Paraniod?

[AmIJustBeingParanoid]

This is the first time I've ever posted on something like this but I've been going crazy and need a bit of reassurance!

 

I've been with my partner for 7ish months and we were really close friends for about a year before that. We broke up not that long ago but are giving it another go. We just thought we didn't love eachother enough and that something was missing but the break up made us realise that we do want to be together.

 

I don't think I'm a jealous person although this is my first long-term relationship so maybe I've just never realised that I am. My boyfriend has a female flatmate who is my friend also. Myself and his flatmate worked together and became friends and then I got my boyfriend a job at the same place (when we were still just friends). He had a little thing for her when they first met and told me on numerous occasions how attractive he thought she was. Obviously at this stage we were just really close friends so I wasn't jealous in the slightest and she had a boyfriend. They both needed a flatmate so moved in together and around the same time, he told me he was in love with me and we started seeing eachother. Things were fine at first and I used to stay at there's quite often and we had a good laugh together and although it's not like things aren't fine now, I just have some issues that I didn't have before.

 

When they first moved in together I could tell that they were getting on eachother's nerves a bit but they seem to get on so much better now. They have a lot in common (they like the same sports, TV shows etc) and sometimes I just feel really left out. My boyfriend is naturally a big flirt and has a lot of female friends and probably gets on with females more than males and his flatmate is also, admittedly, a bit of a flirt. Sometimes I feel myself getting really jealous and I think of how when they first met, he was really attracted to her and I think to myself "If you find her attractive and have so much in common then why are you not with her". Although they have a lot in common and get on very well, deep down I know they'd never work because they are very different people. I brought it up once after something silly...We were talking about my boyfriend's last birthday night out and he mentioned what his flatmate wore and I was like "How on earth do you remember that?" and he said he just remembers these things so I asked what I wore. And he just made something up, and clearly didn't remember. I know it sounds ridiculous but it's just little things like that that get to me.

 

BUT the reason I'm posting on here is, last night was his night out for his birthday this year and I found myself feeling really left out. There was about 10 of us and at first he was just chatting away to everyone but then we went on to another bar and I was sitting next to him and our friend (NOT his flatmate. Who I knew first but they seem to be closer than we are now) was sitting next to me. I went away to the toilet and when I came back, they were sitting next to eachother and talked (and flirted), just the two of them, for a good hour. Obviously at some points I was talking to other people but for a lot of it I was just sitting on my own, clearly. I tried to involve myself a few times but he seemed to be more interested in what she had to say so I just left him to it and he didn't try to involve me at all. She is single and very attractive and even from the way he looks at her, I can tell he thinks so too. He could tell I a bit pissed off and did try to make a bit of an effort after that but I just kept thinking that he'd rather speak to her and I was just getting in the way.

 

ANYWAY. Am I being completely paranoid?? Do I have any reason at all to be jealous? Since we got back together he's told me that he know he needs to make me feel more loved but I just can't see that happening. I don't want to break up but surely there's a reason why I feel so insecure?

[sanskrit]

No, he was rude, and should have made an effort to include you in the conversation, but you likely could have been more proactive also in including yourself.

 

Not enough information to determine any bad intent though.

[AmIJustBeingParanoid]

Yeah I should've. I'm quite bad for not being able to hide when I'm upset but I did try a bit. I think a lot of this has to do with my insecurities but he knows he was in the wrong (we had a massive fight after and he called me a "needy bitch" in rage but then apologised).

[Glinda]

He was being quite rude. Things don't appear to be much better this time around than when you were together the first time. You broke up for a reason.