Married folks: How often do you have sex?

[mark982]

pink, yes she does have body image problems. but she had them when she was in shape also. what was strange was when she hit early 40's, it was like being married to a porn star. nothing was too kinky for her then, and as fast as it came on, it disappered. total lengh of time was 6 months tops. now i might as well be married to my sister. took her away for a nice quiet 4 day weekend last month,thought i might get lucky....all i did was waste my money.

[Lauriebell82]

Married at 27, I'm now 28. Married about 8 1/2 months. Sex frequency varies for us, sometimes we will have sex 4 x a week, sometimes 1 x a week. It just really depends on circumstances. We do try very hard to make time for each other though.

 

Lately we have been having sex more frequently due to trying to conceive, husband says he is exausted!

 

I would say that late 20's-early 30's married folks may have sex more often due to greater marital satisfaction or just a more mature relationship then those who have married a lot younger.

[Linda9999]

-How old were you when you got married, and how old are you now? I was 36, and now I am 46. It is my second marriage

-How long have you been married? ten years

-How often do you have sex now, and how often were you having sex when you were married? Right now we're at about 3-4 times a week. When we were married it was about the same. When we met 4 years before we were married it might have been slightly more frequent. We've gone through some dry spells though - a year ago we were separated and didn't have any at all for about 4 months, before that it was maybe every 2 -3 weeks.

[Linda9999]

We have three basically grown kids in the house. The youngest is our 17 year old daughter. The older two are boys and are both sexually active. Our poor daughter says she's heard them having sex when she's at home and we're not, and she hears us having sex when she's awake. It's all par for the course - people have sex. We aren't overly loud or anything, we just don't have soundproof walls. Last week one night we went to bed early and locked the door and turned on some music. Weekend mornings are usually good times, unless we have to get up for something. This morning we woke up at 5:30 am and did it. You find the time.

[GorillaTheater]

Married at 19 and 21, for coming on to 28 years. 7 kids at home ranging from 22 to 5.

 

Around twice a week on average. Thank God for locks and thick walls.

[Art_Critic]

Around twice a week on average. Thank God for locks and thick walls.

 

You sound soooo smug .. hahaha

[GorillaTheater]

You sound soooo smug .. hahaha

 

What can I say? My wife gets noisy.

 

And hey, I read what you wrote and all I can say is "this too shall pass".

[Kelemvor]

Married in our 30s and not yet a year. I think there are too many variables to consider to truly answer your question. I think she would have sex every day or 3-5 times a week if I were willing, but I work in a very demanding field, long and very stressful hours where I am emotionally and physically exhausted, plus we have our own marital issues at the moment. All in all though, even from the start, we have sex once a month probably, and that's mostly due to me and lack of desire.

[badfish69]

Married 10 years we were married in our 20's. We have sex about once per month if lucky. She has this odd disinterest in sex in general. Won't talk about it or anything. Gets frustrating.

[scaredandalone1223]

Married at 20 and have been married 13 years. We have no per say number but we make sure to keep each other satisfied We do have a teen and a 7 year old in the house we just lock the bedroom door. We've never been caught and they've never mentioned hearing us but whether they have or not I don't know. I walked in on my parents once and while it was awkward it did no long term damage so I'm not too worried about if they hear a voice.

 

We are also quite affectionate as we lay on the couch together every night and they constantly see my husband come up and hug and kiss me while I'm cooking or me greet him with a kiss when he arrives home.

 

We also play around a good bit with tickling and stuff which I can make noises with because quite frankly I hate being tickled, hence the reason husband does it. So I'm sure even if they did hear something they would think we were playing around or that my husband was happily aggravating me!

 

We've had our marital problems and came very close to divorce but 2 things remained strong and I firmly believe it is what helped us through and will continue to do so. #1 we are each others true BEST friend. With that even when our marriage was rocky we still communicated really well and worked our way through on the friendship alone! #2 we make sure each other is emotionally and physically satisfied. There may be times I would rather head to bed but if my husband is really in the mood I'm going to fulfill his needs or give him a d@%$ good rain check!! Same goes for him with me.

