So I just realized without a doubt, my ex has BPD.

[CFM]

I've been on the site a bit lately going through a breakup and dealing with some NC issues and tonight feel completely enlightened. Someone mentioned in one of my posts that my ex has BPD. I didn't really think about it at first or consider it. My ex has been through a LOT of family drama in her life.. an unfair and ridiculous amount, of which I completely blame her parents for being irresponsible in letting her be so involved in their broken relationship. She's been on the receiving end of endless drama for years with lawsuits, restraining orders and suicide attempts between them and it is simply a certifiably dysfunctional home life. I didn't quite realize how bad it was and how constant it was until I lived in the house and witnessed it on a regular basis. I remember wondering HOW she dealt with it her entire life.. how she coped.

 

Well, tonight like I said I did some reading about BPD. I have come to the conclusion that without a doubt my ex has a definite case. EVERY sign of it has been huge in our relationship through the years. I went from being the best man in the world, her 100% obsession, her life, her everything.. to being a horrible boyfriend who could never do anything right. I'll admit that I haven't been the best of boyfriend at times, but looking back in the long run I was a very very very very accepting, nice and caring boyfriend who catered to her every single whim. I remember always feeling like no matter what I did it was never enough. I remember when she wanted me to completely stop doing something I would, and I would give her 100% of myself.. and then she'd want me to stop being so "clingy". She never was satisfied for long.. I'd go buy her lavish gifts that most men won't even buy their wives, and would feel like they weren't appreciated more than a couple of days. I remember she basically took control of my myspace, my facebook, went through every email I ever wrote, my phone, my bank account, my paypal.. EVERYTHING through the years and it became normal.

 

She would regularly belittle me.. it was slow at first.. I almost thought she had an issue not holding her tongue, but quickly came to realize she would say extremely inappropriate and inconsiderate things to her mother as well when she was in her "bad mood". I made endless excuses for how she acted.. I told myself it was because of what she's been through and I accepted it. I wanted to be the guy who changed her perception of men. I remember always wanting to go back to the high of when we first met and first started dating. It was an AMAZING high.. but then I read this is how it works with women with BPD.. after all of the years it never went back to that high for long. I remember how she was at first so interested in me and my life.. then it all became about her and never went back. I was in Iraq dealing with insane amounts of stress at times.. I dealt with death and depression and she really never cared enough to ask me about any of it. I remember always just having to hear about her day, about how she felt.. and when I didn't want to hear it, I was the bad guy... I wasn't "there" for her.

 

She turned everything that she ever did wrong to my fault. She cheated on me and blamed me for it.. told me that if I didn't do what I did that it never would have happened. She blames me for every negative aspect of our relationship.. claims that things would still be perfect if I hadn't done this or that. She would always call me selfish when I didn't put her before myself, yet wouldn't put me before her in hardly any ways. She has had times where I can't recognize her at all.. like a completely different person in her body, immune to emotions and lack of care for things that at other times mean everything to her. She's full of herself one moment and in the next she's angry about being fat or ugly.

 

I poured 4 years of love, devotion, money and endless effort into this girl, yet at the end of the day she acts like I ruined her. I've beaten myself up and felt extreme guilt for letting us fall apart and she's had no problem passing full blame. Even now as I've begged for her back she'll gladly continue to be my friend and hurt me.. and her justification? I left her, she can do what she wants. I've been in an abusive relationship for 4 years and it's taken nearly everything out of me, nearly driven me to suicide.

 

I can't believe it's taken this long to come to this realization. I know that I'm a good guy.. I know that I was a good boyfriend. I know that no matter what I did the outcome would have been similar to this.

 

We've been in complete NC for a couple of days now. She's been calling and texting. I don't think her new "friend" is going to last long and I moved near her to try to "fix us". I don't think she's fix-able anymore.. not without a lot of time and effort.. gonna be hard when she won't accept anything is wrong with her. She has a great heart and is smart and beautiful. It's hard to know that the girl I love more than anything is in for a very difficult time and I don't think 90% of guys in the world would treat her as well as I did given the circumstances.

