Worth It or Give Up?

[casual]

I'm going to try keep this short. She want's to take a break, because of her busy college schedule and sorority is taking up most her time. We barley have time to talk, maybe for 30 minutes if I'm lucky. She insisted that we take a break, because she doesn't have time to commit to the relationship right now and wants to focus purely on her education. Also, she is unsure if I am the one that she should be with for the rest of her life, because of the fact that I was her first BF and she hasn't had any other real experiences. This break started 3 days ago and will last until for 2 months. Next, she said we can date who we choose, she wants time and space for herself, and ultimately for me to go explore and not be hurt by waiting for her. I asked her if I can come visit her during our birthdays in August. She told me to give her a text during the last week of July and cut off all ties in communication until then.

 

 

Do you guys think this is worth fighting for? I've been with this girl for 7 years and I truly love her, but I'm now 20 and she is 19. I live on the east coast and she lives on the west. Is this a poor excuse for a break up? Will the relationship be refreshed after this 2 month break? Someone give me some insight please. Thank you.

Edited May 30, 2011 by casual

[Lucky_One]

It sounds very familiar to me. Many many high school couples break up when separated by distance, activities and long-distance. I personally think what she is doing is very healthy; it can be a rude awakening to wake up at age 33 and realize that 40% of your life is gone, you have only kissed one man in your life, and you feel that you missed out on know what the rest of the world can be like.

 

I am not sure how you could "fight" for this. All you can do is accept what she has said she wants. As for texting her in July, you can try it, if you still want to talk to her then.

 

She may discover that she misses you badly, or she may discover that she doesn't notice you are missing.

 

I know it hurts, though; try to stay as busy as you can with social activities that keep you active and around other people.

[casual]

It sounds very familiar to me. Many many high school couples break up when separated by distance, activities and long-distance. I personally think what she is doing is very healthy; it can be a rude awakening to wake up at age 33 and realize that 40% of your life is gone, you have only kissed one man in your life, and you feel that you missed out on know what the rest of the world can be like.

 

I am not sure how you could "fight" for this. All you can do is accept what she has said she wants. As for texting her in July, you can try it, if you still want to talk to her then.

 

She may discover that she misses you badly, or she may discover that she doesn't notice you are missing.

 

I know it hurts, though; try to stay as busy as you can with social activities that keep you active and around other people.

 

Thanks for the help. This is the first time I have ever taken a break in a relationship and I'm kinda skeptical about this situation. I guess I'm going to make this summer the best one away from her.

[Tayla]

To endure the First love break up or Time away is indeed a challenge. I hesitate to encourage that moving on is the answer, some things after this long together deserve space yet ultimately dedication to working thru things can be love strengthening.

 

My high school love became my husband, and this was after he did his college life and got to experience worldly things. He came back refreshed and ready to tackle the commitment whole heartedly. Giving or better yet him stating he needed to have that opportunity was a blessing in disguise.

 

Definitely enjoy your summer ....you may find that growing up is not the same as growing apart.

[casual]

To endure the First love break up or Time away is indeed a challenge. I hesitate to encourage that moving on is the answer, some things after this long together deserve space yet ultimately dedication to working thru things can be love strengthening.

 

My high school love became my husband, and this was after he did his college life and got to experience worldly things. He came back refreshed and ready to tackle the commitment whole heartedly. Giving or better yet him stating he needed to have that opportunity was a blessing in disguise.

 

Definitely enjoy your summer ....you may find that growing up is not the same as growing apart.

 

So you're saying I should just give up? Idk I don't give up that easily.. and if this is the case, I still want to see her one last time. Maybe in 2 months everything will feel different like seeing a totally new person. Idk if I'll still feel the same towards her or vice versa. All I know is that maybe this will spark something new and make our relationship even stronger. She even told me that if we can endure this break, maybe we are truly meant to be, but Idk how girls are. I hope that the "love" will come back after things settle down.

[Phoenix01]

I'm going to try keep this short. She want's to take a break, because of her busy college schedule and sorority is taking up most her time. We barley have time to talk, maybe for 30 minutes if I'm lucky. She insisted that we take a break, because she doesn't have time to commit to the relationship right now and wants to focus purely on her education. Also, she is unsure if I am the one that she should be with for the rest of her life, because of the fact that I was her first BF and she hasn't had any other real experiences. This break started 3 days ago and will last until for 2 months. Next, she said we can date who we choose, she wants time and space for herself, and ultimately for me to go explore and not be hurt by waiting for her. I asked her if I can come visit her during our birthdays in August. She told me to give her a text during the last week of July and cut off all ties in communication until then.

 

 

Do you guys think this is worth fighting for? I've been with this girl for 7 years and I truly love her, but I'm now 20 and she is 19. I live on the east coast and she lives on the west. Is this a poor excuse for a break up? Will the relationship be refreshed after this 2 month break? Someone give me some insight please. Thank you.

I cannot agree on the things said above. I'm sorry, but I think the reason why she wants that break is because she is scared of commitment. You 2 were children when you got together, and now that things are becoming more serious she is backing out. The busy college schedule is a bull**** in my opinion, so is that she wants to date other during the break. I'm 22, in a happy relationship with a guy for 3 years (LDR all along) and we are eachothers first relationship. we are both busy college students, sometimes we only have 30 minutes to talk too, and we NEVER considered taking a break.

Also, you really want her back knowing that she had sex with other guys? True, she didn't have any type of experience like that, but if she truely loved you, then she would not need it in the first place. The way I see it is that she wants to "have fun" with others...

I think a relationship of 7 years is serious enough to not to play games like this. And she only starts thinking now that maybe you are not the one to spend the rest of her life with? then what were those years about? I hate when people play with others feelings....

