Why can't I just give up on Love

[starmar]

Right before I started my relationship with the guy who swept me off my feet with flowers, roses, helping me with things in the house, going to church with me etc I really thought that there was no one out there for me.

 

I prayed to God so that he would take the need, the want, away from my heart if it will not happen. A few days later I met up with the guy by pure coincidence. I knew him, he is related to a friend, I thought it was an answered prayer maybe.

 

Two and a half months later I find that he had been sleeping with his ex the whole time and then dumped me after trying to place all the blame on me. Classy, right.

 

Still leaves the question unanswered: Why do I still want to be loved, to be in a relationship

.

Why do we have this need to love and be loved. I started the prayers up again, I don't know what else to do.

 

If it is not meant for me to have a fulfilling relationship then please take that desire away from my heart

Now my heart is broken again, I cried yesterday. Not for him, but for me.

I don't want him back, dont want him to contact me or anything like that.

 

I did have the fantasy a lot of us have to have them plead and beg for for us back, but that really is kind of a waste of time. I couldn't take someone back after that.

 

Now I'm thinking it's going to take time to heal my heart, it hurts so much because I opened up and was used to make someone else jealous.

 

Just wish I knew why this happened

[Nohbody]

People are social animals. We have relationships with one another. That's just sort of the way it is. You might as well ask why you can't just give up on breathing. 7 billion people in the world. You'll find someone who appreciates you.

[Exit]

Well, if you're religious, you've got to believe that there is already a plan for your life and that struggles are a part of it. All you can do is ask for the strength to get through it all.

 

When you say "two and a half months later" are you implying that was the length of your relationship with him? If so, that's not a whole lot of time and I know you have the strength to heal from that. Whenever I feel terrible about my situation I read other threads on these forums where people are losing 10 or 20 year relationships/marriages, and not to take pleasure from other people's pain, but I remind myself that my ex of less than a year should not have me feeling so hopeless.

 

Who knows what happened between him and his ex that they started messing around again, but obviously he was not very invested in you, maybe he was trying to get over her.

 

You're on the right path by at least knowing you would never take him back. That part of the healing process is over for you, you aren't still wondering about him or seeking revenge, you are just dealing with the emotional aftermath.

 

We have a desire to be loved because it serves as external feedback for our egos, we must be good, interesting people if someone can fall in love with us. But we have to try to stop it from becoming an absolute NEED. Is every single/unattached person walking around this planet, is everyone who ever lived a majority of their adult life single and then passed away, totally flawed and worthless just because someone was not in a romantic relationship with them?

 

The need to feel love and support should be fulfilled by ourselves. Looking for someone else to make us feel worth something is a fatal flaw that will always put too much pressure on our relationships and will make us crumble when the relationships end. At all times we should be responsible for a good majority of our own happiness, and when someone we love comes into our lives, they can add that little extra spark to our existence, but when they leave or hurt us, they should be able to do no more damage to us than the little bit of brightness they brought to our lives. If we allow them to be responsible for a majority of our happiness and our reason for getting out of bed in the morning, then they do have the power to totally ruin us when they leave.

 

Surely there is someone out there for you who will not cheat on you. For now, just focus on feeling love and happiness from within.

[starmar]

The need to feel love and support should be fulfilled by ourselves. Looking for someone else to make us feel worth something is a fatal flaw that will always put too much pressure on our relationships and will make us crumble when the relationships end. At all times we should be responsible for a good majority of our own happiness, and when someone we love comes into our lives, they can add that little extra spark to our existence, but when they leave or hurt us, they should be able to do no more damage to us than the little bit of brightness they brought to our lives. If we allow them to be responsible for a majority of our happiness and our reason for getting out of bed in the morning, then they do have the power to totally ruin us when they leave.

 

Surely there is someone out there for you who will not cheat on you. For now, just focus on feeling love and happiness from within.

 

 

Thank you. I REALLY needed to read that and you are absolutely right. Im going to read your response over and over until it sinks into my subconcious Thanks!!!

[Sugarkane]

Hi Starmar thanks for replying to my thread. I hope you don't give up on love all together, maybe just take some time away from it. I think your ex was a user for sure. If he wanted to get back with his ex, he shouldn't even gotten involved with you in the first place. Thats pretty low putting the moves on you and sleeping with his ex at the same time. He is a liar and a cheater. Could you ever trust someone like that again?

 

I'm doubtful that him getting back with the ex will last long. Second chances rarely work, it doesn't take long for the same problems to resurface. I know from experience. We have to resolve to make ourselves happy, our life doesn't depend on one person. Let alone a complete jerk.