Once a slut, always a slut?

[stepka]

Andy_K: Did you consider that that the reason she wants to 'take it slow' is because she's moved very fast in the past? Did you consider that perhaps she's screwed every guy she's been on a date or two with except you?

 

I don't mean to burst your bubble, but don't kid yourself that she must be a 'good girl' because of this.

 

 

John Michael Kane: Exactly. Can't stand women who are "reformed sl*ts". They want to tramp around with a lot of guys then when they meet the nice guy who got something going for himself she wants to latch herself onto him and hold hands, demanding fidelity.

__________________

 

I pulled these quotes off of another thread b/c I think this topic needs its own thread. Guys. We need to talk. I'd like to know why it is that you think that if a girl has a "past" that you feel that you're entitled to the goodies. Yeah, I know that word gets around that a girl is easy and suddenly she's quite popular for awhile with very little effort on her part. Problem is that many women go thru a stage where they're fairly indiscriminate. Maybe they grew up in a crappy homelife and they're reacting to that. Maybe they just got out of a bad relationship. There's a million other reasons, but it happens.

 

Most women who go through this do not stay this way. At some point they wake up and realize that giving it up too easily is not taking them where they want to go and it's keeping them from getting into a serious relationship with a nice man and that if they keep this up they'll be at much greater risk for STDs and the loss of their friends' respect. Whatever. So they pull it in a little bit--they decide that maybe they'll get to know their dates a little better, but they maybe don't realize that the guy they're with tonight only asked them out because he thought he had a sure bet to get some and now she says no and he has a little temper tantrum. Too bad--it's her body and her call as to how she chooses to use it and if you were only asking her out to get easy sex, well, whose fault is it if you didn't get it as easily as you'd hoped? Yes, we women love sex, but from these posts it's obvious to me that the old double standard is still alive and well. I'm here to tell you that there is no good girl/bad girl--simply a lot of women confused as to how they too can enjoy sex and a relationship when all the rules have changed and good ole mom is clueless as to how to help her.

[collegeguy_24]

I will start off and say I agree with the notion that it is her body and she has the right to decide what to do with it, but as a man who was in this situation, albeit briefly, I will explain my view.

 

My ex was very promiscuousness, 10 guys in less then 2 years. Most were FWBs, and only 1 was an actual relationship. She admitted to it.

 

When we were dating, in he second month she asked to take a brake from sex, she wanted to see if she loved me for me, or if she simply loved for my large penis. Her words.

 

I agreed, because i wanted her to love me for who I was, for my mind and personality.

 

But after a month of no sex, I was growing frustrated, I never told her I was frustrated, but I think she may have known.

 

I was upset because I was the first man she ever did this with, everyone else she put out instantly. She even slept with me on the first date, and to tis day, she has a reputation as being one of the easiest women on campus.

 

So for me to be denied sex was frustrating towards the end, because she was so willing to give it up to anything with a penis, but stopped with me, I felt like I was being used slightly because I still took her out and stuff.

 

ANy man would feel that way over time. My head and my heart said she was doing it to see if she loved me, my hormones said I was being used and it wanted sex.

 

See the problem?

[Mangomonkey]

the thing with something like this is that. no decent man really cares about a a girl's past. it dont matter.

 

what does matter is that for the guy it seems a bit unfair. think about it. For men who deal with women like this. they feel in some ways inferior or inadequate compared to the previous men the girl slept with.

 

If a girl were to tell a guy he is special and different and makes him works hard for sex is one thing. but to give it up to the guy before him easily and then tell the "nice" guy that he is different and want to start off a different foot. It raises questions.

 

Its like me spending loads of cash on a hot chick on tuesday but split the bill on an okay chick on thursday. how would the girl feel knowing that i can be go crazy over someone but dont share that shame affection with them?

 

look at it however you want it but thats how it is. the only exception to the rules in my book is if the girl was in a different period, time, and place in her life and accepts her own past and it really is that. her PAST. Or i just like the girl so much that i just accept her past for what it is. Thats part of the road to loving someone.

 

but honestly i know very few men who actually care. its more on the women themselves. I cant tell you how many women i know who are ashamed of themselves for what they did. If it really didnt matter. then why are you ashamed? if the person you with cant accept you then there really isnt any point in being with them now is there.

 

but talking about the past is bad early on. when the relationship is established and kicking strong then yea. you should but not early on.

[OldOnTheInside]

Whether a woman is a "reformed slut" or not...labels can stick for a very long time.

 

I have to ask, what right does a previously promiscuous girl have to complain about people judging them for their past actions?

 

I mean, don't do something that might bite you in the ass later, then complain when it does bite you in the ass later.

[stepka]

ANy man would feel that way over time. My head and my heart said she was doing it to see if she loved me, my hormones said I was being used and it wanted sex.

