Analyze this for me.

[Swamp]

Damn it!

 

Okay, long story made.. uh.. not really short. I have been trying to be this semi-independent bachelor guy for some time now. About 4 months ago I met a girl, cliqued with her, hung out with her, kind of decided that we wanted similar things in someone else (which was not a relationship), and started to date her.

 

Well, I am a musician who constantly tours. We dated for about 2 months before I was going on tour, which was to be for a month and a half. We were both a little nervous about the other person seeing someone else, so we kind of decided that we wouldn't. Especially since she lives in a college town, and I would have been on the road, in packed crowds, every night.

 

We were pretty good friends by this point I think. We find eachother very funny, attractive etc. etc. etc. I sent her flowers on Valentine's Day. She came to see me at one of the shows and stayed with me in a hotel. All that stuff.

 

After about a month or so I started to get ridiculously turned off by her. I found her unattractive, I was hoping for someone with a different lifestyle, and I just really wanted to mess around while I was on the road (which I did). So I became somewhat distant from her. I contemplated breaking it off with her a couple of times over the course of the tour, and I even informed her of this whilst contemplating. It ostensibly affected her. She found it "unfair." Don't read into that part, though.

 

So I get home from tour, without ever breaking it off with her, and she still wants to see me. She called daily, but I was really in need of space. I just needed to breath. I found out my mother was going to the hospital, and I was very stressed out. Not to mention still turned off by her.

 

A couple of weeks go by, and I am really in need of letting her go. She is on my nerves, I am freshly home from a 2 month tour and absolutely exhausted. So we have a conversation one day, and she basically tells me that "I have changed." And she "sees the relationship as pointless, and not ever progressing forward." She was upset becase she cancelled a lot of plans to see me, and I would hang out at home all alone instead. Her feelings were kind of hurt. So I break it off.

 

Like 2 days later, after we hadn't talked, and had concluded it, I call her back and she comes over to hang out. We sleep together, and everything seems like it's back to normal. After a day or so though, I started noticing that she felt a little distant. Very slightly distant. She got kind of moody with me one morning, which was rather unusual. She wanted to "slow things down." Literally 2 days later, she woke up next to me and wanted to slow things down. She did slip in the comment that when guys stop liking her, or showing that they do, she can immediately disconnect from them. She had some pretty interesting father issues. He was pretty controlling, and didn't really know her that well. She always bitched at me for wanting my way, which I guess I do, but doesn't everyone try to get what they want?

 

Okay, so my mother gets rushed to the hospital and put into I.C.U. a night later. I freak out and franticly go up there. We find out that she is very sick and is possibly never going to be 100% healthy again. Her lungs are in HORRIBLE condition. I am extremely hurt by this. I call Emily (the girl) and ask her if she would drive down to stay with me. I just needed someone to talk to. She replies "No." She also begins to tell me these almost disingenuous phrases. "She'll be fine." etc. She was basically compassionless. In MY opinion, she says "She doesn't know how to deal with that stuff."

 

She acted extremely inconvenienced by me needing her to comfort me. I mean f***, this is my mother we are talking about. We really got into a huge spat over this, she felt very frustrated with me not letting her get back to her studies.

 

It was shocking. I always put being heartless passed her. I held on to her because of how sweet she was. She even disconnected her phone that night, so we didn't have to discuss it anymore.

 

This pissed me off. This hurt my feelings too. We discussed it until it was exhausted, and it was my fault, but I just didn't understand why she stopped caring. She says that it was way too much for her. That I needed "a girlfriend that night."

 

She wanted to slow everything down, maybe see other people, stop calling so much, stop seeing so much of eachother. WTF?

 

This is pretty much how she has acted since. She did slip up the other night and invite me to her house, where we had sex, after she told me that night that she didn't want to have me spend the night. I completely cut it off, because I refuse to be just "friends with no physical affection," with her. I don't want to sell myself short. I like the physical part of it. The next night she just randomly called me to chat. I tried to follow the no contact rules and get off the phone with her right when she called. "She likes the conversation so much."

 

God, it's so weird. As of today, I invited her to watch Kill Bill with me tonight, being I leave for Amsterdamm in 2 days. She thought about it for about 10 minutes and called me back, basically saying she was going to stay home and read, and would not be coming over. I wrote her an email already cutting it off a few days ago she has read, I cut it off the other day after she wanted to slow things down over phone. So I kindly said "Okay. Well, I wish you well. And I may see you around." She was basically like "Okay."

 

What the f*$@?

 

I have to say. My mom may be the cause of this anxiety I am feeling, and I am channeling it, because my mom is an extremely serious issue. She is in the hospital. I have bawled millions of tears over my mom. And even though I kind of lost attraction for Emily, why the hell does this bother me so much?

 

Why is this driving me crazy?

Why did she turn cold on me?

 

I refuse to be just friends. That's such a subversive insult.

 

Does she think I came on too strong by leaning because of my mother? Is she insensitive (She told me NONE of her friends would have done what I did)?

 

I want to write her and come clean about me messing around on the road. Should I write her? How can I fix this?

[morrigan]

You both had an initial attraction. You grew bored with her, cheated on her, and she retaliated emotionally. You both hurt each other and said foolish things.

 

It's time to just break off contact with this girl. At best, apologize for what you did, tell her you don't hate her, and say you are moving on and you are figuring she is doing that as well. The relationship is effectively over. I just don't think you are going to get the closure you seem to want. Focus on your mom and your family now.

 

I'm sorry about your mom, and I think you're overstressing yourself about the situation with this girl. You feel helpless against what's going on with your mom, so you think if you can straighten things out with this girl, it proves you aren't powerless.

 

If you ever cross paths with her again, try to be amicable.