For Men Who Believe in Marriage, What Makes You Find Marriage Attractive?

[xxoo]

Yea, he wins her commitment to have the option to run away with half his money and receive alimony from him should one day she decide that she is no longer interested in the marriage.

 

I suppose a lot of people fear losing the partner more than losing their money.

[carhill]

Having participated in the passing of two parents, married for life, and pondering my own disposition into the nether, IMO, the touch of a loving hand as we leave this earth is a far better comfort than the security of currency. My parents were fortunate to have that security, but it was/is the loving hand which I remember and value the most.

 

Divorce taught me that currency is indeed transitory and not the be-all and end-all of living. Sure, it hurts to be currency poor, but it's great to be alive. I feel far richer now than I ever have. A healthy marriage is a perfect vehicle to share that richness of life with another. After all, now, I need not worry about any ulterior motives from a potential partner. It all works out.

[musemaj11]

I suppose a lot of people fear losing the partner more than losing their money.

and marriage ensures that you can lose both your partner and your money at the same time.

[Eve]

I suppose a lot of people fear losing the partner more than losing their money.

 

This struck a cord with me. Material wealth is an add on only. Had to respond to this.

 

Personally, I don't understand those who would want their spouse to be destitute if they split either!? But I don't think we have alimony and the like here so there are cultural variables I have no understanding off at play here within the negative view of marriage by US posters.

 

I will not be asking my Hubby for his thoughts as I know he sees these matters as being pretty obvious and clear cut; he will say the same sorts of things as those enjoying a good marriage, irrespective of his gender.

 

All the best,

Take care,

Eve x

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

and marriage ensures that you can lose both your partner and your money at the same time.

 

A bit jaded are we?

 

I genuinely mean it when I say musmaj, in my opinion, you would be better off not getting married - EVER! Even if you 'fell in love,' and changed your mind one day (highly unlikely, I know).

 

I believe you have it so engrained in your soul that it is a raw deal for a male to be married, and that he will end up alone and worth 50% less financially that you would basically manifest that destiny for any marriage you entered into...

[Eve]

A bit jaded are we?

 

I genuinely mean it when I say musmaj, in my opinion, you would be better off not getting married - EVER! Even if you 'fell in love,' and changed your mind one day (highly unlikely, I know).

 

I believe you have it so engrained in your soul that it is a raw deal for a male to be married, and that he will end up alone and worth 50% less financially that you would basically manifest that destiny for any marriage you entered into...

 

I would agree with this.. but at least he could be totally at one with his opinions. So, maybe this is a good thing?

 

There is nothing more threatening than confronting that there maybe more than ones opinion/world view.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[sweetjasmine]

And marriage is NOT Russian Roulette - it doesn't just pick people at random and say "ok...now you're getting a divorce."

I understand that divorce rates are at 50% and climbing but not all people see their marriage or business deal as being 50%. This 50% business is an easy way out for people to dismiss marriage.

 

Exactly. Once again, the stupid divorce statistic pops up in a thread about marriage - what a surprise. Of course if you pick a random person on the street to marry, marriage will be Russian roulette, but if you make an informed decision, your chances of having a long, happy marriage are much better.

 

And in the US, the divorce rate is declining: http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2007/05/12/marrying_smarter_later_leading_to_decline_in_us_divorce_rate/

 

For my SO, aside from the sentimental reasons and the desire to have a stable family, the legal benefits play a role (medical decisions on behalf of spouse, joint insurance filings [health, especially], right of survivorship, immigration [if necessary], tax-free transfer of property, joint adoption, spousal privilege [communication privacy], preferential hiring in government positions).

 

I'll just put it this way: there are reasons why people are fighting for the right of same-sex couples to have access to marriage and not just civil unions, and it's not just because marriage is a pretty word.

[Pyro]

Yea, he wins her commitment to have the option to run away with half his money and receive alimony from him should one day she decide that she is no longer interested in the marriage.

 

we got it about 1,000 posts ago that you find women inferior. Just do yourself and every female out there a favor and don't ever date again.....unless you happen to meet one of the rare women who don't ever want to get married.

