Once a slut, always a slut?

[nordic]

Now there's another broad brush stroke akin to other the Crayola kids that have been on this thread.

 

The last woman I was close to thought I was put off her by her past. I wasn't. I was put off by her present.

 

The constant comparisons to her big love (who killed himself at the end of their relationship), the Beyonce, "if you liked it you should have put a ring on it" ringtone she had for her most recent ex, the use of sex as a weapon, the threats to pull another man out of the bag if I didn't jump as high as she'd like, the predilection for domestic violence, the preference for cum in her face to kissing, the selective amnesia, the myriad other men, the capricious whims, the see-through attempts at deceit, the jealously, the double standards, the thievery, the dating a colleagues husband, the being double dated by her having another man "coincidentally" bump into us at the cinema, the idolising a father who wanted his daughters to be porn stars, and the overall attitude of victimhood whilst being a complete cunt to everyone around her is what I didn't like.

 

That she was incredibly sensitive and likely to be hospitalised by her own actions (suicide, substance abuse, psychosis) - again - by anything that might have shaken her too much (such as the truth) meant I felt it impossible to say anything critical.

 

When three of your exes have ended up clinically insane, one dead, one in a ward for the criminally insane, one a bit of both (me), maybe there's something you can change about yourself to avoid that outcome again.

 

Yes, I am a bit sensitive to sweeping generalisations about men not liking women's pasts. Can you blame me?

 

good catch:)

 

really, this says absolutely nothing. its like somebody with late stage small cell lung cancer who is on chemo saying that he feels tired coz he might have a cold.

 

this woman was bad news. how do you separate emotions that come history from the present, when the present is so overwhelming. its not possible, and this story therefore teaches us nothing. other than to saty away frpm crazy people. here that kids. stay away from crazy people.

[betterdeal]

this is not true.

 

It's frustrating when everyone else is marching out of step, isn't it?

[nordic]

I agree with this, and will go one step farther.

 

Assuming a woman carries herself as a lady, one to be respected, today, then her past won't matter to most men.

 

I think most men will be cautious/skittish about dating a woman with a past, when how she behaves and carries herself today, implies that she still might be that bad girl... if you know what I'm sayin'.

 

this is not true. its a female point of view and it has no merit. men simply dont think like that.

 

imagine, michelle obama, who seem to have many of the qualities of a wife, smart, collected, somebody you can respect. imagine instead a first lady who was complete trmp and ****ed just about anybody with a cock for years and years. you think anybody would marry her, and choose her as a life partner for a endeveouver like this? its just never gonna happen.

 

men simply dont want that. we dont care if they went through the biggest deslutting program in history, she would still come out a slut on the other side. you cant carry yourself in a way so that 200 blowjobs to men you dont know goes away. its a female fantasy. but you dont get to decide. thats decided for you.

[stepka]

I agree with this, and will go one step farther.

 

Assuming a woman carries herself as a lady, one to be respected, today, then her past won't matter to most men.

 

I think most men will be cautious/skittish about dating a woman with a past, when how she behaves and carries herself today, implies that she still might be that bad girl... if you know what I'm sayin'.

 

I'm good then. Because I was starting to wonder what the point was to change. I mean, if people will hold your past against you forever and ever, then you might as well keep doing the thing you were doing, right? But oh yeah, I remember now--I stopped b/c I realized that I was rewarding men for their bad behavior--I got so tired of them acting like they were entitled. I know quite a few of us from back then who are settled down and acting like citizens and who are much more circumspect about relationships and who don't do FWB or ONS. Ever.

[nordic]

This pretty much sums it up.

Women and men can f*ck around all they want but they need to be accountable for their actions and take whatever consequences occur as a result on the chin.

 

 

Also, a previously very promiscuous guy or girl who has completely reformed and changed their ways is very, very rare. From what I've seen, they never really change.

 

Besides, even if they did completely change, i still wouldn't want to be with a woman that's had 50 knobs in her!

