What the Heck?

[mustangsally]

So, I was FWBs with this guy...and perhaps he was the wrong guy to choose. I was very clear that there were no strings attached, as I'm leaving town and do not want to get involved. We slept together once and things were NEVER awkward. I mean, just the opposite. He'd call me up, we'd talk online, etc. He's not very experienced with women, though, sexually or emotionally. He acts like he wants to just hook up, but he's said some things that make me think that's not what he wants (with me or in general).

 

We had sex again a couple weeks ago, and since then things have been SUPER weird. At first he was totally normal, and then as time wore on, he got weirder and weirder as the next day wore on (we were hanging out that day). I asked him what was going on after hanging out with him and things being super weird, and he said nothing and kissed me and said we'd hook up again later. Since then, we talked on the phone one time, but he seemed...not himself. I saw him out later and he seemed SO super awkward. We were in front of a group of people who know we've hooked up, but didn't necessarily know about the extent of it and other people remarked that he was being weird. Since then, it's like he's fallen off of the face of the earth. I haven't reached out to him at all since I got those weird vibes.

 

I'm leaving soon and I'm not sure what to do. I don't know if I should say goodbye to him and try to meet him or just leave it or what. I liked having him as a friend, but it sort of sucks that he's acting this way. He always talks about how he doesn't like clingy girls, but I've never been even the slightest clingy (I usually let him make the move)...so I don't really know if I crossed a line somewhere or what? 90% of me thinks it's his neurosis because he isn't very experienced and is probably just confused in general, but 10% is like "OMG, it's me! What did I do wrong?!"

[Rozyo20]

i am having issues with my own FWB but i can tell he is getting attaached

[spiderowl]

If you've made it clear there are no strings attached and that's what he wants then this seems odd. It doesn't sound like you hook up very often, in which case maybe it's not a big deal for him. But, from what you say, the guy was in an odd mood. Others noticed it too, not just you. I have a feeling his mood was nothing to do with you but maybe something else going on in his life. If you think about it, what feeling did it give you at the time? How did you feel he was, apart from odd? Shifty, sad, guilty? What impression did you get?

 

Having said all that, if you have no means of contacting him, you can't check if he's alright. Does anyone else know how he is? If he's OK and carrying on with his life, then I guess he's not that interested in this FWB relationship or he would have been in touch at least to maintain contact. He sounds half-hearted, to say the least. I'd forget about him and find someone who wants to keep in touch and won't let a couple of days go by without communicating with you. In my opinion, occasional meetings for sex is much too casual for even a caring friendship.

[mustangsally]

He is okay....I've seen him online occasionally. We don't hook up all that often, but we also hang out more than we hook up, so it seems weird that all of the sudden he would GET WEIRD. For him, sex is a pretty big deal (he's not that experienced, like I said), though, so I dunno if that's a factor. I mean we used to talk a bit, but sometimes weeks would go by without speaking (we're not best friends or anything). So the no communication isn't as odd as his awkward behavior. Like I said, he wasn't awkward after the first time, but something must've clicked this time and now he's SUPER awkward and weird. Maybe he just doesn't care, that could be....but that's not like him. Especially when we've firmly established that we'd like to continue being friends.

 

As far as his oddness, maybe it is something else, but I feel like he would have told me or someone in our group of friends that something was going on. He seemed nervous around me and slightly aloof and uncomfortable. That's how he sounded when I talked to him on the phone as well...nervous. Not guilty, no. I don't think it's not a big deal to him because he makes sex out to be a big deal and he wasn't hooking up with anyone else...so it's kinda all really weird. Even if he was, I wouldn't really care, but I just wish I knew what was going on so I know how to approach him.

 

All this said, he's not very mature, so I'm not sure he even knows how to articulate his feelings...if that makes any sense?

Edited June 1, 2011 by mustangsally

[spiderowl]

Could be he's lost interest and doesn't know how to tell you, or could be he's falling for you and is embarassed that he's feeling out of control. Has he asked you what you are looking for or how you feel about the way things are? If he has and you've been casual about the way things are, maybe he thinks any stronger feelings would be out of place so he's trying to distance himself to see if they go away.

[prack]

Heck is what's called a "minced oath", where you avoid actually swearing by saying a word that sounds similar to them. Other examples of this are darn, cripes, jeepers.

Heck itself is usually a replacement for "hell" by either those wishing not to swear or not to use the true word in case it offends, hurts or scares those around them.A security, financially speaking, means something very different. A security is a negotiable instrument that is fungible. Fungible means that the value of one unit of a particular commodity can have an equivalent from another commodity. There is a broad characterization of securities that are called debt securities. Debt securities can be banknotes, bonds and debentures. They can also be equity securities like stocks and derivative contracts meaning forwards, futures, options and swaps.