Kansas85 Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 the blame game... 1. The online forum: Nearly all the staff on our ward read /contribute to an online hospital social forum kind of like blogger, where we post upcoming events, seminars, and gossip, jokes, things like that. 2. My friend: A nurse and good friend of mine has had a crush on one of the guys in the office, Steven, for years. 3. The situation: So some nurses caught Steven's wife in the act of having sex with another man (a doctor) who works at this hospital, not once but several times including the staff parking lot. The online forum allows anonymous comments, and soon enough everyone was gossiping about it anonymously on the forum and then in real life on the floor. Then more stuff started coming out about Steven's wife's drug abuse, because the doctor she was screwing was writing her prescriptions for narcs, causing police involvment. It was ugly but all true. 4. The D: Fast forward three years later they are divorced, (divorced almost 2 years now) Steven's ex-wife blames the blog publicizing details of her cheating and drug problems for the divorce. He blames his ex-wife's cheating on him for why they got divorced. My friend and Steven still both work the same rounds. She always liked him (never had an affair or anything inappropriate physically) but describes Steven now as very withdrawn and not the fun loving guy he used to be. She says she has done everything she can to show him she has has feelings for him and more importantly, unlike his cheating wife she would never cheat on him (or anyone else). He doesn't seem willing to give her a chance though. 5. What is the next step? She isn't sure what to do. Steven may be still getting over the divorce and needs time. In which case I said leave the past in the past. Or Steven may suspect she wrote some of the anony comments on the social forum about his ex wife's cheating. Because she was on staff one of the nights they caught the wife with the other doctor. We all read the forum to post events and scheduled training sessions and so on, I told her the entire floor was guilty of reading, sharing and spreading the gossip, not just one person. She said he probably doesn't see it that way, and that she DID write a few comments on the topic but that the mean ones were from somebody else. (Steven was in line for a promotion at the time and her suspicion was one of his competitors or competitor's friends did most of the adultery exposing to keep him from being considered. It worked because he withdrew himself from consideration due to personal issues) I don't know what to tell her, I suggested apologize to him? He has clearly moved on with his life and from his first marriage. She is afraid if she brings up the past it will invitably bring up bad memories and bad feelings for him. Then if she denies having anything to do with the blog Steven won't believe her, and if she apologizes for writing the one or two comments he will never forgive her much less date her, because of the embarrassment and personal pain he enduring during the entire, ugly episode. She feels extremely guilty about the few comments she wrote but doesn't want to broach the subject, because maybe he blames everyone on the floor and taking credit for writing even 1 of the comments would take his unfocused anger and pinpoint her as the target, making him explode with anger and disgust. Anyone has been through something similar? Is there a way to resolve this? Suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 No wonder I could never get a nurse when I call for one. They're busy having sex and gossiping... . The key word is the site is anonymous. Is it really or do people know who's posting. He is not with his wife so this is not cheating. If she wants to have a honest relationship with him she should be upfront and honest. It would be a shame to get him to like her and then someone spills that she took part. If no one really knows its her and she's willing to just risk it keep her mouth quiet... But that's only if no on really knows. Honestly I don't think she could get involved with him at all. God forbid his wife gave him a STD since she couldn't control her drug habit. She might have had sex with anyone just to get her drugs. Anyway sounds like a Nurse Jackie story... tell her leave him alone. Ok get back to work.. patients are calling you. Link to post Share on other sites
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