No sex.. Yes or No ?

[waytogo]

I would think a little kissing would be acceptable as long as I can stop it after that !!

 

No Swimming, that is not acceptable. If you commit to someone you expect to commit to you, you don't expect him to be kissing another do you? That is not acceptable. That also no matter the intentions, will lead to all the rest. Now what are your boundaries? What do you really hope to happen? Intimate kissing is still intimate. If he becomes 'all yours', will you mind if he does this same kissing with another. Even now, would you mind if he's kissing an OOW the same way?

[jwi71]

I never said we had cybersex !!

 

We did work together but I got relocated.

 

Uh....you SURE you never said that?

I quote:

 

Is cyber/text sex with my married man friend.. Is this considered sex ? I say no it is not sex but Yes it is cheating ??

 

Help me understand the difference here...

[Beeotch]

Thank you so much for sharing your story.... So sorry it didn't work out for you !

 

I don't think it would be a good idea to tell a boyfriend about my MM but I am so honest I don't know if I could hide it.

 

At this point I really rely on his emotional support and attention so I don't know. Do you really think I could we could stay in this crazy situation for eternity ? WOW, that would be nuts !! I will say he might be the one person I met who seems to really understand me . !

 

Are you listening to yourself hon? Why would you do that to a guy? Why would you even bother to get a boyfriend when you already are entwined with a married man? I suppose one lie begets another though.....

 

 

But I would suggest sorting yourself out before dragging some other man into some mess.

 

I'm not sorry that it didn't work out...I only wanted it to work out when I was delusional Now that I am not, I realize that he was NOT my last chance at love and the situation was a manifestation of a fcuuked up mentality I had. I attracted that scenario because I still had much work to do on myself. If it were truly "meant to be" and so perfect then we would be together right now...we're not...so I know it wasn't right and don't live any day in regret. I look at it as something ridiculous that I would never repeat. I am not denying a connection or that person understanding you....but all connections are not for the right reasons and some are to awaken you to some truths about yourself.

 

Anyway, I also bolded you saying you rely on his support emotionally and otherwise hence you could never let it go....co-dependence...it's a real problem that most of us have or have had and it's not pretty. I appreciate you at least being truthful, although you still have a ways to go with being truthful to yourself.

 

You seem like a nice girl, I wish you all the best truly. I don't condemn you for what you're doing, I just see the flaws in it and the things that aren't obvious to the eye, but I also realize that everyone emerges from their cocoon in their own time...well most people do, you can either become a butterfly and give yourself that freedom to have ALL you deserve and want or some caterpillars shrivel and die in that cocoon, never fulfilling their true potential. I hope you're one of the former.

[whichwayisup]

Yes he does have sex with his wife sometimes. I already know that !! It doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would, surprisingly !

 

There are a lot of other ways to "release".

 

I WILL date someone else. If he really can't handle me dating well then I guess he needs to do something about it.

 

I am at a point in my life where I honestly feel I can date someone and still keep my feelings for him. Like I said he sometimes has sex with his wife so why can't I sometimes have sex with a boyfriend. I think it is completely doable.

 

?? What a waste of time.

[whichwayisup]

I would think a little kissing would be acceptable as long as I can stop it after that !!

 

Yes...And a blind person all of sudden can see!

 

Come ON. DO you honestly believe in the heat of the moment you and him will have the strength to just stop at a kiss? If you believe that, you're totally fooling yourself.

[swimmingfreely]

No Swimming, that is not acceptable. If you commit to someone you expect to commit to you, you don't expect him to be kissing another do you? That is not acceptable. That also no matter the intentions, will lead to all the rest. Now what are your boundaries? What do you really hope to happen? Intimate kissing is still intimate. If he becomes 'all yours', will you mind if he does this same kissing with another. Even now, would you mind if he's kissing an OOW the same way?

 

 

Kissing is still better than giving in to sex. I know many christians (which I am not) who kiss and such and do not have intercourse until they are married. I would say at this point sex is my boundries. Even now I don't want him kissing or even chatting with anothe OOW. I would be way more mad about that then him being with his W, I aready knew about that when I got involved !

[whichwayisup]

Kissing is still better than giving in to sex. I know many christians (which I am not) who kiss and such and do not have intercourse until they are married. I would say at this point sex is my boundries. Even now I don't want him kissing or even chatting with anothe OOW. I would be way more mad about that then him being with his W, I aready knew about that when I got involved !

 

If he does have an OOW, he isn't going to tell you about it, let alone tell he's having cyber sex, fooling around or real sex with her. That would be stupid on his behalf.

