xxoo Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 We've got mature love - we've been together more than 30 years. Our kids are long gone (thank God) and though we don't make love on the kitchen table, we've been known to do it on the couch and the floor.... And to answer the rest of the original question(s) We were in our late 20's when we met, 60's now. usually about 5 times a week. However, sometimes it will be multiple times a day , depending upon our moods and schedules. This sounds lovely Before kids, we loved our afternoons! But those have been a rare treat in the past few years. Looking forward to the return of the matinee Link to post Share on other sites
Linda9999 Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 We're on the brink of an empty nest, and so far we haven't taken full advantage of it. I should do something about that Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Parenthood isn't for everyone, and no one should take it on unless they are ready for the sacrifices, but babies can have positive impacts on a romantic relationship. Parenting together has deepened our love for each other. Like other challenges, it can bring out the best or the worst! In complete agreement. No, having kids is not right or in any way necessary for everyone. Yes, having a baby was hard on our sex life, particularly since our little guy is not a very good sleeper...and oh my god, the teething went on FOREVER. However, being bonded with my husband like that, by blood, looking into his eyes knowing he is the father of my child--it changes some things. It might not work this way for everyone, but personally I feel like it deepened our connection. Plus we really feel like we're in the trenches together when we're up at three am with a vomiting toddler . Hahaha - this is a myth. Once the kids pack their bags & leave the nest does not mean that you're having sex on the dining room table, kitchen counter tops, (OR any other room in the house) whenever. . I'm pretty sure they don't do it on the countertops, as they're in their sixties and my dad has a bad back. However, my mom recently clued me in to the real purpose of some of the unusual cushions discreetly piled behind the sofa in the living room, AND why they put up a new privacy screen around the garden hot tub. Whoa, mom! Good for you, but I did not need to know that! They have been together 40+ years, and seem to be very much enjoying their empty nest. I hope to follow in their footsteps, but maybe I will refrain from horrifying my son by telling him about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bigbites Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Lots of good replies here.. I got tired of reading though and skipped to my reply.. I think that when you get married before you are truly ready.. you have a bunch of half baked impressions of what marriage is all about. I was married at 24... I found the perfect woman for me.. she was definitely the one I wanted to spend my life with. That said.. I was still 24, in good shape and I still liked to go out for happy hour with my work friends, play softball.. hit the gym etc. Just because you are married doesn't mean other girls/guys won't flirt and you are still young so it's not always easy to just dismiss that and say "hey Im married".. SO.. I think that depending on how you handle this stuff in the early years can cause the intimacy breaks. I was fortunate in that I survived the first few years.. we had lots of sex.. rarely had breaks. I think we were probably were intimate 4-6x per week.. As we matured and started having kids things definitely settled down..but still healthy.. I love my wife more now (at 39) than ever before and its mainly because I found the right woman and never lost perspective. There is no text book answer IMO.. I think you have to really look at the couple.. make an assessment of their maturity, outlook on life, etc. Stress can cause a lot of problems..and marriage is stress filled .. you just have to learn how to deal with it and learn from it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gump Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Been married for 12 years... Got married at 19. Our average is 1-2x a year Link to post Share on other sites
Floridaman Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Been married for 12 years... Got married at 19. Our average is 1-2x a year This makes my situation (posted earlier in this thread) not seem so dire. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3545148&postcount=74 Ratched it up to almost once a week for the past couple of months.... maybe less, maybe more, dunno. It's hard to remember. But it's been about 3 weeks since I don't know when, .......and am about to go crazy!!! Am hungry, dogwamit!! In all seriousness, hope you're not joking. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 (edited) First, don't be ridiculous. This thread has absolutely nothing to do with me or my choices, but rather my curiosity about whether sex does dry up over time in a marriage as "they" say. So the topic says, but why the need for the distinction between couples who married in their 20s compared to those who married in their 30s? Further, I have no idea why you'd claim to be "concerned" () about all of these unspecified posts you claim I've made on this subject. Huh??? Do you really need a reason to be concerned about the posts someone makes? It's what you say all the time to NS and ES. I'm sorry that I don't have the time to dig up all your posts about that, but you have made it pretty clear that you have a rather rigid viewpoint regarding early marriages. Second, um... I know because they tell me? It sounds like you don't have many close friendships, or have people who feel comfortable sharing things like sex frequency, but I do. Now please stay on topic. Thanks.If you feel I am off-topic, you may feel free to ignore me. From my experience, I think I'm a lot more on-topic than you have been on many threads. So, the question stands, how many datapoints DO you have to make that observation? You are right, I don't talk terribly much about my sexual life with my close friends, and neither do they with me - a cultural thing, perhaps. Also, that snipe was rather unnecessary. This post was really not aimed as an attack towards you; I am genuinely concerned because it genuinely seems to me that you keep looking for validation to defend your viewpoint. Edit: I just thought about it, and you are probably right. Just because you enjoy psychoanalyzing a few peoples' posts, does not mean that it excuses me doing the same. Sorry. Won't post here again if you don't want me to. Edited August 8, 2011 by Elswyth Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Married at 19 divorced at 23. Prior to marriage sex was 15-20 times per week. From the wedding night forward... maybe 10-15 times total. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Lord, tell me you're kidding. It turned around that quickly after the wedding? Married at 19 divorced at 23. Prior to marriage sex was 15-20 times per week. From the wedding night forward... maybe 10-15 times total. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 I'm with you XXOO I hope to prove you wrong! Mature love does not require passion, but it does not exclude passion, either. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Lord, tell me you're kidding. It turned around that quickly after the wedding? Yes. She was highly promiscuous before we met. At the time I believed that meant she really liked sex. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 So now you think it was used to catch a man???? Yes. She was highly promiscuous before we met. At the time I believed that meant she really liked sex. Link to post Share on other sites