 

Have a feeling those calls and texts aren't the last I'll hear from her...

 

Is this an accurate diagnosis?

Edited June 2, 2011 by CFM

[sinnister]

Yeah...people call it so many other things...no one takes control of this person b/c they know her home life..see her as the victim..so everyone else..despite the circumstances MUST be the persecutor/perpetrator. This is why you never know what you dealing with/they never get the help they need to get through the traumas. There's always an excuse..always a monster. So she drinks like a fish all of a sudden and drops out of college to fly across the world with someone she's just dumped a 2 year LDR fiancee for...isn't that something...oh well, my life is more important. They are so good at being helpless..no one really notices what the hell they're doing...don't care as they stay under the radar. My full story is in my thread and various links from my thread as well as your older ones. We've the EXACT same kind of relationship...

 

People, again, will cover for their behaviors by kicking that "not an official diagnosis" bs..but you know what a real r/s was. Our exes were so good at getting the best out of us and manipulating more. People think you were the sucker...lol...if they'd only knew how subtle...how connected as you say "i wanted to restore her faith in men"...SAME THOUGHT I HAD. They are gifted mentally...they seek something..and driven..it's just not idle chaos like most crazy women. That's why once they've used you and moved on SUDDENLY...you look/feel so bad about it..you don't/can't see it coming..but since every argument you've had with them is now unresolved and being able to be thrown at you...u inevitably take fault..and they have cover to keep wrecking both your reps.

Edited June 2, 2011 by sinnister

[CFM]

Sorry to hear about your relationship as well. I guess right now I just feel relieved.. relieved that it wasn't all my fault. I wish she could see all of this the way it's become clear to me, but now she's too wrapped up in her new life.. the one she thinks that will make her happy. New friends.. new romance, new and exciting people. She has her obsession building for a new guy and it's just gonna be another impossible relationship. She'll never accept there's something wrong with her.. and she'll just continue to blame her actions on other people. Ahhh.. all this time I thought I was the messed up one. I never cared about her emails or bank account.. all I ever cared about was her loving me and treating me right.

 

Thinking back through the years it's just crystal clear. I could never truly make her happy for long, but again it wasn't my fault. She'll need me at some point during this NC.. someone will hurt her or she'll just want someone who will come over, rub her feet, cuddle up, give her her favorite food and dessert and watch whatever TV show she wants. And when we do make contact again I'll be to blame for not being there when she "needed me".

 

Ahh this unsuspecting fool thinks he's getting an easy rebound girl and has no clue what's really going to come. He'll enjoy the first month or two I guess.. then she'll start trying to take control.

Edited June 2, 2011 by CFM

[sinnister]

Sorry to hear about your relationship as well. I guess right now I just feel relieved.. relieved that it wasn't all my fault. I wish she could see all of this the way it's become clear to me, but now she's too wrapped up in her new life.. the one she thinks that will make her happy. New friends.. new romance, new and exciting people. She has her obsession building for a new guy and it's just gonna be another impossible relationship. She'll never accept there's something wrong with her.. and she'll just continue to blame her actions on other people. Ahhh.. all this time I thought I was the messed up one. I never cared about her emails or bank account.. all I ever cared about was her loving me and treating me right.

 

Thinking back through the years it's just crystal clear. I could never truly make her happy for long, but again it wasn't my fault.

Lol...people talk about GIGS...mine wanted access to my entire porn collection once we were together. GIGS girls from college don't think like this. It was like they want to comb every trace to see if you'd cheat on them..and STILL feel they're not going to be good enough for you. You lose by being the right guy for them...so they used anything to devalue themselves and take that devaluation out on you...to the end by cheating to equalize the power vacuum they feel b/c they have so much resentment. She loaned me money and afterwards..we had the worse arguments..just petty projection stuff....if you need/take...they can't stand feeling used/put upon..but like you said...they can get you to talk about their thoughts/insecurities for days. Better not say too much more...to be in that web..must mean you're codependent. Having that much to give, means there's something wrong with you. FTR..I paid her back and gave her great Christmas presents. And like yours..it was like another day...what u do is simply expected lol.

