My Virgin Post - Please anyone help me with a nutjob

[NocturnalBunny]

Hello - this is probably going to be a long one, my first as well. In a nutshell, I've been considering breaking off my relationship of 1.5+ years. I'd like some advice, especially from someone who's been through something similar. First - some history required in completely understanding my situation.

 

I have a friend, let's call him friend "X". A good friend of mine to this day. He started dating this girl one day, and I finally met her - we got to be friends. So good of friends in fact that we messed around several months later. I told him - I had to to clear my concsious. My decision to tell, was also fueled by the confession of another friend, let's call him "Z", that she too, had messed around with him. This was even battier! So I told X, and I also told X about Z. She denied any involvement with Z. So, here is where I didn't talk to the girl or X for a year. (Ironic subnote, she tells X that I pushed myself on her, when it was in fact quite the opposite)

 

I hear all Z's details of the story, and by god they sound as accurate as if I were there. Just something bad in the past at this point.

 

Fast forward a year later - she calls me outta nowhere, saying she still wants to be friends with me, any way she can have me I guess. I took the bait, and once again we hung out behind X's back. Turned into some heavy petting - she's a pushy girl, and I am a guy who girls don't really pursue - ever. I'm human, and was simply drawn into it. She gets so close, that she breaks it off with X. WE end up going out - striaght transition, one guy to another. Somehow makes me not think of past events - and to this DAY, she denies VEHEMENTLY on ever doing anything with Z. There's no way I could ever know for sure - but let me just say that Z is someone I'd trust my bank account with. In fact, I entrust him with 700 dollars worth of music equipment at his house to store - at this very instant.

 

Anyhoo, time goes by, we're stuck up eachother's behinds, and she ends up moving in. Eventually X is friends with me again, and just loathes her. Everything's great for awhile, I've never fallen for a girl like this ever before. Then I get more experience with her nuttiness.

 

Here's a rundown: Abused childhood, bipolar disorder, extreme moodswings, manipulative, controlling, and last but not least a class A whiner.

 

Certain people she would just have a fit if I hung out with. She'd cry, and sometimes self mutilate. She's very attached and dependent, and obsessive. In fact, she'd always tell me that while she was with X she really loved me. I mean, when she gets into telling me how she feels about me, it seems like it crosses love into obsession.

 

But she's not all bad - she does a lot for me - but sometimes it seems like she just does those things for insurance, if you know what I mean. Also, I can never ever completely trust her considering the nature upon which we started.

 

I talk to X about it all the time, he knows what I'm going through. I definately think she may have cheated, but to quote X "Even if you have a video and DNA evidence, she'll lie her ass off". And it's probably true. Last time I brought up the topic of Z, and my doubts about her story, she went nuts. Cried too. She pretty much got the message across not to bring that up again EVER.

 

So, those are the biggest points of my relationship. I've convinced myself a million times I'd be better off without her - still think I would be. But I'm still emotionally attached, and maybe in love still. I've tried breaking it off before - PSYCHODRAMA. let's just say that. She begged, groveled, said she'd do ANYTHING.

 

I understand, I'm young (20), I have no business being with such a crazy girl, and she definately has no business living under my folks' roof. I really....just have no freakin' clue what to do. I'm a very confused guy - and if anyone can offer ANYTHING it would be magnificently appreciated.

[ThisGirlNameKD]

Well you say she had an abusive childhood, she's bipolar, she cheated on X with you, and possibly Z. The question is, do seriously think things are going to improve if you stay with her? Just because you have an emotional attrachment for her doesn't mean you should stay with her. If it's an unhealthy relationship, it's an unhealthy relationship. If you don't want to put up with anymore drama, I suggest you take your leave.

[NocturnalBunny]

thanks for a quick reply! Update, by the way. Tonight, she calls, and wants me to come out where she's been staying, a relatives house (she works with them). I say no. I simply didn't really want to. Cue the ultimatums - She wants an answer NOW, and only now as to what I want to do <with us>. I simply say I don't really know. So - she turns it into being about proof of my affection, and it seems like she's trying to guilt me. Cue the sobs and sniffles.

 

Oy vei! Anyhoo, eventually, after much awkward silence, she says my silence indicates my decision - and sobs more. And then, she asks me to come out there again and again - I finally scream NO! - and she hangs up.

 

I don't know what to think. She says she couldn't be friends if we broke it off because she's too attached. Whatever.

 

Much of the time I separate myself when she gets this emotional, because I KNOW she'll drag me on with her. AND, when she asked me to come out as a "friend", I told her at first it wasn't a good time. "Why? Why?!?!" she exclaims - at this point I just don't even want to be near her - from past experience, I know if she got me over there she would've pulled on my heart strings until she got what she wanted.

 

that's it for now.

[Fedup&givingup]

Sounds like an algebra equation....the pythagorean theory

 

A (squared) + B (squared) = C (squared)

[faux]

...Here's a rundown: Abused childhood, bipolar disorder, extreme moodswings, manipulative, controlling, and last but not least a class A whiner.

 

Certain people she would just have a fit if I hung out with. She'd cry, and sometimes self mutilate. She's very attached and dependent, and obsessive. In fact, she'd always tell me that while she was with X she really loved me. I mean, when she gets into telling me how she feels about me, it seems like it crosses love into obsession...

 

It sounds exactly like you are involved with an ex of mine. If she lives/recently lived in PA and/or her initials are K.A.G., and she was abused by her mother's ex and/or fiance run as fast as you can immediately and get tested.

 

If not, either way I can completely relate to this situation. You need to get this girl out of your house and leave her. She obviously has far too many problems. I know that I have made the mistake of getting involved with girls like this in the past, full well knowing what I was diving into. I never plan on making that mistake again.

 

I hated being with an obsessive, lying, moody nut job who would mutilate her body every time something went wrong. I understand she had problems, but she was doing nothing to get any better. She'd talk about her illness and problems all the time. Your experience sounds so similar. I recommend leaving, as you are unhappy, while you can... Stay much longer and she'll eventually get bored of you and decide you are the nutjob.

[NocturnalBunny]

Glad to hear someone's had the same...it's tough. But no, they are not the same person. I think deep down I'm just a huge sucker.

 

I too knew what I was getting into, but love just messes it all up, if that is what it really is. I spoke more with her last night, as she was much more calm. She left me an X-Mas present she was planning on giving me come december, and left it on my bed (she stopped by while I was out getting inebriated out of my mind with a friend to not think about it) - it was a Back to the Future shirt - it broke my heart. I love Back to the Future, and she always knows what to get me - it hurts, and makes me think even more....or maybe that's what she wants.

 

I'm fond of a saying I coined - "She's got Six personalities - but I'm only in love with about two or three"

 

Well, if I may ask Mr. Faux, have you had experiences where she would test your resolve by evoking emotion? Getting sentimental at the last minute, ya know?

 

I'm sure I'll keep it updated as more transpires....

[ThisGirlNameKD]

NocturnalBunny:

 

Good for you. You're dealing with someone who is bipolar, and sounds like she's not taking her meds. It would not be wise of you to believe anything she says because she's not in her right mind. I'm sure you still like her, but the drama is not worth the trip.