Ginger Beer Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 I think this is an interesting subject, if you're internet dating do you think it is possible to love someone you have never met in person, even if you've been speaking to the person for 2 or 3 or even more years without actually meeting up? Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 I think you can love someone but not be in love with someone you've not met IRL I think this is an interesting subject, if you're internet dating do you think it is possible to love someone you have never met in person, even if you've been speaking to the person for 2 or 3 or even more years without actually meeting up? Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 My marriage came from a situation where we were in love with each other for 6 years before meeting. But we were teenagers(meaning I was 14 and he was 16 when we met online) and couldn't have met if we wanted to back then. I think people should meet up the first chance they get, but do I believe you can be in love with someone before you meet them? I wouldn't have put up with all of the drama and held on to the thought that he and I could be if I wasn't in love with him. It's one of those you had to have been there kind of stories, but wow was that 6 years crazy(in a bad way)! Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 The problem with theses type of situations is the fact, you don't know what the other is doing at the same time they're talking to you. Your not there 24/7. You can't be on the phone 24/7 with them. They can do what ever they want since you haven't met yet. They can say anything they want to you too make you feel wonderful but if you hang-up the phone you say what's next. You call them up and find out they're gone out with their friend to dinner. Then you feel rejected because of that. When you had call you thought they would be home just like you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 In a way. In a good way. Sometimes not having someone allows you to keep wanting them and that can actually be good in some ways. I think real love though is wanting someone AFTER you've had them and gotten in touch with the real person behind your image of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 The problem with theses type of situations is the fact, you don't know what the other is doing at the same time they're talking to you. Your not there 24/7. You can't be on the phone 24/7 with them. They can do what ever they want since you haven't met yet. They can say anything they want to you too make you feel wonderful but if you hang-up the phone you say what's next. You call them up and find out they're gone out with their friend to dinner. Then you feel rejected because of that. When you had call you thought they would be home just like you are. This is why you must trust your partner 200% in an LDR or it WILL fail. If you don't have trust, you have nothing. And of course, let your partner spread their wings. If you get upset and feel rejected because they went out with a friend to dinner then you should be doing the same. Being in an LDR doesn't mean that your life is over and that you can never leave your house again. It's really unhealthy for you to do that, actually. This all applies for LDRs where people have met and LDRs where they havent. And look for those red flags. If things don't seem to be adding up, then take off your rose colored glasses because they probably don't. Skype daily if possible and switch to a phone company that lets you have unlimited calls to their country if it's a international LDR like mine was. Just because you've never seen someone doesn't mean that they are automatically going to rip your heart to shreds and that every time they get off the phone with you it's because they want to talk to someone else. You just have to make sure that the person you're spending time on is worth the time you're spending. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I believe so, I was in love with someone who I was in an online relationship with once. But then again, maybe if I experienced being in love with someone in real life I may realise that what I experienced online wasn't being in love. *Shrug* This doesn't mean however that if you were to both meet in real life you would still feel the same. I don't really know what the success rate is for this. Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Nope. You only love the imagined view of the person you created in your own mind. Invariably it doesn't 100% match with reality. Link to post Share on other sites
RRM Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I think there might be some people who can. However, in order for it to work in terms of an actual relationship, both people need to have been honest to the other person about themselves. Then there needs to be all the things that a successful relationship has regardless of whether or not it's an LDR or not. Plus both have to be on the same page about possible relocation. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I agree, no-one can be sure the person will be exactly the same IRL, or you'll feel the same IRL, my partner turned out to be, but many won't match up to expectations, I think you just can't know that for sure until you meet. Nope. You only love the imagined view of the person you created in your own mind. Invariably it doesn't 100% match with reality. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I don't believe you can- but that's just me. I think you can be in love with the idea of a person, but it's all fantasy until you meet in person. I think you can develop a connection though. