Gib Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 Been married almost 20 years, two kids (still in elementary school). I still am desperately in love with my wife, but she has cooled quite a bit over the years. She's not open to counseling - I think she doesn't want to admit there are problems. She sees sex, making out and even cuddling as a chore. The more I press, the worse it gets. I've given her ultimatums before, argued, pleaded to find out what's wrong, etc. I'm beyond trying to figure out what's wrong, but the feelings are still there. The problem is I still try to make advances - I need some emotional connection - but am tired and hurt from the continued rejection. I'm staying with her for the kids. (She is a SUPER mom, BTW). How do I adjust my expectations and become more of a roommate than a lover? In other words, how do I fall out of love with her while living with her? Is this even possible? Link to post Share on other sites
Shadowburn Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 I think it's a terrible situation. Having your emotional and physical needs unmet, you will never be fulfilled in your current relationship. I wish I'd have a better advice, but if your wife is unwilling to meet you half way (go to counseling and work on repairing your relationship), then you will be better off cutting your losses and seeking more compatible partner. If you were married for 20 years, I take it you're at least in your 40s. Think how you'd feel 10 years from now, looking back and thinking why did you waste all that time staying miserable. Good luck xo Link to post Share on other sites
Popondetta Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 Not sure if I'm the right person to give advice but what I do know is how women work... I'm sure you're a wonderful husband etc, but once a woman starts seeing sex and affection as a chore I think you have to back off a little. I remember with my ex-ex BF he wanted sex a lot more often than I did, and it wasn't because I wasn't attracted to him. I just didn't feel like it as often as he did. So I felt like I never had a chance to initate sex with him, because he wouldn't let it go a day without trying. It got to a point where I didn't want to kiss him or cuddle, because I knew that he would expect us to have sex. So my advice is (if you haven't already tried it); Leave the physical stuff alone for a bit and see if that changes anything.. If you have tried this and your wife doesn't want to try counseling either, then I'd say leave the marriage. Do not stay together for the kids, they will notice if the marriage is without love. Kids wants to see their parents happy(that's just my opinion). You're still young I presume, and you need to be with someone who appreciates you. Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I am going to go ahead and say it... Is she messing around with someone else? I smell an OM. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts