KR10N Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 (edited) I have a friend (not a close friend) who is very condescending at times. I don't think they realize the things they say can be insulting. Sometimes it seems like it's just me, I won't even speak to them & they'll say the oddest things to me; which are very inappropriate. A preposterous argument was started, apparently by me. Though, they can't seem to understand that the things they said to me offended me. Of course, like any regular person would do... I got defensive (I'm only human). I'm at the point now where I think this 3-year friendship should come to an end. I've already explained to them everything I've explained here, but still no budge. This isn't the first time this has happened. Every time I try to explain to them, I'm still wrong. And when I did explain they said my feelings get hurt too easily & I just take things way too personally. I'm not even a sensitive person! Like I said, this isn't the first time they've acted this way. I always used to ignore the things they said & try to laugh it off. But now... I'm annoyed & PISSED! Should I give this friend another chance or just move on to the next potential friend? Edited May 30, 2011 by KR10N Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I totally hate when some insensitive boob tells me that I'm the one with the problem. instead of simply adjusting to the fact that he or she has disturbed my feelings. I've only put up with this when it's been a boss at work and couldn't just split but I wouldn't accept this from anyone else. This is not a friend. (I did have this as a recurring problem in a LTR but she wasn't being a cocky and insensitive boob--she just didn't get my dos and don'ts and kept traipsing into the same patches without learning a lesson. I stuck it out and things got better.) Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Can you post your preposterous argument? It might help posters get a feel of what you're experiencing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KR10N Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 Can you post your preposterous argument? It might help posters get a feel of what you're experiencing.It's preposterous! Something so small & insignificant. A bit of, "I'm better than you" bull****. That's all you need to know. The argument is not the point I'm trying to make, I don't even care about that. The problem is how I'm continuously being treated by this friend. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 (edited) A friendship should enrich your life--and a true friendship has to be based on mutual respect, and reciprocity. When there is condescension, there is no respect. What you described in your post sounds like NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)behaviors---talking down to you, insulting you, ......... .........and then when you explain that you're offended by some of the comments--you get further insulted by being labeled as "too sensitive":rolleyes: I've been through something similar with a former friend (notice I said former?) This is someone I still have to be around from time to time, as he's connected to my social circle. I decided the next time he tries to label me as "too sensitive"---I'll retort with , "you're too insensitive......" ( a little bit childish, I know, tit-for tat, but I have a faint hope that maybe hearing that will make him stop & think about how he's coming across. maybe.......) OP---one thing I'd recommend is not to take any of their commentary to heart. If your 'friend" feels the need to insult you---it's really about their own insecurities..........A secure person doesn't need to elevate him/herself by putting someone else down. If you wish to give the friendship a last-ditch effort--you could try writing a heartfelt letter, explaining your position & your feelings. If it doesn't work, & your friend tries to turn the tables & make it about you---then you'll have a clear answer about whether or not to keep putting energy into the friendship. And even if writing a letter backfires--there's a chance that you planted a seed.Maybe a few years down the road when this person is finding him/herself alienated from more & more people---your words will resonate, & hopefully he/she can learn to become more empathetic.Sometimes empathy has to be learned.......... best wishes....... Edited May 30, 2011 by freestyle grammatical errors due to insufficient caffeine intake :P Link to post Share on other sites
Author KR10N Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 Thanks freestyle, that makes a lot of sense. When I have an argument w/ my other friends we apologize, laugh everything off, talk about how ridiculous it is & how great it is to be friends who can make up easily. But w/ this one friend they're just . They're not always unpleasant, they're just... . Ironically, I called them a narcissist once & they got pissed! I sent them a message early this morning explaining everything but I doubt it'll work. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Thanks freestyle, that makes a lot of sense. When I have an argument w/ my other friends we apologize, laugh everything off, talk about how ridiculous it is & how great it is to be friends who can make up easily. But w/ this one friend they're just . They're not always unpleasant, they're just... . Ironically, I called them a narcissist once & they got pissed! I sent them a message early this morning explaining everything but I doubt it'll work. Well, you've done all that you could/should. Now the ball's in their court, & you'll have to wait & see.-----maybe they'll come around, maybe not. There are some people who are absolutely incapable of apologizing, or seeing things from any perspective other than their own. (sadly--I suspect they all end up lonely in the long run) I do feel some compassion for people like that---but from a safe distance.Life is way too short to put up with people who continually ruffle my feathers---so I'm learning to maintain healthy boundaries to preserve my own psychological well-being.I don't need to waste time getting stressed out over people who haven't learned how to play nicely with others. I'll be curious to know whether or not your message does any good or not---please let us know how it works out. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 It's preposterous! Something so small & insignificant. A bit of, "I'm better than you" bull****. That's all you need to know. The argument is not the point I'm trying to make, I don't even care about that. The problem is how I'm continuously being treated by this friend.I understand that you're ranting about this friend. But I'm curious why the bolded. What you're saying is that you'd like unconditional sympathy or empathy, where many times, it takes two to tango. And many times, it's less about anyone being anything bad or terrible, just conflicting personalities and styles of communication. Are you interested in finding a way to resolve the situation or are you just looking for unconditional sympathy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author KR10N Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 (edited) threebyfate, did you not read the last sentence of my first post? I sent my apologies, admitted I was wrong (they too, themselves, are wrong) & they are still reluctant to believe they're right. _ It didn't work. They just continued to insult me & said they needed to end this. It's for the better anyway. Edited May 31, 2011 by KR10N Link to post Share on other sites
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