waytogo Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 After my experience of doing the wrong thing, I think of how if more people would do the right thing how much less infidelity would happen. I'm going to gear this toward being OW even though being OM is catching up in the stats. If all, or even almost all women would say, "you're M, there's no way you are going to be in my intimate life", there would be so much less cheating. No question, the MM shouldn't be considering or chasing. If some didn't make it so easy then he would have to make hard choices. He would have to evaluate if it is so bad at home, if he is part of the reason it is, if it's worth working to repair. If he has his easy escape and all the comforts of home, he's giving less to two (or more) and often expecting a king's treatment every place he 'graces'. Why help him do that? Shouldn't we expect men to act like men an honor responsibilities and commitments, change those commitments they can when they realize they aren't 'there' in spirit and soul anymore. Then they can be free to explore other R's. OW make it easy for MM to do nothing for many responsibilities at home; and just whine about things that may or not even really be a problem (no sex comes to mind). Then so many OW wonder why he just won't leave the 'miserable for the great R'. Simple, he doesn't have to. If any of us have a miserable work life and get offered even a chance a better job, we take it. It's just not near as bad at home as they often say. If it was, most would leave with or without an OW. Link to post Share on other sites
TurningTables Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 (edited) Hi waytogo..I think that people have this need to fill every void in their lives. Its like well..this isnt going so good..so I think Ill try this to see if it makes me feel better. If a marriage is not going very well, its so much easier to turn to another person that is outside of the situation to make themselves feel better. The AP only sees what the MM/MW wants them to see. It seems its always the BS's fault as to why their M isnt working out. The person that is doing the cheating seems never have anything wrong with them. Marriage is hard work. Most seem to think that everything will just fall in line and its going to be bliss bliss bliss. Unfortunately, most find out that its NOT like that too late. PS. I havent told my own story yet because Im in the middle of making a decision. You guys have been wonderful! Even the harsh ones. So thanks in advance. Edited June 2, 2011 by TurningTables added info :) Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 After my experience of doing the wrong thing, I think of how if more people would do the right thing how much less infidelity would happen. I'm going to gear this toward being OW even though being OM is catching up in the stats. If all, or even almost all women would say, "you're M, there's no way you are going to be in my intimate life", there would be so much less cheating. No question, the MM shouldn't be considering or chasing. If some didn't make it so easy then he would have to make hard choices. He would have to evaluate if it is so bad at home, if he is part of the reason it is, if it's worth working to repair. If he has his easy escape and all the comforts of home, he's giving less to two (or more) and often expecting a king's treatment every place he 'graces'. Why help him do that? Shouldn't we expect men to act like men an honor responsibilities and commitments, change those commitments they can when they realize they aren't 'there' in spirit and soul anymore. Then they can be free to explore other R's. OW make it easy for MM to do nothing for many responsibilities at home; and just whine about things that may or not even really be a problem (no sex comes to mind). Then so many OW wonder why he just won't leave the 'miserable for the great R'. Simple, he doesn't have to. If any of us have a miserable work life and get offered even a chance a better job, we take it. It's just not near as bad at home as they often say. If it was, most would leave with or without an OW. Ditto. Women are biologically hard-wired to be nurturing and molded by society to be more accommodating than men are. More women have weaker boundaries and have a harder time saying no than men do, more women care about being "the good girl" and being liked, more women desire having a relationship and someone to nurture and care for and I think that is why many women (myself included at one point) would turn a blind eye to the error in the situation and allow it to happen. Many women allow men to get away with MURDER! Then women complain about getting the short end of the stick and about men having things easier and so on...but we contribute to men being "dogs". If we would wake up and firmly say NO! Then they would soon realize, "hmmm not gonna work" but when men do things time and again and realize women welcome them and eat it up, they have ZERO incentive to stop. That's people in general, in fact, if you don't set your boundaries with someone and show them how to treat you, they will treat you anyway they want and do the LEAST amount that will give THEM the most benefit Link to post Share on other sites
carrie999 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 After my experience of doing the wrong thing, I think of how if more people would do the right thing how much less infidelity would happen. I'm going to gear this toward being OW even though being OM is catching up in the stats. If all, or even almost all women would say, "you're M, there's no way you are going to be in my intimate life", there would be so much less cheating. No question, the MM shouldn't be considering or chasing. If some didn't make it so easy then he would have to make hard choices. He would have to evaluate if it is so bad at home, if he is part of the reason it is, if it's worth working to repair. If he has his easy escape and all the comforts of home, he's giving less to two (or more) and often expecting a king's treatment every place he 'graces'. Why help him do that? Shouldn't we expect men to act like men an honor responsibilities and commitments, change those commitments they can when they realize they aren't 'there' in spirit and soul anymore. Then they can be free to explore other R's. OW make it easy for MM to do nothing for many responsibilities at home; and just whine about things that may or not even really be a problem (no sex comes to mind). Then so many OW wonder why he just won't leave the 'miserable for the great R'. Simple, he doesn't have to. If any of us have a miserable work life and get offered even a chance a better job, we take it. It's just not near as bad at home as they often say. If it was, most would leave with or without an OW.