 

last statement is true, and the only one necessary. we just dont want that in life partner.

[nordic]

I'm good then. Because I was starting to wonder what the point was to change. I mean, if people will hold your past against you forever and ever, then you might as well keep doing the thing you were doing, right? But oh yeah, I remember now--I stopped b/c I realized that I was rewarding men for their bad behavior--I got so tired of them acting like they were entitled. I know quite a few of us from back then who are settled down and acting like citizens and who are much more circumspect about relationships and who don't do FWB or ONS. Ever.

 

yes, you might as well keep going. and make men happy.

[betterdeal]

really, this says absolutely nothing. its like somebody with late stage small cell lung cancer who is on chemo saying that he feels tired coz he might have a cold.

 

this woman was bad news. how do you separate emotions that come history from the present, when the present is so overwhelming. its not possible, and this story therefore teaches us nothing. other than to saty away frpm crazy people. here that kids. stay away from crazy people.

 

It says a lot, even in that it was a summary of many of her bad points, to get the point across that not all men are hung up on a woman's past, that one can eke out some good news such as (a) no-one died and (b) no-one has been involuntarily hospitalised. So, despite an uphill struggle, and yet another unstable boyfriend riddled with his own issues, the experience and outcome were an improvement on the past.

 

Luckily she's moving on in the right direction, as am I. It was the impetus for me to change, to grow, and likewise her. We both went in feet first where angels fear to tread, and are better people for it.

 

Save me the "that's not true" stock response, please. I know you like to bury your head in the sand when there's a danger something will knock down the house of cards you've constructed. You'll get there, eventually.

[nordic]

You're not very good at taking your own advice, are you? You're unhappily in love with a slut. I think you're afraid that if you let up on the vigilance she'll stray, and your inquisitions and violence are a manifestation of the strain this is putting you through.

 

You talk about "male instinct". The sort of male instinct in fairy tales, that people like Jack Bauer, Joseph Stalin and Charles Manson are good examples of.

 

I don't know if your girlfriend will stray. Your intuition may be completely out of kilter just like your world-view; there may even be an element of a self-fulfilling prophecy in there too. But what is for certain is you are not happy and are heading towards an early grave.

 

If you need to be so alert in order to feel secure in your relationship with her, what's the point of it? It's like playing monopoly at gunpoint. You can negotiate, learn and grow together, if you're strong enough to being vulnerable to being hurt, willing to change your beliefs, outlooks, and behaviour, just a bit at a time, and consider the advice and support of some outsiders whom you can trust, such as a relationship guidance counsellor.

 

Who gives a rats ass what the rest of society does? You came to this site for a reason, and I bet you all the money in my pocket it's because you're unhappy. Follow the Jack Bauer fairy tale if you wish; or look at wiser, more successful men, such as, say, the billions of happy, content, confident nameless "little" men who don't need to be on the world stage to prove themselves.

 

It's up to you, buddy - do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

 

 

jack bauer?

 

what are you talking about?

 

learn to read. i dont think about her cheating or not, i am convinced she wont. this is not about that. this is about her history.

 

i think i wrote about twenty times or so, that i dont care about rules or society and that this is not that type of issue.

[nordic]

It's frustrating when everyone else is marching out of step, isn't it?

 

mmm, can be. and then sometimes people say things that are not true. it has been known to happen.

[sally4sara]

yes it is. if women were content to never have marriages and children we would be extinct after a couple hundred years.

 

Then how did we not go extinct before it? Do you still believe what your parents told you about where babies come from?

"Well son, a man and a woman get married and then the stork brings them a baby."

I assure you we have been multiplying since long before marriage.

 

people can be monogamous and still be whores. again, taking my divorce attorney friend's examples, i can point out men who have been married 7 to 10 times because the church tells them that every whore they meet must be married before they can have sex with her. i can point out women (more than those men, actually) who left normal, stable, non abusive husbands with toddler to pre-teen kids because they realized that their last good chances to screw around were passing them by and they had to get divorced by the time they turned 35 to do it.

