Is this a form of Cheating?

[Tra]

My husband and I have been having marital problems. He stated that I have changed. He has been accusing me of cheating on him with someone at work. This was about the early part of year 2002! I confronted on this several times about him cheating because I know I am not doing anything wrong. Usually this is just a decoy from him. I see that he has been making mysterious phone calls on his cell. We were in the process of moving to a new house and I could not understand why this was happening. In the summery of 2002 I confronted him again with some female he has been talking to. He stated that this female was a therapist. Well do I look stupid? Well he set is up for me to speak with her and she pretended she was a therapist and was recommending me for a divorce. I stated that he needed to stop calling her and that we need to seek counseling else where. Well, he suggested that we did not and that we could work on our marriage without counseling. Well in 2003 I was pregnant, I thought all was going good and then the calls started up again. She was even calling my house. He lied and said she was someone from work who needed help and he was the only one. Things did not add up. I trusted him so I did not pursue. In November 2003 we had a healthy 10lb baby boy. The baby is so cute with a lot of curly hair. My husband has made comments that he was taking me on the Maury Povich show for paternity test. Well, its 2004, and several incidents have came to light. I just recently confronted him on my supicions. To many things have happened. Anyway I am on disability from work and needed him to stay home to take me to the doctors. He kept stating that his job will be upset if he was not at work. I stated his priorities are messed up and the real reason was because his "girl friend" at work will be upset that you stayed home. Well he stayed home with me and took the kids to daycare. Well, when he came back. I caught him calling this girl on his cell phone. I confronted him on it and he played me for a fool ONCE again. Stating that this was a LOAN officer and now I was putting his business out in the street. Well, I tried to come to terms with him and was just getting over part of this when some women called my house again. And come to find out when she did not get him on his cell this is why she called the house. When I asked who this was she stated her name. Well it was HER! He once again tried to pretend he did not know why she called. I made him call her back. Then I stated to her to stop calling my F' house. I dealt with her now its his turn! WELL ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I asked him to tell me the truth. He got his clothes on and left. HE WAS CAUGHT!

 

He now finally Confessed but did he? He stated that she is a friend from work. But he just have a Plutonic relationship with her. They have been talking for 2 years. He calls her everyday all hours (morning, noon, night). He stated he apologized to me and that nothing happened between them they were just friends who had a lot in common. She is married and her husband also works on the job, but he doesn't pay her any attention. My husband says he does not feel this is cheating?

 

I FEEL THAT HE HAS CHEATED ON ME! MAY NOT BE PHYSICAL OR ANY SEX! But if he kept this up for 2 years and they both played me on more than one occassion. Then more must be going on.

 

He told me he would tell her that he can not deal with her only on a work basis. He said he tried to call her to tell her this and she cursed him out. He went to work the next day and they had a falling out about all of this. I told my husband what ever happens at work and if they get in trouble for their augument at work. I have no sympathy for him and that he bought this on himself. And if they had such a big augument is more going on than normal. He now says that he doesn't want to LOOSE ME. He wants to work on our Marriage. One thing I can't understand is he is blaming ME for all of this. Yet, I tried to make it work 2 years ago and he led me to believe all was ok and he stopped dealing with this women! NOW I NOT SURE WHAT TO DO! He trust is gone. He is now on LOCK DOWN! When he goes to work he calls me at home to show he is at work. We are talking in a civilized manner but nothing intimate. I was at a point that I dispised him. I not sure how to feel? I am now seeking counseling. I feel we are just room mates right now. We use to say "I love you" and show our feelings? Now I don't know how to begin to feel!

 

WAS THIS A FORM OF CHEATING? IS THIS MARRIAGE WORTH SAVING? CAN I TRUST HIM AGAIN? IS HE TRULY SORRY FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE? WILL WE BE A TRUE FAMILY? SHOULD I JUST CALL IT QUITS?

[morrigan]

Whether the relationship was platonic or not (and it sounds like a load of bull), he kept it a secret from you, and now he's been calling her all the time. He also accuses you of affairs and questions your child's paternity. What an a$$. It doesn't sound like he's taken a lot of accountability for anything he has done.