 

And afternoon showers and weekend mornings are definitely well received on both our ends!

[Entropy3000]

I have noticed a common pattern, and I'm wondering if it's just a coincidence amongst my friends or if there's more to it.

 

My friends who were in their early- to mid-20's when they married, are all now in pretty much sexless marriages or very infrequently (like, once every month or two), and have been since their late 20's. This is true regardless of whether they have children or not.

 

My friends who were in their late-20's to early-30's (or later) when they married, are all still very sexually active with one another, also regardless of whether they have children or not.

 

So, my questions for the married are:

 

-How old were you when you got married, and how old are you now?

-How long have you been married?

-How often do you have sex now, and how often were you having sex when you were married?

 

I was 23. I am 56.

 

Married 33 years.

 

I kicked up the heat in our marriages becasue I was not satified with it.

Right now we have intercourse about 2-4 times a week. Other sexual activities 2-3 times a week.

 

When we got married we would go through periods where it was once a day for two or three weeks straight. We settled into 2-4 times a week and 2-3 times a week of other sexual activity.

 

Over the years the frequency has varied greatly. Mostly dependent on my job.

Edited June 18, 2011 by Entropy3000

[giotto]

I was 23. I am 56.

 

I kicked up the heat in our marriages becasue I was not satified with it.

Right now we have intercourse about 2-4 times a week. Other sexual activities 2-3 times a week.

 

When we got married we would go through periods where it was once a day for two or three weeks straight. We settled into 2-4 times a week and 2-3 times a week of other sexual activity.

 

Over the years the frequency has varied greatly. Mostly dependent on my job.

 

Well, I'm glad you have a wife who's willing to help...

[The Blue Knight]

1st Marriage: Lasted 15 years. I was age 21 and she was 22 when we got married. Sex was a constant 4 to 6 times a week. Going into our late 20s and 30s it continued pretty steadily 3 to 4 times weekly without any problem. The most I remember in one night was 3 and I was shot after that, but in a good way!

 

Sex was always creative as well. I was woke up in the middle of the night every so often with someone's hand in unexpected places, and of course I never objected. Weekend mornings were a fairly normal time as well, particularly if we were spent from the previous night for some reason. Weekend afternoons in the shower often found there way to some other room of the house. We did just about anything to quench our appetites for one another.

 

We had three kids but outside of the month immediately after the kids came home from the hospital, sex was always a big part of the relationship and both of us were on fire for one another unless she was mad at me, but then the make-up sex made it worthwhile. Special dates like anniversaries, Valentine's Day meant a little extra something which I always looked forward too. That relationship ended when I was 36. She decided the grass might be greener. I believe she found out otherwise but she had to try I guess.

 

2nd Marriage: Entered the relationship at 36 freshly off my divorce (pure coincidence by the way) and she was 25. Married at 37. Sex was not frequent and very irregular for the most part. Rather than have a natural chemistry it seemed awkward at times and I nearly always had to be responsible for the flirting, hinting, or simply trying to set the mood. She's told me that it has to do with her lack of confidence in herself.

 

Throughout the marriage it's been once a week at the most but we probably average once every 10 to 12 days truthfully. We've been together 15 years now and added two kids. The sexual activity, or should I say lack thereof has caused a lot of issues for me. She seems content without it but doesn't object when I'm interested. But it always feels like I'm the only one who is really interested.

 

I think had I foreseen her libido issues 15 years ago I might have never followed through on the marriage. I love her very much but if you don't have that mutual fire for each other and animal magnetism and the constant physical craving, I think it really hurts the relationship in the end. I blame a lot of how I feel on what happened in my first marriage. Nobody's fault. I just assumed stupidly all good marriages had plenty of sexual activity. I found out otherwise. Live and learn.

 

[StoneCold]

Married at 30...now 36

 

We have sex like once a year if that

[linwood]

-How old were you when you got married, and how old are you now?

Married at 32

Now 44

Wife is now 40

 

-How long have you been married?

