A little female perspective...

[LC1976]

Hi everyone!!!

 

I am looking for a little insight on something that has happened recently.

 

Ok about 5 yrs ago my GF broke up with me and shacked up with an ex bf. And she packed up the animals and moved a few states away. Before she left she was very cruel said a bunch of stuff, including that HE was the love of her life and our relationship was a mistake. We where together for almost 6 yrs and lived together for half.

 

Needless to say I was devastated and for a year and half I was a zombie. I talked about her constantly to everybody (yes very pathetic ) and was always asking people opinions about it. I attempted to win her back by using the techs. from Blaise Harris books. I was always considerate and polite when she called. I would disagree with her about aspects of relationship, but never showed her any anger or desperation. I also would illustrate how great my life was going and all the things I was doing (I was a bit of a sloth at the end of our relationship). I started working out again and lost 50lbs and felt really good about myself.

 

Fast forward 5 yrs and I recently get a couple messages from her. She asks how I am doing and that I look good and happy in my FB profile pic. I respond with just generic response and I ask how she is doing. The next couple days we exchange emails and she tells me that she just had her heart broken (don't know the reason and don't care too) by the "love" of her life. She said she is starting to live again and try new things.

A couple more things:

1. This past relationship only lasted about 3.5 yrs; ours was almost 6.

2. Through out her relationship she would send me txts, emails and calls. She also stopped by my house twice unannounced.

3. The last time I saw her, in '08 or so, she said that whenever her new guy and her go out she would always say stuff like "Oh wow. me and XXXXX loved doing this!" Or she would mention "XXXXX would have loved this!"

4. But when ever I spoke about "us", which was about 3-4 yrs ago, she would just say that we are much happier apart then together.

And lastly she always referred to me in any communication (even the most recent) as a good friend or something like that.

 

So after all that; why do you think she is contacting me? Is she just looking for a shoulder to cry on? Or is she actually thinking about "US"?

 

Any insight would be greatly appreciated!

 

Thanks everyone!

[zlatnapolja]

Sounds like you're a safe rebound. Not every woman is the same! But if I would act like this (hope I never will), it would be because I had the need to feel loved (she knows you can give her that love). Not just the fact that she's contacting you after she had her heartbroken makes me think this, but also way she was acting when XXXX and her were still together makes me think this. She contacts you, but doesn't put her heart into it that much.

 

The talking about you to her ex BF, could be because she wanted to make him jalous so he'd give her more love? Sounds crazy but ask her why they broke up.

 

Anyway I will tell you this: she knows you and the history the 2 of you have together, so she KNOWS that first of all SHE has to make the first move (which she doesn't do).

 

Even if it does eventually work out (do you even want that?), you would have to sort of start from scratch because a lot has happened. Either way, keep her at a distance, at least for now, because she sounds like trouble.

[LC1976]

Thanks zlatnapolja.

 

I plan on keeping her at a distance.

 

But I don't understand this: first of all SHE has to make the first move (which she doesn't do) Doesn't an email count as that?

 

And I don't know how much of a rebound I would be being multiple states away.

 

But good advice.

 

Does anyone else have any other perspective?

 

Thanks

[zlatnapolja]

But I don't understand this: first of all SHE has to make the first move (which she doesn't do) Doesn't an email count as that?

 

And I don't know how much of a rebound I would be being multiple states away.

 

 

If she want to be with you, she will have to make the first move, because of the way she has treated you. If she really loves you so much that she really does want to be with you, the first thing she will want to do is to clear the air and prove her love to you.

 

And as far as the rebound thing goes. Women are not like men. Women sometimes need emotional satisfaction as suppsed to physical satisfaction. Love can reasure a woman (which is a very common but unfortunate female characteristic). Women need this reasurance. She might just be using you for that. I dont know her so I dont know for sure, but know myself and knowing a lot of my female friends, this is a very common thing.

[LC1976]

Thanks again!!

[andrew-bkk]

Women are not like men. Women sometimes need emotional satisfaction as suppsed to physical satisfaction. Love can reasure a woman (which is a very common but unfortunate female characteristic).

 

Perfect. The woman just wants (and possibly needs) reassurance.

 

This is NOT a second chance.

[Idalis]

I agree with the posters above. You are her security blanket. Someone she can run to when she's feeling down because she knows you think that world of her, and you'll boost up her ego.

She doesn't have to have any intentions with you, just use you for your ego boosting potential. I would never do something like this but I've met tons of women who have their security blanket and its just hurtful.

I would just cut her from your life completely, if you don't have any kids together, I'd just never speak to her again.

[andrew-bkk]

She doesn't have to have any intentions with you, just use you for your ego boosting potential. I would never do something like this but I've met tons of women who have their security blanket and its just hurtful.

 

Very true. I think that MOST women are like this.

 

I also think that very many men are the same.

[LC1976]

I think there maybe be something too that.

 

But to play devils advocate I haven't spoken to her since sometime in '08 and thats when she showed up on my doorstep to see how I was doing (she was in town). I told her we weren't friends and I had moved on. She txtd me and emailed me a few more times after that, but I ignored them.

 

So I don't know why she would email me to be her security blanket, but weirder things have happened.

 

Thanks again everyone!