The best post i have ever seen on affairs. READ

[Silly_Girl]

Believe me when I say,WE KNOW THAT AFFAIRS WORK OUT FOR SOME!

 

I appreciate you posting this. Because many of your posts refer to ALL MM, or ALL affairs and I think that those of us with a largely positive experience DO (or should) appreciate that it CAN be one hell of a $h!tstorm for those involved, and if those on the other side of the fence can acknowledge the above I think it could make 20% of the posts on this board superfluous and result in much more valuable threads.

[Beeotch]

That's a fantastic post, it speaks so much truth!

 

Thanks for sharing

 

p.s. where the hell was that post a year ago??

haha just kidding, I was so in love I thought we really were different, nothing could have really saved me then - I needed to learn the hard way ... but I did learn!

 

Isn't that the truth....sometimes the only way you can learn is to go through the fire yourself and realize that it is indeed HOT!

[SidLyon]

I think I must have missed something or gotten confused, because while Owoman did respond in typical fashion for her, as far as I can see, she didn't make the original post.

[donnamaybe]

Agreed.

 

I think it takes a very honest, introspective and prudent person to be truthful about their situation and admit that although it has worked out for them, it most likely won't for everyone. If one feels the need to vehemently defend against something and gloat or insist that "Oh well mine worked out lovely", it is some form of inner need for validation of their own life choices and actions.

 

It is like me squandering thousands of dollars on lottery tickets, then one day I win. My reaction would not be to say that "Yes look at me, I squandered thousands on lotto, but haha, I won! So clearly it makes sense for everyone out there wasting thousands on gambling to continue to do so because you MAY get lucky!" No! My honest response in such a scenario would be that I am grateful to have won against the odds, but I would never recommend people to make trying to win the lotto a life goal as chances are it WILL NOT pan out so it is best to invest energy into something else.

 

I have more respect for someone who can be honest and realize the truth of the bigger picture instead of getting hung up on their experiences, and funnily, that poster went on about narcissism when she is doing just that, gloating about her own UNCOMMON outcome as if it is some type of typical scenario and that everyone should congratulate her about it, as if she were somehow more wise and special than anyone else why it worked out for her and no one else. May be so...but admit it as uncommon and not as though the person saying it doesn't normally work out is completely crazy and misguided.

 

 

Nobody is saying that NO cheating scenario can "work out"; whatever that means. Since for some, "work out" could mean they left this other person but in reality their new life with this former cheater is one of distrust and nagging fears but on the outside it seems to have worked out in the end because they "have them now". What is being said though is that for the majority it is best not to hold out hope for a happily ever after....don't put your life on hold or in some awful position for something that most likely won't be.

 

I have never dated a married man, but a few years ago I was the "other woman" to a man who had a long term gf who was also the mother of his child. While we had amazing compatibility and an unparalleled connection and to this day I still have love for him and I do believe we genuinely loved each other, as well as I do want some of his qualities in a future mate; it did not pan out and I would never advocate for anyone to go into such a scenario. While I laud it as one of the best "relationships" I had I also can HONESTLY admit that it was not the best scenario and since when you're cheating you never get to experience ALL of that person and be involved in their WHOLE life, I cannot say with certainty that had I had him all to myself it would have worked out, as perhaps the fantasy and limited capacity of the relationship was the thrill. He broke up with his gf and occasionally we talk and he still says he loves me, but I am not delusional and I also now realize that being attracted to unavailable men/women (may it be they are married, not single, emotionally unavailable, physically unavailable etc) is a dysfunctional pattern. I am learning to correct that and would much prefer to hold myself to a higher standard instead of getting "caught" in some less than desireable scenario and bend and twist myself, wait around, sneak around and delude myself into thinking it might turn out amazing...that is sheer crazy and only when you have worked on yourself and have emerged from the other side can you set certain boundaries for yourself and others.

Just... wow! GREAT post B!

[OWoman]

By the looks of your posts you must really think we are all stupid.

 

No, not EVERYONE. And posts like this support my view.

 

If you were so happy, you wouldn't be spending so much time on this forum. 6000 posts on a forum for other women and you expect us to believe you are happily married. Yeah, okay sure.

 

So you're saying only unhappy posters post on LS? You're claiming that those who say they're happily reconciled with their fWS can't be, since they're still posting on LS? Wrong on all counts.