 

all of those people are monogamous. they are all also whores.

 

Well well! So all those threads on LS about how the man never gets custody must be a bunch of hooey huh?

AND, if your hypothetical wife trots off and leaves you with the kids, she won't be getting child support or alimony. There goes your request for doing away with those legal practices.

 

I'd like a count of all the men on LS who married every woman they slept with. Anyone? Anyone?

And I still don't know how someone can get married, be monogamous, AND CHEAT. If you're married and cheat - you're not being monogamous.

 

You seem to be claiming you can stand out on the street and, on sight alone, suss out women who had an extramarital affair and r-u-n-n o-f-t. Do they make them wear a big red A where you live? If not, it sounds like a bunch of hot air and boasting - I mean lies.

You still had nothing to say about how a promiscuous man is more able, with his (as guys point out in this thread) much stronger sex drive, is more capable of going on to honoring a monogamous relationship than a promiscuous woman can. If you're going to continue to draw a line between general promiscuity and an inability to be a good partner for marriage, you're going to need to clear up this bit that just doesn't fit into the equation. If promiscuity means you can't ever be monogamous, then this attitude of male promiscuity being less of a character blemish than female promiscuity needs to go. You can't claim it is something men are driven to do and then turn around and claim they are better suited to the monogamy of marriage. To be able to choose monogamy and live up to it, you should also be able to practice more restraint and be more discriminate as a single man. Just as these LS men are expecting women to be if they are to show they are suitable for marriage.

[nordic]

It says a lot, even in that it was a summary of many of her bad points, to get the point across that not all men are hung up on a woman's past, that one can eke out some good news such as (a) no-one died and (b) no-one has been involuntarily hospitalised. So, despite an uphill struggle, and yet another unstable boyfriend riddled with his own issues, the experience and outcome were an improvement on the past.

 

Luckily she's moving on in the right direction, as am I. It was the impetus for me to change, to grow, and likewise her. We both went in feet first where angels fear to tread, and are better people for it.

 

Save me the "that's not true" stock response, please. I know you like to bury your head in the sand when there's a danger something will knock down the house of cards you've constructed. You'll get there, eventually.

 

i still dont know where you read things you reply to.

 

i believe you. seems to be an easy place to grow from.

[sally4sara]

women complain about not being able to find a husband to support them when they're ready for children they are not honest anymore. they are now liars who are desperately looking to take advantage of some poor bastard who's willing to marry them despite all better judgment.

 

just as our society says it's ok for women to tell their husband to get out of his own house but continue paying her while she screws around, our society also tells men that it's ok to chase 25 year olds with no intention of ever marrying them or fathering their children.

 

the difference is we as men are ok with our stereotypes. going by my above examples, i can get some of the women who are after money and status, since i have those things. the ones who are after the bad guy with the tattoos, not so much, because i'm not that guy.

 

but i'm content with the fact that i won't get the slutty girl in the bar who's after the bad guy with the tattoos. women aren't ok with the fact that if they ARE the slutty girl in the bar after the bad guy with the tattoos, they're not going to get the clean cut business guy who will most easily provide for them and their children.

 

I'm going to hip you to a few things here.

Its 2011.

Our society doesn't say those things are okay, well except the old guy chasing young girls thing.

Women are not so in need of a man who can support them OR their children. Since so many of you are such sluts, every woman alive can easily get pregnant if they want at any given time and go on their merry way providing for themselves and a kid you never knew you fathered.

 

As well, I've stated before, this attitude of not finding a woman suitable for a relationship is a bunch of bold talk on the internet and yet another thing most of you don't live up to IRL. While I've never had a ONS or slept with someone I didn't know, I have been considered promiscuous. Yet LTRs have never been something I couldn't have if I wanted with whomever I wanted one with. There simply isn't a mass movement of men who take issue with female promiscuity and deem promiscuous women unworthy of a LTR.

