Over her Still but still Cant stop thinking about her

[jacksonBrown]

my girlfriend and i broke up 4 weeks ago i was really down and depressed the first 3 weeks very lonely and just couldn't imagine my life without her i begged and pleaded and ofcourse she said no she just needs space.

 

Then a week ago i started reading motivation books and i aslo stumbled opon the the Laws of attraction thread on this site and it really opened my eyes to how my neediness was making me unhappy and that i can be perfectly happy without her and for the last week i have been

 

i've become pro active and i no longer feel lonely or depressed or needy i just feel normal. I also stopped contact with her a week ago and since then she has iniciatied contact with me twice each time i have been upbeat and friendly never said a word about how i was feeling or the relationship even when she said she went out with some guys from her work i told her 'sounds like fun' with a big smiley face so i'm proud of my self for moving forward i know i can live with out her i cope just fine execpt one thing..

 

I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT HER even tho i dont contact her or care if she seeing other guys i cant get her outta my mind i still check my phone every hour or so and my facebook i've really come along way since 3 weeks ago but cant seem to get ova this last hurdle i guess im not 100% over her and still wonder if she's gonna call me up asking to see me or that she misses me the last couple times she contacted me i could tell she was wondering why i was acting so happy. we were together for 3 years and i know she still has feeling but shes trying just like iam to move on.

 

how do i completely blank her from my mind any ideas? i'm bak into my hobbies and seeying friends and i've got back in shape but she's always in the back of my mind any one else deal with this?

[reimeivn]

It will take a long time to get her off your mind, might even take another woman. But the fact that you are getting on with your life and thinking straight shows that: one day, your heart will stop acting on its own because your mind takes charge.

 

Remember once somebody decides that you or your relationship is disposable, you have to realize that she is disposable too. The one you deserve to be with wont do that. Keep that in mind and keep moving on.

 

The thoughts will fade once you keep thinking that way.

[flyman]

Good to hear pal,

 

Well, the process of moving on is not a linear process. Usually, there are high and lows. I'm glad to hear that you are doing well .

 

It's alright, it has been more than 5 months and I still think of my ex on a daily basis even though I'm over her. Give it some time, try to keep NC. It's the advice I would have given myself.

[jacksonBrown]

thanks guys i guess time heals all wounds in the end

[stopthemadness]

Hi, ya your gonna keep thinking of her. Ive been broke up a while (10 months) and I still think of my ex. But its ok. Just DONT do anything with it!! Dont reach out to them. Its not something Ive ever done and I think of my ex a least once a day. I think its normal. They were part of our lives for a long time (8 1/2 yrs for me). After a while it just fades away. Your doing great. Keep up the good work.....oh ya and try REALLY hard NOT to talk about her to friends and family too. I just got to the point where I wouldnt let myself say his name when talking to people. After a while you have other things to talk about.. hang in there..it gets better..

[Badenov]

You're on the right track. Just resist the temptation to check on her, "run into" her, etc. Try not answering next time she calls. That will give you an uplifting feeling of freedom.

[jacksonBrown]

thanks guys,

 

so i did end up contacting her today well she iniciated it but i finished it with 'wanna go for coffee next week'? she ended up saying yes but only as friends

i said sure no probs we are just friends with a smiley face.. so we agreed on a time. then this is wat pisses me off i feel like she's using me

she rings me later that afternoon asking if she can have my old iphone cos i'm not using it anymore!!!!! Like WTF that annoyed me but ofcourse i said yes

Then txt's me later that night asking if she can come and take my dogs out for a walk but made it pretty clear she didn't want me to come!!!! WTF again

I dunno why but i feel like she's sorta avoiding me but wants to use me at the same time to get what she needs she did really love my dogs. so ofcourse i said yes she can take them by her self and she can pick up the phone at the same time... geee i feel like i'm gettin takin for a ride a little bit, i've told her i'm happy to be friends which iam, i'm doin fine with out her except for thinking of her alot i've become quite proactive since the split.

 

i would be fine to take the dogs out together i mean why not we're 'FRIENDS' arn't we?? arhhhhh its doin my head in abit, i can tell she's not really comfortable thinking about spending time with me but she's more than happy to ask to borrow my car of take the dogs out or ask for an iphone...

