Married folks: How often do you have sex?

[giotto]

 

 

Now - average about 3 times a day.

 

Location: Planet Earth. Really?

[PatFinkle]

 

Mid 40s, H mid 50s. Still.

 

 

Now - average about 3 times a day.

 

 

This is not very likely.

[PatFinkle]

Location: Planet Earth. Really?

 

It's hard to think of a single other thing that someone could say that would not so thoroughly obliterate any real credibility.

 

All those thousands of posts, to waste.

 

--Pat F

[Star Gazer]

SG, I'm a little concerned how so many of your posts seem to be aimed at trying to 'prove', to yourself or to others, that marriage in one's 30s is definitely better than marriage in the 20s. Is this to validate your marriage choices/situation? I hope you realize that the only validation you need for such is your happiness - if you're happy, you made the right choice.

I personally don't think people who married early have less satisfying sexual lives than those who married late, or at least there is not a definite trend of such, based on what I have read in articles and such. Also, just curious, how do you know the sexual status of so many friends that you can infer a pattern from it? I did not think people revealed their sexual lives to any but their closest friends, and to establish any sort of pattern by observation you must surely have at least 10+ people confiding their sexual lives in you?

 

First, don't be ridiculous. This thread has absolutely nothing to do with me or my choices, but rather my curiosity about whether sex does dry up over time in a marriage as "they" say. Further, I have no idea why you'd claim to be "concerned" () about all of these unspecified posts you claim I've made on this subject. Huh???

 

Second, um... I know because they tell me? It sounds like you don't have many close friendships, or have people who feel comfortable sharing things like sex frequency, but I do.

 

Now please stay on topic. Thanks.

[OWoman]

Location: Planet Earth. Really?

 

This is not very likely.

 

Why is it so hard to believe that people in their 40s and 50s can have strong libidos, and can enjoy sex with each other enough to want to act on that? Why is frigidity some kind of norm, and healthy intimacy seen as freakish?

 

I think it's pretty sad that some people's worldviews are so constrained by their comparative drought that they consider anything outside of that to be unlikely. Not everyone shares the same priorities. I don't express distaste or disbelief for those who ONLY have sex three times a WEEK! because I understand that some people would rather watch TV or work in the shed or read chicklit, so I don't seek to undermine their credibility for no reason other than that their choices differ from my own. They're as welcome to their choices as I am to mine, even if they can't return that courtesy.

[giotto]

Why is it so hard to believe that people in their 40s and 50s can have strong libidos, and can enjoy sex with each other enough to want to act on that? Why is frigidity some kind of norm, and healthy intimacy seen as freakish?

 

I think it's pretty sad that some people's worldviews are so constrained by their comparative drought that they consider anything outside of that to be unlikely. Not everyone shares the same priorities. I don't express distaste or disbelief for those who ONLY have sex three times a WEEK! because I understand that some people would rather watch TV or work in the shed or read chicklit, so I don't seek to undermine their credibility for no reason other than that their choices differ from my own. They're as welcome to their choices as I am to mine, even if they can't return that courtesy.

 

mine was a humorous remark, hence -->

 

I don't know about the other poster, though...

[Citizen Erased]

Every day. But we're newlyweds.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Why is it so hard to believe that people in their 40s and 50s can have strong libidos, and can enjoy sex with each other enough to want to act on that? Why is frigidity some kind of norm, and healthy intimacy seen as freakish?

 

I think it's pretty sad that some people's worldviews are so constrained by their comparative drought that they consider anything outside of that to be unlikely. Not everyone shares the same priorities. I don't express distaste or disbelief for those who ONLY have sex three times a WEEK! because I understand that some people would rather watch TV or work in the shed or read chicklit, so I don't seek to undermine their credibility for no reason other than that their choices differ from my own. They're as welcome to their choices as I am to mine, even if they can't return that courtesy.

 

you represent .000001% of the population and found each other. A female I can't fathom would want sex that much, but physiologically probably can. For a man to do it 3X's/day everyday in his 50's is almost impossible to imagine.

 

No one chafe's?????

[giotto]

you represent .000001% of the population and found each other. A female I can't fathom would want sex that much, but physiologically probably can. For a man to do it 3X's/day everyday in his 50's is almost impossible to imagine.

 

No one chafe's?????

 

I would be quite happy with 3 times/week... We are on a 3 week hiatus at the moment... even no sex on holiday...

[OWoman]

you represent .000001% of the population and found each other. A female I can't fathom would want sex that much, but physiologically probably can. For a man to do it 3X's/day everyday in his 50's is almost impossible to imagine.

