CrayonAngel Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 I haven't been on here in a while..but here lately I've come across some trouble and I need advice. My H works for his familys business and they hired a new gal about a year ago..shes really nice but here lately I've been seeing red flags. My H never says a word about her...I know they are buddies because of things he has said in the past. but now, he never mentions her name. The women who have worked there in the past he couldn't stand and all of a sudden theres a co-worker he can talk to and joke around with. well...I found out she brings him breakfast sometimes and shakes..mostly junk. Today I went up there because we were meeting to go to a wedding and there was his favorite candy bar sitting on his desk. I knew it was from her, and I was so pissed I could feel my ears burning lol I know...this is sooooooo stupid for me to get jealous about but it drives me crazy. He gets to be around smiley happy people all day who bring him his favorite treats and then he gets to come home to spit up/vomit/poop/pee/cheeto/and baby covered mommy. I have 2 young children and at the end of the day I am so spent. I love him I know he loves me. but I can't help but feel like this woman is trying to woo him. Shes married and doesn't bring things for anyone else but him...what should I do? let it go? my H thinks he should have a talk with her about being professional. I'm so aggravated! Link to post Share on other sites
Afishwithabike Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 This woman gave your husband a candy bar and you think she's trying to woo him with that and junk food? Could she be trying to get on his good side since he's her supervisor? Her intentions might be to suck up to him in a nonsexual way. I don't see anything in your post that indicates she's trying to have a fling with your husband. If he doesn't want her to bring him stuff, he should speak up. You can't go around thinking the worst all the time of her or it will eat you up inside and make things hard for you and your husband. I think the last thing you want to do is become such an insecure, jealous woman that he turns to her for advice and comfort. I think your issues have more to do with you being a stay at home mom devoid of adult intellectual conversation and interaction during the day while he's away at work. You don't feel pretty or sexy right now because of all your responsibilities at home. You need to give yourself an attitude makeover and at the same time get some new clothes, shoes, a haircut and makeup. Looking good doesn't have to be expensive. Even Kmart and Wal-Mart have decent clothes and makeup these days. When you look better, you'll feel better. Exercising, even if it's just walking with your kids in the stroller, can help your mood. Link to post Share on other sites
JaneyAmazed Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 The fact that he never talks about her is a huge flag, My exwife reconnected with an exclassmate and for months she used to tell me all about this guy. She showed me photos and allowed me to read his emails to her. I was more good looking that her friend and never suspected anything. Then one day my exwife stopped talking about her friend. That was the day they met and had sex. From that point on she never mentioned his name again. I think it is not correct for this woman to pamper your H at work. I strongly believe they have something together. Furthermore, there is a simple rule of thumb that you should know. Once a spouse is suspicious there is a high likelihood there is an affair. I have read that the chances are as high as 90%. BTW, there is nothing wrong with a woman that mothers her little children. In fact I believe that is beautiful and very sexy. A professional woman that has no maternal instincts is not pretty at all. I agree as well with what I bolded. I talked about xom sometimes (before affair) because my H knew I knew him from the gym. Once the affair started, I felt too guilty to mention him at all. I don't agree about professional women not being pretty. I am SAHM currently but I have been a professional before, and will be one again soon. So it's possible to be a professional and have maternal instincts and not be ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 I think your issues have more to do with you being a stay at home mom devoid of adult intellectual conversation and interaction during the day while he's away at work. You don't feel pretty or sexy right now because of all your responsibilities at home. You need to give yourself an attitude makeover and at the same time get some new clothes, shoes, a haircut and makeup. Looking good doesn't have to be expensive. Even Kmart and Wal-Mart have decent clothes and makeup these days. When you look better, you'll feel better. Exercising, even if it's just walking with your kids in the stroller, can help your mood. I'm sure the above plays a role, but I remember this poster and I think her issues actually have more to do with the fact that, if I recall correctly, her husband has cheated on and lied to her in the past, and demonstrated a borderline sexual addiction. Unless I am gravely mistaken about the username? CrayonAngel, I know you're still working on healing your heart and your marriage. Some woman at the office bringing your husband treats and hanging around his desk is not going to help this process, and you'd be almost superhuman if it didn't worry you, considering. I can't remember, were you two in marriage counseling? If you've completed the course, it might be a good idea to go back in for a couple of "refresher" sessions. If your husband says he is thinking of having a chat with her about professionalism, by all means, tell him to have at it. You don't need to tiptoe around her delicate sensibilities. The makeover/getting out and about advice is also good, just for the sake of your sanity. And keep your eyes open. Link to post Share on other sites
Kriss Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 So, what you are saying is you are worried he will put his Zagnut into her Mary Jane? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrayonAngel Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 Thanks for your replies. I've had a long relaxing weekend of camping to think about things so that helped. It does have a smidge to do with me, I do stay home with kiddos but I Do photography as a side business and bike about 8 miles a day.. I'm in the best shape I've ever been in. My insecurities do stem from his past. I know this. Stung, he did some messed up things in the past and I feel as if I still have the scars to show. He went through some counseling and he is doing much better. We are doing much better. I am more in love with him than I've ever been. It's the simple fact that his boundaries/my boundaries aren't being respected. She isn't just buying him junk food as someone popped off. She brings him in his favorite things and leaves them on his desk...to me, and maybe its just because I love cooking and stuff, but I would do that for someone I CARED about. I feel like, I forgave him for his past and the **** he pulled, I deserve to be cherished and not taken for granted. That feeling with **** hits the fan and you feel like the person you loved for so long, you actually knew nothing about. I don't ever want to feel that again, and I feel like he should try his hardest to make sure I don't ever feel that way again. does that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Thanks for your replies. I've had a long relaxing weekend of camping to think about things so that helped. It does have a smidge to do with me, I do stay home with kiddos but I Do photography as a side business and bike about 8 miles a day.. I'm in the best shape I've ever been in. My insecurities do stem from his past. I know this. Stung, he did some messed up things in the past and I feel as if I still have the scars to show. He went through some counseling and he is doing much better. We are doing much better. I am more in love with him than I've ever been. It's the simple fact that his boundaries/my boundaries aren't being respected. She isn't just buying him junk food as someone popped off. She brings him in his favorite things and leaves them on his desk...to me, and maybe its just because I love cooking and stuff, but I would do that for someone I CARED about. I feel like, I forgave him for his past and the **** he pulled, I deserve to be cherished and not taken for granted. That feeling with **** hits the fan and you feel like the person you loved for so long, you actually knew nothing about. I don't ever want to feel that again, and I feel like he should try his hardest to make sure I don't ever feel that way again. does that make sense? You've told your husband all of this right? Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Either she wants a good raise or she is pressing the buttons and she if she gets lucky. I mean, that is not professional at all. Talk about it to your H. Tell him that this is irking you. In reality, you'll be able to get a sense of what may be going in just by watching his reaction. Good luck! Or just hand the skank the pink slip... Link to post Share on other sites
bikinibeach Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 i wonder how she found out what his favorites are in the first place??? hmm... Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet memories Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 i wonder how she found out what his favorites are in the first place??? hmm... That's what I was thinking... Not Cool!! Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Yea he's cheating. Spouses like to brag to their loved one about their old flame or ex from high school. As soon as the conversations with that old flame become more sexual, to the point of actually having sex, you never hear about that old flame again. Besides, what she's doing is not even professional anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 i wonder how she found out what his favorites are in the first place??? hmm... Let's be for real... all a person can do is ask in a conversation. Especially someone that is trying to grease it with the boss. Link to post Share on other sites
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