jonny78 Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Hey guys... I know that none of this matters in terms of it doesn't matter what she's thinking, because it's over... But it's really testing my NC and hindering me moving on. I know you can't answer for her, but your opinions would help me get my head clear... My ex of 2 years cheated on me and left me for a person I was friends with. She also played a lot of horrible mind games on me whilst I was down & out and fed me more breadcrumbs than you can ever imagine, which I regretfully responded too before I found this place and enforced NC. I enforced NC and have been NC for 4 months now. I saw her for the first time since NC initiation and completely ignored her last. week. She text one of my closest friends saying she hates herself for how she treated me and was crying over the situation, I saw her crying, still ignored her. She knew Id get the message... But why wouldn't she just apologise too me... Just a knee-jerk reaction for me giving the illusion of moving on for the first time? Can probably guarantee she hasn't thought about me for 4 months prior with the new guy right? Is it just a mind game to get me to break NC? Relieve her guilt? Breadcrumbs for a reaction for self esteem? Any chance it could be genuine? I hear they are still together but argue a lot (not important, I know...) ... Kinda feel like breaking NC for answers, but I know I shouldn't ... Thinking about it is driving me crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Shadowburn Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 A lot of dumpers feel guilty about initiating breakup especially when there is someone else involved. They may be reaching out not to apologize for doing you wrong, but to lessen their own guilt and to feel better about themselves - like hey, so what that I dumped them, hurt them, broke their heart, ruined their life - look, I said I'M SORRY! She won't reach out to you directly because she is too afraid of rejection. Yes, that same rejection she handed out to you freely when she ended things. Keep ignoring her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jonny78 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 I just want to ask her how on earth she thinks it is fair to be like that for one night... after what I've been through for 4 months worths of nights since it happened... How dare she put on that show with all the suffering I've been through whilst she's been getting off to some other guy... Arrhhh!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jonny78 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 Are you saying that ensuring I got the message from another source will have aleviated her guilt? Even though I've maintained NC? ... kind of frustrating Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 You've got no reason to break NC. If she really wants to make sure the message gets to you, she will say it TO you. And even then, like you wondered above, it usually is just them trying to make themselves feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
jstobo Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 You have to fight your urges here. You have done so well to stay NC for 4 months. Stick with it. If you contact her and all she wanted to do was relieve guilt, which is most likely, you'll hang up feeling absolutely lousy. If she is in fact crying because she wants to try again, she will contact you. Stay firm!! Link to post Share on other sites
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