Why do all women I meet end up ignoring me?

[FCGA]

Warning...I'm a talker, this could be long. I'm also new here so be nice please.

 

So the story starts about 3 months ago when my girlfriend broke up with me. It has been pretty brutal still, trying to move on from my first real love. We were together for almost 3 years and it wasn't working because of the long distance. I went to school about 100 miles from home and she went to a local school. Then things fell apart for her and she moved back in with her parents, went back to work and made new friends. Then she started smoking pot with all her friends and getting back to cigarettes. I wanted more than anything for it to work so I accepted everything she did despite how I felt against it, I told myself she just needed time getting over everything and this was just a phase. I even started smoking cigarettes myself so that I wouldn't be so angry that she did. And although it worked a lot of that relationship hurt me more than it hurt her because I guess in the end I was more than willing to put her feelings ahead of mine, and I guess she never had the dignity to return the favor. I gave her everything I had, everything. All throughout the relationship I never made any new friends besides my roommates because I was really prepared to marry this girl and spend the rest of my life with her. I thought I had it all planned out and I didn't need anything else. So the break up left me with absolutely nothing. And I'll remind you that she broke up with me...I would have fought and clawed my way through the ages with her by my side before ever thinking of that as an option. But hearing her tear filled goodbyes, which still haunt me, as she told me her feelings made me realize I could not keep her with me any longer. I think I loved her too much, I held on too tightly because I was so afraid of loosing the one thing I had in my life. The only thing that I loved more than anything, was her. And now it's gone. We broke up on good terms, we were both crying. No yelling, there was no fighting, it just wasn't working and was causing pain. It turned us both into angry people. We never cheated on each other, and all in all there was nothing to regret.

 

I sat outside by myself for days, skipped class, slept during the day. But then I realized that I had this empty feeling and I didn't have it in my power to fill. Now I tried everything, to try and be happy by myself. But I found the best thing for me was to try and make a bunch of new friends and really put myself out there. I hoped that maybe one or two of them would be there for me when I needed them because my life sucks sometimes. So I went out on dates with 3 different girls while I was up at school and made friends with 2 others. And one girl friend I had before I was able to share a lot of tears with after the break up, she wasn't really offering to be there for me I just opened up because I had no one to talk to anymore. I'm not an emotionally stable guy, I used to be dark and mysterious but now I'm very open with my feelings and I need people to be there for me. While this was all happening (and it's still very much happening) I reached out to everyone to lent an ear, spilling out every last detail of my feelings.

 

There were 2 groups that I metally placed these friends into...the girls that I told about the break up and wanted to lean on, and the girls who I didn't say anything to because I wanted to have fun with them and wanted them to think of me as a fun person.

 

The girls that I spilled out all my most vulnerable feelings to are the ones who still talk to me, 2 of them have boyfriends and so they obviously have no ulterior motive to suspect from me. And the other one I thought had a boyfriend but I guess not...she lives nearby me and has tried to organize us getting together but she keeps having to stay later at work or babysit, or her parents want her home...and it seems like she's blowing me off despite how many times she apologizes and asks me to plan for 'next week.' I can't hang on those words all summer, I need friends now.

 

The girls who I didn't reach out to at all were all single. But again, I do not concede my emotions. And one of them I really fell for very hard. And I wanted to be forthright and fair to her, so I admitted how I felt towards her so that she could make a judgement whether to continue to be friends with me or not. She said that she was kind of talking to this guy...they aren't dating because the guy is afraid of commitment. She still keeps in touch with me but I can tell that she really wants to be with this guy and she really has no interest in me. So, after coming to the conclusion that I had no chance with her...I wanted to lean on her to. She is so nice and really is a great person to talk to and I was hoping that she would be that person for me. After all I helped her so much with studying in school, I skipped classes to help her with a course I wasn't even taking. I sent her a message on facebook telling her that I thought she took advantage of how nice I was to her, that she took me for granted because she wasn't being the friend I thought she was when school was over and we all moved back home. She responded telling me I was wrong and that she wanted me to know that I can always count on her for anything, and she wants to be there for me. So the other day I texted her asking to meet up for coffee after I got out of work because I was having a bad day...but, instead she chose to ignore me. She didn't even give me an excuse. But I can see from my facebook newsfeed that she is out having a grand old time with plenty of people. And I guess she didn't have any time for me. It's been 5 days since i texted her that. It's so weird because we saw each other every day up at school, I hung out in her room a few times, and I thought we were closer than this.

