Advice for a broken heart please

[Lonelystar]

[font=arial][/font] Hi, I'm new to this community, and need some advice,

 

Okay here is my story. I went out with this guy for 7months. Everything was going fine, until one day he called me and told me He didn't love me anymore. He said he needed time to "find himself". I was so shocked, and the pain of him saying that hurt me a lot.

 

We still talk on the phone, but I'm not sure how healthy that is. Whenever I talk to him I get emotional. It still hurts. We saw eachother twice after the break-up, and he kissed me, yet said he doesn't love me. I don't get him...and not sure why he trys to kiss me everytime we are alone. I have asked him, and he said he doesn't know.

 

Lately he stopped calling everyday, and It hurts. However, he does call sometimes. I don't know If i should talk to him anymore, but I want to be there for him ( he is going through something tuff, or so he says). Is it possible to be friends even after a breakup without having feelings like I did before?

[white_angelbreath]

I been there and a lot of people advised me to "no contact" policy. No contact with your s/o prevents you from having to hurt your feelings and for you to heal yourself (as well as for the other to sort things out in his life and that probably means excluding you). After 5 months of break-up of my x-boyfriend I gradually letting him go out of my mind (thankfully yes, to prevent also myself from getting crazier everydaY!) and to move on with my life (that means without him bugging me whether in my mind or literally bugging me).

 

It is really difficult especially when feelings are at stake. It is really difficult and you have decide what is really best for you - you know it deep down inside you there is a voice telling you what you have to do.

 

It is possible to be friends with him only that you have to emotionally detached yourself so that you will not feel any hurtful feelings on the way. Depends on you whether you want to emotionally detach yourself or feel the hurt.

[Lonelystar]

Thanks for the advice. I don't know if i can stop having feelings for him. However, the tears have dried...and I no longer cry. I think though with time I will be able to stop. Before our break up... i was thinking about ending the relationship myself because we are so young. ( i'm 18). But when he ended it...i was shocked...and I think it got to my pride..or maybe I realized how much he really did mean to me. I don't know.

 

 

I think when you're going through a break up it is better to hang out with your single friends , rather then the ones with bfs. Hah just thought i'd share that.

[white_angelbreath]

Yep, I've been there also. When my x-boyfriend and I were still having a relationship, I kinda get this feeling that the relationship is going nowhere. It is unhealthy for both of us. As for me it suffocates me that I want to get out. But I still love him but deep inside me I want to get out of the relationship. I wanted to be the first one to get out, but he beat me to it. He dumped me and I was thinking "what? I got beaten!" But these thoughts are all wrong. He did beat me out of my own planning (that I will dumped him first. Maybe he already thought about it first and don't want to get hurt if I was the dumper and I dumped him or maybe he didn't want to hold on to the relationship anymore. I just don't know) The point is I got my pride bruised.

 

The other point is ALL OF THESE ARE POINTLESS TO ME NOW. It was not true love because true love is a healthy love affair. It makes you grow into a better person and also your partner. It seeks not to hurt destructively but to teach you a valuable lesson in keeping relationships.

 

You have a lot to go, a lot of relationships to cultivate not only with your s/o.

[hurtingandconfused]

I don't know if i can stop having feelings for him.

You don't right now but you will later, I promise you.

However, the tears have dried...and I no longer cry.

You will have your moments.

Is it possible to be friends even after a breakup without having feelings like I did before?

Yes it's definitely possible, but it takes lots of time to get over the person. However, when you start to think rationally you will see that you don't need him as a friend.

[Lonelystar]

Yeah thats how i felt. I got beaten to breaking up. I'm not sure if I love him... or that my pride has been hurt. Maybe i realized how much he meant to me after he was gone, or maybe its " i can't believe he dumped me". However, i do think it is combination of both. I no longer feel hopeless without him...but I do miss him a lot.

 

Sometimes I want to make him want me again. I think that is unhealthy...and I should just let go. Well, atleast I'm trying.

 

 

Thanks for helping me !

 

And I hope with time I will get over him for good.!

[JustHot]

In my experience, the best way to get passed the pain is to stop all contact. It isn't good for your self-esteem. In breakups, there is a period of self-realization that should take place for you to see this person in a different light. What wasn't working in your relationship will be glaring once you get there, and he won't be as attractive to you anymore. I know it's hard, but lean on your friends, some days it will feel really empty and then you'll wake up feeling clearer. It's an up and down growth spurt, and you'll come out of it stronger and more charismatic than before and will attract someone to you who you never expected. That's what happened to me. Hang on... Big smile...

[Lonelystar]

Thanks for the advice. I think i was wearing a rose colored glasses...and saw him as something he wasn't. I hope I do find my special someone, but for right now i'm going to enjoy being single. Thanks everyone for the great advice. I think it helps to talk about how you feel on here, and It helps to get advice and to know that you are not alone.