 

6000 posts are not only on the OW board. LS has many other forums. And, if you'll notice from my join date, it was before I was M, so it's certainly not 6000 posts since I was M. Sorry, wrong again

 

I don't expect anyone to believe anything. I accept that people have different values, different experiences and different views. I would LIKE people to respect that a diversity of values, experiences and views exist - all with equal rights to do so - but I accept that many other people lack the capacity to understand that. So, wrong again.

 

Nice try though, but if you want your character assassinations to work, you'll have to make them at least accurate, plausible and logically consistent.

[OWoman]

They taught the golden rule in primary school too. Did you miss that day?

 

Thankfully, we did not go to the same primary school. Ours taught us to think for ourselves, not to follow social convention blindly.

[donnamaybe]

Thankfully, we did not go to the same primary school. Ours taught us to think for ourselves, not to follow social convention blindly.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is "following social convention blindly?" I thought it just meant "be nice to people, and hopefully they'll be nice to you." You know. An effort to make the world a little nicer place.

[Lost00]

Wish I had read this before the A!

[ver13]

I liked the post and all the back and forth from the people that are still involved in someone else's household and those who are not. But at the end of the day the MM/MW goe's home to the Fam and all is well. The OM/OW is sitting somewhere all alone that why it's called cheating not dating. If that how you want to spend your time then have at it, IMO you could be sitting with another single person of which there are many and at the end of that day you at least know where you truly stand in the big picture because your in it. Not off to the side in the closet or better yet not the closet because you can't even come to the house un-invited. Strangers tend to frighten the little kids and the police frown on intruders.

[SoleMate]

The problem with dating a married person when you are single is that you remain single throughout the affair. You are NOT a couple.....so don't fool yourself.

Great point that I will remember and repeat!

 

In fact, the AP is not even as good as single. They have the downsides of commitment (not free to pursue a meaningful r/s) and few of the upsides (companionship, security etc.).

 

Take a look, do the math, then just say NO to EMA, boys and girls, please!

[gerib38]

Seems like i am realizing more and more , that i am NOT the only one at fault for the end of my relationship, i will breifly tell u my story, I met a guy about 16 months ago he was seaperated from his wife, we connected right away/not sex ... at least for a few weeks after we met, we had this incredible connection, we fell for each other fast , and he was soon talking mariage, telling me he was in love with me why hadnt he met me before he married her, constantly calling , texting seeing each other as often as possible, we still had to be a bit careful because he was NOT divorced yet,

 

a few months into the relationship he called me one fri night and told me she moved back in one day while he was at work, i asked him if he wanted his marriage to work.. he said NO he wanted her to leave , wanted his life back and he loved me.

 

it was hard but i made the decision to keep seeing him, was attached and believed his story.

 

the relationship continued and we became closer but i was increasingly getting more and more insecure after all his wife was in the house and it is surley not what i thought was going to happen.

 

he consistently professed his love to me, and asked me to please be patient while he got thru all this mess

 

i tried and let me tell u it was hard, its not like he ever said .. he loved her or wanted it to work , never not once!

 

but it got to a point that it was getting harder and harder for him to c me , call or text me saying it was not easy in this situation, not wanting to get caught in an affair

 

they had only been married aby 3 yrs no children , but he wanted to keep his house, he owned for abt 15 yrs before he met her,

 

she has a disability that kept them from being intimate which caused them to grow apart

 

i became impatient with less communication and less calls and seeing him less, thing is he would go quiet for days sometimes, i wld txt him with no reply then again an hr later no reply.. and again and again all with no reply... then id get mad and blow his phone up with texts(yes stupid i regret it ) ... he says i changed i wasnt the sweet loving down to earth woman he met, i was in love and i got paniky thinking i was losing him .. u know the drill

 

he broke up with me in oct of 2010 ... wouldnt even respond to me at alll if i txted him.. which i did alot, finally abt 5-6 weeks later he called me , didnt leave a msg, so the nxt day i sent a txt saying sorry i missed yur call whats up (it was thanksgiving day.. all he said was HAPPY THANKSGIVING,

 

then a week later he said he missed me but sometimes i went to far/with the txting.. we talked breifly and abt a week later started seeing each other again, it was a bit strained at first becuz i was still feeling insecure and wished i had just let him come back on his own instead of pressuring him to... so i guess i wasnt entirely sure if he was with me cuz he wanted to be /which he assured me he was or if it was cuz i wouldnt leave him alone,

 

so soon after we became close , he told me again he was in love with me , that i gave him more in 1 day than she ever did , and we again started talking marriage blah blah ...

 

we were dong great , then all of a sudden he pulled away again, started the not txting , not calling 2-3 weeks would go by and i wldnt c him, so of course i got insecure again, but damn i tried so hard when we were together to make this work, maybe too desperately.

 

i guess the point im making is... he says i changed... but i didnt change til he changed , he went from attentive and caring loving showering me with attention, asking me to wait 4 him be patient to ignoring me , it pissed me off, maybe i expressed it in all the wrong ways ,

 

i keep thinking its my fault , yes i accecpt part of the blame, but seems like he didnt care enuf to help me thru an already tough situation

 

do i just let it go or do i tell him im not taking the blame anymore... because of course u all know how we automatically take the blame when we get dumped.i am not even sure how to word it i want toosay it in a non confrontational way tell him i loved him and im sorry for my part in it but he needs to accept his part in it as well . i know it was not the ideal situation to be in and i think even though i believed him .. there was alwasy that doubt in the back of my mind, his excuse when he ignored me was .. i get that at home not gonna argue with u too...

 

So he again dumped me on Apr 30th of 2011 just saying please let go im sorry this has to be goodbye, no explanation or anything and i have not talked to him since i have sent a cpl texts last one being abt 3 weeks ago,

 

i just want to tell him , that i am no the only one to blame. im sure he knkws he could have done better or did he think he was doing his best?

 

if he had helped me thru thil we were able to have a normal relationship i think it could have worked , why didnt he help me , he used to always tell me i had to figure it all out by myself or that id figure it out 1 day,

 

Now i just feel like he thinks i was the crazy chick, and im so not.. somehow i need closure i want him to know he was to blame as well as me and i feel the need to express it ... should i do i jst forget abt it ,will i regret it ... BLEH! I still love him very much , its jst heart breaking to have such a connection and it go all wrong

 

i know this is long and i couldnt get into all of it ord id be writing all day so feel free to ask questions

 

thanks for reading and your thoughts:rolleyes:

Edited June 3, 2011 by gerib38

[Mimolicious]

Pfft! GB38... Sorry to crack it to you, but from the sounds of things- your MM lied. He was probably getting hot and had too keep cooling off by disconnecting. I am actually surprised that you felt for it a few times.

If his W was so insignificant, how come the both of you failed to tell her to get the hell out of the way? Just saying...

 

About the property- umm... it is a "non-marital" property. Not purchased after the marriage, so his excuse was what? If they don't have any children this property wouldn't be considered the "family residence" which issually is awarded to the parent that minors will live with. (that is pretty standard in the US) therefore there is no "equitably" distribution from this property, unless they used it as equity to buy a "marital property". Gets tricky and each state has few different clauses, but it sounds like he sold you bullshyte and you bought into it.

 

Sorry to TJ.

 

I guess what is takes to find the "love" of one's life is to just marry a "person", any person and whaaahlaa! You will magically find your soulmate after the jump. Amazing how mostly all these stories read the same and for the MOST part, end the same. Tsk,tsk,tsk...

[JadedAmore]

Just my .02 ....

 

I think this is a fantastic post. I will start off by agreeing that yes, somehow some A's do tend to work out in the end. Great, fantastic for you folks. However, for the vast majority who find themselves sucked into an A you'll end up finding yourself broken and alone in the end.

 

What struck me funny is while reading this I couldn't help but shake my head and think to myself, "Jeeze, how true is THAT?" and wish I'd read this post sooner. However, I also know that had I read this while involved in the A I would probably shake my head and insist how different things were and list off reasons why mine would work out.

 

It's a vicious, vicious circle. Good luck to all out there -- those involved, those healing, and even those in denial.

[bc83]

Is there any way, really, to know if one is being lied to? For example, "I'm in a sexless marriage, had sex once in the last 3 years . . . . I love my life and my wife but need intimacy in my life which I don't get from my wife, that's why I am willing to have an affair with you . . . ."

I haven't begun an affair with this man, but the opportunity/attraction is definitely present and somewhat overwhelming. And I'm in a vulnerable place having just separated from my husband.

[BB07]

Is there any way, really, to know if one is being lied to? For example, "I'm in a sexless marriage, had sex once in the last 3 years . . . . I love my life and my wife but need intimacy in my life which I don't get from my wife, that's why I am willing to have an affair with you . . . ."

I haven't begun an affair with this man, but the opportunity/attraction is definitely present and somewhat overwhelming. And I'm in a vulnerable place having just separated from my husband.

 

 

Being vulnerable means you are NO position to start a relationship with anyone. It's not fair to yourself or the other person. A new relationship can't fix what is wrong and why complicate your life and someone else's?

[OWoman]

I am assuming that you are refering to the old maxim about treating others the way you would like to be treated yourself.

 

I agree...and what is so wrong with this idea? After all, if i feel that i do not deserve to be treated poorly, then why should I treat someone else poorly? If do not eserve to be hurt, then why should i hurt someone else who has done nothing to hurt me? Iif i deserve respect and good treatment, then surely others do as well.

 

FS, where do you see OWs demanding respect from others that they are unwilling to give respect to? Where do you see OWs treating others poorly that they expect to treat them well? I honestly don't see that.

 

I see OWs demanding that all members follow the TOS here on this forum - since we all signed up to those same TOS, those same TOS should apply to the way ALL of us post.

 

That is very different from insisting that the BS of their AP respect them and treat them with kidgloves, or that someone who applied for the same promotion but lost out never compete with them in the workplace, or that the politician that they didn't vote for should vote for them for something else. I don't see that, so I'd be grateful if you could point out what you're referring to.

[bc83]

Being vulnerable means you are NO position to start a relationship with anyone. It's not fair to yourself or the other person. A new relationship can't fix what is wrong and why complicate your life and someone else's?

 

Maybe vulnerable wasn't the right word. I am in a good place to contemplate dating others - I am just hungry for some contact. The situation with MM was not intended to be a full-on relationship, rather, a tantric-oriented experience only. H and I were going to do this together with the same MM two years ago but never did. I intend to date non-attached people regardless of how this situation with MM plays out.

[Frogwife]

Maybe vulnerable wasn't the right word. I am in a good place to contemplate dating others - I am just hungry for some contact. The situation with MM was not intended to be a full-on relationship, rather, a tantric-oriented experience only. H and I were going to do this together with the same MM two years ago but never did. I intend to date non-attached people regardless of how this situation with MM plays out.

 

 

For me, being hungry for contact DOES put me in a vulnerable position. I'm a married (separated) woman who had an affair with a single man for a few months (we've met about seven or eight times since January and I last saw him a month ago). It was amazing, amazing s*x and even though we have no relationship/contact outside of sex, I found myself developing feelings for him. (Shouldn't have been a surprise, but it was.)

 

It has just completely effed with me because my body and mind are on this other man, longing for him and I'm not doing the right thing for me or my marriage. I finally had to stop it with the other guy because I need to (truly) figure out what I'm doing in my marriage and I can't be figuring that out and making decisions when my mind is clouded with lust.

 

From my own experience, if I were you, I would *not* get involved in any tantric/sex anything with anyone, married or single, at this juncture (being separated but not divorced). My two cents, but it will just add a HUGE level of complication and heartache if you find yourself torn between two people. I wasn't looking for a relationship either but I was not prepared for the feelings to develop, which they did.

[bc83]

For me, being hungry for contact DOES put me in a vulnerable position. I'm a married (separated) woman who had an affair with a single man for a few months (we've met about seven or eight times since January and I last saw him a month ago). It was amazing, amazing s*x and even though we have no relationship/contact outside of sex, I found myself developing feelings for him. (Shouldn't have been a surprise, but it was.)

 

It has just completely effed with me because my body and mind are on this other man, longing for him and I'm not doing the right thing for me or my marriage. I finally had to stop it with the other guy because I need to (truly) figure out what I'm doing in my marriage and I can't be figuring that out and making decisions when my mind is clouded with lust.

 

From my own experience, if I were you, I would *not* get involved in any tantric/sex anything with anyone, married or single, at this juncture (being separated but not divorced). My two cents, but it will just add a HUGE level of complication and heartache if you find yourself torn between two people. I wasn't looking for a relationship either but I was not prepared for the feelings to develop, which they did.

 

Wow, your words really really resonate with me. One thing that's different in my situation (famous last words, eh?) is that H and I have an agreement that we can each date others during the next four months, at which time we'll re-evaluate the separation.

 

But even so, I think your advice is amazingly apt for me. I think in the back of my mind I am really worried that I'll develop too strong of an attraction to MM. I'm already checking my private email 20 times a day to see if he emailed me, even over the weekend when I know he's home and has a full house of family from out of town. Criminy. I feel like I'm in high school again.

 

Thank you.

[White Flower]

You obviously did not read my post very well or you'd have seen that I stated very clearly:

 

 

 

... which was my point. I do not universalise my experience. Like most adults, I am able to accept that my experience is not everybody's. The writer of the piece that was quoted in the OP clearly lacks that ability.

This was the reason I couldn't go beyond the first few sentences. Any good writer tries to relate to all, not just too himself. Narcissistic indeed!

[Frogwife]

Wow, your words really really resonate with me. One thing that's different in my situation (famous last words, eh?) is that H and I have an agreement that we can each date others during the next four months, at which time we'll re-evaluate the separation.

 

But even so, I think your advice is amazingly apt for me. I think in the back of my mind I am really worried that I'll develop too strong of an attraction to MM. I'm already checking my private email 20 times a day to see if he emailed me, even over the weekend when I know he's home and has a full house of family from out of town. Criminy. I feel like I'm in high school again.

 

Thank you.

 

Oh BC83... again my two cents but, agreement or no agreement, don't do it!! Not now... you can see how you are feeling and nothing has even happened! If something *does* happen, those feelings (checking email, etc) will intensify 100 fold.

 

As an outsider looking in (and having just experienced all the affair feelings - ups and downs), the four-month "date people" period seems like a slight set-up for disaster. On one hand, you could meet someone you totally connect with and (just having been with them four month) still be swept up in lust, causing you to make a rash decision to end your marriage.

 

On the other hand, you could meet someone and it *doesn't* go well, then you are left with a double broken-heart and/or choosing to stay in your marriage for the wrong reasons because you're feeling lonely, sad, like you'll never find anyone again, etc.

 

Regardless of what your husband does (dating or not), if I were you, I would use this separation to take care of yourself (exercise, make new friends, find hobbies, or whatever). I know that advice sounds as lame as something you'd read in Highlights magazine at the dentist's office, but it's been working for me.

 

When (and if) I choose to leave my marriage - it MUST be for reasons solely to do with my husband and I, not any third party. There was a point in my affair/fling where I was so hooked on lust, that if the other guy would have said he had feelings for me, I would have dumped husband on the spot, which would have been a terrible mistake. It would have been ending a marriage at the wrong time for the wrong reason.

 

However... IF you are really feeling like you want to explore just pure sexuality during your separation- again, advice that worked for me - do it with a stranger and don't do it more than once. I had a couple one-night-stands and they were great, with nary a skooch of feelings for the other person after the fact (other than pleasant memories).

 

Good luck to you!!! I *know* how hard this is!!

[bc83]

Oh BC83... again my two cents but, agreement or no agreement, don't do it!! Not now... you can see how you are feeling and nothing has even happened! If something *does* happen, those feelings (checking email, etc) will intensify 100 fold.

 

As an outsider looking in (and having just experienced all the affair feelings - ups and downs), the four-month "date people" period seems like a slight set-up for disaster. On one hand, you could meet someone you totally connect with and (just having been with them four month) still be swept up in lust, causing you to make a rash decision to end your marriage.

 

On the other hand, you could meet someone and it *doesn't* go well, then you are left with a double broken-heart and/or choosing to stay in your marriage for the wrong reasons because you're feeling lonely, sad, like you'll never find anyone again, etc.

 

Regardless of what your husband does (dating or not), if I were you, I would use this separation to take care of yourself (exercise, make new friends, find hobbies, or whatever). I know that advice sounds as lame as something you'd read in Highlights magazine at the dentist's office, but it's been working for me.

 

When (and if) I choose to leave my marriage - it MUST be for reasons solely to do with my husband and I, not any third party. There was a point in my affair/fling where I was so hooked on lust, that if the other guy would have said he had feelings for me, I would have dumped husband on the spot, which would have been a terrible mistake. It would have been ending a marriage at the wrong time for the wrong reason.

 

However... IF you are really feeling like you want to explore just pure sexuality during your separation- again, advice that worked for me - do it with a stranger and don't do it more than once. I had a couple one-night-stands and they were great, with nary a skooch of feelings for the other person after the fact (other than pleasant memories).

 

Good luck to you!!! I *know* how hard this is!!

 

I can't disagree with you on anything you've written. It all makes perfect sense, and is advice any *sane* person would follow.

 

If I decide to stop meeting him, it's all just up to my will power at that point to stay with my decision.

 

Argggggggggggggggggggggggggggh.

[fooled once]

I am assuming that you are refering to the old maxim about treating others the way you would like to be treated yourself.

 

I agree...and what is so wrong with this idea? After all, if i feel that i do not deserve to be treated poorly, then why should I treat someone else poorly? If do not eserve to be hurt, then why should i hurt someone else who has done nothing to hurt me? Iif i deserve respect and good treatment, then surely others do as well.