[threebyfate]

Asked my husband and here are his responses:

 

1. Access to your money.

2. You wouldn't live with me or give me access to your money.

 

[vsmini]

With due respect, HER2- and BRCA pos is much more lethal than you've stated, no? I had cancer last year, but was BRCA neg and Stage 0...so guess what? I have 100% chance of living a full life. In that sense, your overall point definitely stands: some cohorts of people are much, much less likely to divorce than others based on characteristics like age @ marriage, level of education, income, maybe race. I think The Marriage Project identifies factors that push couples higher or lower on the divorce probability stat. Some of which are controllable, others less so.

 

Her2- and BRCA with proper route of Gem/Carbo/Tras chemo and Rad following w/ 5 year dose of Tamoxifen following. Our current stats stand at 8% and study still in progress. There are so many routes to go in order to get to that particular number 8 - but that's my point - that different factors can decrease or increase your odds for much. These are study stats and and vary from patient to patient. I'm happy to hear your doing well and healthy - that's great news!

Edited May 28, 2011 by vsmini

[musemaj11]

A bit jaded are we?

 

I genuinely mean it when I say musmaj, in my opinion, you would be better off not getting married - EVER! Even if you 'fell in love,' and changed your mind one day (highly unlikely, I know).

 

I believe you have it so engrained in your soul that it is a raw deal for a male to be married, and that he will end up alone and worth 50% less financially that you would basically manifest that destiny for any marriage you entered into...

Currently I dont think I would ever want to get married.

 

But if I would ever get married, I know I would only do it with a beautiful, educated and successful woman. Otherwise no.

[John Michael Kane]

Only thing I see that's good about marriage is the tax breaks. I think I'll just have an SO instead of a spouse, for the rest of my life. That way if she cheats, I can just easily dump her in one second and not over the course of months.

[TaraMaiden]

.... if I would ever get married, I know I would only do it with a beautiful, educated and successful woman. ....

 

And as you can see, unfortunately for you, I'm taken.

 

[RecordProducer]

And marriage is NOT Russian Roulette - it doesn't just pick people at random and say "ok...now you're getting a divorce."

It sure feels EXACTLY like that, though! Because you marry someone and you have no clue that there's one little bullet they never told you about that will kill you.

 

This 50% business is an easy way out for people to dismiss marriage.

Yup. Well, perhaps not knowledge of the statistics but the entire modern mentality: the lack of commitment from day one, the unwillingness to work on problems, the attitude that if we don't see eye to eye, it's better to get a divorce, the society infested with ideas such as better to be alone, a bad marriage is a bad example for the kids (sure, teach your kids to quit, run, and hop from one partner onto another!), you can make it on your own even if you're unemployed, uneducated and 8 months pregnant - dump your husband cuz he watches porn; then men have changed their attitudes, if a woman doesn't work, she's a lazy, fat parasite... you name it. There's no more general respect, there's so much inherent animosity and competition that the ease of divorce has brought, it's ridiculous. I wish the government could afford something like a twice a year marriage counseling for everyone (with the counselor of your choice from their list). They'd be trained to be pro-marriage, encourage further counseling if problems exist, etc. My ex never wanted to go to MC. He just jumped out of the marriage like a frog (I used to think he was my prince! ) and I was his third wife.

 

People give up before they even try. How about give up on wanting everything to be YOUR way? I mean all of us, men and women. Both partners in a marriage. Team work is how any successful group or entity works. A "civil war" within the marriage will only tear up the love.

 

 

In my humble opinion' date=' common sense, logic, intellect etc, they all go out the window when you fall so deeply in love [/quote']You sound so old-school and romantic. Would you mind if I ask you how old you are?

 

and marriage ensures that you can lose both your partner and your money at the same time.

That's a possibility, and for some people, it's a possibility to lose your partner and GAIN money. Does that count as a double dip?

 

... that he will end up alone and worth 50% less financially that you would basically manifest that destiny for any marriage you entered into...

Yes. Because he would ask for any new item bought, "When we divorce, can I take this with me?"

the security is also an illusion that can go away quickly.

Well, if you take it to the extreme, ANY security (your house, your car, your job, your insurance company, your loved ones...) is fragile and could potentially be shattered in a slpit second. Does that mean we should never invest in people, careers and assets because there's a possibility to lose them? IMO the risk of losing your partner through a divorce doesn't outweigh the potential benefits a marriage entails. If you think there are no benefits in a marriage as an institution then maybe the problem is in you, and I don't mean that in a bad way. Maybe you're still hurting and scared.

