"This American Life - Cheaters"

[Mme. Chaucer]

Has anyone here listened to the "Cheaters" segment of "This American Life"?

 

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/393/infidelity

 

I listened to it yesterday while on a longish drive and thought about this forum. Perspectives from the cheater, the cheated on, the family of the cheater, and an "OW" are all given.

 

I cannot say that any of the perspectives came off as "pro-cheating," but it is still a very well put together and interesting show.

[Breezy Trousers]

Mme. Chaucer, I'm a big fan of Ira Glass' "This American Life" and, yes, I enjoyed listening to that episode. I also highly recommend his show on "Monogamy." That show revealed that it's not infidelity which tends to ruin marriages but lack of communication. Good stuff.

 

If I remember correctly, Ira Glass' mother, Shirley Glass, is considered to be one of the world's top infidelity experts. She wrote the book, "Not 'Just Friends': Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity."

[donnamaybe]

Mme. Chaucer, I'm a big fan of Ira Glass' "This American Life" and, yes, I enjoyed listening to that episode. I also highly recommend his show on "Monogamy." That show revealed that it's not infidelity which tends to ruin marriages but lack of communication. Good stuff.

Not having listened, I would agree with this. The lack of communication is what makes the M go downhill, but the cheating is what can kill it.

[donnamaybe]

or the lies and secrecy that go along with it that erodes the communication even more...

Exactly. You can have bad communication without actually deceiving or lying, and that CAN be fixed provided both parties are willing. However, purposely lying and sneaking around is VERY harmful and completely abolishes trust.

[bentnotbroken]

I don't listen to that but I do listen to Micheal Baisden Live "cheater Tuesdays" I don't like Baisden but the stupidity use to justify cheating is comic relief on the ride home. Funny in sad, stupid sort of way.

[Breezy Trousers]

I agree with all of you.

 

There's an important distinction I failed to make here. My bad:

 

The monogamy show compares polyamorists and monogamists, based on long-term studies. It's an important distinction because polys have multiple relationships but refuse to cheat on their partner(s). They believe in including their partners in full conversations about their other relationship(s). They give each other full permission to have the same freedoms as long as there is no lying or cheating involved.

 

I know of a couple who have been together for many years. They've always practiced polyamory. They don't enter "new" relationships lightly and will never do so without having the other partner's full consent .... They do not share sexual partners, but they do socialize and get to know each others' "friend" so they are kept in the communication loop. They refer to themselves as "ethical slu*ts ." ... It would seem their life situation would tear them apart but, interestingly enough, this couple is extremely devoted to each other and completely honest. They consider their relationship to be primary, and it shows.

 

The "Monogamy" episode on This American Life has researchers who say that the open relationships among polyamorists isn't the problem for the primary partnership/marriage, as researchers initially suspected it might be. The true problem is communication -- and it's the same with monogamists. Researchers can actually predict whether a relationship will survive or not based on overheard conversations between spouses.

 

People who cheat on their partners are among the worst communicators, I imagine, and were not the subject of this show.

 

Sorry for not being clear about that....