[/QUOTE] The first bolded point is true, but very obvious. If everyone refused to do things that society or religion dictate as wrong or immoral, there would be no (or much less) infidelity, crime, etc. The second bolded point is true for many of the situations I've seen here. The married person complains endlessly about the spouse and everything wrong with her and the marriage, but stays "for the kids" or because it would turn everyone against them, or due to finances. In other cases, there are exit affairs, or affairs that start out as some indiscretion but turn into exit affairs by forcing the married person to analyze what went so wrong that they screwed up by ending up involved with someone else in the first place. They may not have intended to leave or even realized there was a fundamental problem, but the affair (or affair partner) ripped the blinders off long enough for them to realize the marriage wasn't working. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 After my experience of doing the wrong thing, I think of how if more people would do the right thing how much less infidelity would happen. Not everyone believes marital infidelity is wrong. Just because you consider that participating in an A is not "doing the right thing" does not mean that everyone on the planet shares your views. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Women are biologically hard-wired to be nurturing and molded by society to be more accommodating than men are. More women have weaker boundaries and have a harder time saying no than men do, more women care about being "the good girl" and being liked, more women desire having a relationship and someone to nurture and care for and I think that is why many women (myself included at one point) would turn a blind eye to the error in the situation and allow it to happen. Many women allow men to get away with MURDER! Then women complain about getting the short end of the stick and about men having things easier and so on...but we contribute to men being "dogs". Then I guess I'm not a woman Oh well, multiple orgasms were nice while they lasted. I guess I'll have to practise standing up to piss now Link to post Share on other sites
phillyfan Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 After my experience of doing the wrong thing, I think of how if more people would do the right thing how much less infidelity would happen. I'm going to gear this toward being OW even though being OM is catching up in the stats. If all, or even almost all women would say, "you're M, there's no way you are going to be in my intimate life", there would be so much less cheating. No question, the MM shouldn't be considering or chasing. If some didn't make it so easy then he would have to make hard choices. He would have to evaluate if it is so bad at home, if he is part of the reason it is, if it's worth working to repair. If he has his easy escape and all the comforts of home, he's giving less to two (or more) and often expecting a king's treatment every place he 'graces'. Why help him do that? Shouldn't we expect men to act like men an honor responsibilities and commitments, change those commitments they can when they realize they aren't 'there' in spirit and soul anymore. Then they can be free to explore other R's. OW make it easy for MM to do nothing for many responsibilities at home; and just whine about things that may or not even really be a problem (no sex comes to mind). Then so many OW wonder why he just won't leave the 'miserable for the great R'. Simple, he doesn't have to. If any of us have a miserable work life and get offered even a chance a better job, we take it. It's just not near as bad at home as they often say. If it was, most would leave with or without an OW. Bang on, dude, u r rite. If a girl says NO WAY, sort your SH*T out or I aint goin near u, then....the will. Or theyll at least not waste ur time. The crap that dudes will come up with to keep u in the picture and 2 keep their lives easy is MIND BLOWIN. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Seems most of us men that try to "act like men and honor their responsibilities and commitments" just get cheated on. Que Sera Sera. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Seems most of us men that try to "act like men and honor their responsibilities and commitments" just get cheated on. Que Sera Sera. Unfortunately, anyone can be a victim of predators and users, but you get better at spotting them through experience. Dust yourself off and get back on that horse. There ARE good women out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author waytogo Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 (edited) Not everyone believes marital infidelity is wrong. Just because you consider that participating in an A is not "doing the right thing" does not mean that everyone on the planet shares your views. I am very curious about your reply. Please forgive me if I've confused you for another. From what I remember, you are married now. If I'm correct, are you saying it's fine with you if your H is lying to you about where he is and what he is doing while screwing another woman behind your back? Edited June 4, 2011 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 If all, or even almost all women would say, "you're M, there's no way you are going to be in my intimate life", there would be so much less cheating. No question, the MM shouldn't be considering or chasing. If some didn't make it so easy then he would have to make hard choices. He would have to evaluate if it is so bad at home, if he is part of the reason it is, if it's worth working to repair. If the MM didn't go outside their marriage, there would also be much less cheating. I find the way you allocate responsibility here rather puzzling. The man, just like the OW, has a mind of his own. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 It takes two to tango. Link to post Share on other sites
