i need .. about FWB

[Rozyo20]

My story is this, i am currently separated from my husband after a 3 year marriage, he cheated and happy with this OW. i suffered emotional abuse from him so this is actually a great thing for me however i am too numb to have some feelings towards someone else.

A good friend of mine J has liked me since freshman year in high school ( i am 20), he told me he was lonely sexually and if we could become FWB no strings attached no nothing. i agreed and we have been doing that for 3 weeks now, my problem is that i think he is getting attached and is not telling me. He wants us to still hang out like we used to with friends and such i am ok with it but everytime we do and have alone time he acts all sweet and all hold my hand and kisses me, like i said before i dont feel anything for him but i also dont want to hurt him. i made it clear that i am attracted to him but i need at least a year to heal and trust again. i told him yesterday how he was acting and i told him is not healtly to continue he said he has it under control and he will not get attached, so he aksed me not to end this thing. he often calls me his gf so i am confused on how he truly feels about me.

if it needs to end how to end it with out messing our close relationship?

[east coast edward]

The obvious answer is don't end it. You're attracted to him, you're close friends, lovers and effectively, yes boyfriend and girlfriend. So yjere's an imballance in your aspirations. You want to be treated properly by a man whilst you lick your emotional wounds and move on to the greater part of your life. He's deeply in love with you.

 

This love is no bad thing, infact you need his love. He being there for you is a powerful protection mechanism which although there is a risk of it being smothering, can actually act as a protector that will allow you the space to heal.

 

What you are probably feeling is that you want to accept his love, but feel that there is a price to be paid ay some point when you split up. You may well do this at some stage, but as long as you communicate and trust one another all will be well.

 

Just give it time, time that is for you to heal, and time for him to accept the reality of your relationship. If you do give it time there will be those little moments where communication and feeling transacts naturally.

 

Don't throw away this man's love. Just ask yourself, is it genuine? If it is then accept it and cherish it, he'sr extending you a gift. If you like him take it, just be respectful to his feelings.

 

You probably feel that he's not the one, and he might not be. But for now this sounds a very rewarding and comfortable arrangement for both of you.

 

How best to communicate? I'd suggest that you do this on at least two levels, totally dispassionately and pillow talk.

[Eddie Edirol]

You dont have a friendship anymore, actually you never did in his mind.

 

You torched that when you started sleeping with him, which is what he wanted all along, he never was truly your friend. He was your dick in a glass case. You crossed the line and once this ends, if he doesnt want to talk to you anymore, which he shouldnt, theres nothing you can do. Youre young, so you have to learn the difference between guys that are waiting to sleep with you, and guys who are friends who arent attracted to you.

 

If you really feel like you do not see him as someone you can be with in the long run, make sure you keep telling him that. If you want to try to get him to detach, then dont spend time with him outside of the bedroom. He will see you as a girlfriend if you keep letting him treat you like one.

Edited May 31, 2011 by Eddie Edirol

[Rozyo20]

thank you for the responses i see both points of view and its true i need to figure out myself first and trust in my own guts