 

Oh, not done yet...there's another girl. (I know it must get confusing because I don't want to use names, I'm sorry) She was in a lot of my classes and is really cute, probably the only one on here that I was physically attracted to first...which is not easy for me because I am usually the kind of guy that looks past crap like that. Anyway she seemed nice enough so I offered to go skiiing with her, she drove up to vermont and we had a fun day together but as the day went on I felt her, sensed her, keeping a distance. She's a very laid back person and I'm very intense, so it's understandable for her to be taken aback. But she got very mean, and yeah we studied a lot together all the way up till finals and we still talked but she never became a close enough friend I guess because summer came and it's the same old story, ignore my texts. I'm not texting these girls every day mind you, not even every week...Just when something comes to mind like I got a job and was wondering if they got the one they were hoping for. But she was never up to talking about it.

 

So I've been trying to move on from the pain of letting go of a life I was never prepared to. I wanted to make new friends that didn't live in the same town as my ex does because honestly driving through that town is all it takes to bring me to tears even 3 months after the fact. I never wanted anything from any of these girls. The only one I ever thought of having sex with was the last one. All the other ones I'm not physically attracted to, or have boyfriends and are therefore...no. I only had feelings for that other girl and I told her about it, she never talked about how she felt with me though...which was really cool of her, awesome to know that people can show me the same respect and honesty that I give them. But now the only person I think I can actually depend on is my ex. She says she is still here for me as a friend and I've talked to her plenty of times about some of my problems, but when my problem is getting over her I can't exactly call her up.

 

Sorry guys, I did warn you though, this is totally me.. lol. Anyway, I'm not an ugly guy, I work out. I'm 172 pounds, 32 inch waist, 12% bodyfat, so I have an average body. I'm not fat, but I dont have a 6 pack or biceps on my biceps. I'm also a sweetheart, I'm generous, forgiving, and I have a kind heart. I can love more intensely than any other guy I have ever met, but that also means all my other emotions run hot as well. I can get very angry, although I rarely do. I can also get very sad, I cry when I'm sad. I have no inhibitions about being a 'manly' man because this isn't 1959, and it doesn't matter if it is...I love who I am because I can feel. I will never change that.

 

My problem, and my question...Am I too intense with my feelings and honesty? Am I scaring these girls away because they are creeped out? I feel like if it was them than ONE of them would stick around and appreciate how genuine I am, but the fact that this is happening to all of them...just gets me wondering is there something wrong with the way I present myself? Or have I just not found the 'right' woman yet?

[BiscuitXOXO]

3 months out of a hard break up. Relax. I don't think they are ignoring you; you just haven't let go emotionally of ur ex. Women are talking to you aren't they?

[FCGA]

They are, I don't have a problem talking to women. I don't have a problem approaching them or making friends. Women actually approach me sometimes. My problem is after that.

 

Women are generally very upbeat and smile a lot when they first talk to me. But first impressions are not very deep because generally first meetings involve small talk that doesn't reveal anything about a person. But my problem comes at maybe the next few encounters when I notice she will sit back in her chair and dart her eyes around the room as I start to talk more deeply about myself. Not like I'm revealing anything, I don't go around talking about my ex. But I do enjoy deeper philosophical conversation sometimes, and I really speak my mind. It's aggravating, because all I want are friends. And I don't even get that. These girls all were very attentive in the beginning, but as time went on the conversations got shorter, or maybe just never progressed anywhere. I can't have a friend that is only comfortable talking about the weather to me, I'm too deep for that. If I'm ever to find someone again she needs to respect that at the very least, rather than ignore it or find it unattractive.

 

I've read a lot of threads on here about how guys should act to become 'pick up artists' I know how to be that. But I promised myself I would not put on a mask just to meet women. The real me is not someone that women would be instantly attracted to, I realize that. I don't play mind games, and I don't try to get them hooked. I be myself and I thought that maybe one of these girls would be mature enough to admire that about me. Truth is, everyone finds out who the real you is eventually. So I figure I'd save myself a long friendship of lies ending with awkward goodbyes and be myself. And it's gotten me nothing.