Author waytogo Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 If the MM didn't go outside their marriage, there would also be much less cheating. I find the way you allocate responsibility here rather puzzling. The man, just like the OW, has a mind of his own. Without a doubt, MM shouldn't do that. If he found no co-conspiritor, he'd more likely consider what's at home and deal with that. You are right, MM and OW have minds of their own. Each should use those minds with consideration of others that he/she would want from others. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 It takes two to tango. and 3 to fack it all up... That's my motto. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 After my experience of doing the wrong thing, I think of how if more people would do the right thing how much less infidelity would happen. I'm going to gear this toward being OW even though being OM is catching up in the stats. If all, or even almost all women would say, "you're M, there's no way you are going to be in my intimate life", there would be so much less cheating. No question, the MM shouldn't be considering or chasing. If some didn't make it so easy then he would have to make hard choices. He would have to evaluate if it is so bad at home, if he is part of the reason it is, if it's worth working to repair. If he has his easy escape and all the comforts of home, he's giving less to two (or more) and often expecting a king's treatment every place he 'graces'. Why help him do that? Shouldn't we expect men to act like men an honor responsibilities and commitments, change those commitments they can when they realize they aren't 'there' in spirit and soul anymore. Then they can be free to explore other R's. OW make it easy for MM to do nothing for many responsibilities at home; and just whine about things that may or not even really be a problem (no sex comes to mind). Then so many OW wonder why he just won't leave the 'miserable for the great R'. Simple, he doesn't have to. If any of us have a miserable work life and get offered even a chance a better job, we take it. It's just not near as bad at home as they often say. If it was, most would leave with or without an OW. It sounds pretty easy, right? And it should be that easy! I do not understand how or why so many do not demand more, why so many believe the tales, why so many won't say "call me after you are divorced". If it is meant to be, it will happen without sneaking around, lying, hiding, etc. It should be something people shout from the rooftops. It shouldnt cause betrayal, it shouldn't tear apart families. It should be celebrated. When it isn't or when you have to hide, that alone should throw up a red flag Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 It sounds pretty easy, right? And it should be that easy! I do not understand how or why so many do not demand more, why so many believe the tales, why so many won't say "call me after you are divorced". Because they don't yet know if they want to be with their guy enough to feel as though 'they' caused him to move out? Because they don't have a problem with the fact he's married? Because they're scared of losing him? Because they prefer a part-time set-up? Because their needs are being met? Because they rely on him emotionally? Because they want to show support to the man they love and not abandon him during one of the hardest times of his life (moving out, divorce)? There's loads more, I'm sure. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Without a doubt, MM shouldn't do that. If he found no co-conspiritor, he'd more likely consider what's at home and deal with that. Whatever sent him looking in the first place would likely send him looking elsewhere - in the smalls ads, on craigslist, in brothels or in the local pub.... or even a phone sex line, internet porn or girly mags. If being turned down by the girl of his dreams doesn't stop a teenage boy from finding sex SOMEWHERE, why would it stop a MM who has far more experience and sophistication in sourcing it? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 If all, or even almost all women would say, "you're M, there's no way you are going to be in my intimate life", there would be so much less cheating. So again it comes down to being a woman's responsibility. Similar to, "if women did not wear short skirts / drink / walk around at night / etc then men would not rape them." How about, if men did not rape women, then men would not rape women? Or in this case, if married people did not have sex outside of marriage, then married people would not be having sex outside of marriage? Let's put the responsibility where it belongs - with those who made the promise to be faithful (for those that did; and for those that didn't, what's the problem?). Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 After my experience of doing the wrong thing, I think of how if more people would do the right thing how much less infidelity would happen. I'm going to gear this toward being OW even though being OM is catching up in the stats. If all, or even almost all women would say, "you're M, there's no way you are going to be in my intimate life", there would be so much less cheating. No question, the MM shouldn't be considering or chasing. If some didn't make it so easy then he would have to make hard choices. He would have to evaluate if it is so bad at home, if he is part of the reason it is, if it's worth working to repair. If he has his easy escape and all the comforts of home, he's giving less to two (or more) and often expecting a king's treatment every place he 'graces'. Why help him do that? Shouldn't we expect men to act like men an honor responsibilities and commitments, change those commitments they can when they realize they aren't 'there' in spirit and soul anymore. Then they can be free to explore other R's. OW make it easy for MM to do nothing for many responsibilities at home; and just whine about things that may or not even really be a problem (no sex comes to mind). Then so many OW wonder why he just won't leave the 'miserable for the great R'. Simple, he doesn't have to. If any of us have a miserable work life and get offered even a chance a better job, we take it. It's just not near as bad at home as they often say. If it was, most would leave with or without an OW. WTG, You are giving way too much credit to women or OP in 'allowing' a MP to cheat. If he didn't find an OP, he'd be masturbating to porn, using a ham sandwich or an apple pie to get off. I have a friend who calls porn her H's OW, it is exactly the same thing to her. She D'd him over it. Infidelity may be new to you, but it has been going on since the beginning of time. It is often the vehicle that actually helps improve lives. Every Wisteria needs brutalizing pruning before blooming, every rose bush needs branches to be cut off it it's going to survive and produce beautiful blossoms. Infidelity often hurts, but is often the answer to a rewarding future even for the BS. I was one, so I know. Link to post Share on other sites
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