sugarkane I actually sent a e-mail of course I didn't get a reply. I let him know everything I was feeling everything that he did and told him I gave him so many 2nd, 3rd chances and never once dumped him. I just kept hoping and wishing he would change or maybe he actually cared ( wrong!) I will tell you writing that e-mail made me feel so much better and it really gave me some clarity. I wished he would of e-mailed me back and maybe just maybe hoped he would appologize and say oh, sorry Nicole I messed up bad I didn't realize I was so mean. Needless to say I sent that e-mail 3 weeks ago and needless to say he isn't writing or he isn't coming back. He has already moved on with another girl:sick: Link to post Share on other sites
PelicanPete Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 He knows he's done wrong that's why he hasn't contacted you since. Think about it, there aren't many people that would return to the scene of the crime and admit they did it wrong. He knows he was a jerk, which guarantees he feels crappy for how he treated you. Imagine if you were to contact him and tell him off, he wouldn't feel bad anymore. If anything, he would feel that you deserved it and would no longer feel guilty. If you want revenge, your silence will hurt him far more then any string of insults you can come up with. And if he really didn't care about you, it's obvious he's not worth your anger. My ex called our relationship a joke, broke up with me hundreds of miles away from any friends and family, and after being forced to spend an awkward 24 hours with her entire family after she broke up with me, she drove me late to the airport and purposefully made me miss my flight, which caused me an additional 8 hours of traveling. All of this because it was apparently my fault she cheated on me and left me for someone else These people aren't worth our time, they've already proved that. Hatred and insults will only give them a logical excuse for their actions. Live happily and justify to yourself that he did make a huge mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 28, 2011 Author Share Posted May 28, 2011 Thanks PelicanPete you're right. If I break NC I know I'll run the risk of possibly more verbal abuse and more insults. I don't want to go backwards in my healing. I don't want to go back to day1 again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 28, 2011 Author Share Posted May 28, 2011 I just don't understand why a dumper would be verbally abusive when they chose to leave. And its not like I cheated or was abusive or anything. Makes no sense to me. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 I just don't understand why a dumper would be verbally abusive when they chose to leave. And its not like I cheated or was abusive or anything. Makes no sense to me. You have to make a decision: Are you going to be a victim, or a survivor? Are you going to let this defeat you, or are you going to use it as fuel to become a better person? I can tell from reading your posts that you have let this consume you and you have gotten stuck in the anger stage. Anger is a very necessary emotion to feel and process when you're recovering and healing from a traumatic breakup. Somebody hurt you on a deep core level and at a certain point your internal need for justice is going to take over. But you eventually come to realize that getting revenge makes you smaller and so you have to let them "get away with it." Holding a grudge and being angry doesn't do anything to them, it just hurts you. It's taking poison and hoping they get sick. Forgiveness, on the other hand, benefits you spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. The best revenge you could possibly have is to live a good life and become indifferent to them. My question is, what do you want at this point? An apology? That isn't going to change what happened, and it will probably make you feel better for about 5 minutes before you realize that nothing has really changed. Plus, for all you know, they don't really feel contrite, they just want to be let off the hook for a guilty conscience. Do you want to get back together? Surely you realize at this point that this guy is a jerk and you're better off meeting a good guy. I think what it comes down to is you want one of two things: 1) you want to turn back the clock to the good times, and nobody has invented a time machine yet and 2) you want revenge on some level, and the thing about revenge is it makes you smaller and drags you down to his level. You simply have to cultivate an attitude of indifference towards him. He isn't worth your mental energy. Link to post Share on other sites
flyman Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 I'm tempted to send my ex a letter/email, as I never got to say anything. I don't care if I never get a reply, its highly unlikely as dumpers rarely do. What do you think? Hi there Sugarkane, sorry to hear that. My only advice is, don't send an email to him. It will only make him feel like he is control and boost his ego. Let it heal. Like the people said, no contact is the way to go. Don't be stubborn like I was and try to contact your ex. It will only make the healing process much more longer and more painful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 29, 2011 Author Share Posted May 29, 2011 You have to make a decision: Are you going to be a victim, or a survivor? Are you going to let this defeat you, or are you going to use it as fuel to become a better person? I can tell from reading your posts that you have let this consume you and you have gotten stuck in the anger stage. Anger is a very necessary emotion to feel and process when you're recovering and healing from a traumatic breakup. Somebody hurt you on a deep core level and at a certain point your internal need for justice is going to take over. But you eventually come to realize that getting revenge makes you smaller and so you have to let them "get away with it." Holding a grudge and being angry doesn't do anything to them, it just hurts you. It's taking poison and hoping they get sick. Forgiveness, on the other hand, benefits you spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. The best revenge you could possibly have is to live a good life and become indifferent to them. My question is, what do you want at this point? An apology? That isn't going to change what happened, and it will probably make you feel better for about 5 minutes before you realize that nothing has really changed. Plus, for all you know, they don't really feel contrite, they just want to be let off the hook for a guilty conscience. Do you want to get back together? Surely you realize at this point that this guy is a jerk and you're better off meeting a good guy. I think what it comes down to is you want one of two things: 1) you want to turn back the clock to the good times, and nobody has invented a time machine yet and 2) you want revenge on some level, and the thing about revenge is it makes you smaller and drags you down to his level. You simply have to cultivate an attitude of indifference towards him. He isn't worth your mental energy. I refuse to let be a victim and let my ex defeat me. But true forgiveness as you describe, is pretty difficult to achieve. I thought you would understand that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 29, 2011 Author Share Posted May 29, 2011 i'd rather be indifferent than "forgive". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 29, 2011 Author Share Posted May 29, 2011 You can't tell that any of the people here that got cruelly dumped like I did, wouldn't get some sense of satisfaction, seeing the person that screwed them over, getting screwed over by someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
bikinibeach Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 I'm tempted to send my ex a letter/email, as I never got to say anything. I don't care if I never get a reply, its highly unlikely as dumpers rarely do. What do you think? it"s sooooo tempting but DON'T DO IT!!!! you will regret it. it will open up a chance for him to reply and hurt you again. also, it will show that you still care (he has quite likely moved on) check out my recent posting in the dating forum. i was thisclose to sending my recent ex and his "best friend"/ex-girlfriend stuff that would have ended their inappropriate relationship. but i was talked down off the ledge. don't do it!! you are better than that. write about him here and we will tear him to shreds Link to post Share on other sites
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