So it finally happened.

[brokendreamz]

We're in the process of selling our house.

 

We've been split up 5 months after 8 years together (last 2 engaged).

 

She promised me there was no one else and I believed her and still do although there were signs that a guy at work was hitting on her which I did nothing about as she told me about it and asked me not to act which I did cos I trusted her.

 

So - I just get off the phone about the house sale and I ask her how she's doing to find out that she's been seeing someone since May... Yup - the bloke from her work.

 

She swears that there was nothing going on and that she never cheated on me and I still want to believe her - she was never like that - but am I basically being a total ****ing mug?

 

Man I hate this. I love her so much and after this bit of news, I'm straight back to day one.

 

I can't go total nc cos of the house :0(

[The Great Gazoo]

More reason to move on from this immature person.

[WiseOne1]

It's hard to believe her, but trust me, women never leave one branch until they got another one, not meaning to compare there attitudes to a monkey.

 

They all say, no I didn't leave you for anyone else, but there only doing that to save face, just in case that things don't work out with the new guy, the bridge is NOT burned, because normally that may completely burn the bridge.

 

It hurts badly once you find out that they've been dating someone new, but all you can do at this point is try to hurry the house sale on so you can go NC.

 

Because keeping in touch with her is gonna drive you crazy.

[giuliano-3]

Many girls claim they didn't "date" anyone while still together and while this might be true it would be naive at best to think they didn't have irons in the fire - especially if they get together with someone new right away. For some reason it is OK for girls to put feelers out there with other guys, in their minds they're not cheating. This is accepted in our society. Since the horrible split with my ex no less than 5 different girls have tried to hook up with me while still together with a long-term bf. One was even engaged.

 

I used to think "well this just means they'll do the same to me so I don't want that type of girl." Now I'm not so sure. Starting to think most girls are like this (these days) in our society. Its akin to the old addage "sowing the royal oats" which used to accompany a male's viewpoint on relationships. The tables have been turned, now many girls think the way guys used to in the 50's. Males are objectified like at no other point in history. Didn't realize equality meant making things miserable for us in the present to repay what happened in the past.

 

But I don't want to become a jaded old man who hates women, so I think I'll move to another country

 

And, yes, I realize many guys out there are total D-bags. However, all you girls who say "I just want to meet a 'nice guy'" need to ask yourself if that is really true. Cause when I look around I see a lot of D-bags getting lots of attention from the ladies. Just sayin

[Livelovelearn]

I just want to clarify that it is not just women! I have dated a man for 3 years and gave him my all we had a lovely relationship and then in the end he kept asking for space saying he didnt feel the same way...and then i find out he has another woman for couple months before we broke..so again it is not just women..its immature people who dont know how to be alone. They blame things that are not going right with them on their partner and so they seek out to find someone else that will "make things feel better" in their life. I say find out how to fix this house situation of yours whether you have to move out and leave. Remember if she wanted you she would have stayed with you. Her decision was the other guy...let her find out that after the honey moon period..the grass isnt always greener.

[giuliano-3]

I just want to clarify that it is not just women!

 

No doubt, sorry if I gave that impression. I just get a little worked up sometimes when it comes to the new double standard present in our society. How many celebrities have been caught in cheating scandals lately? Loads, its kind of a big deal these days. How many of those were females cheating on their partners? Zero.

 

Its as if there are no women celebrities cheating on their partners, which is weird because I've worked in Hollywood and can definitively say that the cheating ratio is roughly the same as it is for "regular folks." 50/50.

 

D-bags are D-bags, A-holes are A-holes, cheaters are cheaters no matter what the gender might be.

[brokendreamz]

So. Just got in from meeting her. Told her I needed to speak to her face to face about the whole cheating thing.

 

I might be the biggest mug in the world but I do believe she didn't leave me for him.

 

I suffered with depression. Neither of us realised - just thought I was a negative person and she didn't want to be with someone like that which I can totally understand! I know I pushed her away as I thought it was her making me unhappy. It wasn't. I was ill.

 

There were a lot of tears on both sides and she apologised for hurting me but since the break she's made it clear that it's over.

 

Tonight, through her tears, she says she still loves me but not like that. She says she misses our friendship and would like to remain friends but I told her I couldn't be friends after 8 years my feelings are deeper than that.

 

I do believe she never cheated although I think the guy she's hooked up with is wrong for her and she tells me she doesn't love him. I think she's as confused as me to be honest.

