Totally Lost on my ex

[emma16]

Well here goes i need advice from anyone and everyone. I was dating a guy for alomst a year everything started out great he really enjoyed spending time with me and my son, which was not his. After about three months of dating we moved into an apartmetn together. All seemed to be going well until one night I called him up on his work cell phone it was a Friday night and when he drinks he has a hard tiem stoping and does not remember driving home. Before I could as him if he wanted me to pick him up he said if I was checking up on him to pack my **** an leave. The next day he stated that he was going to break up with me but though about it and didn't want o to explain to everyone before christams what happened. We were even talking about gettin married and building a house together. But with him I feel that once he gets in a fight with someone he does not know how to fix it or work on his relationships I mean his longest relationship besides me was 3 months. Another thing is that evertythign was fine we would complement each other and everything.

 

I know I am the first girl he has ever loved he and a number of other people have told me this I think he went from falling in love and being in love and took a b line the other way. He ran started wanting to go out by himself on the weekends. then in January after his work party he tells me he doesn't love me anymore and that he thinks we should break up. The next day he says I don't want you to move out because it would not be fair to my son who is completely attached to him. He says he is afraid he is missing something and that he can figure it out with me livign there.

 

As the weeks go on he continues to find faults with me goes out by himself with the guys and starts bring home other girls phone numbers breaks up with me on valentines day then at night tell me do you think its bad I am not taking my girlfriend out and going out with my friend that just got divored. I did not know what to say. I asked him if I could take the ice auger back that I got his seeing as he broke up with me again and he said that is shady. Another months goes by and a week after my birthday I went with some friends shopping on a Sunday he wanted me to stay home I went anyways that night he tells me I think we should break up and he wanted me out by Easter he did not want it to be my birthday and me still be there.

 

I was pissed he went out of town for work for a few days and I packed my **** when he came home he said aren't you jumping the gun on this a little. I had nothing to say he just said he does not know what he wants. Everytime I went back for more stuff he would tell me I was being a bitch about this I wasn't even saying anything I am not going to cry about it in front of him. The last day I picked my stuff up was two weeks after we broke up and he said well I have a hot date tonight and not to be mad it will help him figure things out so I should not go out whoring around. First he caled it a date then a rebound then an old friend from college I know who it is she has a kid my sons age she is a little younger than I am. I told him he broke up with me I will not call him.

 

Not even four days later I got a call he said he called me at work and I wasn't their he wanted to see if my son was sick beucause he was. Also wanted me to bring my son over on Easter for an Easter basket. So I did and wouldn't you know it I am being a bitch about everything beucase I talk to his freinds and go out with some of them. Why my question is is he being like this? I did not do anything wrong and if he would ever come back I do not want to be walked over again with mind games. Can he be a commitment phobic? I am doing nothign wrong but going on with my life having fun not crying about it when deep down it hurts and I would love to be with him but he has to fgure things out himself I can not put my emotional wellbeing at risk anymore... Any suggestions on what I should do do I ahve to stay away from his friends anythign and everything would help..

[Ms.Bull]

The only advice I have is that he has to figure out what it is that he wants before you all can even have a relationship again. I think guys get really scared when it comes to commitment, and they're afraid that if they dont date everyone that they can then they have missed out on something in life. But when it comes right down to it, they do love us they just dont know how to deal with their problems. But he has to step up to the plate and deal with it first, then if you all decide to work it out. Lay everything out on the table and dont sugar coat any of it, tell him how you feel and that you dont want to feel like that any more. Good Luck!

[emma16]

Thanks so much for the advice it has been what i have been getting from everyone. I just wish he was not saying I am being a bitch about everything. I come over and don't cry and I feel it bothers him. He owes me money and works with my cousins so I told them he could give it to them and He said he would call when he had it I will be wating a long time I think. He is the type of guy that feels he needs to sew his wild oat or that the grass may be greener on the otherside but he plays the mind game with me so I don't move on and wait. that is what pisses me off and the more he finds out that I am going out the mader he seems to get.. Anyone else have some advice do I call and leave him my new number?? Also his birthday is coming up and I love him I already had something bought for him do I give it to him??

[Ms.Bull]

I think that if you want to give him your new number that is okay. And for the birthday present It would be okay for you to give it to him and it would be okay for you not to give it to him. Depends on how you feel. Go with your instincs and listen to your heart.

[emma16]

Ok I gave him my number and he called that night I didn't answer. He left a nice message stating I could get the receipt from his mom for the shirt she got my son and that when he got my money he would call. If i had anything else to call him at either his work or home number. Mind you that on Easter he called me psych and a bitch. I didn't return his call Fridy night was my cousins party who my ex works with didn't expect him to show up. He did I did not apprach him to say Hi because I was scared. He did not sy hi either he stood simetimes two feet away from me I caught him talking glances at me across the bar when I was talking with people. The next day another message not nice. It was I have your money call and you can pick it up. In the meantime I mailed him a letter letting him know how my son was doing and baciclly telling him that their are too many emotions to talk to him and that I have one foot in the door for him and one foot out ot it. He called afeter he got the leter checking to see if I have been getting his messages and that I should call him about how I can get the money he would drop it off mail it or I could come pick it up and to call him later again this time very nice and he said he got my letter and thank you for the picture I do not know what to do??