Any ?

[Suchislife86]

Hey ppl,

 

I'm in a place I really dont want to be in right now, infact Ive been here for so long now and Im just mentally tired of thinking about it all and trying to make some sense of it all. I would really appreciate it if you could have a read and share some thoughts about my situation with me...

Here goes...

My gf and I broke up because I fooled around on her (please before you judge me read on) for many reasons. I was disgusted with myself at what I had done, I confessed to her what had happened hoping that my honesty abut it all might in the very least show how sorry I was and how I realized what I really wanted as a result. Needless to say, she broke up with me. I trkied so hard to earn her trust back, I gave her space hoping that she would try to at least think about it all and maybne try to give me another chance. Instead she pushed me away and shut me out of her life and was back with her ex bf within a matter of days. I gave up when I heard about this, not to mention all the abusive messages I got and the mind games that she played with me. So I made a decision to move on with my life, it wasnt easy and all I tought about was her and how I messed up.

Fast forward a few months and turns out things didnt work out for her with the ex again. However because of things that happened in the time we were apart I felt that NC was the only option for me to keep trying to move on. I felt like I had been punished enough by her for what I had done and that because of how she had treated me in our time we were broken up she wasnt the girl I wanted to be with.

Eventually we started talking again and one thing led to another and we ended up back together. However I find out that not only was she with her ex but after that ended her best friend as well, someone I trusted her was only a friend (due to previous situations where he made a move on her).

I was happy to be back together but I just couldnt bring myself to shake the thought that she was with this guy when we broke up, what she did with him and why she was with him. It all felt like revenge to me for what I had done. When I brought this up with her I find out the whole time we were apart she still had feelings for me but wouldnt put her pride aside to give me another chance and try and make things work again.

I have always felt that once I broke up with a girl (on good terms or bad) that once she had moved on (ie slept with someone else) that thatwas it for me, the relationship could never be the same again. I understand that I might be somewhat jelous (not overly) but my question is 'is it wrong of me to feel like this?'.

So I felt like this for a few months and tried so hard to bring the relationship back to where oit was but I couldnt bring myself to shake off the thought about everything that happened and I was always worried that if we broke up again it would happen all over again.

I did the right thing, I broke it off with her and I think she knew why. I thought that by doing this I would feel somewhat free of all the thoughts/regrets/whatever it all was and that starting a clean slate with someone else was the only choice I had considering everything that happened between us.

8 months on and I am still feeling like crap. I recently found out shes moved on too and is with someone else. Im still single and feel very lonely which only makes me think about her and everything that happened between us so much more...

I need out of this vicious circle of thinking and some sort of closure that I did the right hting and most importantly that theres nothing wrong with me for feeling the way I did when we got back together.

I know this is longwinded people but I really appreciate it if you have read this far already for any advice especially if youve been in a simliar situation.

Thanks everyone...