Restoring lines of communication

[tojaz]

 

Tojaz, no this thread is NOT on track as far as I am concerned. That is my opinion. If you bother to read my post to YGG I apologize to her and tell her that I should not have posted what I did to her. Or did you simply glance over that? As for me coming at Donewrong way back when she first came in here, do you realize we were seperated at the time and in the early stages of a divorce? Tell me something, how many other couples have actually been on here at the SAME TIME posting in the SAME threads just after D-day? I'd hazard to say not many. Of course I was angry with her, and I was entitled to that anger. That has long passed.

 

You seem to believe you have me all figured out, well I am sorry to say your armchair psychology is off on this one. I often come here when I need to vent and when I am simply frustrated. Why? Because of it's anonymous nature and the fact that people can speak their mind. It is sometimes that deep down reaction that I am looking for, to help point me in the right direction. Tojaz, I respect your posts, you have been immensely helpful to me in the past, but honestly you have formed an opinion of me that is clouding almost any post you make to me. Poison pen? A little melodramatic my friend.

 

I had asked for some ideas on how to start to rebuild the lines of communication, perhaps even exercises we could try or just people that went through the process of fixing badly broken communication patterns. I've found little from this thread but I have taken the time and energy to look elsewhere to find some and have had some success. Therefore in my opinion this thread did go off the rails, if you don't happen to agree Tojaz, then so be it, it is not my concern.

 

Oh really? Call me out? Are you kidding me? Fence sitting? Bloody hell. You could not be MORE off base. I am NOT punishing her. In fact it is the opposite. She is punishing ME. In fact she knows this as we have discussed it.

 

Get your facts straight before you post this nonsense.

 

Also as to me asking her not to post or contact me, well I did. Also an incorrect assumption.

 

You seem to have some sort of an issue with me, or perhaps the male of our species, go find somewhere else to grind your axe on, because if you try it with me I'll bloody well defend myself against this nonsense. As for quoting proverbs, give me a break, keep that bible thumping to yourself, I have no use for it.

 

John Michael Kane, I cannot see what you are posting as I have chosen to add you to my ignore list, your posts are of no value to me.

 

In fact most of my adult life I've had few emotions besides supressed rage. A bad thing, a very bad thing.

 

Back when he was punishishing me he'd lash out at me for no apparent reason

 

My share, I was a terrible listener, I did not know how to show affection, I did not make her a priority, I did not show her she was loved. I was distant, uncaring, you name it.

 

WN I have never claimed to have you "all figured out" or to have an opinion of you, I dont get to sit at your kitchen table and watch you interact with your wife. Me and everyone else here can only work with what is given, what you take the time to type out, if our opinion is wrong, then by all means elaborate on the story so we can all be on the same page.

 

I have read your response, as a matter of fact I've read everything in this thread, and most of your previous ones as well. I have seen you be quite grateful for the help people have given you and I have seen you be very condescending to people who have opinions that differ from yours. I have had the pleasure of receiving both, enough that I truly sit and asked myself today why I waste my time.

 

She is continuing to be the most loving, caring, understanding wife I could ask for. I thank my lucky stars each day that I get to wake up next to her.

 

Thats why WN. I have plenty to deal with, plenty of threads I read and pass on, I have my own support group I've been running for the past year at the request of my former therapist to deal with (and no they do not provide an armchair, was a good dig though). I continue to be a thorn in your side because you two have it in you to fix this. It shows. I've seen you praise her, I've seen you defend her, I've seen you miss her when shes gone. That means something and it is a choice, communication or conflict? One brings growth the other destroys.

 

TOJAZ

[tojaz]

Not sure why this part was cut off, just noticed...

 

WN you asked for advice and exercises on communicating, I've said my bit but I do have one for you two. Both of you take these quotes, they are your own words.

 

She is the most loving, caring, understanding wife I could ask for. I thank my lucky stars each day that I get to wake up next to her.

 

He is an amzing guy. Since his 180 he is attentive, caring, loving, compasionate, and affectionate. It feels amazing to have him want to hold my hand and want to walk with me. He compliments me and surprises me everyday at how happy he makes me. He brings me a drink when I don't ask. He helps with dinner and yes the dishes too. He holds me during the night sometimes when he wakes to me crying. He genuinely cares about me. I feel this warm spot in my chest when I am with him and even just thinking of him. I can't wait to leave work and go home to see him. I get excited.

 

Take them and keep them with you. You have a lot of stressful things to discuss, keep them in front of you.

 

Each time it is your turn to speak look down and ask yourself if anything you say will bring doubt to these statements or, once your words are out there, will the other still know that is true.

 

Each time it is your turn to listen, keep the others words in the back of your mind so that you can remember that despite the tension and the things that need to be said, you know how the other feels about you, you have it in front of you in black and white.

 

Good luck guys

TOJAZ

[fltc]

... time for an update?

 

I hope all is going well...

[Surfer203]

What Next's account was terminated for an altercation between him and JohnMichaelKane. I speak to him by email but I don't want to tell his story for him. Maybe Donewrong (his wife) will comment on the status of things.

[Tech_E]

Don't want to get in trouble for violating the TOS....

 

Things are still a struggle, but more positive than negative. We've both learned a tremendous amount about each other, and about life in general.

 

We've both gained some very valuable skills for communication and avoiding arguments.

 

I personally still have a LONG way to go but I am willing to keep trying as is Donewrong.

 

I love my wife very dearly and would happily move heaven and earth for her (or any other pesky planets that get in the way) but I have learned that I don't have to do monumental things all the time, it's the little things that sometimes mean the most.

 

I miss her each day while I am at work and we are in almost constant communication throughout the day and I love every moment of it! Even when we argue.

 

This has been the toughest 18 months of my life and I wear the scars on my sleeve some days, but they were worth it, every single one of them. I'll sing from the mountain tops how much I love this woman if need be. Although she'd settle for a peck on the cheek and a cuddle, which I am happy to provide.

[fltc]

Glad to hear it.

 

Why wasn't John Michael Kane banned? It takes two to tangle, like the song says..... <G>

 

Comments JMK?

 

NOTE: I'm not following every thread and I was unaware of the 'tussle' mentioned? I also have no idea what it takes to get banned, I've read the TOUs but whatever it was, I missed it somehow.

 

BTW, how does one know if someone got banned?

[Tech_E]

He was banned AFAIK. As were others.

 

Lesson learned, stick to the ignore user list from now on