Trying to understand what seems like a broken marriage

[justaname]

My friend has been with the same man for fifteen years. She doesn't think she was ever in love with him, but she went along with things, and they had children, and they haven't really touched each other in years. Literally or figuratively. There's love, but it's buried and it's less the result of connection (they've never felt connected) than of being co-parents and having that project.

 

Is that typical of a marriage post-children? Is that something that people actually do stay in and remain sane? I can't imagine. To me, it just seems like fear of change. She's an amazing woman with an enormous capacity for love, and it's hard to know all this is the case.

Edited June 1, 2011 by justaname

[TigerCub]

My friend has been with the same man for fifteen years. She doesn't think she was ever in love with him, but she went along with things, and they had children, and they haven't really touched each other in years. Literally or figuratively. There's love, but it's buried and it's less the result of connection (they've never felt connected) than of being co-parents and having that project.

 

Is that typical of a marriage post-children? Is that something that people actually do stay in and remain sane? I can't imagine. To me, it just seems like fear of change. She's an amazing woman with an enormous capacity for love, and it's hard to know all this is the case.

 

The answer to your question in bold is NO - her situation is like that because of the (1st sentence in bold)- I'm sorry, but your friend was stupid enough to commit to someone that she knew she didn't love and on top of all that - she brought kids into this mess - I find crap like that absolutely ridiculous. I can't for the life of me figure out why people do such stupid crap like that.

 

Sure, we hear a lot of stories about how marriages get more strained once kids come into it, but most of these marriages started out with love, attraction, and a real willingness to be with one another - and they faced all those challenges, your friend already had the odds stacked against her because it doesn't seem like she even started out with the basics.