cheater-almost Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 i love my husband...he means the world to me... but something in me wants a fresh experience. our sex is wonderful (my husband and i), albeit a bit routine...and now i'm finding it increasingly difficult to overcome the advances of a particular person whom i almost got together with 3 years ago. i guess the feeling of unfinished business is helping me to justify it and that sex doesn't equal love so that i can still love my husband even if i'm with someone else physically yet i know i would never accept that answer from him if he was unfaithful.. but it's overwhelming..i think about it day and night....is it just the new-ness factor? the 'something different' factor? i need help - it's becoming increasingly difficult to resist. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 You are in the throes of infatuation. It could ruin your marriage and hurt your husband badly. Is this worth a little fun for you? Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Read the posts on the Infidelity and Other Woman/Other Man forums on this site. You might get a better perspective of what may happen if you decide to indulge in an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
bryanp Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Hello, This is just a thought for you to consider. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and your husband said he loves you and that you mean the world to him and that sex with you is still great but he wants to have a sexual experience with a woman who has been hitting on him? I guess it would be all right for him to cheat on you if you are going to cheat on him? Close your eyes and imagines your husband divorcing you and later marrying someone else. You will probably end up as just another statistic. Good husbands are difficult to find but you are willing to sacrifice a good man, a good marriage and totally betray your husband and put his health at risk. It really sounds like you don't understand what you have in your husband and your marriage. Let me ask you this: Would your husband be willing to do to you that you are willing to do to him? I think it says a lot about him and a lot about you. If you really love somebody you would not wish to inflict the ultimate in pain toward them. I am sorry but you sound like a typical self-centered spouse with a great marriage who is a little bored and willing to destroy a great marriage and inflict terrible pain on a husband who loves you. How sad for your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 If you are so strongly tempted to cheat that it is consuming your thoughts, perhaps you should rethink remaining married to your husband. I hope that you will do the right thing, however, and be faithful to him, and perhaps try to work on your marriage so that it will be more fulfilling to your needs in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
echocrush Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Yes dear it's the SSDD factor, you want something new, exciting... You want the excitement of the first kiss, the first caress. I know how you feel, I think most married people go through it at some point, especially if there are issues in the marriage. It's not worth it... ever... you fantasize about it long enough and then if it happens it's not near what you expected. There's not falling into your lovers arms, heaving and throbbing... it's a major let down, then you get to suffer through months, even years of guilt... and that's if you can keep it from your husband... not likely, eventually he probably will find out, and then he no longer trusts you and your entire life as you know it was flushed for a less than mediocre experience. when ever you think about it... think about the consequences of your actions, not the act itself. Focus on all of the bad things that would happen. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Underline what everyone has said so far. It looks so tempting now, but the experience lasts a matter of minutes? An hour or so? Then what? One of two things will happen: you'll either a) really like it and want more of it or b) be overwhelmed with guilt and feel dirty. Who knows? Perhaps you'll experience both at the same time. Any way you look at it, there's a lot of pain on the other side of that thrill. I have to admit, though....sometimes, these kinds of honest messages make me wonder if we humans were really meant to be monogamous creatures. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 It's hard to tell from your post whether it's the other man you are finding it hard to resist or the temptation of the new. Whichever it is, I would avoid him until you feel able to handle contact or you have made some decisions about what you want. You don't say how for how long you have been married but this problem is not uncommon in long marriages. As long as there is love and passion in your marriage, these feelings should pass. You say that sex doesn't equal love but for you, now, they are both inextricably linked to your husband. You may think you can separate them with another but how do you know you can achieve this? Have you done it before? Some people can manage it but many find that what they thought was simply desire is in fact love and that the guilt affects their relationship with their partner. What you may think of as something you can contain, keep from hurting others, may well affect the well being of your family. You must do what you think best but don't hide behind rationalizations - this is an enterprise fraught with risks. Is is worth it? Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Ditto what everyone else said. Also, do you want to be with someone who has no qualms about destroying a marriage? He has no respect for you or for the vows you took with your husband--is that really the type of person you would choose over a man who made an HONEST commitment to you? You are in control. It is your decision. Nothing just happens. Link to post Share on other sites
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