realitysucks Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 I have been married for 16 years and last night after a chat, and 2 years of trying to make things better my wife and have decided to call it a day. I still love and fancy her, but she now only loves me like a friend / brother (her words) i cannot accept this situation, it hurts to be around her and not recieve any affection etc, and it is making us both worse people and getting us down more and more. She would be quite happy to carry on as we are, no sex and separate lives in the same house, but i travel for work and am alone alot and feel i need to be able to an adult companion that cares about me. i seem to feel less of a man when around her, she makes me feel little and unconfident, yet i know that i am not a bad looking chap and her friends and other women find me attractive, and i am very outgoing and confident when not in my wifes presence. so in the hope of ending the downward spiral, and not affecting the kids, i am going to look at an apartment tomorrow and see if i can afford to move out and start the break cleanly, staying in the house just hurts and is awkward. We want to stay friends for the sake of the kids and we do accept that the love is gone, sometimes i really resent her for not loving me, so i think its time to go before that turns into somthing worse. i did catch her months ago, having an e-mail affair, (quite explicit) with a guy from another country, so i know it was only on paper and nothing physical has happend, i confronted her, we fought, got back together and tried to make it work, but i could tell she was trying to do what she thought she should, not what she wanted to do, in the house or in bed, so all the above being considered is still wonder am i doing the right thing? I am tired of kidding myself that i can make her love me again, its time to admit defeat, no matter how bad it hurts thoughts and advise welcome please? Link to post Share on other sites
jamster Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 I know exactly where you're coming from. You can only do you're share,she has to want it too. Do you have any suspicions of a p.a Link to post Share on other sites
Author realitysucks Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 Not i can honestly say 100% there was no PA at all. She openly admits she could go the rest of her days without sex, with anyone, and i must say i do believe her. She would prefer to carry on as we are in a loveless marrage, so i know shes not planning on hooking up with anyone else, at least at this point! Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 You’ll be ok. I’m sure its not as one sided as you make it seem here though. I mean it never is. Bottom line if you’ve honestly tried all your options what you are doing is probably best. It will be work to keep it civil though. As a man it makes us feel like a failure when we have to give up on something. The idea of another man pleasing her where we couldn’t is upsetting. Try not to think this way cause its false. When separated you’ll be able to be with new women in a real relationship. Just keep in mind you’re sense of you has to come from you. It’s never ok to blame or attribute your sense of self to your partner. Like I said things are going to get better for you. In fact your marriage could still be saved by the fact you started asking for more. Just be ready to give more. If your marriage does end you’ll have hope back in your life, a great source of energy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author realitysucks Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 Serenah your right, been thinking the same for the last two years! like i said looking at a place tomorrow, finances will be tight, very tight, but just about achievable i think Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Funny these type of women always want you as a friend not as a husband. My told me the same thing. Shes pretty much doing what yours is doing. I ready to get out of this mess and she'll get her own apt as she wants to live on her own. Once they have made up their mines there isn't much hope left for the other side of the relationship. Those MC usually guys they can't understand the wife point of view. Once she wanted to go to one. I had refused. She told her story like she want Queen of the Land and I was someone views that didn't matter. After a few weeks of the MC guy. He told her and not me that was causing issues. Of course she never wanted to go back and see him ever again. So goes to show you that seeing MC doesn't mean things will ever be the same again or might never be the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Tiberius Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 I am sure your sister wont mind if you get yourself a girlfriend. You want sex and dont get it from your wife? Do something about it. You can still have sex with other women and she can still be good for other things. Why break up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author realitysucks Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 I am sure your sister wont mind if you get yourself a girlfriend. You want sex and dont get it from your wife? Do something about it. You can still have sex with other women and she can still be good for other things. Why break up? Seriously? your winding me up right? live and support a woman that doesnt love me, and try to get a bit on the side? Yet let her continue to stay at home a benifit from my salary / pension etc? for what a few cooked dinners in return? A maid would be less financial burden! That is really a recipe for disaster, what about having some self esteeme? Anyway for the serious responders, i saw the flat today and have put in the application for it, moving in the right direction................i guess Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Seriously? your winding me up right? live and support a woman that doesnt love me, and try to get a bit on the side? Yet let her continue to stay at home a benifit from my salary / pension etc? for what a few cooked dinners in return? A maid would be less financial burden! That is really a recipe for disaster, what about having some self esteeme? Anyway for the serious responders, i saw the flat today and have put in the application for it, moving in the right direction................i guess Yes get away from her, just going to make you feel bad being just friends. That other comment not call for here though. I have the same issue now. At time I feel like it's normal but then I hear. Guess what, I might have found a few apartments to go and look at. So then I know it's not a dream. Still I ask here how long is this going to be when you move out or close this house. Now it's August. Mine won't cook, clean or do anything just dump her dirty work clothes around the house. She got home today and said when are you going to wash my stuff in the corner. I don't feel like doing it since this marriage is ended. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 . She got home today and said when are you going to wash my stuff in the corner. You are allowing yourself to be a victim here, damn well stand up to the woman. Your reply to her "Do it yourself" and if she doesn't then let all her smelly clothes pile up. To illustrate your point just do your own washing. Link to post Share on other sites
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