 

i Just dunno i'm tryin to see the bright side in all this and not care about it, if she wants to take my dogs out by her self fine go for it, atleast my dogs will love it! but i must admitt its abit frustrating!

Edited May 31, 2011 by jacksonBrown

[Exit]

Ah I think you need to stop letting her come around for right now. You WERE doing good. Even the fact that you were mostly healed but still found yourself thinking about her a lot is still normal, but you jumped the gun and thought you were ready for friendship with her, and I don't think you should yet. You may be over her enough to know that you don't want her as a romantic partner, but it is still messing with your head to have her around right now. And frankly, even if you could get comfortable just being friends, she doesn't sound like a good friend! Who the heck would ask to come take the dogs out and not agree to just go for a walk for a few minutes and have a chat. You don't need to donate your old phone to her, you coulda sold it and got yourself something.

 

I really don't think this situation sounds good. If you are really convinced that you are over her, or want to be over her, but would like a friendship, it won't be the end of the world to give yourself 1 or 2 more weeks of space. If she is still interested in being friends, she'll still be there. Even if you don't want to openly tell her that you need a few weeks of space, just as she initiates contact the next couple of times just say you're busy or something and you'll catch up with her soon.

 

Be careful here. You were making progress and it really sounds like this situation is hitting you in the heart again. Don't let her undo your healing. Even if you are completely over her and she is just offending you with her behaviors as a friend, you should still consider if you deserve that. Would you put up with a friend taking advantage of you and asking for your old phone and coming past the house but not wanting to spend any time with you? Don't put up with it just because she's an ex.

 

I think you owe it to yourself to just step back for at least a couple days and think about things and ask yourself if you are really ready for this and if it's even what you want. You owe it to yourself. We all want to feel better right now, I would want to be "over" my ex right here and right now and be able to handle seeing her as a friend if I could, but it's just not something you can rush. Take care of yourself first now and if she gets turned off by you paying less attention to her or being less of a Mr. Nice Guy, that's her problem.

[jacksonBrown]

Ah I think you need to stop letting her come around for right now. You WERE doing good. Even the fact that you were mostly healed but still found yourself thinking about her a lot is still normal, but you jumped the gun and thought you were ready for friendship with her, and I don't think you should yet. You may be over her enough to know that you don't want her as a romantic partner, but it is still messing with your head to have her around right now. And frankly, even if you could get comfortable just being friends, she doesn't sound like a good friend! Who the heck would ask to come take the dogs out and not agree to just go for a walk for a few minutes and have a chat. You don't need to donate your old phone to her, you coulda sold it and got yourself something.

 

I really don't think this situation sounds good. If you are really convinced that you are over her, or want to be over her, but would like a friendship, it won't be the end of the world to give yourself 1 or 2 more weeks of space. If she is still interested in being friends, she'll still be there. Even if you don't want to openly tell her that you need a few weeks of space, just as she initiates contact the next couple of times just say you're busy or something and you'll catch up with her soon.

 

Be careful here. You were making progress and it really sounds like this situation is hitting you in the heart again. Don't let her undo your healing. Even if you are completely over her and she is just offending you with her behaviors as a friend, you should still consider if you deserve that. Would you put up with a friend taking advantage of you and asking for your old phone and coming past the house but not wanting to spend any time with you? Don't put up with it just because she's an ex.

 

I think you owe it to yourself to just step back for at least a couple days and think about things and ask yourself if you are really ready for this and if it's even what you want. You owe it to yourself. We all want to feel better right now, I would want to be "over" my ex right here and right now and be able to handle seeing her as a friend if I could, but it's just not something you can rush. Take care of yourself first now and if she gets turned off by you paying less attention to her or being less of a Mr. Nice Guy, that's her problem.

 

i know who ask's to come ova take my dogs out but doens't want me to come doesn't sound like a friend to me! your right tho being in contact is not helping my healing one bit infact it makes me think about her more, she's also asked to borrow my car so she can take her licence test next week and as a 'friend' i said yes but i'm obviously not over her and i think if we are ever going to be 'friends' i have to be completely over her..