 

Maybe I care too much? I know I should relax...I just long for having close friends again but I don't have any. Is it really worth it to take a step back and wait for something to happen?

[Datura]

"But I am going to bump it so you will click the link in my signature!"

[DreamerGirl27]

Why do all men I meet end up ignoring me?

[rafallus]

I've read a lot of threads on here about how guys should act to become 'pick up artists' I know how to be that. But I promised myself I would not put on a mask just to meet women. The real me is not someone that women would be instantly attracted to, I realize that. I don't play mind games, and I don't try to get them hooked. I be myself and I thought that maybe one of these girls would be mature enough to admire that about me. Truth is, everyone finds out who the real you is eventually. So I figure I'd save myself a long friendship of lies ending with awkward goodbyes and be myself. And it's gotten me nothing.

 

Oh no, don't put no mask. Just present yourself in the way that says you're up to mating. Get them hooked - that doesn't mean you have to stop being yourself. But be interesting yourself.

[MoreWaysThan1]

Warning...I'm a talker, this could be long. I'm also new here so be nice please.

 

So the story starts about 3 months ago when my girlfriend broke up with me. It has been pretty brutal still, trying to move on from my first real love. We were together for almost 3 years and it wasn't working because of the long distance. I went to school about 100 miles from home and she went to a local school. Then things fell apart for her and she moved back in with her parents, went back to work and made new friends. Then she started smoking pot with all her friends and getting back to cigarettes. I wanted more than anything for it to work so I accepted everything she did despite how I felt against it, I told myself she just needed time getting over everything and this was just a phase. I even started smoking cigarettes myself so that I wouldn't be so angry that she did.

 

I'm going to be straight up honest with you because that's the only thing that will help. I don't have all the answers but I have been in this place and made the same mistakes, so I know.

 

You were being a GIANT pussy. You started smoking because she smoked and you hated it? WTF

 

Strong, stable people don't put up with **** from others. They seek out people who they genuinely like and who like them, people with things in common etc. When you are so desperate for someone's approval that you start doing the things that piss you off about them, how can you possibly expect to come off as an attractive individual? How can you expect the relationship to work?

 

And although it worked a lot of that relationship hurt me more than it hurt her because I guess in the end I was more than willing to put her feelings ahead of mine, and I guess she never had the dignity to return the favor.

 

Why should she? Healthy people NEVER put others' feelings ahead of their own, no matter what society, religion or other people tell us. If doing something hurts you, then it's plain and simple straight up self-abuse. And healthy people neither want to hang around with or deal with people who self-abuse.

 

I gave her everything I had, everything.

 

Why, exactly? Do you genuinely think people want this? If a girl gave me 'everything she had' I would snap dump her. I want an independent, healthy woman who augments my life, not who makes me the center of her life.

 

 

I think I loved her too much, I held on too tightly because I was so afraid of loosing the one thing I had in my life. The only thing that I loved more than anything, was her. And now it's gone. We broke up on good terms, we were both crying. No yelling, there was no fighting, it just wasn't working and was causing pain. It turned us both into angry people. We never cheated on each other, and all in all there was nothing to regret.

 

I posit you never loved her at all. You saw her as the completion of the gaping hole that lies within your soul. That is the reason you held on so tightly, and at the same time the thing that drove her away. Again, I only say this from a caring place because I have made the same mistakes.

 

I sat outside by myself for days, skipped class, slept during the day. But then I realized that I had this empty feeling and I didn't have it in my power to fill. Now I tried everything, to try and be happy by myself. But I found the best thing for me was to try and make a bunch of new friends and really put myself out there. I hoped that maybe one or two of them would be there for me when I needed them because my life sucks sometimes. So I went out on dates with 3 different girls while I was up at school and made friends with 2 others. And one girl friend I had before I was able to share a lot of tears with after the break up, she wasn't really offering to be there for me I just opened up because I had no one to talk to anymore. I'm not an emotionally stable guy, I used to be dark and mysterious but now I'm very open with my feelings and I need people to be there for me. While this was all happening (and it's still very much happening) I reached out to everyone to lent an ear, spilling out every last detail of my feelings.