 

I would imagine the Coolidge factor would be more of an issue than the simple physiology, for which these days there are all manner of aids and abetments anyway these days?

 

No one chafe's?????

 

I learned long ago that sex on the beach had its drawbacks!

[woinlove]

you represent .000001% of the population and found each other. A female I can't fathom would want sex that much, but physiologically probably can. For a man to do it 3X's/day everyday in his 50's is almost impossible to imagine.

 

No one chafe's?????

 

Everyone's different. My H is in his 60's, we've been together for 30 years and we still sometimes have sex 3 times a day, not on average anymore, but sometimes 3x day for a week or so. Mostly when we are on vacation, as otherwise we also are very absorbed in our work, as well as in hobbies and socializing. Average is about once a day for us, maybe a bit more. Some people just have high sex drives and also maybe there is an element of use it and you don't lose it. At least that seems to be the case for us. All that really matters is that both people are happy and satisfied with their shared love life. And no reason to chafe with the selection of lubricants and body oils available.

[PatFinkle]

Everyone's different. My H is in his 60's, we've been together for 30 years and we still sometimes have sex 3 times a day, not on average anymore, but sometimes 3x day for a week or so. Mostly when we are on vacation, as otherwise we also are very absorbed in our work, as well as in hobbies and socializing. Average is about once a day for us, maybe a bit more. Some people just have high sex drives and also maybe there is an element of use it and you don't lose it. At least that seems to be the case for us. All that really matters is that both people are happy and satisfied with their shared love life. And no reason to chafe with the selection of lubricants and body oils available.

 

Now this is far more likely to be a truthful depiction of sexual activity. Sometimes 3x/day for a week or so.

 

Not an overall "average" of 3x/day, forever, always.

 

Not for a man in his 50's AND a woman in her 40's.

 

Is it absolutely, positively impossible that OWoman is being accurate and truthful? No. However it is far more likely that she is "exaggerating."

 

--Pat F

[oldguy]

The link you provided is for people who have kidney disease. I would venture to say the vast majority of people here on LS don't have kidney disease so the information in the link doesn't apply to them. I don't understand your point. Can you elaborate?

 

Thank you Afishwithabike for the voice of reason

 

Originally Posted by Lovelybird

I really heard this kind of saying. maybe teenages have too much masturbation later it will show, like after 40's. the kidney is responsible for producing sexual chemicals, overuse it will cause body weak. so I am kinda of worrying how much a woman's body can take.

Where did you hear that LB?

 

And masturbation will make you go blind too… that’s why I wear such thick glasses

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Art_Critic

What is this sex thing as you call it?

 

Kidding ....

I will say without giving away too much info that it wasn't marriage that slowed the sex down..... It was having a kid

When he was still in a crib all was normal ... Now that he sleeps with his door open and pops in at random times sex became something that happens when all the stars are perfectly aligned

 

All temporary I hope

Children are an excellent form of birth control.

 

Quote:

Mid 40s, H mid 50s. Still.

 

Now - average about 3 times a day.

 

WITH EACH OTHER!

 

Every day. But we're newlyweds.

"Put a pea in a jar each time you make love the first year of marriage & remove one each time after your first anniversary & the jar will never be empty"

[jsb58]

you represent .000001% of the population and found each other. A female I can't fathom would want sex that much, but physiologically probably can. For a man to do it 3X's/day everyday in his 50's is almost impossible to imagine.

 

No one chafe's?????

She probably won't chafe if each time only lasts a few seconds.

 

Who but the super rich and super poor have the time to make love three times a day every day? Making love with us is at least a 2-hour deal so doing that three times every day would be logistically impossible. Hey, we love enjoying each other but we also love being able to pay the mortgage. Ergo, we try to make love every night but sometimes life happens and we don't sweat it. Date nights are great for making up lost time.

 

We're both 48. Married 8 years.

Edited August 4, 2011 by jsb58

[xxoo]

Hey, we love enjoying each other but we also love being able to pay the mortgage..

 

And need to supervise the kids. And sleep a few hours a night.

 

Sigh.

 

We plan on a lusty empty nest and retirement

 

Children are an excellent form of birth control.

 

Amen to that....

 

 

"Put a pea in a jar each time you make love the first year of marriage & remove one each time after your first anniversary & the jar will never be empty"

 

But the reality (for us) isn't nearly as bleak as this adage suggests.

 

And, while children have reduced our access to sex, the reduced access helps to keep things hot If our attempts are thwarted 2 nights in a row (sick kid, small child up late, etc), we are that much hungrier for each other on the 3rd night....

[woinlove]

Now this is far more likely to be a truthful depiction of sexual activity. Sometimes 3x/day for a week or so.

