Just one of those "Oh, Lord its porn again" isssues

[Princessjesabell]

I have been dating the same guy for a really long time and although when we first met sex was the main objective it no longer is and hasnt been for a even longer time. We've been together for close to 3 years I just recently moved in with him and before hand never paid much attention to the VCR, until every day I realized that it was at a different time so I checked into it and it was a porno, no big deal kinda sexy actually, so that night I asked him if he wanted to get into to it. The reply, nah Im too tired.... ok no big deal I wait a day, same scenerio I keep getting denied. He would rather watch porn than act it out with me! What can I possible say that I already havent already to get some porn action of my own????? Can this also be a sign of cheating? I have suspected it before mind you he is 30 and Im 23 so is this natural for guys to loose interest?

[Darkangelism]

Tell him how you feel. Porn is bad if it stops other sex. He could just be aging and not as interested in sex. The pssibility for cheating exists, but without any other evidence, you cant act on it.

[Tony T]

It's not necessarily a sign of cheating and he probably isn't but it's not normal to prefer masturbating to porn over actual sex. You are being cheated in your relationship...I guess he's cheating on you with porn. If you can't get him more interested in sex again, you'll have to dump him. You are way to young to give up that important aspect of your life. No matter what other good points he has and how much you may not be so bothered now, I promise you there will be a growing sense of neglect and anger on your part and this proceeds.

 

If he'll go, get him to a counsellor. He may have loads of other issues which contribute to this particular behavior.

[Curt]

Princessjesabell,

 

You said the following:

 

...that night I asked him if he wanted to get into to it. The reply, nah Im too tired.... ok no big deal I wait a day, same scenerio I keep getting denied. He would rather watch porn than act it out with me! What can I possible say that I already havent already to get some porn action of my own????? Can this also be a sign of cheating?

 

I believe that we would be wrong to assume that this is necessarily a porn-watching/obsession issue for certain.

 

I may watch a porn flick, BUT that does not pre-assume that I would necessarily want (or "need") to personally perform in the way the actors in said film perform.

 

Yes, I may be intrigued by some positions, activities, etc., but at the same time, I might not have the compulsion to either request or require that a partner do the same things that the women in the film do when we are being intimate.

 

Is your current sex life suffering in a major way ? If the answer is not necessarily, then there may be no problem at all.

 

If you are seeing a marked diminishing of intimacy together, then the solution is simple...calmly and rationally talk to him about it. You still love each other, correct? My thought is that, if this is so, just talk to him about the way you feel, and see what you both can cum up with as reasons for his possibly diminished desire for sex.

 

Discuss, discuss, discuss.

 

Porn may NOT be the main issue here. Investigate first.

 

Just my $0.02.

 

Curt

[Princessjesabell]

I have tried to talk to him about it, he kinda blows it off and sometimes his excuse is that it isnt working right and quotes he made need to go to a doctor, I would almost buy the whole doctor bit if he wasnt rubbing on off daily so now how do I approach the problem?

[HokeyReligions]

I am a little confused. Your bf is masturbating daily and not having sex with you. When he rejects your advances he claims it is because of medical reasons, but will not go to a doctor?

 

If I am correct in the way I read your posts then you need to tell him that the relationship cannot continue as it is and that if he cares for you and values you then he will see a doctor as soon as possible, and will also consider some counseling to find out what, if any, emotional problems or stresses he has is causing this. If he is not willing to do this for you and for your relationship, then leave. Like Tony said, you are way too young to have problems like this with your relationship. If it sounds like you are giving him an ultimatum tell him no, you are giving him a CHOICE on how he wants the relationship to proceed, but right now he is not doing right by you.