chucksagent Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 If a man and woman meet and fall in love but the woman was already married once; is it socially acceptable to have another "nice" wedding if the man has never been married before and wants to enjoy it as though it's BOTH of their first? Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Do whatever you would like - the only thing some people might find tacky and unappealing is if you guys register for gifts - especially if the bride registered her first time around and has repeat guests Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Socially acceptable to who? It's impossible to answer without knowing which "society" you're talking about. Some people would find it absolutely fine. Whereas others would find it totally wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I just got married for a third time. I would have been happy to remain as a couple "living in Sin" but my partner - (sorry, husband!) was very insistent, for many and varied reasons. of course, part of the wording includes that this is a solemn union, and one which creates a life-time commitment between two people... one I am agreeing to for the third time.... Intention is all. My husband is in this for the long haul, and is as committed as anyone else I could think of. he is a keeper, and both his previous marriages were dissolved by instigation or reason of his EXes. were it up to him, no matter how turbulent or dysfunctional, he would still be with wife #1....He doesn't agree with reneging on agreements. so really, it's all in the Intention. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Geez, I was sure I posted in this section and it's not here. Well, anyway, my answer was "yes", it's totally OK to have the "nice" wedding even if one or both of the parties has been married before. A wedding is still a wedding and a reception still a reception. Perhaps individual family members may have some personal or religious beliefs about divorce which might prejudice them to question the appropriateness of the scale of ceremony and celebration but that is separate concern. It's certainly fine to go as big as you want in the eyes of the world. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chucksagent Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 I have a VERY big network of friends who I am still close with from high school, college, and law school. I have a VERY big family who is ALL very close. Friends and family have always told me that I am kind of the glue that keeps them all together. I'm the type who always plans parties, cookouts, events, and invites EVERYBODY! That's partially why this post came to my mind. I recently had a real cool surprise for my girlfriend - I rented a limo bus and had them take us to a bunch of local wineries (she loves wine). I invited her friends and family and my friends who she is close with and my family members she is close with. We had an absolute blast and people are still talking about how great it was and how it's a shame we don't ALL get together like that more often. So, my buddy said to me "That was such a great day, I can't wait for your wedding." And I got to thinking. This is the WOMAN OF MY DREAMS. She was married once before and it was a big mistake (we ALL make mistakes). But the important thing is she got out of it and moved on. For the record, her first wedding WAS the traditional type wedding - not HUGE in the sense it was lavish, but it was around $10,000.00 I think she said, maybe slightly less. (This was in 2000 for the record). I'm the type who lives life for the day. A lot of people say the wedding is for the woman, but I've heard MANY men say it's the most memorable day of their lives (next to a child being born). So I think it's VERY unfair to take it out on me because he ex was an idiot. As far as the registering goes - if people on her side don't want to buy us anything that's fine - (but her family is the FURTHEST thing from that), but I know my family won't hold that against us (or her). Think about it, people have second and third and fourth baby showers sometimes. People have high school, college, and law school graduation parties. In all of those situations, it's understandable if people don't want to bring gifts, BUT many do because it's a new call for celebration. People have had house warming parties at multiple new homes. I just don't see why this would be any different. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 (edited) A lot of people say the wedding is for the woman, but I've heard MANY men say it's the most memorable day of their lives (next to a child being born). Indeed. My exW wanted to just do it in a registry office with our parents but I wanted the proper big thing Fell through in the end and we eloped to the Caribbean which was absolutely fantastic. Shame it all went t*ts up but yes it was probably the most memorable day of my life. I don't see anything wrong with a gift list. I would, as with any gift list, make sure there are plenty of smaller items on there. Or you can do a honeymoon gift list, they are quite popular these days, basically people can just give money towards a honeymoon or another holiday, as much as they want to give. That way if people don't want to give a big gift because it's her second bite, then they can simply give a smaller gift, no worries. And as always make sure to write in the invitation that their attendance is the best gift you can hope for and nothing further is expected, but if they would like to give an extra something then here is the gift list. Edited June 2, 2011 by PegNosePete Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I can see your point. I just think gift registry for weddings leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I think it looks tacky to make a list of stuff you want other people to get you. It's kind of like...you're old enough to get married, you can buy bowls and blenders yourself. I just have a very strong reaction to it and don't really expect many to agree with me. It's just a personal thing. I do think it's important to accept gifts if they are given though - many people DO want to give gifts and it's important to them. Being gracious about that is important. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Yeah I can see your point and to an extent I do agree. That is why I would always use the wording above or something similar, that their presence is the best gift and nothing more is requested. But some people will always want to give a gift and really the only way to avoid getting 100 toasters or some hideous plates that go straight in the bin, is to make a list. I do totally agree that if a list is just stuck in the invitation without any mention, or bluntly referred to "here is a list of stuff we want", then it is tacky. Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Yeah I can see your point and to an extent I do agree. That is why I would always use the wording above or something similar, that their presence is the best gift and nothing more is requested. But some people will always want to give a gift and really the only way to avoid getting 100 toasters or some hideous plates that go straight in the bin, is to make a list. I do totally agree that if a list is just stuck in the invitation without any mention, or bluntly referred to "here is a list of stuff we want", then it is tacky. Well said. Just so I can vent - I'm going to a wedding in the fall and the couple has registered for the most insane stuff - one example being - a $500 ceramic chinal bowl from Bloomingdales. Give me an effing break. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 A wedding is a celebration of the union of two people and/or families, which people can choose to celebrate as they wish. As far as etiquette goes, a gift registry is tacky and even so is supposed to be for someone having a traditional shower prior to the wedding. Since this is her second wedding and your first - you may consider having one shower involving only your side of the family with perhaps a bridal luncheon being hosted by hers. Wedding gifts can not be solicited or declined on the wedding invitation. Thats just vulgar. Link to post Share on other sites
sadintexas Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Etiquette has changed a lot in recent years. Now many things that were not acceptable in prior years are just fine. Second weddings (big weddings) included. Regardless of what is proper etiquette, the question is what do the people around you *believe* is proper etiquette? They are not one and the same Not too many people, esp old school type, have read the updated version to know things are different lol. You have to keep this in mind if there are people involved in this whose opinion and thoughts REALLY matter to you. It really boils down to what makes the both of you happy. I'd brush up on my etiquette to make sure you don't make some big mistakes, but other than that, have fun and enjoy! If there are any people in particular that you're concerned about, and that truly matter, have a talk with them and let them know where you're coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
lee001 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 My boyfriend and I (from England) have been invited to my good friend's wedding in the USA. She has asked me to be the person who looks after the register book on the big day (so we are invited to the rehearsal dinner too)... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 It wouldn't bother me - as a guest - unless the first wedding was fairly recent... and nothing about having a "nice wedding" requires you to have a registry for household items...unless you're only having a wedding for some sort of return on your investment. Link to post Share on other sites
xiaoyan848 Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 hi all can anyone help,are getting maried in may and we have both done all the planning ourselvs,my parents live abroad so will be ariving the day befour,the problem is my mum on the phone is starting to be a bit critical example .when the royal wed iwas over i phoned her to talk about it she said none of the men were wearing cravats so was i making myself and the group look stupid,also she has bought a cream dress to match the bride??????? i hope that my dads suit will fit (hire)as will not have a chance to change it. anyway just wanted to get this off my chest.thanks. office 2007microsoft office 2010coach outlet Link to post Share on other sites
chickchef Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 A wedding is a celebration of the union of two people and/or families, which people can choose to celebrate as they wish. As far as etiquette goes, a gift registry is tacky and even so is supposed to be for someone having a traditional shower prior to the wedding. Since this is her second wedding and your first - you may consider having one shower involving only your side of the family with perhaps a bridal luncheon being hosted by hers. Wedding gifts can not be solicited or declined on the wedding invitation. Thats just vulgar. I agree its tacky. People are already paying for nice outfits and taking the time to share your day with you. My invitation says "your gift is your presence" Plus my guests are flying to Lanai and I am getting married at the four seasons. With only 20 guests why even register. WE have been together 7 years we have everything. I figure some will give us cash or gift cards and the rest I expect nothing from just the fact they are coming all the way to Lanai and staying at the four seasons is enough for me. I even got my 3 girlfriends white sapphire necklaces to thank them! I didnt even register for my shower. I find it to be making an assumption that you expect a gift. Not cool...... Link to post Share on other sites
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