[swimmingfreely]

Yes...And a blind person all of sudden can see!

 

Come ON. DO you honestly believe in the heat of the moment you and him will have the strength to just stop at a kiss? If you believe that, you're totally fooling yourself.

 

Of course I could stop it.. I have done it before !! I'm pretty sure every Man you ever made out with you didn't sleep with. Never said it would be easy but if I have a goal not to, I will do just that !

[swimmingfreely]

If he does have an OOW, he isn't going to tell you about it, let alone tell he's having cyber sex, fooling around or real sex with her. That would be stupid on his behalf.

 

Be stupid!! I would be even more upset if he had a OOW...at least I know about the W going in ..

[whichwayisup]

Be stupid!! I would be even more upset if he had a OOW...at least I know about the W going in ..

 

Yes. And IF he has one, he isn't going to tell you!!!!!!!!!!!! Just like his wife doesn't know about you! He is a skilled liar and knows what to do and say, he's mastered this and is a con. But, you must know this seeing as you're having an affair with him and helping him betray his wife, live a lie daily.

[fooled once]

May I ask how old you are?

 

So in the 6 months of this .... Relationship, you haven't even kissed him? He doesn't sound very into you, IMHO

[bentnotbroken]

Are we still talking about the no leg guy?

[Emme]

The sex means nothing. Nothing! When you become emotionally invested in someone that is what creates the strings that are are so hard to cut. I know many would like to think sex is the main focus of an affair but it's not. It's the emotional connection you have with that person. You seem to think that you'll be "safe" in a sense if nothing physical occurs. If anything ... you're in more trouble because that means the bond you share will be even more intense. The only way to protect yourself is to not go there. Just so you in advance.. You in danger girl!

[Beeotch]

]The sex means nothing. Nothing! When you become emotionally invested in someone that is what creates the strings that are are so hard to cut.[/b] I know many would like to think sex is the main focus of an affair but it's not. It's the emotional connection you have with that person. You seem to think that you'll be "safe" in a sense if nothing physical occurs. If anything ... you're in more trouble because that means the bond you share will be even more intense. The only way to protect yourself is to not go there. Just so you in advance..You in danger girl!

 

LMAO @ " You in danger girl!"

 

But ditto to everything.

[26pointblue]

Are we still talking about the no leg guy?

 

Ha ha ha ha ha. I am cracking up. The sometimes-legless MM reference does it to me every time!

 

Seriously, though, something is not adding up. Six months of a deep emotional in person connection & no kissing?

[OWoman]

I have been doing a lot of readings about affairs in general. It is MUCH more likely that you will end up with a MM when sex is NOT involved.

 

Could you say more about this "research"? It seems contrary to the experiences of OWs on LS whose MMs have ended up with them.

[bloppy]

Be stupid!! I would be even more upset if he had a OOW...at least I know about the W going in ..

 

 

I just don't understand this. You are not sleeping with him so why would it matter if he was sleeping with somebody else (besides his wife). Maybe he would just be doing it for the release that you aren't giving him. If I were so in love with a man I would want to be the ONLY woman he was sleeping with. I just don't get it.

 

Earlier you posted that you thought it was noble of you not to sleep with him. I think the noble thing would be to get out and leave him & his wife alone.

[Lucky_One]

I think it is quite noble to no sleep with him when we both know that we have a crazy intense attraction.

 

XOW here. There is NOTHING noble about not sleeping with a man when you are kissing him, okaying anything/everything except for intercourse, planning "group dates" (are you in jr high, or what?), and carrying on an EA.

 

Nobility would be when you end the EA/PA totally, and tell him that you wish him well, but that you won't be emotionally/mentally/physically intimate with a man who is committed to another woman. (And, before you pull out that old argument, no, he is not committed to you.)

[Lucky_One]

Earlier you posted that you thought it was noble of you not to sleep with him. I think the noble thing would be to get out and leave him & his wife alone.

 

Great minds think alike. (I should read the entire thread before I post, I guess!)

[swimmingfreely]

The sex means nothing. Nothing! When you become emotionally invested in someone that is what creates the strings that are are so hard to cut. I know many would like to think sex is the main focus of an affair but it's not. It's the emotional connection you have with that person. You seem to think that you'll be "safe" in a sense if nothing physical occurs. If anything ... you're in more trouble because that means the bond you share will be even more intense. The only way to protect yourself is to not go there. Just so you in advance.. You in danger girl!