Edited June 2, 2011 by sinnister

[CFM]

I was a 21 year old guy in Iraq with porn and was CRUCIFIED for it. To this day she will bring it up and how she wasn't enough for me and I had to look at other women. It's one of her reasons for becoming less interested in having sex.. because apparently I was attracted to porn stars and not her.

 

I had a strong knack for gaming when I had nothing else to do. If I wanted to play my game (long distance at the time mind you) instead of talk to her, the conclusion was that the game was more important than her. Heard it probably a million times through the years. It was always black & white, no in between. I mean really.. she thought I valued a GAME more than her. I would be forced to lie in order to continue playing games with friends and such.. which would only end up blowing up in my face when she'd search through my computer and find them in "recent programs" or something similar. She'd check timestamps and if it wasn't right on I was a horrible lying boyfriend who didn't love her. I'll admit at times it became excessive, but never did I actually value a game over her, not for a second.

 

She would log on my instant messengers and pretend to be me to see what people would say. She would make fake identities on the internet and pretend to be someone else to see if I'd flirt. It came to the point where I didn't even bother trying to keep anything from her, she'd eventually find out and it wasn't worth the fighting. If I changed my password during a fight, we'd make up and she'd hold sex over my head until I gave the password.

 

And you're right, she was SMART about it. She was extremely deceptive and would approach me asking about something when she already knew the answer just to see if I was completely honest. Not once would this happen but almost on a daily basis. I'm sorry, but nobody is perfect.. and the more she did things like this the more it pushed me away. Always felt like I was walking on egg shells, even when I wasn't doing anything wrong I was scared she'd find something from 3 years ago and give me hell for it. She called herself "Nancy Drew" and was so proud when she dug up a lie or caught me with anything.

 

And now as just a "friend" with me she's continued to do the same things. Continued to investigate. Continued to belittle and blame.

 

I can't believe I thought for a second any of this was okay or normal.

Edited June 2, 2011 by CFM

[sinnister]

I was a 21 year old guy in Iraq with porn and was CRUCIFIED for it. To this day she will bring it up and how she wasn't enough for me and I had to look at other women. It's one of her reasons for becoming less interested in having sex.. because apparently I was attracted to porn stars and not her.

 

Same exact thing...then I shared screen and had her watch it with me...she was EXTREMELY sexual.

 

I simply told her that it would just burn me out to have to think about her when I couldn't have her all the time...hand manip to something less than her thinking about her. She still called it cheating, lol..but those protests stopped eventually, after her 100 percent obsession with me. She wanted "every thought" in my mind lol.

 

I had a strong knack for gaming when I had nothing else to do. If I wanted to play my game (long distance at the time mind you) instead of talk to her, the conclusion was that the game was more important than her. Heard it probably a million times through the years. It was always black & white, no in between. I mean really.. she thought I valued a GAME more than her. I would be forced to lie in order to continue playing games with friends and such.. which would only end up blowing up in my face when she'd search through my computer and find them in "recent programs" or something similar. She'd check timestamps and if it wasn't right on I was a horrible lying boyfriend who didn't love her.

 

That was the only thing we argued about...space. I played online games with her instead..but that didn't last as I didn't like the one we were on..and we drifted back to me only playing the games I couldn't really get into when she slept...and she would only sleep later, when she knew I was..so that killed my gaming. As you can read on my thread..she calls it now "unrealistic"..when I told her to do the same things she now claims she didn't get to do b/c of me. I mean..go swimming at the local pool...no, would sleep in..play tired and talk to me. No matter what, she couldn't leave me..like she was scared I would go to someone else if she did. I would go out w/friends..have a bunch of messages of her missing me..even if she'd gone out before. At her friend's houses sleeping in...if they had a computer/Skype..not only would she send me an email..she would NEED to cam with me there..lol. Then blame me for that later when her extremely high expectations of me/us fell short briefly..I promised and could give her the world..cause she did help my mental game that much. I'm a master communicator now...in so many aspects..and it's wasted trying to analyze waste cause she left me with this huge scar. I hope I can just find something to let me forget for a while.

