For Men Who Believe in Marriage, What Makes You Find Marriage Attractive?

[musemaj11]

Even though marriage has a pretty notorious reputation among men these days, but there are some men who still believe in marriage.

 

So for such men, I have two questions:

1) what benefits of marriage that you find attractive?

2) are these benefits unattainable if you simply live with a partner without getting married?

[TaraMaiden]

Hello.

TaraMaiden's new husband here.

 

If you knew her like I know her, you wouldn't question why I wanted to marry her.

 

The benefits of being able to call her my wife, are indescribable.

It's not a question of whether they would exist in an unmarried state.

I married her because I never want to be without her, for the rest of my life.

 

Post ends.

[musemaj11]

Hello.

TaraMaiden's new husband here.

 

If you knew her like I know her, you wouldn't question why I wanted to marry her.

 

The benefits of being able to call her my wife, are indescribable.

It's not a question of whether they would exist in an unmarried state.

I married her because I never want to be without her, for the rest of my life.

 

Post ends.

I bet Tara Maiden was watching while her husband was writing this.

 

Anyway, so its more of a symbolic emotional benefit? Okay its good enough although not exactly a convincing argument for marriage.

[Eeyore79]

Dating is a trial period for deciding whether you like someone enough to spend the rest of your life with them. Until you marry a woman and take her off the market, she's still available to date other men, and is not committed to you. You have a limited amount of time to decide whether you want to marry her before you lose the opportunity; another man could steal her away, or she might just get tired of waiting for you and move on. You can probably string out the dating trial period for a few years before the woman starts pushing you for a decision; if you're happy in the relationship and want to make it permanent then you marry her.

[nordic]

Even though marriage has a pretty notorious reputation among men these days, but there are some men who still believe in marriage.

 

So for such men, I have two questions:

1) what benefits of marriage that you find attractive?

2) are these benefits unattainable if you simply live with a partner without getting married?

 

this is an important issue with you isnt it?

 

well, lets see. i am contemplating getting married a second time.

 

1) if having children, things are very natural. child automatically gets your name and all systems are already set to protect your child in case things in life goes wrong. it takes away all difficulties living in the same country, moving to live where you want. cultures around the world are set-up to embrace married people, and if you are not married everything is always more difficult, sometimes impossible.

 

2) yes, plenty. in fact too many to list them all. but that depends on the life style you live. in my life style. yes.

 

 

 

whats the reason not to get married? especially if you have children together?

[TaraMaiden]

I bet Tara Maiden was watching while her husband was writing this.

 

Anyway, so its more of a symbolic emotional benefit? Okay its good enough although not exactly a convincing argument for marriage.

 

I showed him the original post, which is why he answered it, but no, I really wasn't standing over him.

And given that he's just completed a Law degree with 1st Class honours, I think he knows all the arguments for it, or against it, really.

[vsmini]

MuseMaj

I think this is an excellent thread to start and I think you can get some really open and honest answers if you play nice and not condescend to people when they give you answers that they feel are honest.

 

I can't speak for my boyfriend but I have always been somewhat undecided towards marriage and when I asked him about why he did want to get married he said this: paraphrasing

"I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who I can enjoy time with, share core values and raise kids with."

You can do all of that with out getting married. I think societial pressure and people liking the idea of the tradition and being legally bound to someone has a lot to do with it. I'm not slamming it - marriage is quite literally just a piece of paper but emotionally it means a lot more to some people. Note - it's not okay to dismiss the emotional importance of marriage. It's personal and very complex - and trying to argue with that is futile.

Edited May 27, 2011 by vsmini

[sunshinegirl]

Hmm. I'll ask my husband this weekend.

 

One benefit I can name: when I was diagnosed with cancer last fall, it was SO MUCH SMOOTHER for H to participate in my care and decisions when he could say he was my husband, not my boyfriend or even fiance. Legally he had rights to make decisions on my behalf as a husband that would not have been as easy otherwise. Like another poster said, many societies are set up to 'embrace' marriage, with health care being one important arena where it can make a difference.

[What_Next]

I sure wish I knew, I don't. If I had it to do again I wouldn't have married. I love my partner now more than ever, but in todays society it isn't a necessity. The reality is over 50% of the marriages will fail anyway.

[Feelin Frisky]

I don't know if I "believe in marriage" but I like the idea of it for myself. I wanted to be married and when the last time came and it just couldn't happen it destroyed me--obliterated and trashed to smithers. It means everything in the long run. It's freaking security. Simple. I don't know about anyone else but I feel that question marks just kill ya. The less of them, the happier or at least, less stressed you're going to be. This is all theoretical because we all know marriage can back-fire but theoretically, hitching your wagons based on all the right commitments takes a world of worry off your soul and let's you just breath that you know that you're not always alone.

[vsmini]

I don't know if I "believe in marriage" but I like the idea of it for myself. I wanted to be married and when the last time came and it just couldn't happen it destroyed me--obliterated and trashed to smithers. It means everything in the long run. It's freaking security. Simple. I don't know about anyone else but I feel that question marks just kill ya. The less of them, the happier or at least, less stressed you're going to be. This is all theoretical because we all know marriage can back-fire but theoretically, hitching your wagons based on all the right commitments takes a world of worry off your soul and let's you just breath that you know that you're not always alone.