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Interesting question and I think it depends on your definition of 'love'. Having been there, done that and worn the t-shirt, I think it is possible to become very emotionally close to someone before you actually meet them. Whether that feeling can be defined as 'love' is difficult to know. Perhaps only the person who has those feelings has the right to say what they are. In my own experience, we only talked online for two months before meeting IRL. We chose not to call it 'love' because neither of us believe in romantic love without sexual chemistry. I need to smell and touch a man before I can say I am 'in love' with him. In our case, the people we represented ourselves as online, are exactly the people we are - and the chemistry was there - so, in retrospect, maybe it was love. With regards to personality, I don't think the person you know online is 'imagined'. Assuming they are being themselves (which I believe is probably true in the majority of cases) I don't see why the way someone represents themselves in an online relationship prior to meeting should be any different to how they might represent themselves in the early stages of an IRL relationship. To begin with, we are all on our best behaviour, however we get to meet our partners. We all represent ourselves in our best light. It's just easier, if you keep things virtual for any length of time, to keep the bad bits hidden for longer. So, if it's possible to 'love' someone in the early stages of a romantic RL relationship, before you get to know them, warts and all, then I suppose it's equally possible to 'love' someone you only know online. However, based on my own beliefs about physical attraction, I would still question whether there can be a truly sexual element to that love. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I agree, no-one can be sure the person will be exactly the same IRL, or you'll feel the same IRL, my partner turned out to be Really? I aways thought, that even if someone is truely being themselves online, that they could still come across quite different irl, because there will be body language, mannerisms, and the tone of voice thrown into the mix. Plus when talking online, you have time to think about what you want to write and therefore word things better. When having a conversation, you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Really? I aways thought, that even if someone is truely being themselves online, that they could still come across quite different irl, because there will be body language, mannerisms, and the tone of voice thrown into the mix. Plus when talking online, you have time to think about what you want to write and therefore word things better. When having a conversation, you don't. Online relationships these days usually include verbal and visual communication such as skype - if you use webcam you can have a very 'real' conversation, which includes seeing the other person's body language and mannerisms and hearing their tone of voice. The only things missing for me in the very early days before we met were knowing how he walked and how he smelt (he scored very highly on both IRL ). Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Yes he's exactly the same as he is online, we'd talked on skype camera before we met and on the phone most days, we shared a hell of a lot before we met, we talked about our hang ups, our 'imperfections', we were being open and honest about ourselves. When I first saw him IRL I thought aw he looks like all his pics rolled into one, and he does look young for age like he said he did. I didn't find him different in real life at all, although it felt a little strange and awkward at first for about 10 minutes just because it was a new situation, knowing this person so well and yet feeling shy at first as we'd never actually met Until we had a wonderful hug to break the ice. Things like mannerisms, body language are all added extras IRL and ones which appealed to me, if they hadn't appealed to me then I wouldn't have fallen for him. I wouldn't say I was in love before we met, because chemistry is so important and you just don't know for sure how that will be until you meet, or how in tune you will be face to face, I was lucky and we worked out but others aren't so lucky. Before we met I felt I loved him as a close friend with potential for more, he did tell me he loved me before we met, as a friend. Yes you can word things better online, but misunderstandings happen more online than in convos face to face. I think you can really pour your heart out online and get to know each other intimately Really? I aways thought, that even if someone is truely being themselves online, that they could still come across quite different irl, because there will be body language, mannerisms, and the tone of voice thrown into the mix. Plus when talking online, you have time to think about what you want to write and therefore word things better. When having a conversation, you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 You might not know until you meet someone things like how they react to stress because they might keep their less than perfect traits hidden, like in any r/ship-to begin with you show mostly your good points and then the rest comes out bit by bit when you feel secure enough to totally be yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueandGreen Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Yes he's exactly the same as he is online, we'd talked on skype camera before we met and on the phone most days, we shared a hell of a lot before we met, we talked about our hang ups, our 'imperfections', we were being open and honest about ourselves. When I first saw him IRL I thought aw he looks like all his pics rolled into one, and he does look young for age like he said he did. I didn't find him different in real life at all, although it felt a little strange and awkward at first for about 10 minutes just because it was a new situation, knowing this person so well and yet feeling shy at first as