RuinedLife Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 If a dumper sends you an email to ask how you are etc. during a time when you are trying to do NC, but they don't realize you are doing NC, should you reply? Link to post Share on other sites
fiat500 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 to answer your question: no Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 nope. it's just bread crumbs. leave it alone. Link to post Share on other sites
otherfish Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Ruined, what is your reason for NC? I know that the popular reason for NC on LS is to completely disassociate yourself with your ex and begin to rebuild yourself. However, in some cases (my case) I want to see if Iam worth fighting for because time after time I reconciled the relationship after a breakup. In the end, I just couldnt do it anymore. It became too one-sided. So, what Iam saying is....do you love your ex? Do you want a relationship with your ex? Do you want them for the rest of your future, beside you? If so, then by all means respond. Some people are not gifted in the art of makeup. Give your ex a chance to be human and make mistakes if you love them. Most people will not come right out with the, "Im so sorry's, I was such an a-hole", for fear of pride/rejection. Some people would prefer to crack the door of communication open and eeeeeezzeeee into a possible makeup. I would give anything to have the type of "reach out" you just got from your ex......BECAUSE I LOVE HER! Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 If a dumper sends you an email to ask how you are etc. during a time when you are trying to do NC, but they don't realize you are doing NC, should you reply? definitely not. Link to post Share on other sites
learned76 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Don't contact them. Focus on yourself and get completely satisfied with who you are before talking to the ex again. Link to post Share on other sites
giuliano-3 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I wrote a proper letter and mailed it away old-fashion. I don't regret it. I said everything I needed to say, kept it real short and sweet. No lovey-dovey stuff, just that I have no regrets and wish her the best in the future. I do hope one day she grows up and we get back together, but I don't put too much stock in that. If it happens it happens. The big drawback is that now I sort of expect a response, which puts me in a vulnerable position. Even though I ended the letter by pretty much saying this is the end of communication, I'm hoping she will fight to get me back. Its kind of a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. There is no right answer to your question, ultimately you must decide what is best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
ichooseme Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 If a dumper sends you an email to ask how you are etc. during a time when you are trying to do NC, but they don't realize you are doing NC, should you reply? It's very simple: if you reply you WILL regret replying if you don't reply and stay NC, you will NOT regret doing so. Choose wisely Link to post Share on other sites
MT152 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Ruined, what is your reason for NC? I know that the popular reason for NC on LS is to completely disassociate yourself with your ex and begin to rebuild yourself. However, in some cases (my case) I want to see if Iam worth fighting for because time after time I reconciled the relationship after a breakup. In the end, I just couldnt do it anymore. It became too one-sided. So, what Iam saying is....do you love your ex? Do you want a relationship with your ex? Do you want them for the rest of your future, beside you? If so, then by all means respond. Some people are not gifted in the art of makeup. Give your ex a chance to be human and make mistakes if you love them. Most people will not come right out with the, "Im so sorry's, I was such an a-hole", for fear of pride/rejection. Some people would prefer to crack the door of communication open and eeeeeezzeeee into a possible makeup. I would give anything to have the type of "reach out" you just got from your ex......BECAUSE I LOVE HER! Great response to this. Honestly everyone saying NC is the best choice isn't realizing sometimes there are genuine intentions for people to reach out like so. It all depends on the situation and the people involved so it isn't fair to generalize.. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Great response to this. Honestly everyone saying NC is the best choice isn't realizing sometimes there are genuine intentions for people to reach out like so. It all depends on the situation and the people involved so it isn't fair to generalize.. It depends what the email said. If it was just a quick, "Hi, how are you?" then it's nothing but her seeking attention and feeding you crumbs. If she went into detail about things, then maybe it needs a response. The reason why these generalizations are made, it's because that's what the word means. General circumstances. A substantial amount of all ex contacts are merely jerking the chain, feeding breadcrumbs, and attention seeking behavior. There is a minority of ex contacts that actually lead someone other than confusion city. Link to post Share on other sites