 

She would log on my instant messengers and pretend to be me to see what people would say. She would make fake identities on the internet and pretend to be someone else to see if I'd flirt. It came to the point where I didn't even bother trying to keep anything from her, she'd eventually find out and it wasn't worth the fighting. If I changed my password during a fight, we'd make up and she'd hold sex over my head until I gave the password.

 

 

I never put it together cause I never IM'd before her. But there was a while in the beginning where I didn't get any friend requests..from strangers..then they came flooding in with different pics/identities. Same with the acct I met her on..but I had recently put n a pic when I met her so I thought it was normal. Then it all stopped after engagement...remembering now...then again after breakup, flared on Skype a bit.

 

 

And you're right, she was SMART about it. She was extremely deceptive and would approach me asking about something when she already knew the answer just to see if I was completely honest. Not once would this happen but almost on a daily basis. I'm sorry, but nobody is perfect.. and the more she did things like this the more it pushed me away. Always felt like I was walking on egg shells, even when I wasn't doing anything wrong I was scared she'd find something from 3 years ago and give me hell for it. She called herself "Nancy Drew" and was so proud when she dug up a lie or caught me with anything.

 

Mine was the exact opposite, lol. She was scared about what I would find...even if what I did was kinda innocuous for her age...they still screamed SLUT ALERT for some.

 

I can't believe I thought for a second any of this was okay or normal.

 

They're so earnest, honest but secretive in the beginning and seem to match our morals/dreams to a tee at times and get us...so it was a subtle brainwashing. AND when it was good it was the best thing on planet earth. I'd never think a LDR was actually my best and worst r/s at the same time..which I'm sure u do too. Just think..it still hurts..I have so much I HAVE to do right now...and just can't get it up for it....I'm really trying..but that "blackening" makes you feel so goddamned bad...People just don't know that normal people don't treat an ex or any human like this.

Edited June 2, 2011 by sinnister

[CFM]

Yep.. she came off at one time so innocent and just clingy in a not so bad way. It just manifested so much over time. I realized during our whole relationship she was somewhat of a facebook/chatting whore. She'd LOVE attention from anyone.. she'd love video chat rooms online where men would just compliment her nonstop. She's pretty modest as in she won't just hook up with anyone.. but she sure as hell will flirt like nothing else. Drove me nuts. Guess it's part of the BPD.. always wanting positive attention and reassurance that she's pretty, wanted, special.

It was seriously a brainwash looking back. Making things acceptable that should have never been acceptable. My sisters would constantly tell me that she was wayy too controlling from the little bit they knew.. if only anyone had known the full extent of it.

 

 

 

So wait, what is our mental disorder that we allowed this to happen to us? That we didn't stand up to them or run sooner? Haha..

Edited June 2, 2011 by CFM

[sinnister]

Yep.. she came off at one time so innocent and just clingy in a not so bad way. It just manifested so much over time. I realized during our whole relationship she was somewhat of a facebook/chatting whore. She'd LOVE attention from anyone.. she'd love video chat rooms online where men would just compliment her nonstop. She's pretty modest as in she won't just hook up with anyone.. but she sure as hell will flirt like nothing else. Drove me nuts. Guess it's part of the BPD.. always wanting positive attention and reassurance that she's pretty, wanted, special.

It was seriously a brainwash looking back. Making things acceptable that should have never been acceptable. My sisters would constantly tell me that she was wayy too controlling from the little bit they knew.. if only anyone had known the full extent of it.

 

 

 

So wait, what is our mental disorder that we allowed this to happen to us? That we didn't stand up to them or run sooner? Haha..

 

Yeah...they call it codependence. It's again the "blame the victim" strategy to get us to accept how dysfunctional they are..because people love failures...makes them look better.

 

Mine was too modest for that too..although I should've stayed on FB more..but I was spending way too much time with her to go somewhere else and look at what she was doing.

