18 months in and not feeling the same ...

[steve9417]

Appreciate the thoughts / advice as i find myself in a place where i'm not sure of what to do

 

Firstly i suppose i'm a commitment phobic person - its not intentional i might add - i don't like it and it's been very difficult for me being like this over the years. I've never married - i had my first real relationship when i was in my late 20's which might be a sign as to why i struggle with them today

 

I'm in my early 40's now have been seeing someone now for 18 months - she' in her late 30's and has a 9 year old boy - she's recently got to a place where she wants me to move in - truth be told i'm really unsure about it - in some way i'm so frightened about making the wrong decision - i'm struggling with my feelings for her recently and noticed that i'm being rude and uncaring - which is unlike how i've been for a lot of the relationship - i've even started having dreams in which i've told her i want to finish the relationship

 

I've had 4 relationships in my life which when they get to about this point (18 months) i tend to run for the hills emotionally and finish them - this one though i want to try and work through my commitment phobic side but on the flip side my feelings of fear may well be justified

 

Right now i just don't know what to do - i'm feeling a bit sick to be honest about the whole thing - she loves me very much and keeps telling me how much she wants us to work out - i'm talking to a counsellor about it but still drawing a blank

 

I find putting my raw thoughts out there sometimes helps to work through things ......... any thoughts folks ?

[Exit]

You mentioned wanting to work through this, but that maybe your fears are justified. What are your fears and what do you think could happen that would justify them?

 

I was obviously going to suggest talking to someone if you really wanted to work through this instead of trying to do it on your own, but you mention already seeing a counselor. If they aren't helping much, maybe you need to try someone else. Some of these people just sit in a chair and nod their head. They need to understand the urgency that you are right at that point of 18 months where you usually tend to run and you really need some advice on if and how you should try to stay this time.

 

Frankly if you feel like you can't stop yourself from being rude and strange to her because you won't be comfortable there, as much as you might hurt her by saying no, in the long run, you'd be doing her a favor instead of wasting her time. If you can't put your all into this and really give it your best effort, you'll just have to be honest. But if you're sick of running, figure out how to stay.