 

You have extremely low self esteem. No one wants to be part of a pity party. It brings people DOWN. People want to be uplifted, and hang out with unique individuals with something to offer them.

 

 

Sorry guys, I did warn you though, this is totally me.. lol. Anyway, I'm not an ugly guy, I work out. I'm 172 pounds, 32 inch waist, 12% bodyfat, so I have an average body. I'm not fat, but I dont have a 6 pack or biceps on my biceps. I'm also a sweetheart, I'm generous, forgiving, and I have a kind heart. I can love more intensely than any other guy I have ever met, but that also means all my other emotions run hot as well. I can get very angry, although I rarely do. I can also get very sad, I cry when I'm sad. I have no inhibitions about being a 'manly' man because this isn't 1959, and it doesn't matter if it is...I love who I am because I can feel. I will never change that.

 

I don't think you love intensely at all to be honest. I'mnot saying you are not a sensitive and caring person...the fact is most people are. But from what I read in your post you have a giant hole in your soul. A hole that signifies inferiority, that you put women on a pedestal, that you expect a woman to complete your fractured person, etc. I don't know you, but I know that when I was like this (and I was) I was nowhere NEAR ready for any kind of relationship. It had nothing to do with my looks, my income, my build etc. I put women on a pedestal, I self-abused, I drove people (men and women) away with my sheer neediness. I thought I was a 'nice guy' and caring and sensitive more than most but in reality I was a needy vagina of a man that sought out the approval of women (people, in general, actually) to satisfy emotional needs I felt I could not get from within.

 

My problem, and my question...Am I too intense with my feelings and honesty? Am I scaring these girls away because they are creeped out? I feel like if it was them than ONE of them would stick around and appreciate how genuine I am, but the fact that this is happening to all of them...just gets me wondering is there something wrong with the way I present myself? Or have I just not found the 'right' woman yet?

 

You need to get some work done on yourself before you even have a HOPE of a decent, equal relationship that is fulfilling to you. Accepting that you have problems is the first step to fixing them.

 

I would highly suggest working on your self-esteem, and get a book called 'no more mr. nice guy' by robert glover. You sound like the typical 'nice guy.' Nice guys often think they have more to offer women than others, that they are more sensitive, loving and caring but they are really approval seeking with low self-esteem; deep down angry, embittered, lonely, and empty.

 

I'm sorry if that stings (I have a tendency to be blunt and insensitive), but honestly you need to help yourself and make yourself complete before allowing anyone inside.

 

All the best.

[Shaun-Dro]

I'm going to be straight up honest with you because that's the only thing that will help. I don't have all the answers but I have been in this place and made the same mistakes, so I know.

 

You were being a GIANT pussy. You started smoking because she smoked and you hated it? WTF

 

Strong, stable people don't put up with **** from others. They seek out people who they genuinely like and who like them, people with things in common etc. When you are so desperate for someone's approval that you start doing the things that piss you off about them, how can you possibly expect to come off as an attractive individual? How can you expect the relationship to work?

 

 

 

Why should she? Healthy people NEVER put others' feelings ahead of their own, no matter what society, religion or other people tell us. If doing something hurts you, then it's plain and simple straight up self-abuse. And healthy people neither want to hang around with or deal with people who self-abuse.

 

 

 

Why, exactly? Do you genuinely think people want this? If a girl gave me 'everything she had' I would snap dump her. I want an independent, healthy woman who augments my life, not who makes me the center of her life.

 

 

 

 

I posit you never loved her at all. You saw her as the completion of the gaping hole that lies within your soul. That is the reason you held on so tightly, and at the same time the thing that drove her away. Again, I only say this from a caring place because I have made the same mistakes.

 

 

 

You have extremely low self esteem. No one wants to be part of a pity party. It brings people DOWN. People want to be uplifted, and hang out with unique individuals with something to offer them.