 

The thing is...they feel so cheated ALL THE TIME..which with their parenting..they are. But they act like they have to get it all RIGHT NOW...or it's something wrong with them..but they lack the moral compass (BOUNDARIES) to know when it's appropriate to stand up for themselves and rebuff some things/experiences. Feeling completely unattractive/inept/subhuman..people say it's GIGS and that they will hit bottom...not knowing emotionally, that's where they usually stay. They are unable to live with their internal person...alone...introspect positively w/out constant positive reenforcement from the opposite sex. Since nothing for them is cached...they move day to day..and take u for granted in the same way..so when you are finally cheated..it's the worst thing u can experience. She called me her most trusted..and proceeded to paint me as the worst person on Earth to impress a new crowd and absolve messed up actions as she pursued it. It is GIGS too..but when both are combined into a weak person...it's devastating to ALL INVOLVED. They say GIGS is about "finding themselves" how r you going to be sated in what you've never trusted/liked?

[sinnister]

Let me try to sleep b/f class tomorrow...keep reading up/growing as you can. You will probably have to see someone to get over the drain and betrayal. But it's DEFINITELY not you...I spotted that and everything as soon as I went back to your older threads. I'll check up on you.

[Exit]

I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but it doesn't really do any good to sit here and try to "diagnose" our exes. In fact it comes across kind of arrogant seeing so many people acting like "my relationship didn't fail, the reality is that my ex is bi polar/narcissistic/insane!".

 

My ex lost her father early in life, had a mother who got into lots of trouble and is now in the hospital, moved around and changed schools throughout her life, but I'm not concerned with trying to diagnose her with a mental disorder. Would it make me feel like I have less to blame on myself if I could convince myself she was crazy? Maybe. But I'm no doctor, and I'm sure someone could look at patterns in my life and probably diagnose me with something too.

 

There is nothing wrong with trying to identify things that our exes did wrong in the relationship, it's part of healing, and it's good not to just blame it all on yourself. But to see so many members on here diagnosing mental disorders lately? It's a bit disconcerting.

[sinnister]

I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but it doesn't really do any good to sit here and try to "diagnose" our exes. In fact it comes across kind of arrogant seeing so many people acting like "my relationship didn't fail, the reality is that my ex is bi polar/narcissistic/insane!".

 

My ex lost her father early in life, had a mother who got into lots of trouble and is now in the hospital, moved around and changed schools throughout her life, but I'm not concerned with trying to diagnose her with a mental disorder. Would it make me feel like I have less to blame on myself if I could convince myself she was crazy? Maybe. But I'm no doctor, and I'm sure someone could look at patterns in my life and probably diagnose me with something too.

 

There is nothing wrong with trying to identify things that our exes did wrong in the relationship, it's part of healing, and it's good not to just blame it all on yourself. But to see so many members on here diagnosing mental disorders lately? It's a bit disconcerting.

I don't get this sudden hate for extrospection lol (i know not a real word). You try to be there for a few people..then you do something other than have a pity party for yourself..have a respectful conversation with someone that's gone through the same thing...an someone does a drive-by undermine. No explanations. If you'd gone through something similar..wouldn't you want to compare to see WTH. I know my crisis has gained me a lack of respect..but why keep that negativity when it something not involving you? Don't undermine...just ignore...people try to be damned superior. If it isn't about them/their tactics or what they want..or who they want to say it...piss on it..lol.

[Mack05]

CFM my ex too has BPD (my previous ex's before her didn't so I never came across it before). I find it hard to accept that I can't help her and that with her current state of mind it's impossible for her to be in any kind of healthy nourishing relationship. If I told her she suffers from BPD, she would accuse me of being nuts or that I have it (even though guys dont get it). Sadly self denial is a BIG sympthom of BPD, so no matter who much we want to help we can't. Even when they go to Therapy, a Therpaist finds it hard to help them, because of their extreme self denial and refusal to accept what is wrong with them. My ex spent 6 weeks in Therapy giving out about me and the Therapist diagnosis was we are not right together. Well Dah!!. Unless a BPD sufferer goes to Therapy knowing whats wrong with her and wants to recover from BPD, then Therapy is just one enornmous waste of money. Even then it takes years and alot of pain endured to fully recover. BPD sufferers will tend to stay in their dream world and not go through the recovery process as they feel 'safe' where they are. Sadly BPD gets worse with age.

