Told my wife I don't love her and I want a divorce

[shepd]

Well, the title tells what I said this morning to my wife before I left for now. Now, you'll need the backstory:

 

We got together about 6 years ago and hit it off in no time. Things were great and I was so happy. She had a problem with being messy and having too much stuff at the time, but I was sure we could deal with it. The apartment soon became a terrible mess, and about 2 years later she wasn't working (she hasn't held a job since). Keep in mind that when I moved in there, all my stuff took 2 pickup truck beds, and that's it.

 

Another year later we moved from our apartment to a rental townhouse. It was a painful move, her stuff made the task take a full week and several cube van runs. However, she put some effort into cleaning up the place and her stuff and I felt she was genuine about it, so we married, because things were going well and she promised to change. She worked at keeping things tidy for a few months, but the effort didn't last. She wanted a baby, and I did too, but I said to her she's going to need to get the place tidy. Another promise to tidy up, another promise broken.

 

We bought a house together 6 months ago (yeah, I know, I'm an idiot, and it wasn't exactly together since my parents gave me half of the down payment and the other half came from my retirement fund) with another promise she'd keep things tidy. And, lo and behold, the place is trashed, and she no longer can even get one room tidy.

 

So, after so many arguments and sleepless nights, I gave up and told her I don't love her anymore and that I want a divorce. The not loving her part might have been a shock to her, but the divorce part isn't. I'd been discussing it with her for a while as a consequence if she can't clean the place up.

 

Basically, if you've seen the TLC Hoarding: Buried Alive show, it's like that at my place, although not as bad as the worst episodes (but it IS as bad as some of the people on that show).

 

Note that I did work at keeping the place tidy, but she doesn't seem to even try to match the work, and that most of this is because of broken promises at this point. Her previous boyfriend dumped her over her addiction clutter, and she did tell me that her previous marriage (from about 10 years ago) fell apart when her husband said he couldn't deal with her "problems". I've had good friends over to try to dig me out of the situation (almost literally) and even when she'd given a leg up with a completely tidy room, she blows it within days. And now my friends are tired of her as well.

 

I feel scared right now, but relieved as well because I know within about a year the pain and suffering will be over and I'll have my life back. I'd be willing to give it one more shot if she'd tidy just a couple of rooms, but I know it won't happen so I'm taking a couple of weeks off work so I can clean up the place myself in preparation for us separating our stuff.

 

 

(And yes, I gave her the option of getting a job and then we'll split the housework evenly, but she has zero interest in that idea. I think that if you're not working then you need to take care of the house. Strongly enough I'd quit my marriage before I stop believing in that.)