 

See the problem?

 

Yes, I do see the problem, but not sure what that was about--that's kind of weird. I guess I wonder how you were being used though--were you spending a lot of money on her? Was she screwing other guys while taking a break from you? Or was she just taking time out from sex to get to know you a little better--starting over, so to speak?

 

BTW, I'm not sure 10 men in 2 years is considered extremely promiscuous--it is kind of though and it's probably average for a college girl who dates. So, she either lied about the real number or you're unclear about what's normal. Honestly though--does it matter? What matters is how you two felt about each other and whether she was playing with your head or sincere about trying to make changes in her promiscuity level and get more serious with you at the same time. I'm thinking though that if you were just a "guy" she wouldn't have bothered--she'd have hit it and quit it, same as a man would do.

[collegeguy_24]

Yes, I do see the problem, but not sure what that was about--that's kind of weird. I guess I wonder how you were being used though--were you spending a lot of money on her? Was she screwing other guys while taking a break from you? Or was she just taking time out from sex to get to know you a little better--starting over, so to speak?

 

BTW, I'm not sure 10 men in 2 years is considered extremely promiscuous--it is kind of though and it's probably average for a college girl who dates. So, she either lied about the real number or you're unclear about what's normal. Honestly though--does it matter? What matters is how you two felt about each other and whether she was playing with your head or sincere about trying to make changes in her promiscuity level and get more serious with you at the same time. I'm thinking though that if you were just a "guy" she wouldn't have bothered--she'd have hit it and quit it, same as a man would do.

 

I was spending a lot of money on her, and I had no job so I was spending my savings, not a wise choice I see now.

 

The thing with her is, she has never been without a man. Even she admitted that she always had one lined up for her.

 

My problem with it was the fact that she outright lied to me and gave half truths about her past, while at the same time asking me to be completely honest.

 

It wasn't until i confronted her that she gave me the full truth. If she had been honest in the beginning instead of giving me several different stories then I wouldn't have had a problem as time would have gone by and it would have left me head. But the fact that she kept changing the details over time always kept it in my head.

 

Also, she still hung out with her exes, something I was uncomfortable with, though she did say she would respect my wishes and not do it anymore, sometimes it still happened.

[Ginger Beer]

Yes, I do see the problem, but not sure what that was about--that's kind of weird. I guess I wonder how you were being used though--were you spending a lot of money on her? Was she screwing other guys while taking a break from you? Or was she just taking time out from sex to get to know you a little better--starting over, so to speak?

 

BTW, I'm not sure 10 men in 2 years is considered extremely promiscuous--it is kind of though and it's probably average for a college girl who dates. So, she either lied about the real number or you're unclear about what's normal. Honestly though--does it matter? What matters is how you two felt about each other and whether she was playing with your head or sincere about trying to make changes in her promiscuity level and get more serious with you at the same time. I'm thinking though that if you were just a "guy" she wouldn't have bothered--she'd have hit it and quit it, same as a man would do.

 

10 men in 2 years is ridiculous.

[musemaj11]

Men who are so judgmental of sexual women never cease to amaze me.

 

As long as they dont cheat while in a relationship, why does it matter? Chances are 'slutty' women are very good in bed because they are comfortable with their sexuality.

 

I have more problems with gold diggers than slutty women.

[smudge21]

I got a different take on this. I got to know a girl recently and we hit it off as friends first and then things started to happen. She'd talked about her past - not that bad but most of her sexual encounters had been short lived and quick. She usually attracts certain types that only want sex and as she's highly sexed, often ends up giving them what they want (and I guess what she wants). These relationships (if you can call them that) never lasted.

 

So because I'd got to know and been a friend first I didn't see this as an easy lay, but instead decided to back off and take it slow. Treat her differently to what she's used to. I guess I just didn't want to be another 'guy she slept with' - I wanted to be more than that. She meant more to me than just sex and in my mind I wanted her to know that. So even though she had a past, I didn't act on it. The cake was on the table, but I only took a small bite rather then helping myself to a slice...

 

I guess her past didn't put me off (aslong as people are careful why shouldn't both sexes be allowed to enjoy themselves) nor did it encourage me to dive straight in there.

[collegeguy_24]

I don't really have a problem per say, my main problem is when she lied about it to me.

 

She was the one who broached the subject first.

 

 

I will admit I do tend to look down on women who sleep around a lot. But I also look down on men to if they do that. I don't know why I do, I am a relationshop centered guy. I can't have one night stands, I like relationships so that probably explains a little bit of why I think the way I do.

[Sanman]

I have a slightly different point of view about this issue. I could care less about how fast other guys got there. The issue I have is that someone who shows a pattern of getting into bed with many guys tends to be very impulsive. Will she impulsively blow a lot of money? Will she impulsively cheat on me if she is angry? I could go on and on. Someone who makes impulsive decisions about sex is more likely to make poor and impulsive decisions elsewhere in her life. Hence, I am not sure I want to deal with that.

