problems wt daughter and dating

[alexa137]

ive been having problems with my daughter and dating for the past 5 yrs or so, since 2006. she did not like the guy i dated then and neither the one from last year, she has only met 2 men. Now im dating a new guy for about a month now and im tired of talking to her and not getting a response that she should be resepctful and considerate to my friends whether they are women or men. I just had another talk today, and i g et nothing. so i gave her another chance and no, just im too tired.

im tired of hiding and having to leave her alone and not being able to have male friends or man im dating in my own apartment. I thought now that shes older it would ger better, but nope! shes now almost 14. I shouldnt have to always leave to go on dates with my new guy.

HE even asked me the other day that if we get serious if i will introduce her to him. i told him probably eventually.

note: i have not became intimate with this guy yet.so far in a month we like each other, but i always take it slow, since i am a single mother of a young teenager. I just dont know what else to say or do to her.

i told her t he only thing she needs to do is have manners and speak hi, hello whatever, doesnt have to hang out with us, but be respectful.

I feel like i will never have a boyfriend or anything because of her

any suggestions ideas of how i should handle this situation

[alexa137]

Im very frustrated at this point and ready to tell her to move in with grandma!

please dont tell me im a bad mother,i dont need negative responses!

[WhisperinnWinds]

What's your relationship like with your father's daughter? Does she have a relationship with him? Is it possible he's feeding her negative messages about you or your dating life? It could explain her distance from these men - or, at her age, she may simply be prone to forevermore distancing herself from your paramours because it means you won't get back with her dad.

 

Or because she feels her relationship with you is threatened - when you're investing time in them, after all, she may feel that's time being taken away from her. They become her competition.

 

What's your relationship with your daughter like besides your boyfriend? How often do you spend time together? What do you talk about? What do you do together? She may need reassurance that these men are not going to replace her. Emphasize that she comes first - and that you are only on the look-out for men who will treat the both of you respectfully.

 

As is, you've only been dating him for a month - how often do you go out so soon into the relationship that having to go out to meet him would be burdensome? I'd guess, based on most peoples' relationships, that you probably see each other one to three times a week, although probably less than three times.

 

In the past, how soon was it into the relationship before you introduced them to your daughter? She may just see little point in it if it's a revolving door of meeting men and then seeing them out of her life soon after, if you introduce them just a few months into the relationship.

 

Your daughter's almost 14 now. Suggest she have a sleep-over with friends (it's summertime now - no school nights!), go visit her relatives, go out to the movies or an arcade for the afternoon, spend some time in a community pool, what have you. There are plenty of ways to get her out of the house and to deepen your relationship with your boyfriend without feeling like it's a war zone.

 

It's hard to say exactly when you should introduce your boyfriend to your daughter. I would think no less than 4 to 6 months in, when it finally starts to get into more serious territory. But acclimate your daughter to the idea of the new guy slowly. Is there something he likes which she also likes?

 

You might say, "Hey, Don mentioned this new video game. I thought that you might like it. He says he loves it. Have you played it?" That might help to foster the bond before she meets him - when she finally does meet him, he won't just be the guy her mother's dating, but a real person with interests.

 

Try to keep mention of your boyfriend limited, and gradually increase it. Try to keep your home life relatively normal - talk about her day. Talk about plans with your family, your career, your hobbies. I think it's a common mistake for a lot of people with families who start dating to go on and on about the paramour, drowning away all of their other interests. Meanwhile, the kid builds up resentment to this paramour - not only does he take up your time while you're physically together, he also takes up your thoughts and energies when he's away!

 

At the root of it all, you will need to find out what's bothering her about dating. I think some of these reasons could be behind it, though.

 

Best of luck to you in your relationship, and in hopefully melding these two together sometime in the future. Maybe when they first meet, you can suggest you hang out somewhere she might like more - a pizza parlor, an arcade, etc. Having a distraction from the oh-so-serious "This is my boyfriend, and this is my daughter," could help her to slowly acclimate to him as a person. Keep it light as much as possible. And regardless of her response, stay upbeat.

[dorewpo41]

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