 

BPD suffers simply won't listen. I anonomously sent my ex a book on BPD (wont get delivered for another 6 weeks). I know she will bin it immediately and figure out it was me that sent it BUT at least I did something (I sent it to clear a guilty conscious). When she is still making the same mistakes in 10 years time at least she will have heard the term Borderline Personality disorder..I doubt me sending that book will change anything though. 99% of these people are doomed to failure as they are literally living in a dream world and facing their demons is too tough because they have buried their feelings for so long (and this is the biggest problem). These people feel they are happy (especially out of a relationship and in the beginning of a relationship) but as soon as they status quo is broken they literally cannot cope. After our first silly fight my ex cried for 6 hours and it was over nothing! You notice something isn't right after the beginning of the relationship, but you just can't put your finger on it. Eventually the non caring guys will tell a BPD sufferer to go &&^& themselves. The caring guys will suffer as the BPD girl continually looks elsewhere for the impossible dream which simply does not exist.

 

I will always feel bad for my ex and prays she gets better. As I said its unlikely. She has one divorce down and is doomed for another. It makes me sad that I can't help. I am codepedent, so its in my nature to try to help. Sadly alot of the time our help is not wanted and the relationship breaks down. We just need to focus on ourselves now buddy, which is what I am doing.

 

Check out this website mate. Especially articles 1, 3 and 9.

 

http://www.bpdfamily.com/tools/articles.htm

 

Some quotes that I empathise with..

 

"It’s often here, you begin to confuse your empathy with love, and you believe you're in love with her. Especially if your instinct is strong and rescuing is at the heart of your "code." Following that code results in the most common excuse I hear as a therapist, as to why many men stay with borderline women, ".... But I love her!" Adult love is built on mutual interest, care and respect - not on one-way emotional rescues. And mothering is for kids. Not grown men."

 

"It is this repeating, endlessly frustrating pattern which should confirm to you that you are involved with a Borderline Personality Disorder. No matter how effective you are at helping her, nothing is ever enough. No physical, financial or emotional assistance ever seems to make any lasting difference. It's like pouring the best of yourself into a galactic-sized Psychological Black Hole of bottomless emotional hunger. Every effort to understand or help this type of woman is an excruciatingly pointless exercise in emotional rescue."

 

"At first, a Borderline female may appear sweet, shy, vulnerable and "ambivalently in need of being rescued"; looking for her Knight in Shining Armor. In the beginning, you will feel a rapidly accelerating sense of compassion because she is a master at portraying herself as she "victim of love" and you are saving her. But listen closely to how she sees herself as a victim. As her peculiar emotional invasion advances upon you, you will hear how no one understands her - except you. Other people have been "insensitive." She has been betrayed, just when she starts trusting people. But there is something "special" about you, because "you really seem to know her." It is this intense way she has of bearing down on you emotionally that can feel very seductive. You will feel elevated, adored, idealized - almost worshiped, maybe even to the level of being uncomfortable. And you will feel that way quickly. It may seem like a great deal has happened between the two of you in a short period of time, because conversation is intense, her attention, and her eyes are so deeply focused on you. Here is a woman who may look like a dream come true. She not only seems to make you the center of her attention, but she even craves listening to your opinions, thoughts and ideas. It will seem like you have really found your heart's desire. Like many things that seems too good to be true, this is. This is borderline personality disorder."

Edited June 2, 2011 by Mack05

[sinnister]

provide a valid Dr's diagnosis before you continue?

 

And they wonder why these people never get helped. People again, don't want to open their minds when it's something that doesn't involve them..or require their brilliant insight. This world is so ****ing selfish.

