Is it possible?

[Joe]

Is it possible for a woman to be with a man for three years just waiting for something better to come along? When I met my ex she had no where to live, she was kicked out of her home because she was ex-communicated from the Jahova Witness's. We moved in together. But now that I look back and the cruel things she has done to be me I wonder did she ever love me or did she just put up with me because I gave her a place to stay? Three years is a long time to just deal someone. I could never do something like that. I'm finding out that she has some real mental problems. She cheated on me, a lot! But she has a real insecurity problem and her way of dealing with it is sleeping around. It's pretty sad, but it's equally sad what she did to me. I talked with one of my relatives last night and she said she was like this when she was 15 years old, my ex is now 21! This is what teenagers do when they've been abused, not adults! (Tony your gonna hate this!) I must talk to her face to face. You see she still thinks if her current relationship fails that I will always be there as a "backup plan", well I want to tell that I will not be there for her!! She needs to start realizing that the choices she makes have consequences, as long as she thinks I'll always be there she can act like a little child. Make any choice she pleases without any consequences. I still believe there is good in her but she needs to grow up! When she can prove that she has changed and is willing to truly love and be loved only then will I maybe give her a second chance. But for the time being I'm going to have "the talk" with her and that's it. I can't change her, she has to do it herself, and until she does I want nothing to do with her.

 

Joe

[Paulie]

This is my opinion, and only my opinion...but....

 

IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S HOLY, DON'T GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! This girl has more emotional baggage than most of the girls I've seen on this site since I began monitoring it a few months ago.

 

What you've got to do is set for yourself what the Buddhists refer to as a "bottom line," in regards to your relationships. What this refers to is behaviors that you will not accept from others or from yourself. My new bottom line is that if anybody cheats on me in a dating relationship, they're out the door. Yours might be not so strict...but where is it?...somewhere out in lala land! This girl is beyond a user, she has needs that you fulfill for her, but that you alone cannot fill. I'm sure she loved you in her own SICK WAY, but is that what you want for YOURSELF?

 

IT'S TIME YOU BEGAN TO LOOK OUT FOR #1

 

Take all of the good qualities that you see in this girl, and I'm sure there are some (no matter how deep you have to dig)...now look for those qualities in another woman, without all the baggage. There are just too many problems here. The fact that she has been alienated by her family from such a young age, combined with the cheating...leads me to believe that she's got some serious issues here.

 

I know it's difficult to accept, but it's not your duty, or advisable at all for you to EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, give this girl another chance. She's nothing but problems for you.. And be careful she doesn't manipulate you into believing she's changed. She's just been too screwed up from too young an age for it to be likely for her to change.

 

Move on, dude..there's plenty of wonderful WOMEN out there for you to try to change this girl.

[Deejette]

You remind me of the man who used to call me every day to tell me he never wanted to have anything to do with me again. Then why was he calling?

IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S HOLY, DON'T GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! This girl has more emotional baggage than most of the girls I've seen on this site since I began monitoring it a few months ago. What you've got to do is set for yourself what the Buddhists refer to as a "bottom line," in regards to your relationships. What this refers to is behaviors that you will not accept from others or from yourself. My new bottom line is that if anybody cheats on me in a dating relationship, they're out the door. Yours might be not so strict...but where is it?...somewhere out in lala land! This girl is beyond a user, she has needs that you fulfill for her, but that you alone cannot fill. I'm sure she loved you in her own SICK WAY, but is that what you want for YOURSELF? IT'S TIME YOU BEGAN TO LOOK OUT FOR #1 Take all of the good qualities that you see in this girl, and I'm sure there are some (no matter how deep you have to dig)...now look for those qualities in another woman, without all the baggage. There are just too many problems here. The fact that she has been alienated by her family from such a young age, combined with the cheating...leads me to believe that she's got some serious issues here. I know it's difficult to accept, but it's not your duty, or advisable at all for you to EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, give this girl another chance. She's nothing but problems for you.. And be careful she doesn't manipulate you into believing she's changed. She's just been too screwed up from too young an age for it to be likely for her to change. Move on, dude..there's plenty of wonderful WOMEN out there for you to try to change this girl.

[Tony T]

Is it possible for a woman to be with a man for three years just waiting for something better to come along?

 

You better believe it. It's done all the time, in dating and in marriage. People have been together for decades and then met someone that really lit there fire...and bombs away. Many people are opportunists. Young people are especially susceptible to this phenomenon but it is not uncommon in people in their 30s, 40s and older.

 

There are many people who subscribe to the Better Deal Theory, that no matter who they are with there is a better deal out there. And, frankly, there always is. You have to stop somewhere and make a committment. If you spend your whole life looking for something better, your search may not end until you're six feet under.

 

In your particular case, the timing was great for you to come into her life and save her. She took adbantage of you and you let her. Of course, this is another one of those cases where man tries to save woman and he expects her to be grateful and appreciative.

 

However, when she started being nasty to you, that was your cue to get rid of her and you didn't. Anytime someone becomes disrespectful, inconsiderate, ungrateful, especially after you took them in from a frightening situation and gave them love, support and a place to live, you need to keep them as far away from you as possible.

 

I think you need to take the route of the Jehova Witnesses by excommunicating her from your life as well!!!