redtail Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Married at 19 divorced at 23. Prior to marriage sex was 15-20 times per week. From the wedding night forward... maybe 10-15 times total. Damn, put that fire out, eh? Sorry to hear that... For me, I've been married twice, 11 years into second marriage and I'm 55, wife is 49. Sex is a point of contention for us but we manage it once to twice a week. Link to post Share on other sites
confusedinkansas Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 There is no text book answer IMO.. I think you have to really look at the couple.. make an assessment of their maturity, outlook on life, etc. Stress can cause a lot of problems..and marriage is stress filled .. you just have to learn how to deal with it and learn from it. Exactly!! You have to keep things in perspective. What may be considered NOT enough for one is plenty for others. Link to post Share on other sites
Afishwithabike Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 A really interesting link from The Kinsey Institute regarding the frequency of sex for singles, partnered and married people. http://www.iub.edu/~kinsey/resources/FAQ.html#frequency Link to post Share on other sites
Floridaman Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Realized I never gave my answer. Once.a.month. If.that. Thought I was doing well and "succeeding" in ramping it up over the summer, when it was once every 2-3 weeks or so... Link to post Share on other sites
bigguy02 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Realized I never gave my answer. Once.a.month. If.that. I'm about here as well Link to post Share on other sites
Gotti25 Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 married for 2 years me 26 hubby 30. Once a week for us do to opposite schedule can't complain. Link to post Share on other sites
Floridaman Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Originally Posted by Floridaman Realized I never gave my answer. Once.a.month. If.that. I'm about here as well Yeah, it sucks. Wasn't at all what I thought marriage would be. I know she loves me, but not in the sexual way. In some "everything.. but" I had with 2 women in my late 20s, a 30 y.o. virgin and an "little experienced" 34 y.o., gave them OS. One may have given me OS, can't remember, but know I've only had it like once or twice in my 40+ years. The 35 y.o. woman I married never gave nor received OS with her former fiance and won't have anything to do with it... no matter how I approach her at the critical moment. Soooooooo much want to give her OS. Always blocked. AND I WANT TO GIVE IT TO HER !!! Link to post Share on other sites
locamia Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 (edited) Married at 22, he was 20. Today is our 10th anniversary . Always been super hot for eachother and still are but kids have definitely affected frequency. Atleast every other dayish first few years, before kids. Then from birth of 1st child 8 yrs ago til about last year, 2-3x a week even if I wasnt in the mood just to keep him happy. Over last year though found my inner sex kitten again and our libidos are very much in sync . Just about daily. Edited October 20, 2011 by locamia Link to post Share on other sites
Reuben Kinkaid Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Married 13 years and dated for two years prior to that. Two kids, 8 and 11. I'm 39, she's 42. We've not had sex since July for several reasons. Prior to that, we'd been having sex between once and three times monthly. We've had similar dry spells before and always came out of it good as new or even better sexually. I'm keeping my fingers crossed it will happen again. Soon. But July is a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Married for three years, 50 and 48. At first two or three times except during menstruation. now once or twice a week Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Yeah, it sucks. Wasn't at all what I thought marriage would be. I know she loves me, but not in the sexual way. In some "everything.. but" I had with 2 women in my late 20s, a 30 y.o. virgin and an "little experienced" 34 y.o., gave them OS. One may have given me OS, can't remember, but know I've only had it like once or twice in my 40+ years. The 35 y.o. woman I married never gave nor received OS with her former fiance and won't have anything to do with it... no matter how I approach her at the critical moment. Soooooooo much want to give her OS. Always blocked. AND I WANT TO GIVE IT TO HER !!! What exactly is her hangup florida? You say she doesn't love you in a sexual way. Translated, does that mean oral sex is out because she doesn't love you "in that way", or oral sex is out period because she finds it distasteful or deviant behavior with anyone? I'm curious how someone can find something "bad" or unlikeable if they've never tried or attempted it, assuming that's the case here. I don't think my ex wife or present wife ever had oral sex hang ups, giving or receiving. In fact I find that the more my wife participates in oral the more she likes giving it and getting it. I think once that threshold is overcome and the woman can let herself go and trust, they often find oral to be enjoyable. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 married 13 years and dated for two years prior to that. Two kids, 8 and 11. I'm 39, she's 42. We've not had sex since july for several reasons. Prior to that, we'd been having sex between once and three times monthly. We've had similar dry spells before and always came out of it good as new or even better sexually. I'm keeping my fingers crossed it will happen again. Soon. But july is a long time. y-i-k-e-s !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Floridaman Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 What exactly is her hangup florida? You say she doesn't love you in a sexual way. Translated, does that mean oral sex is out because she doesn't love you "in that way", or oral sex is out period because she finds it distasteful or deviant behavior with anyone? I'm curious how someone can find something "bad" or unlikeable if they've never tried or attempted it, assuming that's the case here. I don't think my ex wife or present wife ever had oral sex hang ups, giving or receiving. In fact I find that the more my wife participates in oral the more she likes giving it and getting it. I think once that threshold is overcome and the woman can let herself go and trust, they often find oral to be enjoyable. Not sure what her problems are. When I try to bring the subject up, she gets defensive. I don't usually bring it up bec. I don't want to get "shut down" just as I may be close to entering the gate. Have told her (not in the sexual setting) that I want to talk more about this, there's nothing immoral about this, other couples do it, it's referenced in the Old Testament for heaven's sake (Song of Solomon), and that I want us to "move toward that." Not that she has to give me OS, but I sure want to give it to her... Maybe I shouldn't have said "she doesn't love me in a sexual way..." Better put: She doesn't ike particular sex acts. Am getting tired of plain ole vanilla sex, if I even get that much, like reuben kinkaid posted above. Link to post Share on other sites
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