[betterdeal]

Yes, we women love sex, but from these posts it's obvious to me that the old double standard is still alive and well.

 

For some, not all, and addressing your post to all men is sexist.

[Ginger Beer]

Men who are so judgmental of sexual women never cease to amaze me.

 

As long as they dont cheat while in a relationship, why does it matter? Chances are 'slutty' women are very good in bed because they are comfortable with their sexuality.

 

I have more problems with gold diggers than slutty women.

 

It works both ways, stop being a simp.

 

Men that sleep with loads of women get called players, other way round and the women get called sluts.

 

Either way 10 sexual partners in a year is too much.

[betterdeal]

Yes, we women love sex, but from these posts it's obvious to me that the old double standard is still alive and well.

 

For some, not all, and addressing your post to all men is sexist.

 

Not to mention plenty of women are just as prone to name calling other women and men.

[musemaj11]

I have a slightly different point of view about this issue. I could care less about how fast other guys got there. The issue I have is that someone who shows a pattern of getting into bed with many guys tends to be very impulsive. Will she impulsively blow a lot of money? Will she impulsively cheat on me if she is angry? I could go on and on. Someone who makes impulsive decisions about sex is more likely to make poor and impulsive decisions elsewhere in her life. Hence, I am not sure I want to deal with that.

Its one thing to say people in general who cant rein in their impulse in one thing are probably also impulsive when it comes to other things. This is something I agree with to a degree.

 

However, it is another thing to judge a behavior based on the person's gender.

 

Being a slut doesnt equal being a cheater. Although sluts (men and women) tend to be cheaters since the fact that they are sluts means that they have higher sexual appetite.

Edited June 1, 2011 by musemaj11

[TheLawmaker]

I don't think the issue is of reformation. All women have it in them to be sluts, it's in their nature.

 

The issue is whether or not they actually turn over a new leaf, or are putting the nice guy on the backburner (while pretending he's on the front burner), all the while sleeping with bad boys.

 

That's the issue.

[rafallus]

^I agree.

 

She's not reformed, she's just not into you. But it always sound nicer when she sugar coats it, riiiiight?

 

 

Either way 10 sexual partners in a year is too much.

Less then one a month. Hardly even much, especially if those are just ONSs. Therefore it's a lame thing to brag about.

[musemaj11]

I don't think the issue is of reformation. All women have it in them to be sluts, it's in their nature.

Just like its in the nature of men to be sluts.

 

Man, why are you hating on women for sleeping with a lot of men and not you?

[Woggle]

I don't think the issue is of reformation. All women have it in them to be sluts, it's in their nature.

 

The issue is whether or not they actually turn over a new leaf, or are putting the nice guy on the backburner (while pretending he's on the front burner), all the while sleeping with bad boys.

 

That's the issue.

 

This says it in a nutshell. Some women profess to be over bad boys and just want a nice guy deep down they still lust after the jerks and will cheat with them in a heartbeat. I don't expect a woman to be a virgin but a woman with a history of lusting after bad boys usually is not good relationship material.

[utterer of lies]

Some women profess to be over bad boys and just want a nice guy deep down they still lust after the jerks and will cheat with them in a heartbeat. I don't expect a woman to be a virgin but a woman with a history of lusting after bad boys usually is not good relationship material.

 

Well, it's a proven successful strategy to keep a nice guy for safety while living excitement with a bad boy from time to time.

[Titania22]

Well, it's a proven successful strategy to keep a nice guy for safety while living excitement with a bad boy from time to time.

 

You crack me up!:lmao:

[Woggle]

Well, it's a proven successful strategy to keep a nice guy for safety while living excitement with a bad boy from time to time.

 

True and I have no desire to be a woman's safety while she lusts after jerks. If that makes me sexist then so be it.

[TheLawmaker]

Just like its in the nature of men to be sluts.

 

Man, why are you hating on women for sleeping with a lot of men and not you?

 

I'm not hating on women. Speaking the truth isn't hating. If it was, free speech wouldn't exist.

[Sugarkane]

I agree with the original poster. There still is a double standard and I can't see it changing. If a man sleeps around he's hero, but if a woman sleeps around she's a whore.

[Sugarkane]

I don't think the issue is of reformation. All women have it in them to be sluts, it's in their nature.

 

The issue is whether or not they actually turn over a new leaf, or are putting the nice guy on the backburner (while pretending he's on the front burner), all the while sleeping with bad boys.

 

That's the issue.

If women have "it in their nature" how come I've never once heard a guy say "I want to take things slow and get to know you. I don't want to sleep together right away". Its not just women who can be sluts.