 

 

Yea - I think security is a huge factor and I think that's ok. I don't think someone is insecure in an unhealthy way if they want that security in moderation - though plenty of people Eff up marriage because they are insanely insecure and use that as the sole reason to get married.

 

I see how people view marriage as a business deal and many think it is a bad business deal but keep in mind MANY businesses go under too and many people invest, risk and lose in hopes of making a good profit. It's a risk. Like everything else in life. Good points and bad. Nobody can convince me that marriage is a bad thing anymore than they could convince me that it's a sure-bet great thing. Nobody can really do that.

[musemaj11]

Its interesting to learn that apart from its potential of being a legal risk, marriage can also present some legal benefits.

 

I see how people view marriage as a business deal and many think it is a bad business deal but keep in mind MANY businesses go under too and many people invest, risk and lose in hopes of making a good profit. It's a risk. Like everything else in life. Good points and bad. Nobody can convince me that marriage is a bad thing anymore than they could convince me that it's a sure-bet great thing. Nobody can really do that.

Only the dumbest businessmen get into a deal with less than 50% chance of success. Russian Roulette is not a business deal.

 

whats the reason not to get married? especially if you have children together?

Financial risk and the fact that these days you can get nearly everything you can get from a marital relationship without actually being married.

Edited May 27, 2011 by musemaj11

[vsmini]

And marriage is NOT Russian Roulette - it doesn't just pick people at random and say "ok...now you're getting a divorce."

I understand that divorce rates are at 50% and climbing but not all people see their marriage or business deal as being 50%. This 50% business is an easy way out for people to dismiss marriage.

 

I work in the medical field and it's like the stat 35% of all patients diagnosed with Breast cancer will die within 10 years. However if you are HER2 negative and carry the BRCA gene YOUR particular chances of passing away in 10 years is under 8%

 

There are a lot of specifics that contribute to a successful marriage or a divorce. Not every couple that enters into a marriage stands a 50% chance. Some have a much better chance of keeping together.

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

I've said before, and I will say again, any businessman knows that the greatest rewards come as a result of the greatest risks!

 

In my humble opinion, common sense, logic, intellect etc, they all go out the window when you fall so deeply in love you want to be with that one person for the rest of your life.

 

It is not easy to justify the risks of marriage on paper. I actually believe that relationships have a natural cycle and are meant to change over time. This does not mean that it will not or cannot work. But if it doesn't, then so be it... Most importantly enjoy it while it lasts. No one should fault you for taking only the risks you and your partner are willing to take.

 

If one of my (four) daughters asked me what I thought about her man who wanted to be her boyfriend forever instead of her husband, man that would be a very long, intimate conversation with my daughter. Why would she want to commit herself to a man like that, honestly?

[sunshinegirl]

And marriage is NOT Russian Roulette - it doesn't just pick people at random and say "ok...now you're getting a divorce."

I understand that divorce rates are at 50% and climbing but not all people see their marriage or business deal as being 50%. This 50% business is an easy way out for people to dismiss marriage.

 

I work in the medical field and it's like the stat 35% of all patients diagnosed with Breast cancer will die within 10 years. However if you are HER2 negative and carry the BRCA gene YOUR particular chances of passing away in 10 years is under 8%

 

There are a lot of specifics that contribute to a successful marriage or a divorce. Not every couple that enters into a marriage stands a 50% chance. Some have a much better chance of keeping together.

 

With due respect, HER2- and BRCA pos is much more lethal than you've stated, no? I had cancer last year, but was BRCA neg and Stage 0...so guess what? I have 100% chance of living a full life. In that sense, your overall point definitely stands: some cohorts of people are much, much less likely to divorce than others based on characteristics like age @ marriage, level of education, income, maybe race. I think The Marriage Project identifies factors that push couples higher or lower on the divorce probability stat. Some of which are controllable, others less so.

[carhill]

TM's new H (congrats BTW ) summed up my feelings pretty well. I enjoyed being married and calling that person my wife.

 

There are numerous legal and financial benefits conferred by marriage which cost time and money to achieve in an unmarried state, depending on person and jurisdiction, but, for myself, it was the emotional/psychological benefits which drove the decision, as well as my desire to have children and that would, aligning with my belief system, only occur within marriage.

 

One example of a 'benefit' was a survivor's pension which my mom received from my dad's employer after he died, along with free lifetime medical care. This was only available to employees and their legal spouses. Saved me/her over a million dollars (essentially bankruptcy) after she got sick. Things regarding her care which cost me thousands of dollars in legal fees my dad could've done with nothing more than 'OK', had he still been alive. That's just the tip of the iceberg of the 'practical' side of marriage.

[dreamingoftigers]

Hello.

TaraMaiden's new husband here.

 

If you knew her like I know her, you wouldn't question why I wanted to marry her.

 

The benefits of being able to call her my wife, are indescribable.