11 years

 

-How often do you have sex now, and how often were you having sex when you were married?

 

3-4 times a week on average.

[Jamone]

married at 29

 

separated 8 months ago. Married 4yrs.

 

Once a month if i was lucky. More than that was a bonus! Before we got married we were at it like rabbits!

[Kelemort]

We're in our 20s, been together for 3 years. Not even married. Starting having sex after a year together. The sex was always awful in terms of frequency - once or twice a month, tops. Had gaps of up to a few months at a time.

 

Reading this thread has been an eye-opener. At times I busted butt to try and make it work but inevitably I've gotten tired, bored and lazy with striving to make someone else feel sexually attracted to me. He could have any other number of problems, but when it comes down to it, that's how I feel about his lack of interest and effort over the years.

 

We're in our death throes, I think. I want to be with someone who's going to be passionate about me, rather than giving me pity or shut-up sex because they're oh-so not into it.

 

It's pretty depressing to read that married couples - who have been together far, far longer - are having more sex than we've EVER had.

[tblucky]

We will not be having children, so our sex life will not be compromised in that manner.

 

Interestingly, we have always had sex 3-4 times a week, even when we were dating.

 

Same with me but we haven't been married for that long.

[zengirl]

Can I just say I'm happy to see all these married folks having sex? The "sex dries up after marriage" myth always unsettles me.

 

 

 

Also, re: kids pestering you all hours of the day

 

My parents (Mom and Stepdad) basically told me when I was a kid that a closed door was a closed door for a reason (not detailed, though I certainly figured it out later) and not to knock and bother the person (whether sleeping or whatever else . . .) unless it was an emergency. If I ever have a marriage and kids, someday, I plan to do the same. Don't be interrupting my morning sex because you want some juice! (I understand it during certain small-kid/post-baby years) Does anyone else do this? I never thought it was weird as a kid, I guess. I would never have dreamed of 'just walking in' to a bedroom with a closed door or even knocking on it for something stupid.

[Eve]

Can I just say I'm happy to see all these married folks having sex? The "sex dries up after marriage" myth always unsettles me.

 

 

 

Also, re: kids pestering you all hours of the day

 

My parents (Mom and Stepdad) basically told me when I was a kid that a closed door was a closed door for a reason (not detailed, though I certainly figured it out later) and not to knock and bother the person (whether sleeping or whatever else . . .) unless it was an emergency. If I ever have a marriage and kids, someday, I plan to do the same. Don't be interrupting my morning sex because you want some juice! (I understand it during certain small-kid/post-baby years) Does anyone else do this? I never thought it was weird as a kid, I guess. I would never have dreamed of 'just walking in' to a bedroom with a closed door or even knocking on it for something stupid.

 

Although we raised our kids to knock before entering a room the deal now is as teens they always come to my vanity table and long mirror before going out. They say that these are the best mirrors in the house.. So, before they go out they are ALWAYS in my bedroom. My girls raid my vanity table and try to steal my clothes all the time too. They have their own stuff but I don't know.. they like my stuff.

 

So, the knocking on the door happens in order to get access to stuff in my bedroom. The orange juice stories and grassing on each other is just them messing about. I know they know that Hubby and I make love in the mornings but if we are in bed and they are up and need to go somewhere (which rarely happens because chances are we will be driving them to where they need to go so will be up) .. us being in our bedroom is simply seen as an inconvenience for them and they will actually moan that we are in there!!!

 

I don't know.. kids.

 

I am being serious. I even handed over the shoes on my feet and my latest playsuit the other day to youngest teen.

 

.. Then they give you a quick kiss and go about their business all happy.

 

BTW, I am shocked that some go without closeness in their marriage for such long periods of time...

 

I don't get it...

 

Take care,

Eve x

Edited July 31, 2011 by Eve

[Lexygirl]

BTW, I am shocked that some go without closeness in their marriage for such long periods of time...

 

I don't get it...