 

I know I have to let her go but I honestly do not know how! I feel like I'm more in love with her now than I ever have been and it's eating me up know g she's with another bloke.

[stopthemadness]

I think at this point who did what to whom and when just doesnt matter anymore. Just except that its over and try to strart the process of moving on. Iam thinking that because of you using the word depression. Todays word is Threapist!! I think its a REALLY good idea. Ive been out of my breakup for 10 months now. I saw a therapist for the last 7 months.Its helped me TONS and i know it can help you too. Iam so sorry for your heart ache. When my ex dumped me, I didnt sleep I wasnt eating. I was SOO broken. But HEY, am NOT anymore!! Iam so much better now. Iam healing a little bit more every day. And soon you will be too. So make the calls, get someone to talk too. Youll be glad you did. Good luck..keep posting it helps. Theres a chat line on here too, try it. Its called On Line Chatting to Cope. I used to be on there alot in the being........

[brokendreamz]

Stopthemadness. Thanks for your reply. I agree I need to stop thinking about the why's and what ifs but easier said than done huh!

 

I've been seeing a therapist for the last 4 months, also on meds and they have both helped. This latest bit of news is a major set back for me. It's 3.50am here and I've not slept.

 

I just keep thinking about the two of them at work and questioning myself on wether I believe she was faithful or not, although I know it shouldn't matter now. What's done is done, can't change the past but can't stop loving her either.

 

Man this is tough. As soon as the house is sold I know its gotta be nc nc nc nc.

[Sassygirl2]

Brokendreamz,

 

I feel for you. What you are going through is so hard but you have to believe that you can get through this. From reading your posts you sound very strong. It will be hard because you are selling the house and will have to speak with her. I would just treat her like you would want to be treated if the roles were reversed. It doesn't sound like she cheated on you. I think a lot of people on here have had that happen and are quick to say there is someone else when a person dumps us. That is not always the case.

 

You will get through this and the experience will make you stronger. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it will. Hang in there - be good to yourself. Post here if you need help or to vent. We are here for you.

[Exit]

I know how you feel but I cannot claim to understand the amount of pain that would come with 8 years involved in it. My ex of less than a year spent 2 months still in touch with me, told me she was still deciding and wouldn't do anything until she was absolutely sure about us, and then she slept with someone else. Through the entire process she told me to believe her and have faith in her, and I fell for it. Strangely enough, only a few days after her admitting it to me, at least right now, I already feel over it. I made myself sick (literally got sick) thinking about it in my mind the past few days, the girl who I thought I might end up with for good, giving herself to another guy. As I sit here right now it's not upsetting me. I could wake up tomorrow and be a mess again. But I am okay now. I think maybe I am getting over my love for her after all this drama. It almost seems to me this could swing in the direction of me falling out of it with her, and then she is going to realize what a mistake she made and she'll want me, but it will be too late. And I don't say that arrogantly, or that I'm secretely dying for her to still come back, I honestly look at the way she is still trying to be in touch with me and the way this is going, and I honestly think for the first time in my life I could actually see this one coming back, and for the first time, I'm not going to be interested.

 

I do think many many people, both men and women, aren't secure enough to leave someone without at least someone else they are slightly interested in already. Only the truly brave can accept when their feelings are fading with someone, and accept that they have to face that fact, and they may end up alone because of it. Other people just want the ease of knowing someone else is there to catch them.

[brokendreamz]

I just sent a text asking for no contact other than email with regard to selling the house. I wasn't nasty, just to the point and told her that I can't believe she only developed feelings for him over the last couple of months and that if shed hooked up with any one else we might have been able to have forged some sort of friendship but this latest twist is just too painful for me.

 

I haven't slept a wink all night. Have I done the right thing?

[sabienne]

Brokendreamz, I feel terrible for you - and I understand. My relationship of 6.5 years collapsed, we're also in the process of selling a house we own (except he isnt lifting a finger to help me, so nc is much easier to instigate) and I'm also convinced he didn't cheat in so far as he never had sex with anyone else while we were together.

 

BUT I am convinced he was interested in someone else - a woman he works with - and that he was having an emotional affair. I think the flattery of having another womans attention is what convinced him to leave me - and where a good deal of GIGS kicked in on his behalf. I'm guessing you and your ex have been together from a young age and are possibly each other first bf/gf. We were too. I think our ex's just got a good case of GIGS through the attention they got from others.