 

and being married so you're not alone? i know several people who are married but always feel alone. the spouse is absent or just plain doesn't hold the other partner as their priority.

Those several people are not divorcing though? I would prefer to feel alone with someone in the room than to actually be alone for the rest of my life. The only real reason why people - not justify, but - glorify divorce and singlehood is because they really believe they will someday find exactly what they want. And such people (not refering to you, 2sunny) usually find nothing.

 

Which buyer has more commitment to own the Ferrari?

Cars are different though because you buy the best deal, but I get your point with the choice of Ferrari - anyone buying a Ferrari must have some passion about it. I don't see the problem with the guy who wants to try it for two years. He may be more hesitant as a person, but fall in love with the car (woman) madly and actually buy (marry) her. The first buyer was perhaps too impulsive, and not too afraid to toss the car(sell it) in case he decided to go for a Lotus two months later. Sometimes, too froggy into the marriage might mean too froggy out the marriage.

 

And in the US, the divorce rate is declining

People aren't getting married as much anymore.

 

I'll just put it this way: there are reasons why people are fighting for the right of same-sex couples to have access to marriage and not just civil unions, and it's not just because marriage is a pretty word.

And yet, they are being denied that right as if they are not human beings.

Only thing I see that's good about marriage is the tax breaks. I think I'll just have an SO instead of a spouse, for the rest of my life. That way if she cheats, I can just easily dump her in one second and not over the course of months.

And she can easily dump you if you get seriously ill, god forbid. When you keep the door open, it's not clear who's going to walk out on whom and why.

Edited May 29, 2011 by RecordProducer

[Eve]

Hubby cheekily said that the main attraction to being married is that 'you get to be at home again, just like it was with your mother'. Also, if you don't 'people will talk'. He thought this highly amusing because he has no shame in being the ultimate Mummys boy. He has been seriously well looked after by his Mum.

 

He then said, it is just more attractive to him and that's that. He expanded that the food is better (?!.. wtf)

 

I knew I wouldn't get a sensible answer out of him during this end of football season thing that is currently happening.

 

As for the perils of divorce and getting screwed over. He said, 'make sure you don't, I did'.

 

Now he is happily back in football land, in king of the castle mode, waiting for Sunday lunch to become ready.

 

H'mmm... some truth in his initial statement methinks.. but I have always thought that marriage is more beneficial to many men than women, purely for the emotional and comfort aspects gained within a good marriage. Hence I follow the saying - 'behind every great man is a great woman' is an ideal many seek.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[xxoo]

That's a possibility, and for some people, it's a possibility to lose your partner and GAIN money. Does that count as a double dip?

 

Another possibility--in a successful marriage, you keep the partner and gain money together (pooled incomes and assets, shared expenses)

 

And in the US, the divorce rate is declining: http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2007/05/12/marrying_smarter_later_leading_to_decline_in_us_divorce_rate/

.

 

People aren't getting married as much anymore.

 

And marrying smarter, apparently!

[John Michael Kane]

Rejecting marriage is about lack of total commitment and having one foot in the door for a quick exit if things get too difficult.

 

thank you

 

Excuse me for my bluntness, considering I'm recently divorced. Total commitment and having an affair are two different things. I'm not going to stay with a cheater so thank you.

[John Michael Kane]

And she can easily dump you if you get seriously ill, god forbid. When you keep the door open, it's not clear who's going to walk out on whom and why.

 

The door is open because someone opened it, not because of the status of a relationship. Having a ring on your finger doesn't stop one from being a booty wipe.

 

But hey if she wants to dump me because I got seriously ill then fine by me. One less ignorant person to worry about.

[Ripstar]

Having participated in the passing of two parents, married for life, and pondering my own disposition into the nether, IMO, the touch of a loving hand as we leave this earth is a far better comfort than the security of currency. My parents were fortunate to have that security, but it was/is the loving hand which I remember and value the most.

 

Divorce taught me that currency is indeed transitory and not the be-all and end-all of living. Sure, it hurts to be currency poor, but it's great to be alive. I feel far richer now than I ever have. A healthy marriage is a perfect vehicle to share that richness of life with another. After all, now, I need not worry about any ulterior motives from a potential partner. It all works out.

 

I'll agree with that. Money comes and goes but memories (hopefully positive) made with someone you love and cherish, as you would with a wife, is intangible.