 

Not an overall "average" of 3x/day, forever, always.

 

Not for a man in his 50's AND a woman in her 40's.

 

Is it absolutely, positively impossible that OWoman is being accurate and truthful? No. However it is far more likely that she is "exaggerating."

 

--Pat F

 

Well, maybe, but maybe not. They haven't been together that long. I'd be too embarrassed to try quantify how often we had sex in our first 5 years. Of course, we were also young then and didn't have children yet.

 

While this changes somewhat with age, I was surprised to learn that it doesn't change that much. It seems to me that even a week, with 3x a day, is a lot for someone in his early 60's, particularly with a partner he's had sex with for decades already. Had someone told me this when I was in my 30's, I'm not sure I'd have believed it. But, yes, over all those years the frequency has varied from time to time. It is actually higher now than when we were caring for young children.

[woinlove]

 

We plan on a lusty empty nest and retirement

 

 

And I'm sure you will! I assume age kicks in at some point or to some extent, but in my experience, it isn't the major factor.

[make me believe]

I was 28 and he was 33 when we got married. We're still newlyweds but so far it's the same as when we were dating. 3-4 times a week. We're both happy with that. We aren't going to have kids so I hope our number doesn't change significantly over time!

[Floridaman]

Glad we're not having babies! From what parents tell me, they are generally really bad for your sex life......not to mention your purse.

Neither one of us were really enthusiastic about having kids, though neither would do anything to prevent one from coming along should birth control fail...

Kinda regret that stance now as we're too old to have kids...

[xxoo]

Glad we're not having babies! From what parents tell me, they are generally really bad for your sex life......not to mention your purse.

 

Parenthood isn't for everyone, and no one should take it on unless they are ready for the sacrifices, but babies can have positive impacts on a romantic relationship. Parenting together has deepened our love for each other.

 

Like other challenges, it can bring out the best or the worst!

[confusedinkansas]

We plan on a lusty empty nest and retirement

 

Hahaha - this is a myth.

Once the kids pack their bags & leave the nest does not mean that you're having sex on the dining room table, kitchen counter tops, (OR any other room in the house) whenever.

 

For us - answering the initial question - once every few weeks.

Married 31 years. Had kids at year 3 & 5. (They are grown now - obviously)

Husband's health plays a contributing factor to this. (heart issues)

It just always appears there's something going on - all the time. Babysitting grandchild - bbq weekends (he competes) - work stresses, etc, etc, etc.....

It happens........& frankly, for now, we're ok with it. Personally (from another thread)"To feel loved" I don't think it's necessary to have those lusty feelings 24/7 for someone I've known for 34 years. Mature love is a different love altogether.

[xxoo]

Hahaha - this is a myth.

Once the kids pack their bags & leave the nest does not mean that you're having sex on the dining room table, kitchen counter tops, (OR any other room in the house) whenever.

 

I hope to prove you wrong!

 

Mature love is a different love altogether.

 

Mature love does not require passion, but it does not exclude passion, either.

[confusedinkansas]

I hope to prove you wrong!

 

Mature love does not require passion, but it does not exclude passion, either.

 

Oh I didn't mean that it should lack passion.

We have lots of passion & love. There just isn't a ton of sex 24/7 like many people think that "Empty Nester'hood'" should be like.

[silktricks]

I hope to prove you wrong!

 

 

 

Mature love does not require passion, but it does not exclude passion, either.

 

 

We've got mature love - we've been together more than 30 years. Our kids are long gone (thank God) and though we don't make love on the kitchen table, we've been known to do it on the couch and the floor.... And to answer the rest of the original question(s)

We were in our late 20's when we met, 60's now.

usually about 5 times a week. However, sometimes it will be multiple times a day , depending upon our moods and schedules.

Edited August 4, 2011 by silktricks

[KathyM]

I have noticed a common pattern, and I'm wondering if it's just a coincidence amongst my friends or if there's more to it.

 

My friends who were in their early- to mid-20's when they married, are all now in pretty much sexless marriages or very infrequently (like, once every month or two), and have been since their late 20's. This is true regardless of whether they have children or not.

 

My friends who were in their late-20's to early-30's (or later) when they married, are all still very sexually active with one another, also regardless of whether they have children or not.

 

So, my questions for the married are:

 

-How old were you when you got married, and how old are you now?

-How long have you been married?

-How often do you have sex now, and how often were you having sex when you were married?

I was 19 when I got married. Still married to the same guy. Now middle aged.

Been married a long time.

Having sex about the same amount as when we first got married. Sometimes every night, sometimes a couple of times a week, depending on how busy/tired we are.