 

If he wants to save his marriage, he needs to admit to the affair (even if there wasn't sex, there was still an emotional affair going on), and stop contact with this woman, even if it boils down to him getting another job. He needs to notify the woman to stop calling your home. This is his mess to clean up.

 

I'm sorry for you and your son. I really don't think if I would continue to deal with this man. He seems sorry he was caught, not that he cheated.

[Tra]

Thanks for the concern! I agree!

 

Originally posted by morrigan

Whether the relationship was platonic or not (and it sounds like a load of bull), he kept it a secret from you, and now he's been calling her all the time. He also accuses you of affairs and questions your child's paternity. What an a$$. It doesn't sound like he's taken a lot of accountability for anything he has done.

 

If he wants to save his marriage, he needs to admit to the affair (even if there wasn't sex, there was still an emotional affair going on), and stop contact with this woman, even if it boils down to him getting another job. He needs to notify the woman to stop calling your home. This is his mess to clean up.

 

I'm sorry for you and your son. I really don't think if I would continue to deal with this man. He seems sorry he was caught, not that he cheated.

[EnigmaXOXO]

...Well he set is up for me to speak with her and she pretended she was a therapist and was recommending me for a divorce.

 

It took me ten minutes to climb back into my chair after that one!

 

You are obviously surrounded by the mentally deranged. Check yourself out while your own sanity is still intact. Let the nutty woman have him. They deserve each other. Meanwhile, don't waste another second of your valuable time dealing with this kind of insanity.

 

Enough is enough!

[Tra]

You are so right! I even thought about just kicking him out and sending him packing. We been together for 10 years and married for 5 years. That is a lot to throw away! He is stupid and obviously confused. I willing to try just this last time. He is working on trying to get another job! And this may be sooner than we think. This might just be what he needs to start fresh! As I was typing on this forum he calls to give me the news about possibilities of a new job. He now knows he is truly going to lose ME and his kids! I think also that he knows the ball is now in my caught and he cannot get anything over on me. He is being watched too closely! He even stated he feels like a prisoner! I am a stronger person now. The wrong move could be his last. Now he realized he jepordized a lot. But again maybe with counseling, this will help him take more accountability for his actions and realize IT'S NOT OK!

 

posted by EnigmaXOXO [/i]

It took me ten minutes to climb back into my chair after that one!

 

You are obviously surrounded by the mentally deranged. Check yourself out while your own sanity is still intact. Let the nutty woman have him. They deserve each other. Meanwhile, don't waste another second of your valuable time dealing with this kind of insanity.

 

Enough is enough!

[Just Visiting]

Originally posted by Tra

He even stated he feels like a prisoner!

 

If he keeps whining about being a "prisoner", tell him he is a prisoner of his own making, and he has a choice to leave. When I read your post, I was becoming quite frustrated. Don't allow him to steamroll you or take you on a guilt trip. You and your son deserve way more than that. You did nothing wrong.

 

10 years is a chunk of time. But who needs to be dragged down for another 40 or 50 years? Get out while you can, he can have his women.

[Just Visiting]

Originally posted by Tra

He even stated he feels like a prisoner!

 

Well, he is a prisoner of his own making. You are not the one who told him to behave that way. Reading what you posted made my jaw drop to the floor and blood boil. 10 years and a son is a lot to throw away on some affair. Who needs that stress? Isn't love about understanding and compromise? Pretty obvious that he lacks those qualities. For him to maintain contact with that woman for over two years is a slap in the face. No one deserves that.

 

I can hear the hope in your post for him to wise up and fly straight. It may or may not happen. My opinion? Kick him to the curb. He has a lot of things to figure out and you don't need someone to play you like that. Best wishes for whatever you may choose to do.

[Darkangelism]

He has been cheating on you, its time to get out.

[mama03]

Hi I am so sorry for your sadness, anger, and disapointment. I found a great web sight when I was going through my stuff with my now ex-husband. You still have a chance if you want to get thing fixed. It was to late for me. <URL removed> has a lot of useful information about affairs.

 

Good luck!