[sinnister]

For depression..it was completely useless. Mack has done ALL the research too, lol. Unless they're medicated, they don't open up to the therapist..and if they don't open up and the therapist doesn't know (and they're hesitant to dx BDP because it is so hard to continuously treat) the therapy will be useless. Her therapy was to tell me all of her problems and put the weight on me..which i could happily carry to see her satisfied. But as CFM said...there was no standard of peace in the r/s that could be maintained.

[Mack05]

provide a valid Dr's diagnosis before you continue?

 

And they wonder why these people never get helped. People again, don't want to open their minds when it's something that doesn't involve them..or require their brilliant insight. This world is so ****ing selfish.

 

I asked my Therapist her opinion. I told her I needed to figure out what was wrong with my ex to help me move on. She said without meeting her she can only guess but she believes from the sympthoms I described that there is a strong possibility that my ex has BPD. That is enough for me

 

Here is a great Thread on BPD -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2826453#post2826453

[marqueemoon4]

Its official! Every guy on LS's heartless ex has BPD!! Sh*t, we all have traits of the disorder, some more than others. In my case, my stbx main problem is she is SELFISH, has daddy issues, low self esteem, and was raised poorly. I don't think you can put a label on that.

[sinnister]

Its official! Every guy on LS's heartless ex has BPD!! Sh*t, we all have traits of the disorder, some more than others. In my case, my stbx main problem is she is SELFISH, has daddy issues, low self esteem, and was raised poorly. I don't think you can put a label on that.

 

I think anyone that would take that "discussion" that offensively..has a personality disorder. It happens on EVERY site...you're not clever although you may have made insightful comments in the past. If it's not something you like..move the **** on pls. Stop trying to make victims look like more of a loser than the r/s did. We'll get the help we need..but sn't it better to know where to target? Look at every damn thread on any site...if you're not taking the sole blame or crying...some dick's attacking you...even the smart ones get mad. Maybe they wish they had someone that had it too or something....lead follow or get the **** out of the way.

[Mack05]

CFM I feel sorry for your bro that it was 4 years you spent in this relationship. I had some personal problems when I first met my ex so the cycle went alot quicker. If I didn't have those problems at the time, I too would have spent years with her and could even have ended up married. Thankfully, I did have problems which meant I was aved alot of heartache (more then I am going through right now). All we can do now mate is focus on ourselves, learn from the mistakes and move forward. The happier we are in ourselves the more chance of successful relationship. I wish you well buddy

[sinnister]

Projection maybe...I mean..I'll prob get banned soon...saying someone has BPD is like calling someone a Nazi criminal. What a pathetic world. I'm with most smart people in that we all need to have a mental checkup so we can maximize our potential. I will AS SOON AS I"M ABROAD...I'm not putting the sole weight of my happiness on ANYONE...but I do want this weight off...and when I see a pattern I won't ignore it because it offends a few weak sensibilities...bababooey on or whatever the hell you keep doing LMFAO!

[Mack05]

Its official! Every guy on LS's heartless ex has BPD!! Sh*t, we all have traits of the disorder, some more than others. In my case, my stbx main problem is she is SELFISH, has daddy issues, low self esteem, and was raised poorly. I don't think you can put a label on that.

 

Maybe some people on this site have incorrectly diagnosed their ex's, maybe some have not. Personally I am 500% sure my ex has BPD. She suffered a traumatic childhood (which is the first thing to look out for) and suffers STRONGLY from 7 of the 9 BPD sympthoms.

 

All we are doing here is sharing advice and how to make things easier for others. Don't see any problem in that mate..

Edited June 2, 2011 by Mack05

[sinnister]

Maybe some people on this site have incorrectly diagnosed their ex's, maybe some have not. Personally I am 500% sure my ex has BPD. She suffered child abuse (which is the first thing to look out for) and suffers STRONGLY from 7 of the 9 BPD sympthoms.

 

All we are doing here is sharing advice and how to make things easier for others. Don't see any problem in that mate..