we'd never actually met Until we had a wonderful hug to break the ice. Things like mannerisms, body language are all added extras IRL and ones which appealed to me, if they hadn't appealed to me then I wouldn't have fallen for him. I wouldn't say I was in love before we met, because chemistry is so important and you just don't know for sure how that will be until you meet, or how in tune you will be face to face, I was lucky and we worked out but others aren't so lucky. Before we met I felt I loved him as a close friend with potential for more, he did tell me he loved me before we met, as a friend. Yes you can word things better online, but misunderstandings happen more online than in convos face to face. I think you can really pour your heart out online and get to know each other intimately +1 Nice post =] I agree with you. It is completely possible and to think otherwise is complete nonsense. Communication is the key. Expressing your feelings and talking about things and listening closely to what your partner has to say. Physicality is far less important. Link to post Share on other sites
crazylove Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I think it is possible to have feelings of love for someone you've never met:) I also think that when you meet in real life that you realise that these feelings can be taken over by even stronger feelings for the person. I think there's probably just different levels. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 IME, infatuation, definitely. A mutual and distinct elemental bond? More nebulous, reflective of the lack of that most elemental of human interactions, the pressing of flesh; the being in each other's space. Having gone through the steps, many years ago, it is easy to reflect and see the differences. The feelings are valid but, at least IME, different. The personal interaction leaves an 'imprint' of that person upon myself, one which no amount of distant communication can ever achieve. I couldn't imagine going two or three years without seeing someone in person I purportedly 'loved', at least in the context of this thread. Heck, I see far-flung friends more often than that. Means of travel exist because humans like/prefer experiencing other places and other people in person. We love that. Link to post Share on other sites
crazylove Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 IME, infatuation, definitely. A mutual and distinct elemental bond? More nebulous, reflective of the lack of that most elemental of human interactions, the pressing of flesh; the being in each other's space. Having gone through the steps, many years ago, it is easy to reflect and see the differences. The feelings are valid but, at least IME, different. The personal interaction leaves an 'imprint' of that person upon myself, one which no amount of distant communication can ever achieve. I couldn't imagine going two or three years without seeing someone in person I purportedly 'loved', at least in the context of this thread. Heck, I see far-flung friends more often than that. Means of travel exist because humans like/prefer experiencing other places and other people in person. We love that. Yes, I think you're probably right Carhill. That I think is what I was trying to say! Haha! It is infatuation, that does probably feel like love . . until you meet and reflect;) Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I think it's possible, but you should wait till you meet in person to start getting serious. I say this after meeting two people online and getting into relationships with both. Although, my second relationship worked out great (we met in person after talking online and on the phone for 3 months), I wouldn't recommend anyone become serious with someone who is essentially just a pen pal you feel romantic feelings for. I'd say to wait to meet in person and then talk about the future, etc. But with that said, I do think falling in love without meeting is possible. I fell in love the instant I started talking to my ex, no other way to describe what happened that day. And within a month of dating my boyfriend I was in love with him, even though we wouldn't meet for another two months. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I think this is an interesting subject, if you're internet dating do you think it is possible to love someone you have never met in person, even if you've been speaking to the person for 2 or 3 or even more years without actually meeting up? sure...if you're mentally and emotionally unstable Link to post Share on other sites
Finch Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Love before you meet in person? I don't think so. I think you can develop a relationship, and I think sometimes when you do meet in person things fall into place and you think "Aha! Yes! This is love!". But it can easily go the other way also. You can build someone up in your mind and you may believe you love them, only to meet them and have it fall apart instantaneously. So I believe you can connect with someone over the phone, email, chat etc., but you can never be sure about love until you spend time with them in person. Link to post Share on other sites
growingpains Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 The idea or fantasy of the person, maybe. Infatuated yes, and that can sometimes/often feel like love. I think you can have a pretty good hunch and feel intensely but I think you need to be together in person to really know for sure. As far as the general, accepted perception of love goes anyway. Love can be different things to different people... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ginger Beer Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 sure...if you're mentally and emotionally unstable **** off you silly cunt. Link to post Share on other sites
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