Make the decision which will make YOU happy, but don't let her play around with you

[Pianiste]

I wouldn't really expect a miracle after 2 months. It's a process and I don't think she can predetermine how long it's going to take her. Next year university will start again, she will have her social obligations again and what will she do when things get rough? Also, do you think that even if you did stick together the feeling that she needs to experience other guys isn't going to continue gnawing on her?

 

All you can do is give her the space she wants/needs. I wouldn't advise to go NC with her though. Check in every week/2 weeks to see how she is doing, just letting her know you're still alive. :-) In the meantime you can figure out for yourself whether you think waiting for her is worth it.

 

I guess a lot of things are against your odds but to give you a bit of hope a small anecdote from my life. I once asked a guy for some time for almost exactly the same reasons and he was willing to give me that time. I learned a lot of valuable skills, and life lessons, during that period but we did stay in contact. One day when he contacted me something in me had changed and I felt ready. We've now been back together for 7 months and things are going great. We're a lot happier in the relationship than we were back then and I can handle the busy periods a lot better. :-)

 

But you will have to accept that things will happen during that period. My boyfriend hasn't asked me exactly what I've done during our break and I'm glad he hasn't pushed me into telling him. He was willing to accept that things, and he's no fool, have happened but he's glad it has only brought us closer together, and so am I. :-)

[casual]

I wouldn't really expect a miracle after 2 months. It's a process and I don't think she can predetermine how long it's going to take her. Next year university will start again, she will have her social obligations again and what will she do when things get rough? Also, do you think that even if you did stick together the feeling that she needs to experience other guys isn't going to continue gnawing on her?

 

All you can do is give her the space she wants/needs. I wouldn't advise to go NC with her though. Check in every week/2 weeks to see how she is doing, just letting her know you're still alive. :-) In the meantime you can figure out for yourself whether you think waiting for her is worth it.

 

I guess a lot of things are against your odds but to give you a bit of hope a small anecdote from my life. I once asked a guy for some time for almost exactly the same reasons and he was willing to give me that time. I learned a lot of valuable skills, and life lessons, during that period but we did stay in contact. One day when he contacted me something in me had changed and I felt ready. We've now been back together for 7 months and things are going great. We're a lot happier in the relationship than we were back then and I can handle the busy periods a lot better. :-)

 

But you will have to accept that things will happen during that period. My boyfriend hasn't asked me exactly what I've done during our break and I'm glad he hasn't pushed me into telling him. He was willing to accept that things, and he's no fool, have happened but he's glad it has only brought us closer together, and so am I. :-)

 

Thanks guys for the info from a women's perspective. I honestly believe that she doesn't have time for other guys and even if she did have time for other guys what am I going to say to stop her? It's her own decision and even though it hurts me, I still care for her no matter what stupid choice she makes. All I know is that I'm kinda done trying. This break started off bad and had me bawling my eyes out, but now I'm starting to understand the reason behind this. Also, I miss her a lot! Having a best friend one minute then next no one is there for you besides yourself. Lastly, what does NC mean?

[Tayla]

So you're saying I should just give up? Idk I don't give up that easily.. and if this is the case, I still want to see her one last time. Maybe in 2 months everything will feel different like seeing a totally new person. Idk if I'll still feel the same towards her or vice versa. All I know is that maybe this will spark something new and make our relationship even stronger. She even told me that if we can endure this break, maybe we are truly meant to be, but Idk how girls are. I hope that the "love" will come back after things settle down.

 

I never said to give up. WHere did you get that from my post??? A long term relations like yours may need time apart "BUT" ultimately its worth saving in the long run. PLease take a reading comprehension class this summer, 99% of what you'll be doing in your relationship with this fair lady will require accurate comprehension and appropriate response.

[TMichaels]

Lastly, what does NC mean?

 

"No contact."

 

Best,

TMichaels

[casual]

This really hurts not being able to talk to her.. but I texted and emailed her. Just to say hi and to see how she is doing, but she isn't responding back. This really sucks...

[hoping2heal]

I'm going to try keep this short. She want's to take a break, because of her busy college schedule and sorority is taking up most her time. We barley have time to talk, maybe for 30 minutes if I'm lucky. She insisted that we take a break, because she doesn't have time to commit to the relationship right now and wants to focus purely on her education. Also, she is unsure if I am the one that she should be with for the rest of her life, because of the fact that I was her first BF and she hasn't had any other real experiences. This break started 3 days ago and will last until for 2 months. Next, she said we can date who we choose, she wants time and space for herself, and ultimately for me to go explore and not be hurt by waiting for her. I asked her if I can come visit her during our birthdays in August. She told me to give her a text during the last week of July and cut off all ties in communication until then.

 

 

Do you guys think this is worth fighting for? I've been with this girl for 7 years and I truly love her, but I'm now 20 and she is 19. I live on the east coast and she lives on the west. Is this a poor excuse for a break up? Will the relationship be refreshed after this 2 month break? Someone give me some insight please. Thank you.

 

If she wanted to focus purely on her education I do not think her soriority activities would be taking up all of her time, but hey what do I know. As many have already told you, a lot of couples go there way at this point. My cousin just recently got married to her highschool sweetheart, but they had a 3 year break in their early twenties and just got back together a year ago. Sometimes the break brings you back to the person you started out with, and sometimes the break helps you to find something better for yourself. As is, she is young and wants her freedom and wants to try new things which is normal, and it would be worse to try and take that away from her lest she resent you. You will just have to live and see how this plays out. You will find love again though if you are open to it, even if it is not with her.

[casual]

Hey everyone thanks for your input and your advice. We just talked on the phone, but she still has to study or her finals. She said she doesn't have any more feelings for me, but still cares for me. I respect that and I probably just need to move on now. Tough love.