Wife finally admitted she's not happy.

[everlong24]

Me and my wife have been having problems for about a month now, but she's the strong type who doesn't like to show her emotions. That is until tonight, she told me that she's not happy and that things didn't work out the way she wanted (she got pregnant, we moved up wedding, didn't get to have her "fun" before our lil girl came along, etc..).

 

Here's a little back story, we dated for about 6 years on and off and have been married for about a year and half. I've been diagnosed with depression/anxiety. Bottom line is we're both not happy..I'm not and never really have been due to battling depression my whole life but she claims she's not happy because I'm never happy. I don't buy that..how can she blame me solely for her not being happy when she has admitted to things not playing out the way she wanted them too. Then she asks me if I ever look at other couples and wish we were more like them. I don't but she said she does. I don't know what to do, I've been on meds and have been going to therapy but I feel helpless battling my "unhappiness". On the other hand, the one thing that makes me very happy is my lil girl.

 

I love my wife but we're so different. She's very reliant on me and always asks me for things..tiny things and I'll admit that it drives me crazy. We have a pretty bad sex life for a couple that's in there mid 20's. We have sex maybe once every 2-3 weeks and argue daily. When she told me that she hasn't been happy for a while, I asked her if she thought counseling would be good for her. She turned it back around at me and told me that my unhappiness makes her unhappy. I hate this mostly because my daughter is going to be 1 year old in one month and her parents are already on the brink of a failed marriage. All of my suggestions have fallen on deaf ears so I'm lost on what to do. Is there any hope of repairing this or am I just prolonging the inevitable?

[Entropy3000]

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http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/

[heartshaped]

I think there's hope if you are both willing to do whatever is necessary to repair and save your marriage. There is no sense in you starting to put in the work if she is unable or unwilling to put in her share of the work. Tell her that you want to make your marriage work and you feel since you are both unhappy you both need to work at making changes.

 

If the two of you are arguing that much, there has to be one underlying issue. Either it's because the both of you are unhappy or something else, but that much fighting stands to reason that there is something much bigger that's the cause. The two of you need to find that issue and deal with it.

 

You may not be the reason your wife is solely unhappy because happiness is something that comes from within not something that is based on another person. Not being happy with you is different than her not being happy with her life.

 

Have you ever heard the saying misery loves company? I suffer from depression and anxiety myself and I have heard stories about marriages where one person has depression that is not being properly treated. The spouses always say the same thing as yours, that the other person's inability to be happy is causing their own unhappiness.

 

You say you are on medication and are going to therapy, but for how long? If you have been taking the medicine long enough for the medication to get in your system and you haven't noticed any change you need to tell your doctor and try a different antidepressant. The same drug will not have the same effect on different people. My depression and anxiety are under control and have been for a while, but a good friend of mine only recently got a grip on things after she had her medicine changed. I'd also recommend that if you are going to therapy and don't feel like you are progressing that you may want to consider seeing someone else. Don't settle when it comes to your mental well being.

[Brenfy]

I agree that we are all responsible for our own happiness. BUT, my DH is also depressed & I can definitely confirm that his unhappiness contributes greatly to my own.

 

I am generally a very happy person, always looking on the bright side despite the fact that, like your wife, my life may not have turned out exactly how I wanted it to. But when I wake up on the weekend and my DH can't muster up the desire to do anything or when all he wants to talk about is how awful he feels & how much his life sucks....I'm not sure how that WOULDN'T contribute to me being unhappy.

 

You both need counseling. And if you can't control your depression, I can understand why she'd be unhappy with you.