 

Feel proud though that anyone who would flake on your love over a bit of flattery and attention is someone very immature and someone you are much better off without.

[brokendreamz]

Hey Sabienne. Thanks for your response and sorry to hear about your experiences. I am 34 she's 28. I thoughts she was the one and I believed she felt that way too.

 

I am back to square 1. This is crap.

[Exit]

I think you've done the right thing for now. It's up to her to make the effort if she ever wants things to improve. Telling her to only stick to emails and discuss the house shows that you are not interested in any other BS, being led on, etc. She's seeing someone else so there's really no benefit of torturing yourself by being in touch with her. Only discuss business right now and heal yourself.

[brokendreamz]

What's wrong with me? I keep thinking she's going to see sense and ask to come back. Even after all this, even after another bloke I still think she'll change her mind!!! I think I must be mad in the head. WTF

[dng]

What's wrong with me? I keep thinking she's going to see sense and ask to come back. Even after all this, even after another bloke I still think she'll change her mind!!! I think I must be mad in the head. WTF

 

Next time you see your therapist, you have to tell him about those things you just wrote. You are torturing yourself at the moment, you still haven't accepted that its over but believe it, its over.

 

Its over.

 

Its over.

 

Let it sink in that its over.

 

As it does, you'll start realizing that she wasn't the one, that she did terrible things to you that you accepted in the name of unconditional love.

 

Give it time, courage brother. Push forward.

[brokendreamz]

dng. You're right.

 

I just realised that I don't want her back after she's been with another man. She doesn't love me.

 

However hard that is to take, I have to take it and move forward. I can't believe I'm not in tears right now - I know they'll come though!

 

I think I'm going to leave work and travel for a year or so. I'm 5 months out and this feels like the first day all over again.

 

I hope I never see the two of them together. I can't believe she's with someone else.

 

I'm gutted

[brokendreamz]

Starting to feel the hate rise.

 

I want to tear over there and punch his ****ing lights out in front of her.

 

She's ripped my heart out and broken me.

 

Why do I still love her so much after all this. It's just not right.

[giuliano-3]

Let go of hostility you feel toward this new guy. Unhealthy all around. I can tell you from experience once you let go of hating him you'll feel much better and be able to put things in better perspective. You never know what your ex told him, he's probably not to blame for the way you're feeling.

[brokendreamz]

Hmmm. feeling almost indifferent today - looks like I'm back on that ****ty rollercoaster - I can feel the back of my brain clouding over. I know I'm going to burst at some point.

 

Here we go again - at least I know what to expect this time.

[Exit]

Hey, I think I'm on the same rollercoaster as you. I feel fine right now but I know that I've been both miserable and happy in the past few days, so I expect that will probably continue. But the rollercoaster does end eventually. Try your best to let go and maybe not "enjoy" but "endure" the ride, and I'll see you at the end. I need to accept the same thing. It's over. It's over. It's over. Even with everything that has happened I keep thinking this will work out. Not healthy. If I did okay today having no contact with her at all, I can do it again tomorrow, and the next day, and forever.

[brokendreamz]

Hi Exit.

 

I've been following some of your postes here and I feel for you. I know we'll get there eventually - pretty **** ride so far though huh.

[Renard99]

Hmmm. feeling almost indifferent today - looks like I'm back on that ****ty rollercoaster - I can feel the back of my brain clouding over. I know I'm going to burst at some point.

 

Here we go again - at least I know what to expect this time.

 

I really feel for you. I keep being put on that rollercoaster.

 

Working in the building next door I see her often which gives me knots in my stomach, but, what's really done it for me lately is the fact that she's now leaving work and travelling on the same train that I get home, getting off at my stop and now walking some of the way towards the house we once shared together, and all, seemingly, to meet (what I think) is a guy (i've been forcing myself not to look).

 

I'm desperately looking for another job but it's not easy in the current economic climate. I certainly can't afford to move house, that's for certain. I can't even take another route home (well I can but the point at which I can vary the route is already past where she stops walking to meet the guy so it's pointless) Looks like I'm going to have to live with this torture in the short term. Puts me back to square one everytime.

[brokendreamz]

Renard - sounds like a nightmare mate.

 

I keep telling myself it won't be like this forever. Keep on keeping on - we'll get there eventually and be better people for this awful experience.

 

I'm keeping ultra busy from now on, every time the image of the two of them pops into my head I try to imagine him as a clown juggling with circus balls. Seems to be helping lol! The twat!!!