 

I do believe that it is a case of putting "you before me", but more a case of putting"we" before "me"...I feel good because i have done good by someone else, and they are happy too. All parties come end up in a good place.

 

Mind you, if you treat me bedly, you can expect the same in return. i am a verrh patient person, but if you push me too far, you won't like what happens (but it does take a lot to get me to that point)

 

Great post FZ. I agree!

[bc83]

Oh BC83... again my two cents but, agreement or no agreement, don't do it!! Not now... you can see how you are feeling and nothing has even happened! If something *does* happen, those feelings (checking email, etc) will intensify 100 fold.

 

As an outsider looking in (and having just experienced all the affair feelings - ups and downs), the four-month "date people" period seems like a slight set-up for disaster. On one hand, you could meet someone you totally connect with and (just having been with them four month) still be swept up in lust, causing you to make a rash decision to end your marriage.

 

On the other hand, you could meet someone and it *doesn't* go well, then you are left with a double broken-heart and/or choosing to stay in your marriage for the wrong reasons because you're feeling lonely, sad, like you'll never find anyone again, etc.

 

Regardless of what your husband does (dating or not), if I were you, I would use this separation to take care of yourself (exercise, make new friends, find hobbies, or whatever). I know that advice sounds as lame as something you'd read in Highlights magazine at the dentist's office, but it's been working for me.

 

When (and if) I choose to leave my marriage - it MUST be for reasons solely to do with my husband and I, not any third party. There was a point in my affair/fling where I was so hooked on lust, that if the other guy would have said he had feelings for me, I would have dumped husband on the spot, which would have been a terrible mistake. It would have been ending a marriage at the wrong time for the wrong reason.

 

However... IF you are really feeling like you want to explore just pure sexuality during your separation- again, advice that worked for me - do it with a stranger and don't do it more than once. I had a couple one-night-stands and they were great, with nary a skooch of feelings for the other person after the fact (other than pleasant memories).

 

Good luck to you!!! I *know* how hard this is!!

 

Frogwife - your thoughts have stuck with me. MM and I will not pursue an affair. He doesn't want to because he can see how emotionally involved he'd be with me and he doesn't want that, he wants his home life to stay as it is. I don't want to for all the reasons you've noted. So, last Saturday, he told me he didn't want to move forward with me, and I felt so relieved, and in total agreement.

 

But as to the other issue - dating others while in a separation - I am going to copy parts of your advice and send to my husband. Also, I started a thread on this subject in the Separation/Divorce section - if you wish, you could respond to my request for help there?

 

Thanks again. A million virtual brownies coming your way!

[Loni]

Most affairs are going to end badly and those that do not are both anecdotal and lots of hard work.

 

1. If your MM gets busted then congratulations you are now the home wrecking wh0re.

 

2. If he does decide to leave he is in no hurry to divorce and this will piss you off. It will create friction and anxiety with you pushing and him pulling.

 

3. If he has kids you can bet your bottom dollar that BS WILL inform the kids to why daddy has moved out. It will be difficult if damn near impossible to win them over unless they are extremely young or you are extremely patient.

 

4. If you make it that far and marry your affair partner you now have the challenging task of blending families. This is difficult in second marriages that start out in the conventional way. It is much more difficult when you are considered the reason daddy and mommy are not together anymore.

 

5. Every single encounter with the BS is going to be tension filled at best or a shyt storm but you can not avoid them because you are parenting her children.

 

6. You will have to bite your tongue a lot. The BS is going to insult you in front of her children but out of consideration for those same children you are co parenting you will have to be the bigger person and not talk ill of their mother.

 

7. Over the course of their marriage they will have developed friendships with other couples. The husbands will be pretty much cool but their wives will feel threatened. Not that you are going after their husbands (but yes some of them think you are on a MM brigade) but from the reminder that if it could happen to Jane down the street it can it happen to me.

 

8. I am finally at a place where his ex wife and myself can be civil if not friendly and we are happy as a family. It took therapy for the whole family and lots of concessions from me that I would not have had to make had I not been the OW prior to getting involved with a MM. I would not trade my life for the world but would I do something like this again? Can you hear an emphatic NO? It's like winning the lottery and forgetting there is going to be a huge tax on it.

 

9. Finally, the chances of your MM ever leaving and marrying you is unusual. You will find far more MW abandoning the marriage for their affair partner than the other way around. Additionally, MM usually leave very quickly if they are going leave when they are still all wrapped up in that new car (or new vagina) smell.

 

My name is Loni and I have been an anecdote for 4 years.