 

I totally agree. Some will say he is not into me because we are not physical and before this happened to me the (EA) I would of probably agreed. Sex is good but what keeps sex fresh and exciting and even important is the underlying emotional bond.

 

We have spent so much time talking about so many thing from things that are just silly to very deep life discussions. I know a lot of people do not understand the deepness of an EA and I don't expect them to unless they have been there themselves. A older wiser good friend of mine just confided in me that she was involved with a MM for over 3 years. They have had some physical contact but no actually sex. Her biggest advice was DON'T sleep with him !! ( I trust and value her advice very much). She has been though everything romantiacly that I have and so much more.

 

It is a lot easier and less involved for a man just to have sex with you and get his release than for him to uncover his likes, dislikes, dreams and goals. Remember opening up emotionally for men is usually a lot hard then just bumping and grinding !

[2sure]

Sounds like you have a strong work friendship that involves flirting. While most professionals try to keep that out of the workplace, its pretty common. Always can become confusing and difficult when it becomes social , even more so when one of you is married and the other single.

 

Yes, clearly you are doing the right thing for yourself by not having sex with him - and from your post, since he hasnt kissed you yet, hasnt become physical - it seems as though he is also trying to keep boundaries in place.

 

Im sure it will become a lot easier for both of you after your relocation.

 

You mentioned that you think/hope he feels the same way about you. Since he hasnt come out and told you that he does....you might want to consider that to him this may simply be a work flirtation. Not appropriate, however not something that would drive him to divorce.

 

Maybe he will miss you, maybe he will decide to leave his wife. But meanwhile, while its best for you personally to not make the relationship physical....you also may want to consider your professional image.

[TurboGirl]

I would think a little kissing would be acceptable as long as I can stop it after that !!

 

Um, OP... you are either IN or OUT. You say you won't "go there" well, hmmmmmm last time I checked, kissing would lead to more kissing, and well, we ALL know where that goes.

 

Are you trying to kid yourself here? Have you really examined just how "into you" this MM is?! All of this emotional affair BS... he's a guy and want's to get in your pants.

 

Why would you spend time talking with & bonding with someone who isn't available -- especially since you say you "don't want to go there" and want this man to respect you?

 

Why not ease off on this EA and go & find someone who is free & single!

[swimmingfreely]

Sounds like you have a strong work friendship that involves flirting. While most professionals try to keep that out of the workplace, its pretty common. Always can become confusing and difficult when it becomes social , even more so when one of you is married and the other single.

 

Yes, clearly you are doing the right thing for yourself by not having sex with him - and from your post, since he hasnt kissed you yet, hasnt become physical - it seems as though he is also trying to keep boundaries in place.

 

Im sure it will become a lot easier for both of you after your relocation.

 

You mentioned that you think/hope he feels the same way about you. Since he hasnt come out and told you that he does....you might want to consider that to him this may simply be a work flirtation. Not appropriate, however not something that would drive him to divorce.

 

Maybe he will miss you, maybe he will decide to leave his wife. But meanwhile, while its best for you personally to not make the relationship physical....you also may want to consider your professional image.

 

I also think it will be better after I relocate. We no longer work together but do talk outside of work every day. So I think it will be easier but at the same time wonder if it will be much different when I move. I know he has feeling and is attracted to me and says I'm the best ! He does tell me stuff like that all the time.

[Emme]

LMAO @ " You in danger girl!"

 

But ditto to everything.

 

That's my Whoopi quote from Ghost... It has more effect when you say it her way.

[Emme]

I totally agree. Some will say he is not into me because we are not physical and before this happened to me the (EA) I would of probably agreed. Sex is good but what keeps sex fresh and exciting and even important is the underlying emotional bond.

 

We have spent so much time talking about so many thing from things that are just silly to very deep life discussions. I know a lot of people do not understand the deepness of an EA and I don't expect them to unless they have been there themselves. A older wiser good friend of mine just confided in me that she was involved with a MM for over 3 years. They have had some physical contact but no actually sex. Her biggest advice was DON'T sleep with him !! ( I trust and value her advice very much). She has been though everything romantiacly that I have and so much more.

 

It is a lot easier and less involved for a man just to have sex with you and get his release than for him to uncover his likes, dislikes, dreams and goals. Remember opening up emotionally for men is usually a lot hard then just bumping and grinding !

 

As long as you know you are still not safe from being hurt because you aren't physical. So what have you decided to do? Still have fun or curb the behavior? It's summer now... Men like to play in the summer.. They're locked up hibernating all winter. Hot under the collar... especially if you plan on showing skin. Spill.... No more see-saw... What's the verdict?