 

Never once have I had a guy grill me about my past. In fact, my husband and I had sex on the first date. Yet here we are, monogamously married. Shocking!

[lino]

I would point out that I've never asked a woman about her 'history' (though of course some have asked about mine and I answered truthfully) and I never intend to.

 

If was girl was/is promiscuous, it comes out eventually one way or another.

 

I'd never ask my current girlfriend but if I find out someday that she has a seedy past she'll be my ex.

[mr.dream merchant]

I would point out that I've never asked a woman about her 'history' (though of course some have asked about mine and I answered truthfully) and I never intend to.

 

If was girl was/is promiscuous, it comes out eventually one way or another.

 

I'd never ask my current girlfriend but if I find out someday that she has a seedy past she'll be my ex.

 

Agreed.

 

 

Isn't it funny how they'd be out the door if we asked about their sexual history but they always want to know about ours?

[lino]

Sure is.

And if they don't like the answer you give them, they'll leave you without hesitation.

Oh and don't even THINK about calling them judgemental haha!

 

Just one of the 15893256 double standards in their favour.

[stepka]

You still had nothing to say about how a promiscuous man is more able, with his (as guys point out in this thread) much stronger sex drive, is more capable of going on to honoring a monogamous relationship than a promiscuous woman can. If you're going to continue to draw a line between general promiscuity and an inability to be a good partner for marriage, you're going to need to clear up this bit that just doesn't fit into the equation. If promiscuity means you can't ever be monogamous, then this attitude of male promiscuity being less of a character blemish than female promiscuity needs to go. You can't claim it is something men are driven to do and then turn around and claim they are better suited to the monogamy of marriage. To be able to choose monogamy and live up to it, you should also be able to practice more restraint and be more discriminate as a single man. Just as these LS men are expecting women to be if they are to show they are suitable for marriage.

Yeah everyone knows that men can't control their sex drive at all at all. At least until they get married and suddenly these same men are paragons of virtue, right? And since they can't control their urges, they are very insistent that we do it for them, except that we no longer have a good reason to b/c of having less consequences for that behavior. So they look at us as being trashier and of less value than a junkyard bitch dog with one ear missing, even if our indiscretions took place over 30 years ago and we've been faithful wives and fantastic mothers since that time. And then they tell us that we're incapable of changing even though we know that we are b/c we know so many women who have and they probably do too, but they just don't know it b/c it's not like we go around with the big red A on our shirt.

 

The real point here is: what's done is done and not a thing any of us can do to change it.

[stepka]

we can handle it. just make yourself sexually available again, we will handle it just fine. but being a woman you will not be happy with that, but secretly aiming for a relationship. thats something different for us. this you never understand.

 

plus, if it was 30 years ago, unless you started very very early, you are pretty much out of scope for most men anyway, also sexually. we go for fertile women, even though we avoid getting them preggers. go figure:)

 

Yeah, I doubt any man is going to bemoan a 52 yo woman dropping out of the dating pool, except maybe the poor man who was trying to ask me out last night. He seemed pretty relationship oriented, but now that I know what men really think about me I'll just pass on them all. Sorry all you heartbroken men out there.

 

As for me making myself sexually available again, there is no reason to reward men for their bad behavior, and if that means I have to go without, then so be it. Well too bad--as I said, my charms are considerable but that's the way it is and nature can't change it. It would be much easier for you to learn to accept that women can have a history than it would be for me or your gf to go back and change the past.

[Woggle]

I can't really argue with what some of the women are saying on here. I don't think men who use women like toys are any better than women who do the same to men. Wrong is wrong no matter what the gender of the person doing it is. I don't judge somebody for having sex in the past but a history of using people to me is not a good sign and there is no gender bias in that view.

[njnyhm]

Interesting topic. But I think the real topic here is whether or not a potential partner's sexual past bothers you. Doesn't matter what kind of sexual past that may be. Could be anything. It depends on what your values are and what you bring to the table.