 

Why does everyone else seem to though...this is a relationship site where people share war stories...why does there seem to be some sort of taboo? Do the dumpee's have to take 100 percent of the blame, acceptance, or cry for a hug? Can't some people be proactive too? I'm not going to let her kill me with this..but i want to really know what the hell I'm dealing with...I know it by research..I just wanted to see if there was an actual pattern. What's so bad about that?

 

Same here..mine was raped twice. I just want her future to be happier..although I have no control over that. I will stop caring as I get settled into myself again..this extrospection doesn't hinder my growth..but the scar does...understanding it..helps my own self-esteem..so I can go ahead and take my own steps...plus know what to tell my future therapist I've been through. I could be codep..I could just have been in a phase..I'd rather be able to know in-depth things to target to maximize the growth. What does that have to do with any other mfker here?

Edited June 2, 2011 by sinnister

[Mack05]

I have had 8 ex girlfriends. Bar the last one none of them suffered from BPD. I have like a lot of people done ALOT of research on the topic. I don't think our opinions should be disregarded. Plus this site is anonymous, so we are not hurting anybody. I certainly wouldn't mention any names. I have way to much respect for my ex girlfriend to do that.

 

As sinnister said we are just exchanging stories trying to help ourselves and other people. Even if some diagnosis are wrong who cares? As long as we are contributing in a positive way here, thats all that should matter..

[sinnister]

Many have a lot of skeletons in their closets (many here r way after their bedtimes, me included) and scared that someone (or already had) will call them crazy or call for a psych eval b/f dating. Again, as you said, it's all anon...plus I think they really don't want cliques formed that exclude them..meaning they really don't like comradiere for too long if they're not part of the group...much like that office dick. Again, as I tell my friends about the terrors of this age/economy, people lead with their damned insecurities way too much. It's like there's (or can't be) no real men/women anymore..cause it scares the weak. I'll submit to a psych eval if my girl does or at any request. I don't think I'm wrong in my assessment, as I don't just run on to a site and start trying to act important. I did a HELLUVA lot of research to see how someone could do the things with a maniacal detachment after sharing so many secrets/life..everything..it was subhuman. This person literally wanted to destroy my life b/c I didn't let her continue to "run it" her perceived way n the unknown scared her. I was willing to change my opinion with the GIGS..but did my own work too. I just WILL NOT simply follow someone's script b/c they've been here longer...they came here for the same reason I did. There's no pecking order..and I respect the people that pay me that same..even if anon..

Edited June 2, 2011 by sinnister

[marqueemoon4]

I think anyone that would take that "discussion" that offensively..has a personality disorder. It happens on EVERY site...you're not clever although you may have made insightful comments in the past. If it's not something you like..move the **** on pls. Stop trying to make victims look like more of a loser than the r/s did. We'll get the help we need..but sn't it better to know where to target? Look at every damn thread on any site...if you're not taking the sole blame or crying...some dick's attacking you...even the smart ones get mad. Maybe they wish they had someone that had it too or something....lead follow or get the **** out of the way.

 

huh? wow, a bit sensitive. All I'm saying is its easy to label people with some disorder. None of us are experts. I have no doubt that some of the people on this site have exes that have BPD. I really believe my stbx shows ALOT of the characteristics, but I don't feel comfortable proclaiming that she has full blown BPD. Sad thing is I'll never know because she'll never face her issues. So relax man.

[sinnister]

huh? wow, a bit sensitive. All I'm saying is its easy to label people with some disorder. None of us are experts. I have no doubt that some of the people on this site have exes that have BPD. I really believe my stbx shows ALOT of the characteristics, but I don't feel comfortable proclaiming that she has full blown BPD. Sad thing is I'll never know because she'll never face her issues. So relax man.

 

Keep projecting...is that all you can come up with "sensitive"? What about that was sensitive? Your intrusion was uninformative AND disrespectful. I wouldn't go and piss all over your thread then run cause I didn't agree with it. Explain like you just did...don't be an asshat. Seems like when called out with logic, you came to really explain yourself. Life isn't snark n oneliners.

 

And if you don't want to share..that's YOUR CHOICE...don't piss all over the people that do. Why does everyone want to have the same f--king tactic? That's sensitive.