It's not a question of whether they would exist in an unmarried state.

I married her because I never want to be without her, for the rest of my life.

 

Post ends.

 

TaraMaiden is a truly awesome person and poster.

[TaraMaiden]

:love:Thank you both.

 

Of the two of us, it was actually me who resisted marriage.

Having been to the altar twice already, I really didn't feel a third trip would be either necessary or essential, and I actually thought that it might even smack of hypocrisy.

 

but my H was the insistent one.

 

Law degree and all.

Basically, he knows that (at least, in the UK) being in a "Common Law" relationship actually means very little, and has no legal bearing or implications with regard to matters taken as read, in the legally binding commitment of marriage.

If you are in what is colloquially known as a 'common law' relationship, and something happens to divide the couple, the legal fight which needs to ensue to guarantee the couple any kind of recompense is lengthy, overwhelming and probably financially crippling.

 

Put it this way - if the man dies, the woman would in all probability have to rely on the kindness, consideration and generosity of the man's immediate legal family, because by rights - well, there are virtually NO rights.

Any children born of the relationship, have more rights than she has....

 

(I mean, look at what happened to to Stieg Larsson's girlfriend....)

 

Once my H secured a fairly high-up position with a major UK company - he insisted we tie the knot, for the benefit of my long-term security.

So he has gone into this, eyes wide open - and it's for my benefit.

 

People may not consider getting married for financial reasons as being all that romantic.

But to me, it's the most considerate, loving and selfless form of commitment I can think of.

[2sunny]

Marriage implies greater commitment.

 

implies - but no guarantee the partner will be as committed to you.

 

some cheat. the security is also an illusion that can go away quickly.

 

and being married so you're not alone? i know several people who are married but always feel alone. the spouse is absent or just plain doesn't hold the other partner as their priority.

 

so these statements you all used- hold NO merit at all.

[Pyro]

Even though marriage has a pretty notorious reputation among men these days, but there are some men who still believe in marriage.

 

So for such men, I have two questions:

1) what benefits of marriage that you find attractive?

2) are these benefits unattainable if you simply live with a partner without getting married?

 

1) it's simply my way of showing that I am fully committed to the relationship

 

2) for us it is unattainable because as most people here know is that her and I have to marry in order for her visa to approve and for her to move here.

[Woggle]

Until I met my wife I was strongly against marriage after my divorce but when I met her it felt right to make the ultimate commitment. I still feel that a man should be very careful about who he married because it can be hell if it goes wrong but with the right woman it is a wonderful thing.

[musemaj11]

Guys, please stick to the original topic. Im asking men about the benefits of marriage for men!

 

Im not asking about the benefits of marriage for women because marriage today is designed to benefit women in the first place. So it would be a redundant topic to talk about the benefit of marriage for women.

 

Anyway, so far nearly all the men who are pro-marriage have cited pure emotional reasons. It seems to me men are indeed the more romantic sex. Despite countless cases of men getting screwed over due to marriage, a lot of men still want to marry. Is it naivety or idealism? I dont know.

 

Also Pyro's case is an interesting one. I guess you guys do need to get married in order to be together.

 

Marriage implies greater commitment.

By the party who has the most to lose by getting married.

 

Put it this way - if the man dies, the woman would in all probability have to rely on the kindness, consideration and generosity of the man's immediate legal family, because by rights - well, there are virtually NO rights.

This is 2011. You wanna know how to be able to support yourself? Get a job.

 

People may not consider getting married for financial reasons as being all that romantic.

But to me, it's the most considerate, loving and selfless form of commitment I can think of.

I would think its so sweet if some woman wanted to marry me because she wanted me to have all her money, too. Edited May 28, 2011 by musemaj11

[xxoo]

Marriage implies greater commitment.

 

By the party who has the most to lose by getting married.

 

You also need to consider what each party stands to lose by NOT getting

married. Often, women will leave a man who will not marry her. By marrying, he wins her commitment.

[musemaj11]

You also need to consider what each party stands to lose by NOT getting

married. Often, women will leave a man who will not marry her. By marrying, he wins her commitment.

Yea, he wins her commitment to have the option to run away with half his money and receive alimony from him should one day she decide that she is no longer interested in the marriage.

[nordic]

Guys, please stick to the original topic. Im asking men about the benefits of marriage for men!

 

Im not asking about the benefits of marriage for women because marriage today is designed to benefit women in the first place. So it would be a redundant topic to talk about the benefit of marriage for women.

 

Anyway, so far nearly all the men who are pro-marriage have cited pure emotional reasons. It seems to me men are indeed the more romantic sex. Despite countless cases of men getting screwed over due to marriage, a lot of men still want to marry. Is it naivety or idealism? I dont know.

 

Also Pyro's case is an interesting one. I guess you guys do need to get married in order to be together.

 

By the party who has the most to lose by getting married.

 

This is 2011. You wanna know how to be able to support yourself? Get a job.

 

I would think its so sweet if some woman wanted to marry me because she wanted me to have all her money, too.

 

i did not mention one emotional reason in my reply:)

 

makes me proud.