 

Here's a guideline. If, in getting to know a potential partner's sexual past, you feel an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach, you should listen to that feeling. That's your body/instincts telling you something is wrong. If you ignore that feeling, it's only going to come back later and haunt you. This. instinct/gut feeling is your emotions telling you that the person in question might not be a safe bet for you, and that perhaps you should move on.

 

For example: say you're fairly conservative/traditionally minded, and you find yourself dating someone with a past that you feel is sketchy (or worse). If you get into a sexual relationship with this person, sooner or later, your value system will kick into gear and things will start to feel off kilter. Something won't feel right. Your 'gut' will start asking you why you didn't listen to yourself and why you compromised your values. If you've already become emotionally involved with this person, and you think about extricating yourself from the situation, it will be much harder down the road. If you're codependent, you might have gotten into the relationship with the unconscious desire to play the White Night and 'fix' her, in which case, you're really in trouble. (And boy, there are many guys like this. I used to be one). Of course, that won't work. Gravity is much more effective on the downside than the upside, and you'll drag yourself down to her level before you pull her up to your level.

 

Of course, this kind of codependent behavior can work on the woman's side as well. The dynamics might be different based on gender, but it's the same concept.

 

What I WOULD watch out for is someone who 'fesses up' to a shady or skecthy past and then claims to want to 'take it slow this time around.' That's usually a sign of manipulative behavior. Either the woman is shining you on, or she's looking for Captain Save-a-Ho. And guess what?? YOU WON'T MEASURE UP. NO ONE EVER WILL. This person's perception is warped, devoid of reality. You can't be a whore for the majority of your life, and then turn around and expect Mr. or Mrs. Perfect to drop into your lap and have everything be great. Wild sexual pasts are often filled with a lot of harm to others, and the universe has a funny way of dealing out karma. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH!! Do you REALLY want to get caught up in the justice-cycle when the universe turns on this person to teach them a lesson?? HELL NO.

 

And BTW - it shows a lack of judgment when someone dolls out their sexual past too early in a dating situation. Chances are, that person's judgment is poor in other areas as well. My sexual past isn't perfect, but as long as witholding certain information isn't physically harmful to another person, I'm better off letting them know a little at a time and when the time is right.

 

By and large, this person sounds manipulative. I would expect that her past is even more shady than she's letting on. I say pass on this woman if you haven't already. If you're in a relationship with her already, good luck.

[stepka]

Agreed.

 

 

Isn't it funny how they'd be out the door if we asked about their sexual history but they always want to know about ours?

 

Funny but that is one thing that I have never in my life asked a man.

[Scorpio6913]

Interesting topic. But I think the real topic here is whether or not a potential partner's sexual past bothers you. Doesn't matter what kind of sexual past that may be. Could be anything. It depends on what your values are and what you bring to the table.

 

Here's a guideline. If, in getting to know a potential partner's sexual past, you feel an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach, you should listen to that feeling. That's your body/instincts telling you something is wrong. If you ignore that feeling, it's only going to come back later and haunt you. This. instinct/gut feeling is your emotions telling you that the person in question might not be a safe bet for you, and that perhaps you should move on.

 

For example: say you're fairly conservative/traditionally minded, and you find yourself dating someone with a past that you feel is sketchy (or worse). If you get into a sexual relationship with this person, sooner or later, your value system will kick into gear and things will start to feel off kilter. Something won't feel right. Your 'gut' will start asking you why you didn't listen to yourself and why you compromised your values. If you've already become emotionally involved with this person, and you think about extricating yourself from the situation, it will be much harder down the road. If you're codependent, you might have gotten into the relationship with the unconscious desire to play the White Night and 'fix' her, in which case, you're really in trouble. (And boy, there are many guys like this. I used to be one). Of course, that won't work. Gravity is much more effective on the downside than the upside, and you'll drag yourself down to her level before you pull her up to your level.