 

 

 

 

I don't think you love intensely at all to be honest. I'mnot saying you are not a sensitive and caring person...the fact is most people are. But from what I read in your post you have a giant hole in your soul. A hole that signifies inferiority, that you put women on a pedestal, that you expect a woman to complete your fractured person, etc. I don't know you, but I know that when I was like this (and I was) I was nowhere NEAR ready for any kind of relationship. It had nothing to do with my looks, my income, my build etc. I put women on a pedestal, I self-abused, I drove people (men and women) away with my sheer neediness. I thought I was a 'nice guy' and caring and sensitive more than most but in reality I was a needy vagina of a man that sought out the approval of women (people, in general, actually) to satisfy emotional needs I felt I could not get from within.

 

 

 

You need to get some work done on yourself before you even have a HOPE of a decent, equal relationship that is fulfilling to you. Accepting that you have problems is the first step to fixing them.

 

I would highly suggest working on your self-esteem, and get a book called 'no more mr. nice guy' by robert glover. You sound like the typical 'nice guy.' Nice guys often think they have more to offer women than others, that they are more sensitive, loving and caring but they are really approval seeking with low self-esteem; deep down angry, embittered, lonely, and empty.

 

I'm sorry if that stings (I have a tendency to be blunt and insensitive), but honestly you need to help yourself and make yourself complete before allowing anyone inside.

 

All the best.

 

I agree whole-heartedly with this post. OP, stop being a sucker and step out of your soft shoes for a change.

[Lexygirl]

OP, I read most of your post and I really think it would be a great idea to get in to see a therapist for sure

Good luck to you.

[Tayla]

The OP hasnt signed on since May 27th. 3 posts. Hope he's okay.

[jacksonBrown]

I'm going to be straight up honest with you because that's the only thing that will help. I don't have all the answers but I have been in this place and made the same mistakes, so I know.

 

You were being a GIANT pussy. You started smoking because she smoked and you hated it? WTF

 

Strong, stable people don't put up with **** from others. They seek out people who they genuinely like and who like them, people with things in common etc. When you are so desperate for someone's approval that you start doing the things that piss you off about them, how can you possibly expect to come off as an attractive individual? How can you expect the relationship to work?

 

 

 

Why should she? Healthy people NEVER put others' feelings ahead of their own, no matter what society, religion or other people tell us. If doing something hurts you, then it's plain and simple straight up self-abuse. And healthy people neither want to hang around with or deal with people who self-abuse.

 

 

 

Why, exactly? Do you genuinely think people want this? If a girl gave me 'everything she had' I would snap dump her. I want an independent, healthy woman who augments my life, not who makes me the center of her life.

 

 

 

 

I posit you never loved her at all. You saw her as the completion of the gaping hole that lies within your soul. That is the reason you held on so tightly, and at the same time the thing that drove her away. Again, I only say this from a caring place because I have made the same mistakes.

 

 

 

You have extremely low self esteem. No one wants to be part of a pity party. It brings people DOWN. People want to be uplifted, and hang out with unique individuals with something to offer them.

 

 

 

 

I don't think you love intensely at all to be honest. I'mnot saying you are not a sensitive and caring person...the fact is most people are. But from what I read in your post you have a giant hole in your soul. A hole that signifies inferiority, that you put women on a pedestal, that you expect a woman to complete your fractured person, etc. I don't know you, but I know that when I was like this (and I was) I was nowhere NEAR ready for any kind of relationship. It had nothing to do with my looks, my income, my build etc. I put women on a pedestal, I self-abused, I drove people (men and women) away with my sheer neediness. I thought I was a 'nice guy' and caring and sensitive more than most but in reality I was a needy vagina of a man that sought out the approval of women (people, in general, actually) to satisfy emotional needs I felt I could not get from within.

 

 

 

You need to get some work done on yourself before you even have a HOPE of a decent, equal relationship that is fulfilling to you. Accepting that you have problems is the first step to fixing them.

 

I would highly suggest working on your self-esteem, and get a book called 'no more mr. nice guy' by robert glover. You sound like the typical 'nice guy.' Nice guys often think they have more to offer women than others, that they are more sensitive, loving and caring but they are really approval seeking with low self-esteem; deep down angry, embittered, lonely, and empty.

 

I'm sorry if that stings (I have a tendency to be blunt and insensitive), but honestly you need to help yourself and make yourself complete before allowing anyone inside.

 

All the best.

 

nice post i took alot from this answer