MT152 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 It depends what the email said. If it was just a quick, "Hi, how are you?" then it's nothing but her seeking attention and feeding you crumbs. If she went into detail about things, then maybe it needs a response. The reason why these generalizations are made, it's because that's what the word means. General circumstances. A substantial amount of all ex contacts are merely jerking the chain, feeding breadcrumbs, and attention seeking behavior. There is a minority of ex contacts that actually lead someone other than confusion city. Agreed. I guess I just said all that because I myself wrote a letter which actually had true intentions on working everything out so I know it is possible and of course in every situation in life there are deviations as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RuinedLife Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Ruined, what is your reason for NC? I know that the popular reason for NC on LS is to completely disassociate yourself with your ex and begin to rebuild yourself. However, in some cases (my case) I want to see if Iam worth fighting for because time after time I reconciled the relationship after a breakup. In the end, I just couldnt do it anymore. It became too one-sided. To be honest I don't have a clue what I'm doing right now. My head is all over the place. I feel like as I'm such an emotional mess right now I shouldn't contact him as - 1) I risk saying something that will make the situation worse, either by saying something with too much emotion, or making it sound overly positive as if I've completely moved on or something which couldn't be further from the truth. And 2) I risk sending him a response to his email and getting no reply back, especially as its already been a couple of weeks since he emailed me and I haven't yet replied. So, what Iam saying is....do you love your ex? Do you want a relationship with your ex? Do you want them for the rest of your future, beside you? If so, then by all means respond. Some people are not gifted in the art of makeup. Give your ex a chance to be human and make mistakes if you love them. Most people will not come right out with the, "Im so sorry's, I was such an a-hole", for fear of pride/rejection. Some people would prefer to crack the door of communication open and eeeeeezzeeee into a possible makeup. I do love my ex more that anything. I told him how much I loved him in the last email I sent and how much I was suffering from the heartbreak, depression, general ill health etc. I know saying those things was most likely a mistake, but I'm sure he knows I still love him and if he told me he wanted to meet up to talk or something I would want to. But I think he just wants to be friends, exchanging bread crumb-esk comments and I don't know if I can cope with it at the moment. I'm thinking about a possible way to reply, short, sweet, casual and fun. But I'm such a perfectionist, I feel like one wrong word on my part could make all the difference to how he sees me. Even though I'm sure he already seems me in a terrible light. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RuinedLife Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 It's very simple: if you reply you WILL regret replying if you don't reply and stay NC, you will NOT regret doing so. Choose wisely At the moment I feel like I would regret not replying and I feel really guilty for not replying as its already been so long since he sent the email. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 If a dumper sends you an email to ask how you are etc. during a time when you are trying to do NC, but they don't realize you are doing NC, should you reply? Ignore the dumper since NC is in place. The dumper is feeling guilty and doesn't want to be the bad guy. The dumper has to respect your wishes for NC, so no, do not reply back! FOr your own sanity and protection of your heart. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
ichooseme Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 At the moment I feel like I would regret not replying and I feel really guilty for not replying as its already been so long since he sent the email. It will subside, I promise. You don't want to feel the regret for replying, do you? That's a horrible feeling, I know it and you know it. It's not the replying that makes it regretful, it's how you're going to wait for the response, the anxiety of checking your emails way too often, the fear no response will follow...It's a torturous thing, just don't do it. It will subside! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RuinedLife Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 Ok, I'm sorry people but I have to confess I replied. Maybe it was a big mistake. But its done now. Was a very brief casual reply. I guess I regret it, but I also felt guilty not replying so there you go. I can't fully move on until I get my stuff back anyway, so I will be living in denail and unresolved limbo until we've seen each other in person again I'm sure, no matter whether I keep light casual communication or not. The pain is immense and I hate myself for causing this break up more than words can describe. I know once I've drawn a line under all this (after I've seen him in person and collected my stuff) I will keep no contact forever as I know keeping a friendship with someone you love is too painful. Especially when my love for him is so strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RuinedLife Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 I'm in a torture situation now. As my ex is trying to keep in contact with me as a friend, but every time I hear from him knowing that he doesn't love me anymore breaks my heart. I know I did this to myself. As I caused the breakup myself. I'm hoping to go and collect my things next weekend, but until then maybe I should try to keep in contact as a friend. I don't know, but I do know I'm a complete emotional wreck at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 I would just say FINE. THANK YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
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