daisy love Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I have been doing a lot of readings about affairs in general. It is MUCH more likely that you will end up with a MM when sex is NOT involved. I am happy I did this research and will force myself not to go there. I AM super attracted to my MM and vise versa so I know it will be hard. We already have a solid friendship, emotional bond, good understanding and intense attraction so why should I sleep with him. He can only respect me more for this decision. If I really mean as much to him as I think I do than he will respect that and keep what we already have established. If and when he does leave his W then I will be open and willing to give him all of me, but until then I will cherish the love and unique bond we share. Hi swimming! This is a really nice idea, but let me tell you something ok! MM will stay in an unhappy place that they know over a happy place that they don't know! MM want to be CERTAIN before they take the big step. MM isn't going to leave his W and the sex he knows for the promise sex he doesn't know! If you REALLY want him to leave, he has to know that he's getting an upgrade to FIRST CLASS! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 If you REALLY want him to leave, he has to know that he's getting an upgrade to FIRST CLASS! Yes thats right. Certainly you have heard that one should kick the tires before buying the car. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Hi swimming! This is a really nice idea, but let me tell you something ok! MM will stay in an unhappy place that they know over a happy place that they don't know! MM want to be CERTAIN before they take the big step. MM isn't going to leave his W and the sex he knows for the promise sex he doesn't know! If you REALLY want him to leave, he has to know that he's getting an upgrade to FIRST CLASS! OldEurope said this 6 years ago...I also believe it too.... "You must be a WHOLESALE IMPROVEMENT in his life. You cannot be simply the cute distraction, the sexy babe, the escape from reality, the interesting "other". No, you must represent that not only might the grass be greener on the other side, but that it truly is." Link to post Share on other sites
Author swimmingfreely Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 As long as you know you are still not safe from being hurt because you aren't physical. So what have you decided to do? Still have fun or curb the behavior? It's summer now... Men like to play in the summer.. They're locked up hibernating all winter. Hot under the collar... especially if you plan on showing skin. Spill.... No more see-saw... What's the verdict? Men like to play !! I'm trying to be good..if we break our bond/contact now I sure that he would be tore up as well, he does have a sweet side for sure ..tease, tease, tease is my plan, I think !! I do think about if I ever decide to break it off I can just cry my eyes out, stay in my bed and eat ice cream... What does the married person do, just hold it in ?? I know this happened to a married friend of mine. She would cry all day over her OM when she broke it off.. It was mostly a EA.. She couldn't even control the tears when H was around!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author swimmingfreely Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Hi swimming! This is a really nice idea, but let me tell you something ok! MM will stay in an unhappy place that they know over a happy place that they don't know! MM want to be CERTAIN before they take the big step. MM isn't going to leave his W and the sex he knows for the promise sex he doesn't know! If you REALLY want him to leave, he has to know that he's getting an upgrade to FIRST CLASS! It is 100 percent sure I am a way more sexual person than her..Not saying she doesn't have great qualities but sexuality is just not one of them..He knows that !! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 It is 100 percent sure I am a way more sexual person than her..Not saying she doesn't have great qualities but sexuality is just not one of them..He knows that !! So he says...........Unless you are a fly on the wall in their bedroom, you really don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swimmingfreely Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Yes thats right. Certainly you have heard that one should kick the tires before buying the car. So what one good kick and that's it ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author swimmingfreely Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 It is 100 percent sure I am a way more sexual person than her..Not saying she doesn't have great qualities but sexuality is just not one of them..He knows that !! Of course I can never me 100 sure but in am sure of this girl;) !! Link to post Share on other sites
waytogo Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Just give up what's left of your dignity and do him. When he doesn't leave after that, and children aren't an excuse you'll be more emotionally invested and he'll still just get his ego boost from how low you will go for him. You don't mean for anyone to talk you out of this. So just do it already, and come back to brag how great it was. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swimmingfreely Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Just give up what's left of your dignity and do him. When he doesn't leave after that, and children aren't an excuse you'll be more emotionally invested and he'll still just get his ego boost from how low you will go for him. You don't mean for anyone to talk you out of this. So just do it already, and come back to brag how great it was. Today made me realize he is truly desperate to talk to me !! The absolute second he got to contact me he did ! I even thought he was smoother than that... So no need to give out any sex at this time, when i already got him like that...today I was honestly and surprisingly flattered ! Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 OldEurope said this 6 years ago...I also believe it too.... "You must be a WHOLESALE IMPROVEMENT in his life. You cannot be simply the cute distraction, the sexy babe, the escape from reality, the interesting "other". No, you must represent that not only might the grass be greener on the other side, but that it truly is." That is so very true. I have read lots of OE's posts and they're good. I hope you re-post this again in future C4N. It's important. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Today made me realize he is truly desperate to talk to me !! The absolute second he got to contact me he did ! I even thought he was smoother than that... So no need to give out any sex at this time, when i already got him like that...today I was honestly and surprisingly flattered ! Doesn't take much it seems. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Today made me realize he is truly desperate to talk to me !! The absolute second he got to contact me he did ! I even thought he was smoother than that... So no need to give out any sex at this time, when i already got him like that...today I was honestly and surprisingly flattered ! If this small effort makes you feel so happy, then sadly and sorry to tell you this, you can enjoy your roll as the OW for many years to come. This is a man who has NO intention of ever divorcing. I guess the table scraps he's giving you is enough to fulfill your life. Link to post Share on other sites
