Hopeless_1116 Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Hi everyone, I am new here but not new to the site. I have been reading your posts on here for quite a while. I messed up big time and could really use some friends Here's some background first: My ex and I dated on/off for almost a year. We were very much in love but there were external factors that contributed to our break up. He was going through a depression it took a huge toll on me and our relationship. I tried me hardest to be there for him and love him as best as I could, but one Sunday morning 3 months ago it seemed I had reached my breaking point. I cried and told him I didn't think I was good for him anymore. He didn't seem bothered by this fact, and basically said that he didn't believe it was really over between us. I insisted it was and left.....once I had come to my senses, I regretted having left the way I did. I reached out to him but he suggested we take some time apart. After a month, we agreed to meet up but on the day of he cancelled saying he wasn't ready to see me and that while he loved me very much, he felt that our relationship was "out of control" and it might be best to pick up the pieces and go our separate ways. I was hurt and angry at the time and didn't understand how he could just walk away after I had stood by him through so much. I said some hurtful things to him for which I apologized for the next day and then we both went NC, until yesterday that is....when I broke the silence with an emotional email that read: Dear <Name>, How are you? I'm surprised to find myself writing this email, but you've been on my mind a lot lately. Maybe it's the familiarity of the season when we were first getting to know each other, but I can't seem to shake this feeling. I understand that I am taking a huge risk and potentially making a complete fool of myself by reaching out to you, but in my opinion this is the better alternative than the regret of "what if". The last time we talked I was hurt and angry and closed the door on any future communication, so if you're not interested in speaking with me I completely understand. That being said, I always find myself coming back to thoughts of you and me and felt the need to reach out to you. Maybe I am naive to still believe that what we had was special and rare, but I do. I often think about the first time I met your family and you described our first date as "life changing" when we were playing the game at the kitchen table. That's how I truly feel about having met you. You changed my life - you made it better and chaotic at times, but it didn't matter if we were up or down because most of all you showed me what it was to truly love someone unconditionally. I think about the morning I walked away and still think we broke up due to a misunderstanding and didn't agree with you when you said it would only continue to happen and referred to us as "out of control". I assume that if you thought you were wrong or had made a mistake, you probably would have reached out to me long ago, but I still can't help but wonder if things could have been different. I still love you and miss you every day. I just wanted you to know that, and if nothing else maybe we could be friends someday. <Me> I was like I had no control over myself....I had been crying for days and days and NEEDED to reach out to him. I love him and miss him so much. I felt like I had weighed the pros and cons of sending the email but after the fact I feel foolish. He could have another girlfriend for all I know and think I'm a pathetic mess. Life is too short to have regrets, and if I hadn't sent the email I would have always wondered "what if" I had reached out to him just one time.....but this feeling sucks Any encouraging words would be appreciated. Thanks for reading Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 You meant well, and who knows what will happen? At the very least the option of further communication has been put on the table so you may have an opportunity to reconcile down the road. Try not to break NC again, if he responds give it a day or two. Stay strong, and know that this shall pass.... probably. Link to post Share on other sites
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