 

 

Time can be a thief if we let it

[Els]

SG, I'm a little concerned how so many of your posts seem to be aimed at trying to 'prove', to yourself or to others, that marriage in one's 30s is definitely better than marriage in the 20s. Is this to validate your marriage choices/situation? I hope you realize that the only validation you need for such is your happiness - if you're happy, you made the right choice.

 

I personally don't think people who married early have less satisfying sexual lives than those who married late, or at least there is not a definite trend of such, based on what I have read in articles and such. Also, just curious, how do you know the sexual status of so many friends that you can infer a pattern from it? I did not think people revealed their sexual lives to any but their closest friends, and to establish any sort of pattern by observation you must surely have at least 10+ people confiding their sexual lives in you?

[Floridaman]

You guys are all freaks and have way too much sex and are too happy. The vast majority I know and those who are on LS (many for a short amount of time) are in the 1X/mth or less.

 

The OP while maybe wrong in his thesis is right that there are significant #'s of married couples having less sex then they'd hoped for......

One visit to sexless marriage forums, like

http://sexlessmarriage.yuku.com/

...shows you men refuse women just as much as the other way around (which I once thought was more the case, women's nature, you know:confused:)

 

Have posted on that forum but don't anymore.

Seems some of the female posters there would prefer their sorry marriages to remain sexless (like years) instead of trying to fix things.

Made some good-intentioned suggestions (books, etc). and got slapped.

http://sexlessmarriage.yuku.com/reply/38195/Member-List#reply-38195

 

In my case, wife and I had sex 1-2X on weekends and on vacations during our 2-3 year LDR before marriage.

After marriage, it disssipated considerably to not even monthly, but am trying to improve things.. Have been trying FOR YEARS....

 

Ratched it up to almost once a week for the past couple of months.... maybe less, maybe more, dunno. It's hard to remember.

 

But it's been about 3 weeks since I don't know when,

Do You Know What I Mean? (popular song from early 70s)

.......and am about to go crazy!!!

 

Am hungry, dogwamit!!

Am getting tired (and sore:o) from all this MB'ing...

 

Have posted all that in a thread I started on LS...

Refusal-Long time refused & considering leaving... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t253953/

 

With all that, still am having more sex than when I was single.

2X through all my 20s and maybe 3X in HS....

Was I promiscuous or what!!!

 

Was a "Good Guy" and didn't press women for sex. Partly out of religious views and timidity (didn't trust myself after having sex at 17 in HS... wayyyyyyy too early) and didn't want to blow potential life relationships by getting too sexually involved too soon.

Just needed to form some relationships, which seemed impossible until I hit 30...

 

So trust me, for you "inexperienced" virgin men in your late 20s, 30s and 40s reading this --- I know some of you have never even kissed a girl --- you guys I try to advise in some of the threads on how to get yourself out there and get dates.......

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH !!!

 

 

Arggggh. Just love finding topics I can personally relate to...

Sorry for the rant and the many links , but they give a view of my life now...

Edited August 2, 2011 by Floridaman

[frozensprouts]

we got married when we were both 25 ( right out of university, much to the dismay of my mom). we have been married almost 14 years and have three kids, a pet bird and a turtle.

 

my husband is in the army and oftentimes is away more than he is home. can't be helped so we have learned to adjust and make he most of the times he is at home. when he is at home, we have sex a lot ( usually every day-mind you, this wasn't always the case).

 

( know certain posters thinks we are "freaks and sex addicts":p because we have sex so much ( with each other and not outside of our marriage)but I figure that it doesn't matter, as long as we have found something that works for us...things may be very different for others, and , as long as they are both happy, that's great for them

[OWoman]

So, my questions for the married are:

 

-How old were you when you got married, and how old are you now?

 

Mid 40s, H mid 50s. Still.

 

-How long have you been married?

 

About 2 and a half years M, but living together 3 years.

 

-How often do you have sex now, and how often were you having sex when you were married?

 

Now - average about 3 times a day. When we got M, about the same. Has been constant throughout our R (about 7 years) - aside from when we're apart, when the frequency stays the same but the mode changes (phone sex, etc).