 

Of course, this kind of codependent behavior can work on the woman's side as well. The dynamics might be different based on gender, but it's the same concept.

 

What I WOULD watch out for is someone who 'fesses up' to a shady or skecthy past and then claims to want to 'take it slow this time around.' That's usually a sign of manipulative behavior. Either the woman is shining you on, or she's looking for Captain Save-a-Ho. And guess what?? YOU WON'T MEASURE UP. NO ONE EVER WILL. This person's perception is warped, devoid of reality. You can't be a whore for the majority of your life, and then turn around and expect Mr. or Mrs. Perfect to drop into your lap and have everything be great. Wild sexual pasts are often filled with a lot of harm to others, and the universe has a funny way of dealing out karma. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH!! Do you REALLY want to get caught up in the justice-cycle when the universe turns on this person to teach them a lesson?? HELL NO.

 

And BTW - it shows a lack of judgment when someone dolls out their sexual past too early in a dating situation. Chances are, that person's judgment is poor in other areas as well. My sexual past isn't perfect, but as long as witholding certain information isn't physically harmful to another person, I'm better off letting them know a little at a time and when the time is right.

 

By and large, this person sounds manipulative. I would expect that her past is even more shady than she's letting on. I say pass on this woman if you haven't already. If you're in a relationship with her already, good luck.

 

Good post, always trust your gut!

[Sanman]

What I WOULD watch out for is someone who 'fesses up' to a shady or skecthy past and then claims to want to 'take it slow this time around.' That's usually a sign of manipulative behavior. Either the woman is shining you on, or she's looking for Captain Save-a-Ho. And guess what?? YOU WON'T MEASURE UP. NO ONE EVER WILL. This person's perception is warped, devoid of reality. You can't be a whore for the majority of your life, and then turn around and expect Mr. or Mrs. Perfect to drop into your lap and have everything be great. Wild sexual pasts are often filled with a lot of harm to others, and the universe has a funny way of dealing out karma. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH!! Do you REALLY want to get caught up in the justice-cycle when the universe turns on this person to teach them a lesson?? HELL NO.

 

This is what I think many of the men on here are trying to communicate. I also think that there is a perception gap to this. Stepka mentioned having a past 30 years ago. That is not my perception of things as I was not even a fetus 30 years ago. If a women has a 'shady' past, we are likely talking about less than 5 years ago in my case. Hence, while some of the women here are talking ancient history and may have reformed years ago (with the history to prove that), I am likely talking about women with barely any history of 'good' behavior.

 

Honestly though, the women here seem to have a very low opinion of ALL men. Since, apparently, we all sleep around and have fun:rolleyes:. Actually, some of us don't. I can say that any woman I have slept with I have been in a relationship with for at least 3 months and had 'honorable' intentions about. I have tried giving a chance to 'reformed' women and have found that it doesn't really work for me. So, I am going to try not doing that. Does it change the opinion of the women here if I wasn't having my fun while she was having hers?

 

This thread really has turned to finger pointing and is really pointless. Women are blaming men for wanting to play around and not get serious with a woman who does. Men can argue that we are just after what was 'advertised' to us if you are promiscuous and that those women shouldn't be surprised if that is all they get since they were having their 'fun'. Really, it is all finger pointing and all that happens at the end is that it gives everyone the right to do whatever they want and continue to be unhappy with the choices available to them in the opposite sex. If we keep saying 'don't judge me', people will feel as if it is alright to do anything as long as they say 'sorry, it will never happen again' afterward.

[stepka]

Honestly though, the women here seem to have a very low opinion of ALL men. Since, apparently, we all sleep around and have fun:rolleyes:. Actually, some of us don't. I can say that any woman I have slept with I have been in a relationship with for at least 3 months and had 'honorable' intentions about. I have tried giving a chance to 'reformed' women and have found that it doesn't really work for me. So, I am going to try not doing that. Does it change the opinion of the women here if I wasn't having my fun while she was having hers?

