ramith Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 hi all, first time ever posted on a forum like this so here it goes. just need some advice. this is the situation i am having with my wife. my wife and i go to the gym all the time. we go different times usually because of work or taking the kid to the babysitter. well, sometimes as i am leaving our showing up at the gym i have saw the same guy talking to her next to her car. this has happened a few times now. sometimes when they are at the gym they are talking together. recently my wife and i have hit some hard times. we have even considered breaking up. i have confronted my wife about him. she says that he is just somebody that is at the gym and he leaves sometimes when she does. my wife knows his wife. when i talked to her about it i asked her "what do you guys talk about" she said that he talks alot about his wife and the problems they are having. it just seems like everytime i go there they are talking. dont get me wrong. when i am at the gym i talk to girls also but not all the time i am there lol. i have even confronted them when i see them asking whats going on here? anything i need to know about? so this is really buggin me. am i just jealous for no reason or what? thanks guys and gals for any advice u can give. ramith Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyamI Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 I don't know if there's something between them or not. But if I were your wife, I'd be doing exactly what she did or even worst - I mean intentionally "get caught" flirting to get your attention, to show you I am or can be the subject of interest of a man. It can be a good sign, if she does that for this reason. I might add you did react as expected, so it may be good for you too. If on the other hand, she considersthat man her friend, it is quite known that vulnerable women are easier prays, so I'd be worried and keep my eyes opened... But I believe either way something is going on. Where do you want to go with your marriage, by the way? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ramith Posted April 14, 2004 Author Share Posted April 14, 2004 thanks for the reply. i do want us to work out. i dont think we are on the rocks yet. been married for almost 10 years now and i hope this is just a bump in the road. i have been keeping my eyes out but i hate the feeling of having to check up on her. to be honest she has never given me a reason to think she is doing something. maybe its just because of what has been happening lately between us. i also think in a way im insecure about myself. lol. im not sure if she is intentionally trying to do this. she doesnt really know when im going to the gym. not really sure what to do. if i tell her dont talk to him what will that look like? we all know when we tell somebody not to do something it seems they want to do it more. i have talked to the guy quite a bit also. even worked out with him a few times. just kinda of torn up about this. i really appreciate the help all. ramith Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyamI Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 sorry, I thought she knew your schedule and was doing it on purpose. Gotta win her back, then. I suggest romantic dinner, flowers, expensive wine and... tickets for you and your lovely wife for another gym ?!? Just a thought. Now seriously, take her somewhere nice for the week-end, get closer to her and let her know that you don't want to loose her. It's very important to be able to trust her, to have confidence. Just make sure you use all the advantages of being her husband Link to post Share on other sites
Author ramith Posted April 14, 2004 Author Share Posted April 14, 2004 hehehe. sorry left that part out about the schedule on the original post . so no chance of them being just friends at the gym? gosh i hope so lol. for some reason this is just stickin in my gut. the funny thing is i dont see her coming up to him. everytime i see them she is on a machine and he approaches her or she is at her car. man my man instinct tells me to just tell the guy to chill but what will that solve. i dont want to look like an idiot doing that. he has got to know how i feel. like i said before i confronted them both in the gym. he doesnt seem arrogant about it or like he is hiding something. guess im not a firm believer that guys and girls can just be friends. i know what thing this is helping alot just talking about it. thanks!! ramith Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyamI Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 You're missing the point. Your wife is the issue, not the guy. If she's an attractive woman I bet there are a lot of man willing to talk to her. So start focussing on her and on your feelings of insecurity. Why do you feel so strongly about this man and your wife? Is he special, do they share a special thing? Anyway, the thing is to concentrate on your wife and on the source of your insecurities so that you're able to understand and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ramith Posted April 14, 2004 Author Share Posted April 14, 2004 good point curly. very good point. im going to focus my attention on my wife instead of the guy. not going to say a word more to him talking to her. u think instead of acting mad when i see em, instead come up with a smile would be best? lol. thanks so much ramith Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyamI Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Not unless you mean it. Stop torturing yourself and talk to your wife. If you really arent comfortable with them, then tell her openedly this, as crazy as it sounds. Don't fake your ok with the situation, if you're not, I'm sure she can tell! If the effects of the problem dissapear, doesn't mean the cause is gone too. Take your time and think about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ramith Posted April 14, 2004 Author Share Posted April 14, 2004 i have talked to her. today in the morning in fact. i asked her what was up. she said there not talking, talking if u know what i mean or that he purposely waits for her to walk her to her car everyday. i know guys are goin to talk to her but i guess i havnt noticed others to much. today in fact when i walked up he was telling her that his wife wanted her bowl back that she had sent for her. his wife had made her some food. his wife calls my house sometimes to talk to her even. so man i dont know. thanks for taking the time to answer. really helps ramith Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 This man can do nothing without your wife's permission. He can flirt to the hilt, but if she doesn't give in he won't be going anywhere with the flirting. People are going to flirt with your wife or try to get with her and knowing she's married might make some all the more hungry for her. Especially if they find out you're not treating her like you should. So like CurlyamI says, concentrate on your wife and building your marriage back up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ramith Posted April 14, 2004 Author Share Posted April 14, 2004 thanks thisgirl. your right. its part of life. we all want a good looking girl but after u get em you know guys are going to be hitting on them. damn guys!! lol. i am really. going to concentrate on her. forget the guy. just going work hard on us. this has been eating me alive but i feel alot better now. i really do. thanks so much ramith Link to post Share on other sites
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