WTF Am I Doing Wrong

[domple]

Ok so she broke it off 5 months ago, we were going out for 2 and a half years and she calls me up and ends it over the phone. When she decided to break it up over the phone I immediately lost feelings for her (just the way she did it I lost a lot of respected in an instant).

 

Now I don’t want to be with her but everything in my life has done a complete reboot in the 5 months:

 

• Long term break up and no contact with her and hers (my choice including any of her friends as to not have any memories flare up

• Dog died

• Working almost 3 years in a company to get screwed over for promotion so my boss could give it to his buddy and then pressure me out of the company

• Car was written off with a stupid accident

• Friends not being supportive more like “you’ll be fine”

• Until a week ago every single day looking for new work literally working and calling up companies and after hours and going to interviews non-stop making me tired every night but stressed out

• After being stressed out and it freaking cold here at the moment I got bronchitis so I wasn’t able to go out.

• Various immediate family members became sick and grandfather in nursing home (they raised me for many years)

 

Now I am not anti social but I spent my time trying to build a relationship (bought a place and everything) that I lost 90% of my social network just because she never wanted to hang out with my friends or do anything I wanted (so Im happy that Im not with someone if she is that selfish in the long term, although I saw her photo the other day and broke down).

 

Now I am not moaping over her and I have been really ambitious to get out of my rut but constantly screwed over jobs and friends stabbing me in the back (my mum puts it down to just meeting the wrong people). I now have a new job I start next week but the past 4 months have been the most stressed out and lonely I have ever been (I havnt been able to meet anyone new because all I did was just work and interviews and my few friends are in relationships and in their own little bubble).

 

I tried dating online but get more rejections and I don’t think Im a bad looking guy or have a bad job but I am literally going mad (I even went to a councilor who looked at me baffled saying I don’t understand why all these things are happening to you, you just have to hold on there is nothing wrong with you and you have your mindset in the right direction). My family are just saying “WORK HARDER AT FIXING EVERYTHING” but I literally cant think of what to do.

 

I am literally out of my comfort zone in almost every area of my life (work, family, friends, social) and scared because everything I ever tried to build is constantly knocked down and your not talking to a guy who sits down to moap (except maybe writing this). I literally just turned 30 so I don’t think I am too old but I just don’t get it.

 

I suppose I just have to keep getting up but each time it jus gets harder and harder. I am not the type to commit suicide but things are just getting harder and harder and I am not lying down I am actively standing up trying to improve my life and trying to meet new people ( I joined a church because I am religious and looking for people with similar values but only recently as I have been sick and working/interviews non stop).

 

I don’t even know why I wrote this I suppose I was looking to talk to someone who had been through something similar or could offer some words of wisdom,

[Aqua066]

Hey Domple. Yes you've had a rough five month stretch but you've got to look at the positives bro. First, you now have a job. That is a very big thing you don't have to worry about anymore. Second, it sounds like you kept your chin up and maintained your dignity during your breakup. Believe me that is a major positive. Also, you're only 30! This is the prime of your life... and you know what - it is a blessing that you've found out who your true friends are. You don't need friends that aren't going to support you.

 

I know it looks bleak right now but you can't quit. Don't ever give them the satisfaction (especially your ex!). Everyday you need to try to forget about these bad things and focus on you! Try to do something each day that makes you better and feel better about yourself... examples of this can be: working out, get some new clothes, whitening your teeth (something I just did), go back to school or whatever. This has probably made the biggest difference for me especially working out and running. I look and feel great! ... and this is how you have to feel if you want to meet a new person. They will smell how badly you feel from miles away... A girl will want to be with a person who feels good about themselves and is fun to be with. Right now you got to get that back! Don't give up man and good luck!

 

A quote for ya... "It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up" ... Vince Lombardi

 

Peace

 

Aqua

[selena_cat]

Hi

 

Dont worry and take heart,youve been through hurdles but your not a quitter! When you go thru a hard times means that your next to a breakthrough. I love watching Joel Osteen televangelist and he so gets it.

Even if other preachers and critics oppose his style.

His main thing is to lift people up,motivate them knowing that God is not an impersonal being but he's on your side. The main thing is to never give up. I'm sure that you joined a church which is great,there are lots of activities,and people probably can introduce you to other good people

 

I notice your a new member,keep posting or commenting on other people's thread,then you'll be able to pm folks here,so dont feel your going this alone. There are lots of supportive people here,believe me:)

[Exit]

Just sounds like a streak of bad luck, you aren't to blame and there isn't anything wrong with you. I might disagree with the "try harder!" mentality that some of your family or friends are offering you, I would say you've been trying very hard and you deserve a break for a few days or a week! If you can't afford or get the time for an actual vacation, just give yourself a few days where all you do in the evening is rent a movie and treat yourself to some food. It's the type of thing where the harder you try, sometimes it just gets worse. Kick back for a few days, you won't miss the job offer of a lifetime or anything just because you take a few days off from interviewing or applying.

 

I think you need a break. If you're stuck in a rut, sometimes furiously clawing at the walls trying to climb out just digs you deeper. Take a break, recover for a couple days, and then take a running start at it once you have some energy.

[domple]

Hi Everyone and thanks for your support,

 

To be honest your all right but I think as I have a week off work to heal and to start my new job is great but as all my friends work and stuff and they arnt that supportive its been lonely (coupled with broncitus gives me mad cabin fever). Its probably the break I needed but not the one I wanted (if that makes sense)

 

Also I did break NC a month and a half ago because the night we broke up some mates got onto my FB and messaged stuff from my account saying “you’re a slut” and a whole bunch of other messages and I texted her(I didn’t say anything for over 3 months but I hate it when people do stuff with my name I didn’t do) saying it was not me as I don’t like people using my name without my consent and you don’t need to reply. So she writes back “Look we had our differences but I know you’re not an ahole, also happy birthday for next week”. To be honest it was the weirdest message I ever got it was like not closing a door but keeping it open but I never replied.

 

Anyway the reason why my family keeps pushing me is because they know I have some big dreams and was starting them before we dated but stopped to hang out with her more. But I feel torn as for months I have been working trying to stay a-float but I feel drained as anything and lonely. So even though I feel like this is great I have achieved what I wanted which was a new job and I can move onto the next phase, lost a few kg I still feel lonely as I have not had any time to meet new people and just not happy with everything flung at me.

 

Its weird I normally can pump myself up and look on a positive spin but I feel deflated as I now am facing issues of the break up I never were able to as I was so busy. I know everything I have been doing is setting me up on the right path (of where I want to be in life) but it just seems that right now I am tired, drained and cant wait to be mixing with new people.

Anyway thanks again everyone I really don’t like to dwell on the past but sometimes you need to sort stuff out and even though my family are great they have this impression I can change my life in an instant. I guess I just feel that for the first time my life isn’t going down but I hit the flatline point but I just feel tired.

Edited May 31, 2011 by domple
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