 

This thread really has turned to finger pointing and is really pointless. Women are blaming men for wanting to play around and not get serious with a woman who does. Men can argue that we are just after what was 'advertised' to us if you are promiscuous and that those women shouldn't be surprised if that is all they get since they were having their 'fun'. Really, it is all finger pointing and all that happens at the end is that it gives everyone the right to do whatever they want and continue to be unhappy with the choices available to them in the opposite sex. If we keep saying 'don't judge me', people will feel as if it is alright to do anything as long as they say 'sorry, it will never happen again' afterward.

I am very sorry if I ever gave that impression to any of you, Sanman, because I honestly don't have a low opinion of men. I was responding to some pretty outrageous posts by certain others and it may have come off as manhating, but that was not my intention. I actually felt my blood pressure rise with some of the things that were said and that may have influenced my tone.

 

The men I have real problem with are the ones who are major sluts themselves (or would be if they could) but then they beat their girlfriends up over past history. I think men and women as groups are equally bad and equally good but both have their strengths and weaknesses. This thread has blown me away though, and I'm hoping that it will come as a warning to young men and women who are just getting started dating and that it will bring more understanding to the whole process.

[Sanman]

I am very sorry if I ever gave that impression to any of you, Sanman, because I honestly don't have a low opinion of men. I was responding to some pretty outrageous posts by certain others and it may have come off as manhating, but that was not my intention. I actually felt my blood pressure rise with some of the things that were said and that may have influenced my tone.

 

The men I have real problem with are the ones who are major sluts themselves (or would be if they could) but then they beat their girlfriends up over past history. I think men and women as groups are equally bad and equally good but both have their strengths and weaknesses. This thread has blown me away though, and I'm hoping that it will come as a warning to young men and women who are just getting started dating and that it will bring more understanding to the whole process.

 

 

No need to apologize as that was not directed specifically at you. My point in making that post is that the points of view of many different individuals are being combined into one 'male point of view' here. The reason for my posting was that we did not all say the same thing or relay the same experiences. There were a number of men that relayed prior bad experiences with certain types of promiscuous women and other men who spoke of using these women for easy sex. These were not all of the same people and yet we continue to be lumped together in responses. As I mentioned in the previous post, I was also not speaking of a person who may have done these things 30 years ago because my dating pool is much younger an these events are much more recent. That is a completely different situation than what was outlined. There was no suggestion of decades of good choices following the bad ones. It was more the suggestion of women who had made a series of poor choices and are suddenly "trying to change" with you. Being in my late 20's I see a lot of this and don't feel the need to be another person's experiment into healthy dating practices because they are almost 30 and freaking out. I just wanted to point out that everyone is speaking of different situations and that no one is actually listening to any other points.

[stepka]

There was no suggestion of decades of good choices following the bad ones. It was more the suggestion of women who had made a series of poor choices and are suddenly "trying to change" with you. Being in my late 20's I see a lot of this and don't feel the need to be another person's experiment into healthy dating practices because they are almost 30 and freaking out. I just wanted to point out that everyone is speaking of different situations and that no one is actually listening to any other points.

 

That last statement is so true but then again, I know some here have been good at opening their mind to the possibility that the other viewpoint may have some merit.

 

You make a good point here too about women suddenly deciding to change and using you as an experiment. I don't believe that this is the way they usually look at it, though I could be wrong. Usually it's "whoa, I really like this guy and I'd better not let him see what a slut I am."

 

Because of my own experience though, and what many of you have said on here has reinforced that, I would tell young women who want to change to just stop dating. I have no argument with women who are comfortable with their own sex life, but I have known a lot of women who were not. So I would say to stop, for a couple of years if need be, but whatever length of time it takes to gain some wisdom and put your priorities in order. Use the time to get your schooling and get into fun activities that don't involve alcohol or dating. Only when you have gained your self respect back should you start dating again and then go carefully b/c old habits can be easy to fall back into. Still, life is a journey.