crazycatlady Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Do you know him? Are you looking in his windows ? I will stay as long or as little as I feel it is still a benefit to ME. ( right now I am enjoying my role ) .Table scraps I don't think so. I'm willing to bet he has shared many many personal and deep rooted things he hasn't with other even his W. Your post is very negative and I don't appreciate your poor outlook ! How old are you? 16? I hear crap like that from the teens I work with, I don't expect adults to talk like that. Have you ever had a serious face to face long term relationship? You don't know what he has shared with his wife. Any person can say "I've never shared this with anyone" and that be total bull. Are you looking in his windows? I asked my husband after he confessed why he lied to her, and he said it was to make her feel good. You know the feel special lies "I only have shared that with you" kind of thing. Its part of the game APs tell each other. The best advice anyone can give is this. Grow up. You aren't 16 (I'm assuming) but you sure as heck sound and act like it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Do you know him? Are you looking in his windows ? I will stay as long or as little as I feel it is still a benefit to ME. ( right now I am enjoying my role ) .Table scraps I don't think so. I'm willing to bet he has shared many many personal and deep rooted things he hasn't with other even his W. Your post is very negative and I don't appreciate your poor outlook ! Oh because i'm telling you something you do not want to hear. I get it.. Okay, you're right and I'm wrong. And in fact, they sleep in separate bedrooms too so there's NO way they have sex, let alone good sex. Enjoy things for as long as it lasts. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 has he discussed leaving with you? Or a future? Or what will happen after you relocate? Hypothetically if he did leave, would you move back to where he is? Is there a real plan for the future or are you hoping that he will miss you once you move and realize he has to change his life to be with you and leave his wife, leave his job or get a transfer to relocate to where you are? Emme's post about the emotional involvement is right on target. It doesnt matter whether you sleep with him or not unless you think you will be more invested as a result. Personally Im not sure cybersex makes you "purer" than real sex when two people are in love and know each other IRL. Personally it would creep me out but everyone sets their own boundaries. While people only leave for a wholesale improvement, they also only leave when they are ready to end a marriage regardless of what is waiting for them on the other side. So I would not have sex with him to "audition". Noone leaves for a better BJ. Seems to me either you are OK wth being the OW or you arent. Either you are willing to let this progress beyond an emotional affair while he is married or you dont. The rest is just games. Link to post Share on other sites
waytogo Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Why on earth would you stay with a douche bag who obviously doesn't respect woman, you included.. Actually lack of sex or good sex is one of the main reasons men cheat..I'm guessing your Vanilla in the bedroom ! Amazing question from you. This MM you love shows all women respect does he? CCL didn't say one thing about sex. That's where you keep taking it. You know, I had the most to say about sex when I'd had very little experience or knowledge of it. Did it a couple of times and thought I knew all about it. I was pretty young and that wasn't an uncommon way to react. No way are you 37 as you claimed when you were posting as VWeb. Else, you are a 37 YO near virgin. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 You should meet vweb!! Link to post Share on other sites
waytogo Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 You should meet vweb!! Oh, she knows exactly who VWeb is;) Link to post Share on other sites
BenThereDunThat Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Why on earth would you stay with a douche bag who obviously doesn't respect woman, you included.. Actually lack of sex or good sex is one of the main reasons men cheat..I'm guessing your Vanilla in the bedroom ! Now that was just inexcusably rude. Insulting her H for doing something you're helping someone else participate in, and making insinuations about their sex life. I'm no psychiatrist, but my guess is you go into attack-mode when someone hits a nerve with some truth that you just don't want to hear...but deep down you know to be true. Link to post Share on other sites
waytogo Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Now that was just inexcusably rude. Insulting her H for doing something you're helping someone else participate in, and making insinuations about their sex life. I'm no psychiatrist, but my guess is you go into attack-mode when someone hits a nerve with some truth that you just don't want to hear...but deep down you know to be true. I think you are absolutely onto something there Beenthere. Next she'll say MM doesn't come see her cause he has no legs. Oh wait, she did that while posting as VW. Link to post Share on other sites
crazycatlady Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 I have had several IRL relationships thank you !! I knew him as a friend before all of this.. He has has many conversations about why she doest really enjoy sex, even asking if she was sexually abused.... There are a lot of woman and men who just don't like sex. Did any of those relationships last very long? It doesn't seem like you have a good grasp of what a long relationship entails. Why on earth would you stay with a douche bag who obviously doesn't respect woman, you included.. Actually lack of sex or good sex is one of the main reasons men cheat..I'm guessing your Vanilla in the bedroom ! You have a douche bag who doesn't respect women if you are just going by cheating. As for my husband, actually he's very charismatic, excellent in bed, an amazing father, an outstanding lover, a passionate friend, and very very sorry he screwed up so badly. And sex or lack of it had nothing to do with his cheating. I was going to respond to the vanilla comment but screw it, I don't want to come off as bragging. Plus there are comments in other places that answer that. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 He has has many conversations about why she doest really enjoy sex, even asking if she was sexually abused.... And this is NOT your business. Shame on him and shame on you for discussing that! IF she was sexually abused, that's private and personal, he's an IDIOT (and much more) for talking to you about this stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 You should meet vweb!! And..........Daisy with the immaturity levels they could all be best buds. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Yes, they do have sex Sometimes.. No way is it good, she is WAY to conservative... Tell yourself whatever you need to, get those blinders on nice and tight! Link to post Share on other sites
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